Break the World
by MutteringsofMadness
Summary: Kili had it all. Erebor, his family, wealth, everything he had ever wanted. Then why in Mahal's sweet name isn't he happy? Why does he still see her face day and night, in his memories, in his dreams, everywhere he looks, and everywhere he tries not to look? Why can't he just forget her like she'd wanted him to? SEQUEL TO NOTICEABLE DIFFERENCES-UPDATES FORTNIGHTLY
1. Waking to Gray

_**The Hobbit franchise and all its characters and plotlines belong to Tolkien and Peter Jackson.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

WAKING TO GRAY

 _Far over the Misty Mountains cold,_

 _To dungeons deep, and caverns old._

 _We must away 'ere break of day,_

 _To find our long forgotten gold..._

The heat crackled, dry and stinging over his skin. The hot wind swept up ashes and licks of flame into his eyes, whipping his hair into a frenzy around him. The inferno had worked itself into an all consuming roar. The air was thick with the smell of burning, the smoke like acid going down his throat and choking out his lungs.

Behind him, he could feel something different. Cool air. The icy droplets of rain and snow. Ancient stone, lush grass. _Life._ Blessedly different from the infernal wasteland spread out before him.

A chorus of low voices filled the space behind him. Voices that sang of a homeland lost to this inferno. A people yearning to return to their place. A fortune awaiting claim. Their claim. _His_ claim.

He had nearly turned away from the fire, to this place of life, of memory, of destiny, when his eyes caught on something, and his heart stopped.

There she was.

The flames were gnawing away at the hems of her clothing, turning the leather and wool to crackling embers, clutching to her skin. The hot wind swept her hair into a dark halo around her head, strands flaring through the air, dancing with flame. Her tall, slender silhouette cut out terribly dark against the hot orange that basked her. Shadows and warm light danced over the achingly familiar, pale planes of her cheeks, playing in the delicate hollows of her neck, making the deep pools of her eyes glitter soft brown, reflecting the flames around her. She was streaked with ashes and dirt, flickering with flame, tears tracking through the grime on her cheeks, but still beautiful, in that absurd, impossible way that she always seemed to be.

And _Mahal,_ she really was there. He couldn't breathe, couldn't blink, couldn't _comprehend_ the fact that she was... _there_.

A particularly strong gust of wind blasted through him, and he was forced to lift his arms to protect his burning face, stumbling a few feet back as the flames leapt out, nipping at him like ravenous wargs. She was still there, silently staring at him, as the flames consumed her. "Come on!"

Her head tilted slightly, showing she'd registered his words, but she did not speak, tears still dripping steadily from her chin. A spatter of cool raindrops scattered onto the back of his scorching neck, reminding him once again of the throb of low voices behind him, that world of life. "Come with me!"

"I cannot."

"Why!?"

Another roar of flame kicked up, forcing him even farther back, away from her. His heart began to ache more and more as the distance grew between them. "Please!" He heard his voice break in his throat, but pushed on. "Just come to me!"

"I am alone." There was a deep sadness that spoke in her eyes as she said that, her voice cutting over the vicious crackle of the fire. "I never have been with you."

He gaped as invisible, strong hands dragged him back, out of the realm of fire, and into that of life. The flames reared up in distress, their intensity reaching an even greater pitch. Her face was forced out of view, but he could hear her voice, ringing cold and alone, and full of tears. "Goodbye, Kili."

* * *

The world was gray. So gray. The clouds were an unbroken pallor over the sky, dark, oppressive, and gloomy. A cold wind rushed steadily over the rock he laid on, accompanied by a handful of tiny, icy raindrops. Kili almost welcomed this, stretching out with a groan to let the rain land on more of his sweaty skin. He lifted his hand slowly to rub at his blurry eyes, before combing it up into his hair.

The stone beneath him was cold and unforgiving, and he was sure that as soon as he moved his back, he'd be feeling how that had affected him. This wasn't his first time falling asleep under the sky, in this place. After so many nights of sleeping out in the open, sometimes his room just became too small. The ceiling too close and dark. The air too still, too silent. Although the alcove he'd found wasn't anything compared to the forests he had once traveled through, it brought him a bit closer to the stars. A bit closer to _her._

He dug the heels of his palms savagely into his eyes, breathing out a sigh as the dull throb that weighted his heart at a near-constant pace twinged worse. There was almost nothing he wouldn't give to erase that pain. The thoughts of her. The dreams of her. But never the memories. He couldn't forget her, no matter the pain. Someone had to remember her.

And so, with a heart heavy with pain, belonging so terribly to someone else, he hauled himself from his bed of stone, into sitting. The view off the ledge was astonishing. Over the low wall at the edge of the balcony, the rolling foothills of the lonely mountain, thick with trees, spread with plains, and wreathed in shadows splayed out before him. Still, this sight didn't fill him with nearly as much awe as it may once have. He'd woken to it many times. His muscles were groggy from sleep, cold, and damp, his joints nearly creaking. Mahal, by the time he was one hundred, he'd be in a worse state than Balin.

He'd just managed to stumble into the small door cut into the stone of the mountain in time to escape the rain as it began properly. He passed down the dark, spiraling staircase almost in a haze, weariness still heavy upon him. As soon as he had set foot in the hallway, he found himself face-to-face with his brother, all dressed and braided, looking quite the heir to Erebor. The difference between he and Fili was almost comical. If Kili weren't so damned _tired,_ he might have laughed. Fili raised a brow upon seeing him. "Rough night?"

"Every night's rough," Kili grumbled. "I can't sleep here."

Fili sighed heavily, shaking his head. He knew of Kili's plight. "Don't let Thorin hear you saying that. You'd be lectured to sleep."

"I think I'd welcome it," Kili said with a roll of his eyes. "At least he'd spare a moment to talk to me."

"Come on," Fili chuckled. "You're not _still_ desperate for his attention."

Kili rolled his eyes, pushing past his brother, making a beeline down the hall towards his room. "I'm just saying, it would be nice if he didn't book more time with bloody _Orcrist_ than me."

Fili seemed to have followed after him. "He's just busy."

Kili snorted. Always busy. That was his uncle. Always too busy for the youngest Durin. "Aye."

Suddenly, Fili's hand was on his shoulder, stopping him before he could slip away into his quarters. "Kee?"

"What?" Kili sighed, turning back to face his brother.

"You should go talk to mum."

Kili raised a brow, leaning against his doorframe. "Why?"

"She misses you."

Kili frowned. "Misses me? We've practically spent every hour together since she got here."

"Yes, but she's worried about you." Kili opened his mouth to speak, but Fili cut him off, admitting, "Like I am."

Kili huffed, gritting his teeth. "We've been over this, I'm fine!"

"No you're not," Fili shot back. "You're off. Strange."

"Maybe all the poison's not out yet, aye?" Kili indicated the bit of his leg where the Morgul shaft had pierced his skin. "And being in the old mountain takes a bit of getting used to."

"That and you're still moody about Gwe-"

"Do not _say_ her name!" Kili snarled, that knife in his gut giving a savage twist.

"I will say it if I bloody well _want_ to!" Fili snapped back, his eyes blazing, back straightening to a defensive stance. "You're never going to get over her if you just keep _pretending_ you're alright!'

"I _am_ alright," Kili growled, flexing his fists.

"No," Fili corrected him, quite simply. "You're not."

The silence hung for a few long moments, before Kili finally broke their locked gazes, shaking his head and stepping back into his room. "That all you wanted?"

At last, Fili sighed in defeat. "Aye. I suppose. But go talk to mum, really."

Kili opened his mouth to protest, but Fili silenced him with a stern look. "For her sake, not mine or yours."

"Fine," Kili groaned, before heaving his door shut in his brother's face.

* * *

Luckily, no one was wandering the family wing of the palace as Kili practically hauling himself to his mother's chambers. Maybe he was being a bit childish, dragging his feet as much as he could, stopping to look at every painting or tapestry, even though he'd already seen them a hundred times, but if his mother could be anything, it would be scary. Or terrifying more accurately. And if she wanted you to talk about something, you'd better bet you were going to be talking about it. And Kili really didn't want to talk about Gwen.

Despite his best efforts, he reached his mum's door much sooner than he would have liked to. Still, he took his time, raising his fist agonizingly slowly to knock. The door had been swept open after the third rap of his fist against the heavy oak, revealing his mother, her dark, wiry hair combed and braided, falling down to her hips, her brown eyes flicking over him. Before Kili could open his mouth to speak, her eyebrow quirked. "Durin's beard, you look awful."

Kili was taken aback by this remark for a moment, but then remembered this was _mum,_ and he did indeed look terrible. She was never one to pull a punch. He rolled his eyes as he followed her into the room, grumbling, "Good morning to you too, mum."

She swept past the small sitting room, leading him into her bedchamber. Before Kili could protest, she'd grasped strongly onto his arm, shoving him into the stool in front of her mirror. "You didn't take your braids out from last night."

Kili closed his eyes with a sigh, trying not to flinch as his mother began untangling the beads from his hair. "I know."

There was a moment of silence as Dis deftly tossed the metal beads into a bowl on the table. "You've been sleeping outside haven't you?"

The comb that had been plucked up from the desk suddenly went to work, raking savagely through the tangles of his hair. Tears sprung up in Kili's eyes instantly, and he yanked himself away from her, clutching at his stinging scalp. " _Ow!"_

"Sorry," Dis said, though there was no remorse in her tone. She set back to work, this time a bit more gently. "Why aren't you sleeping in your room?"

Kili shrugged, resigning himself to his mother's grooming as he had many times in his youth. "It's too dark, I suppose. Too closed in, too quiet. I'm used to being under the stars."

He saw his mother's expression shift in her reflection in the mirror, this time to a bit of sympathy as she shook her head, breathing out a sigh. "Thorin wouldn't be pleased to find you don't sleep like a proper dwarf."

"So what? It wouldn't be the first time he's been displeased by me."

The frown on his mother's face only deepened as she set the comb down, pulling back strands of his hair to braid. "I remember when you were young, you'd do anything to make your uncle proud. What happened that you don't care any more?"

"I _do_ care. I just...It's just not as _important_ as it used to be."

Dis didn't speak for a long time, long enough that she was able to braid his hair fully back, tie in the beads, and pull over a chair so she was looking him straight in the eyes. "Alright, spill."

"Spill what?" Kili asked, trying not to fidget as he avoided her stern gaze.

"Eyes on me."

Kili obeyed the command instantly, not able to resist the obedience that had been so deeply ingrained in him.

"Something happened on the journey here. Something your brother's said he can't tell me about, something that's been bothering you."

Kili choked out a poor attempt at a laugh. "Nothing's bothering me, mum. I think you might be losing it."

Dis arched a brow, her tone warning. "I'd strongly advise you not try to lie to me at this point, darling."

He did his best not to cower, and swallowed hard. "Lying? Why, I'd..." He trailed off at the irritated set of his mother's jaw, the coldly calculating look that pervaded her sharply angular features. Right. His mum was bloody _scary._ "Fine," he grumbled at last. "I'm surprised that Fili didn't tell you all about it already."

A slight bit of smug triumph pervaded Dis' expression as the warning faded from her eyes. "I tried to get it out of him, trust me. But he said that I'd have to ask you. That it wasn't his place to say."

"That _bastard,"_ Kili hissed to himself, mind already churning with ways to take revenge on his brother. His mother's expression darkened significantly, and Kili winced as he realized that he'd just swore in her presence. "Sorry," was all he could choke out, already preparing himself for the verbal lashing coming. And perhaps a physical lashing as well.

However, Dis only shook her head in disappointment. "Just don't make it a habit. Now. You'd better start talking before I decide I've been a bit too easy on you lately."

"Right," Kili nodded gratefully. "Right. Well...ah..." Mahal, where to start?

As if hearing his thoughts, Dis suggested, "How about the beginning of this problem?"

"Of course. I..." The memories hurt, as they flooded back into his head. "We'd just gotten into the Misty Mountains. A blizzard started up quickly, too quickly for any of us to have seen it coming, and there was nowhere to take up shelter, so we got caught out in it terribly. We kept pressing on 'til we'd found an inn, but when we got there, we found out Bilbo-The halfling we've told you about? The burglar?-was gone."

Dis raised a brow. "Gone?"

"Quite," Kili confirmed. "In all the confusion, we lost him in the snow." In response to his mother's judgmental expression, Kili continued. "He was very little, you know! And quiet as a mouse. Slipped away easier than air."

Dis rolled her eyes. "So you _lost him?"_

"Aye," Kili answered with a shrug. "Of course, the moment we noticed his absence, Fili and I went back out to try and hunt him down."

"In a blizzard?" Kili nodded in confirmation. "That was stupid."

"Or heroic," Kili protested, tone defensive.

"Depending on who you ask," Dis relented with a shrug.

"Anyway," Kili began. "We were just about to give up when we saw our halfling had struck lucky. Someone else had come along after us, found him, and carried him along to us."

This seemed to spark his mother's interest, though Kili thoroughly dreaded what her reaction might be to the next few details of the story. Perhaps he could just avoid it all together... "The three-or four, with Bilbo-of us got back to the inn. Bilbo was a bit frosty but thawed well enough, and well...That was that."

To describe his mother's expression as irked would be incorrect. Perhaps incredulous would be the right word. "Is that it?"

Kili had to fight back the urge to squirm in his seat as he mumbled out, "No."

"Then who was this heroic stranger that you so don't want me to know about?"

After a fair bit of hesitation, Kili managed to get out, "She was a lass. Introduced herself as Gwen."

That interest flared up in Dis' eyes, though she only raised a brow. "Is it too hopeful to think that maybe this lass was a dwarf as well?"

Kili winced. His automatic reaction was to want to correct his mum, but if he could go without mentioning the whole 'elf' thing, they might be a bit better off. "You'd be wrong in that hope."

Dis slumped down into her seat with a sigh, bringing up her hands to rub at her forehead in exasperation. "For the love of-why couldn't it have just been some daring dwarf lass? Some sweet daughter of a noble? Why couldn't you have just fallen for someone you were meant to?"

"Woah, there," Kili started, eyes going wide. "Who ever said anything about falling?"

"I knew it was a girl," his mum told him with a roll of her eyes. "You've been acting like a heartbroken mop since I've gotten here. I was just hoping in all of Mahal's grace you'd somehow fallen for someone proper."

Despite his flushing cheeks, Kili huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, _sorry._ Didn't mean to muck up your perfect plans for my life."

Dis gave him a rather critical look. "You know very well I would never keep you from loving someone because of who they are. I wouldn't take that from you." Kili slumped a bit in embarrassment. He did know that. For all of her harshness, Dis knew that love was love. She'd always made sure Kili and Fili knew that as well. Although, she didn't know quite _what_ exactly Gwen was yet... "I just wish that there was an easy solution to this problem."

"There's not," Kili told her with a shake of his head.

Dis' gaze softened significantly, as well as her tone as she leaned a bit closer, her eyes searching his. "What happened?"

"A lot," Kili sighed. "We ended up at that inn for a few days, because of the weather. Gwen got along really well with the lot of us, and when it came time for us to leave, I...maybe it was daft." Kili shook his head as the pain of her leaving filled him all again. "It certainly was. But I convinced her to come along with us, and got Thorin's permission to let her be around, so she was there. She was with us for...I don't know, a few weeks? And somewhere in there, I suppose..." Kili searched desperately for the right words, trying to keep the flush from creeping up into his cheeks.

Dis jumped to it, prompting in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, "Love?"

Kili's head landed heavily in his palms as he kneaded his knuckles into his temples, breathing out a heavy sigh. "Aye. I...I suppose it was."

"What happened? Where is she now?" Dis asked, some apprehension in her voice. Her wish for information was clearly being conflicted by her not wanting to hurt his feelings too much.

"Not a clue," Kili chuckled drily (A habit he hated to admit he'd gotten from Gwen). "She wouldn't say. Doesn't want me to know."

Dis paused before speaking again, her eyes carefully inspecting him. "What happened with her? What made her leave?"

"She was an elf," Kili deadpanned, giving up on any last remaining scrap of secrecy. "Well, her father was. She...she kept it from us for all those weeks." Shock was clear on Dis' face, and it seemed she'd been rendered a bit speechless. Kili went on kneading the headache out of his temples as he elaborated. "I saw her ears-pointed, just like an elf-back in the mountains by accident. For a while I had forgotten about it, and when I remembered, I hardly believed it. Didn't want to, more like. Then, more and more cracks showed in her disguise, until I just couldn't ignore it any longer." Kili left out the vivid, sometimes horrifying dreams he'd experienced in that time. Those were too private to be shared right there. "So, I checked, and just as I'd seen, pointed as an evergreen."

It seemed Dis had finally found some words, and her expression was well guarded. "And I am to assume she stopped lying then?"

Kili shrugged. "She finally told the truth, anyway. But mum..." he could see the emotions flickering behind Dis' eyes, not all of them pleasant. "Don't think ill of her. She...she was different than the traitors we know. She lied to us because we wouldn't have given her even a bit of a chance to prove herself otherwise. And besides, she wasn't really an elf at all."

"Their blood flowed through her veins, did it not?" Dis' voice was cold, eyes turned calculating.

"Technically, yes," Kili admitted, but hurried to explain. "But she was nothing like them! Honest, I think she hated them more than I ever have."

"Is that so?" Dis raised a brow.

"It is. As I understand it, she spent a while among humans, but considering her immortal heritage, she outlived most of them. Had to watch the people that raised her fade off to nothing. Then, the next people she was with died or grew up as well. She went to the elves thinking they might know what she was to do, or give her some place to go, but instead, they called her a traitor, and threw her out, just because of her father's misdeeds." Dis might have spoken, but Kili was on a bit of a roll now, and pressed on. "She was alone, and had been for so very long. Much longer than anyone should have to be. She didn't have anywhere to go, or anyone to go to. So, when she met us, it was only natural that with a bit of a tug, she'd fallen head-over-heels into being one of us. But," a sour taste flooded Kili's mouth, but he forced the words out. "We tossed her out too in the end."

Dis took quite a while, mulling this new information, before she simply asked, "Thorin?"

"Aye, but he wouldn't have found out-at least not for a while. But she was going to leave anyway. As soon as I knew, as soon as I could understand her, _be there_ for her, she tried to flee."

"Did she give a reason?"

"I suppose so," Kili admitted, though he was beginning to feel his throat choking up a bit. "Some rubbish about her not being right enough for me, or being too different, I don't know. She just..." Kili had to sniff back to hold back against the sudden tears squeezing hotly at the back of his eyes. "Mum, she told me to find someone else, to forget her about her."

His mother only sat silently, his grief reflecting in her gaze.

Kili leaned his head back down, rubbing hard at his eyes. "To _forget_ her. I can't. I've tried. Mahal only knows, I've...I've tried _so_ bloody hard. But nothing's working. I see her everywhere, I hear her voice, I smell her hair, I...I'm losing it." He lifted his eyes again to see his mother's face, feeling a slight hiccoughing sob slip out of his throat, his gaze blurring a bit. "Mum, I'm _losing_ it without her. I can't...I can't keep on like this. What am I to do?"

Dis stared at him in silence for a moment longer, her jaw clenching, before suddenly, she was at his side, pulling him into her soft warmth with an arm slung gently over his shoulders. She hushed his now constant, choked out sobs with a practiced ease, smoothing his hair out. "Oh, my daft little dwarfling, you always have been the worst at getting yourself into tricky situations." Kili couldn't reply as he clenched his fists in her skirts, and for the first time in a good long while, letting the tears slide, unbidden, down his cheeks. "But this isn't any different from those others. With a bit of clever thinking and conniving, we can figure this out. We always have." A high keening slid out of Kili's throat, instead of actual words, but Dis seemed to understand his doubts well enough. "You're letting the thought of the challenge overwhelm you. Stop thinking so much. Just do the next thing you need to do to fix the problem."

It was silent for a while before Dis continued. "I always have admired you for that, you know. You never over-thought things. You leapt in headfirst, and let the plan figure out itself."

Kili chuckled a bit and pulled away from her, scrubbing away his tears with a sleeve. "Reckless, you called it, I think."

Dis shrugged, giving him one last soft pat on the back. "Sometimes it's a good thing though, in moderation."

"You know-"

"Mum?"

Kili jumped half a foot in the air at the sound of his brother's voice from the front room, but Dis was barely phased, calling over her shoulder. "In here with your brother."

Kili had to hurry to swipe the tears off of his face, and was still a bit of a mess when his brother sat heavily in the seat across from the two. He lifted a brow, upon seeing Kili, eyes still swollen with tears. "Mum, you made Kee cry."

"I wouldn't call it my fault," Dis protested with a frown. "If anything, it was the lass that broke his heart."

Something shifted in Fili's gaze. "So you know, then?"

"I do, and I have half a mind to slap this girl right across the face for being-"

 _"Mum,"_ Kili groaned, ducking his head back down in embarrassment.

"Oh, Thorin already took care of that," Fili chuckled.

Now Dis' eyes were blazing. "Oh, did he? Hit a girl? I've the other half of my mind to go drag him off that pretty throne and-"

"Mum, you can't just beat everyone up for no reason," Kili protested. His mother had the terrible tendency to issue some pretty terrible threats when she got annoyed at people. Most of them, she didn't follow through with, but some of them...

"Watch me!" Dis spat, huffing. "I'll bash their heads right together. See if _then,_ they can stop hurting my baby dwarfling's feelings!"

Fili began barking with laughter, while Kili felt another blush take hold of his entire face. "I am _not_ a baby dwarfling!"

Now Dis was smirking. "That's right, you're _my_ baby dwarfling."

"I am almost seventy-eight years old, mother!" Kili protested.

"Still my baby dwarfling," Dis insisted, eyes twinkling in amusement.

Kili grit his teeth and crossed his arms, forcing himself to silence as his mother patted his back, while Fili was still chuckling. A sudden thought occurred to him, the embarrassment fading off his face. "Gwen was one hundred and twenty eight."

A shocked silence fell at his murmured words, till Fili broke it. _"Mahal,_ she aged well."

Kili couldn't hold back a bit of a chuckle at that, shaking his head. "Yes, she did."

Dis only sighed heavily, the amusement gone from her.

It seemed Fili hesitated a bit to speak again. "So...we're allowed to talk about the fact that Kee's been acting like a brooding child for the past eight months?"

Kili sputtered. "A brooding-"

"Yes, "Dis answered, cutting him off. "That is on the table."

"Brother, do you..." Fili hesitated again, his brow furrowing. "Do you think you're ever going to be able to move on from her?"

Kili sighed, taking a moment to piece his thoughts together, before starting with an answer. "I...I still love her, I think. Or...I hope, I suppose. I just can't let myself give up on her. She's...She was so perfect. She was everything I ever wanted, or needed, it just..." Kili shook his head. "I can't forget that. She was..."

"She was your One," Dis filled in, her tone thick with memory, eyes downcast.

Kili could only nod. Dis settled a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to set her forehead against his temple. Kili knew this well. She was thinking about their father. Her husband, her One who she had also lost all those years ago. Kili almost smiled at the thought. At least he had someone to share his pain. The pain of having your heart missing.

It was another moment before Dis drew herself away, her pain hiding behind a firm tone as she spoke. "Then, it's about time you go after her."

"What?"

Fili looked just as confused as his brother.

"She's your One," Dis repeated. "And if you don't go after her, find her, you're never going to be able to live your life properly. I'm going to have to insist, for the sake of you, and all of us who have to deal with you, that you quit sulking, and actually go and _find her_."

Oh, that proposition was attractive. "Mum, she could be _anywhere_ in all of Middle Earth. It's been what, eight months now? She travels fast. She'll be halfway to Valinor now." And every mile of that distance was another dagger in him, but still, that distance was there. And growing day by day.

"That's actually not true," Fili corrected reluctantly.

"What?" Dis prompted, her attention properly caught.

Fili sighed heavily, shaking his head in distress. "Durin's beard, she's going to kill me. She'd _kill_ me."

"What are you talking about?" Dis asked. Kili only watched in silence, trying to squash the hope that bubbled up desperately in him.

"I _promised,"_ Fili fretted, hedging back even further.

"Fili, son of Kilhon, I swear-"

"Fine!" Fili said, flinching away from his mother's threat. "Fine-mum. No need to skin me alive...You know the masquerade ball last week, when you first got here?" He waited for their nods, before finally admitting, "She was there."

* * *

 _ **DUNDUNDUUUUUUN**_

 _ **Can this just become a horror flick? Can I do that? Aaaaanyway, here we are at yet another new thing! I'm super excited to see how this turns out, and hope you're all excited to be along for the ride!**_

 _ **If you're new to me, and my stories, Hi! You should check out my other stuff. This'll probably make a lot more sense after that. Or don't, and figure it out along the way. Either way, leave a review letting me know what you think.**_

 _ **If you're here from one of my other stories, Hey there! Glad you could make it! I really hope this lived up to your expectations! (Seriously, I really hope you didn't build this up too much. I don't know if I can handle the pressure.)**_

 _ **Review! Please! All of you! Reviews are life! I love you all! Have a great week, and until next Tuesday!**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: Fathers**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_ "What exactly is it that you want to talk to Thorin about?"

"...Lettuce."


	2. Father

_**Guess who doesn't own the Hobbit? You. Unless you're Tolkien or Jackson. And me. So we're pretty much the same person. Hello, self!**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO**

FATHER

Yes, Kili remembered the night of the masquerade ball. The joy of seeing his mother for the first time in more than a year had faded for him all too fast, leaving him feeling just as hurt and downcast as he always did. Only then, he was surrounded by laughter, feasting, and merrymaking whilst being so dreadfully heartbroken. Still, this was a night of celebration. And despite the fact that he (still) loved Gwen, he wasn't going to let her ruin another thing for him.

Of course, Kili's plans for merrymaking that night mostly ended with him drunk out the ears, dancing more pretty dwarven lasses than he could count in his inebriated state. Their coy smiles and giggled, shy compliments, and the feel of stone under his feet and over his head, the sound of his people around him managed not to remind him of the girl he was trying so hard to forget.

Right about at the point where Kili had managed to tip an entire punch bowl onto the floor, Thorin had torn himself away from whatever stuffy nobleman he was entertaining to physically drag Kili, giggling and stumbling all the way, out of the great hall. They had finally come to a stop in an empty hallway, and Thorin had let Kili fall, still chuckling to himself, into a wall, barely remaining upright.

"You are acting like a _twenty_ year old invited to his first banquet, Kili. Mahal, what are you doing?"

Thorin's tone was harsh, offering no amusement, but Kili found himself unable to stop laughing, tears collecting in the edges of his eyes. Perhaps it was the fact that this was the first time he and Thorin were having a conversation in a week. And, of course, it was only when Kili was two drinks away from snatching away Thorin's crown and claiming that he, Kili the magnejestic, was to be the new King of Erebor.

"Would you stop laughing?"

This only set Kili off on a whole new fit of giggles.

In a moment, Thorin was right up in his face, eyes flashing dangerously. "You are my sister-son and heir after your brother! I will not have you making a fool out of the entire line of Durin-"

"Oh, shut up," Kili drawled, his laughter fading into bitterness.

Thorin arched a brow. "Excuse me?"

"You _heard_ me," Kili slurred. "That whole shaming my family thing? Not going to work any more. You see, I don't _care._ I don't care if I've ashamed you, because _you're_ the reason I'm such a bloody terrible, screwed up mess right now."

Thorin opened his mouth to speak, but Kili didn't let him, now getting a bit up into the older dwarf's face. "You took her away." Kili spat, not caring who heard him. Let the whole of bloody Erebor hear it. The world, for all he cared. "You took Gwen away! My love, my...my _heart_ , the one thing in this world that could make me happy, you _ruined_ it! You ruined me!"

"If anyone has ruined you, Kili, it was this girl you speak so very highly of," Thorin sneered, his eyes narrowed to slits. "You cannot blame me for your weakness to her seduction."

"Seduction!?" Kili barked out a cold laugh. "A ...a _potato's_ more of a seductress than Gwen! That was _love_ we had, no matter how you want to try and spin it! It was perfect and beautiful, and you _destroyed_ it for me!"

Thorin gritted his teeth hard, stepping back from Kili. "Perfect? Beautiful? She lied to you. She was a _lie_."

"No," Kili choked out, shaking his head hard. "She wasn't. She was the only thing that's ever been true for me since the day I met her."

* * *

Kili was only able to gape at his brother. "What..."

"Explain," Dis ordered, leaving no room for refusal in her tone.

Fili shrugged a bit helplessly, flinching away from her. "I don't...I'm almost as in the dark as you two on it. I was standing around, being bored by whoever and whatever, when I saw someone, lurking by the door. I didn't recognize her straight away, but she was dressed a bit casually compared to the others, and she'd made an effort to have nearly her whole face covered. But I guess a part of me recognized her, because I kept glancing over. It was maybe...fifteen minutes since I'd first seen her, and when I looked up, she was gone. I chased after her, and found her taking a back tunnel to the outside. When I finally managed to catch her, I saw that it really was Gwen, and she made me swear on my life not to tell you that I'd seen her. Or to tell anyone, for that matter."

"Did she say what she was there for at all?" Dis asked.

"Not at all," Fili sighed. "She was terribly skittish."

Kili stared hard into the ground, the words coming, hollow-sounding out of his throat as he took in all this information. "I missed her."

"Kili-"

Kili cut his brother off, shaking his head. "She was _so close._ She was _in these halls._ And...and I bloody _missed_ her."

Kili jerked up to his feet as a bubbly, nauseous feeling rose up in his throat. He paced back in forth, clenching his fists to keep them from trembling, trying to ignore his mother and brother's sympathetic gazes. "Mahal, Fee! Why didn't you tell me she was here!?"

"She made me promise-"

"Promised be _damned!"_ Kili shot back, ignoring his mother's frown as he turned on his brother. "Don't you get it!? I'm going mad without her. _Mad,_ brother! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't _think,_ I can hardly _breathe!"_ Kili found himself struggling for breath in that moment, blackness fogging the edges of his vision. He fell back into the nearest wall, his lungs spasming to suck more air to him, his stomach churning in a terrible mix of emotions. Gwen was _there._ The one night he'd really made an effort to forget her. She was right in his reach, and he lost her again. "Mahal, I think I'm going to be sick."

"No, you're not," Dis snapped. "You're being an overdramatic _child._ Come and sit down, stop throwing yourself a temper tantrum, and we'll talk this through like rational adults."

Kili hesitated, but Dis simply arched an eyebrow. In a moment, Kili was seated on the chest at the foot of the bed, sucking in deep breaths to calm himself. "This isn't a bad thing, Kili," Dis explained, her voice a touch more gentle. She cut off the protest ready on his lips. "I know you wish you'd seen her then, I understand that, but perhaps it's for the best that you didn't know she was there."

Kili frowned, but Fili continued off of Dis' point. "She was ready for the possibility of facing you that night, while you weren't. No matter what you said or did that night, you wouldn't have swayed her."

"But now," Dis said. "We know she can't be more than a fortnight's travel away, and if she was on foot, and you have a horse, you can catch up to her in no time."

"Plus," Fili added, a smile begging to tug at his mouth as excitement touched his tone. "You'll have the upper hand. She won't be ready to see you, while you'll have had the whole journey to gather your thoughts on the matter."

Kili found himself nodding slowly, trying to hold down the hope that was once again surging up in him. "You...you're right, I think."

"And she obviously hasn't forgotten all about you, or else she wouldn't have come to the masquerade at all," Dis announced, a bit of a smug look on her face as she sat back in her seat.

The thought of this...this plan, this idea working was too brilliant. There was perhaps a bit of a daft smile on his face as he considered it. It...it seemed _perfect._ That smile faded a bit though, and he found himself mumbling out his next words, "She said she wouldn't be able to forget me."

Just as last time he'd recounted a detail of Gwen, silence fell as the two others considered this. Finally, his mum spoke, shaking her head. "You're both foolish."

 _Valar, we're fools._

Gwen's voice rang through his head like she was standing right before him. He found himself chuckling as he buried his face into his hands. "Aye. We are."

* * *

Since the...incident at the masquerade, Kili hadn't had an actual conversation with his uncle. It seemed absurd, that he wouldn't have been forced into at least one encounter with the dwarf, but it was a big mountain, and Thorin had never made a massive effort to see his second heir, at least not when he had a kingdom to run. With a bit of clever timing, and faked illness, Kili had managed to avoid all interaction with Thorin short of brisk nods across a hall, or passing eye contact along a table.

Unfortunately, this was about to come to a very abrupt ending.

Kili paced two and fro in the hallway outside of the study door, willing his thoughts to calm down. Would it really be impossible for him to sneak out to go after Gwen without his uncle noticing? Surely, it wouldn't be too much trouble...Still, Thorin would be even more ticked off if Kili disappeared with no notification or approval. Then, if he didn't approve the quest, Kili at least could say that he asked. Who knew, maybe Thorin had done some thinking, and decided elves (or liars) weren't that bad after all. Surely, he would have done plenty of mulling that about in the elven healing halls after the battle. But, this was _Thorin._ He'd held onto the 'Thranduil betraying him" ordeal for more than a century...

Kili leapt back, his heart clambering into his throat as the heavy study door shot open. The rush of smells of parchment, stone, and candle smoke assaulted his senses, 'til out of the darkness strode...Dwalin.

Oh, thank sweet Mahal above. Kili wilted into the wall he'd jumped back into, his heart sinking down to feebly try to recover from its recent near-death experience. As he caught his breath back, Dwalin stopped in his tracks, letting the door swing closed behind him as he lifted a brow. "You alright, laddie?"

"Aye," Kili stuttered, the lie painfully obvious in his voice. "Aye, I'm _fine._ Peachy as peaches, you know?"

Since his childhood, Kili had the strangest feature of being completely unable to lie to Dwalin. He'd never known why. Perhaps it was the piercing sharpness of the dwarf's eyes, deep set in his skull. Maybe it was the near violent glint that sunlight took when it reflected off of his head. Most likely though, it was the axe, strapped constantly, to some part of the dwarf's body. Kili knew it could cut through bone like butter. And he did not need to witness that first hand to believe it.

Dwalin nodded slowly, unconvinced. "...Aye. Alright then. What are you doing outside Thorin's doors then? Do you need to talk to him?"

"No!" Kili barked out immediately, before backtracking hard."Or-yes, actually. I was...That was what I was outside the door for."

Dwalin nodded, and began reaching for the doors, when Kili started babbling again. "No, no don't get the door! Not yet!"

Dwalin did obey, drawing his hand back, but he turned on Kili with an even more incredulous look. "Are you _scared?"_

"What?" Kili scoffed. "Of Thorin? That's...That's _absurd._ Ridiculous. You're seeing things."

Once again, unconvinced, Dwalin watched him fidget a bit longer before speaking. "What exactly is it that you want to talk to Thorin about?"

"...Lettuce."

Mahal. Lettuce? What depths of his mind had that come from? Had he ever even _said_ the word 'lettuce' before in all his life? Well, terrified, and being faced by an irritated, and judging Dwalin was always a great time for firsts.

"You're lying."

Kili spared a roll of his eyes. " _Really?"_

"I think you'd serve best just to answer the question," Dwalin told him, the threat quite clear in his eyes. "Honestly, that is."

Kili winced, and looked anywhere but Dwalin as he mumbled, "I want to go after Gwen."

"Gwen?" Dwalin repeated, genuinely taken aback. "You're still fawning after that tree shagging-"

"That's my-" Kili flinched, as he realized he really didn't have anything to call her. "I would _prefer_ if you didn't talk about her like that."

"You just need to forget about, her laddie! I think it's been made awful clear that there's nothing after her. Nothing good with her. It's best you just spend some time not thinking about her, live a little-"

"I've tried that," Kili sighed. "I tried _everything._ Everything that used to entertain me, to make me happy, but none of it's worked."

"Are you sure-"

"Dwalin, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. If I don't go after her now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." Finally, the fear was gone from Kili's tone to be replaced with pure resolve. "And I don't want any more regrets."

The bald dwarf seemed to think this over a good long while, his eyes flicking Kili from head to toe. Finally he shook his head. "Best of luck to ya then, laddie." The he was gone, down the hallway, leaving once again, Kili and the door. _No more regrets,_ he repeated to himself, almost like a mantra. His confidence boosted a bit, Kili brought his hand up to rap a few times against the door. Thorin's voice was more than a bit ominous as he intoned "Come in," through the wood.

Kili braced himself one last time, before tugging the door open, saying in a voice more confident than he felt, "Hello, uncle. I'd like to talk to you."

Thorin looked up from behind his desk, seeming a bit surprised to see it was Kili, but nodded, his expression barely changing. "Kili, it's been a while."

"Aye," Kili said, trying his hardest not to think about the rather inopportune ending to their last meeting. "It has."

Thorin gestured to the heavy wooden chair facing the desk. "Please, have a seat."

Kili hesitated, a bit wary of his uncle's seeming kindness, but sat down trying not to fidget under Thorin's cool gaze. He seemed so professional, so _kingly,_ behind his desk, clean and finely dressed, features near expressionless. Kili could hardly recognize him.

However, Kili was even more taken aback by Thorin's next question. "How have you been?"

"Um..." Kill felt his mind go blank as he scrambled for an answer. This had been a very, very bad idea. He should have just fled in the night. "Well enough."

A slight smile tugged at Thorin's mouth, and he nodded. "Good, very good. Now tell me," Thorin began, leaning back more comfortably in his chair (even larger and more ornate than Kili's). "How have you found Erebor so far? I've been meaning to ask you."

Bloody Mahal above, what was going on? Was Thorin actually striking up a real conversation with him? And after their last disastrous encounter? Still, there he was, waiting for an answer. "It's...I mean, it's fine." Kili would have left it off there, but Thorin prompted him onward with a raised brow. As if he was actually curious about what Kili had to say. "It's just...different. I grew up in Ered Luin, and this is...very different."

"Do you wish you were back there?"

Kili shrugged. "Sometimes, I suppose. But this..." Kili cast a glance at the walls of carved stone arching about him. "It's what I've always dreamed of. It's where I'm meant to be." While that wasn't a total lie, Kili still felt some guilt twinge at his heart. It was what he'd dreamed of, but he'd always dreamed of being happy in Erebor. It was everything he could want. And still, he wasn't quite happy.

"What is it you miss most?" Thorin asked after mulling over Kili's words for a bit.

Kili's throat tried to swallow his words, but he managed to choke it out, "The stars." His eyes slid shut as memories flooded him.

 _"I've heard the stars down there are beautiful."_

 _"They are." Starlight, reflecting clear and pure off of eyes glassy and sweet, not weighted down by lies, or secrets or unmovable fates. "You can hardly see the night behind the number of them."_

"And the night," Kili forced out, trying to shake those thoughts from his head. "The noise, the air, the trees..."

"Yes," Thorin sighed, his eyes sliding down to his hands on his desk. "That is...lacking."

Kili let the silence settle, lifting his gaze to examine his uncle. Where was the usual tension, the anger? "Uncle, I don't mean to offend, but after our last-"

"I have said things I should not have," Thorin admitted, meeting Kili's eyes with steely resistance. "And for that, I apologize."

Kili couldn't help but wonder if this was the sort of apology Gwen had given Thorin all of those months ago. One not sincere.

"Do not mistaken me," Thorin added. "I do not regret my actions, and the decisions I have made in the slightest. But..." something in his gaze darkened a bit. "I do wish that...that you would not have been hurt so much by it."

And there was the best apology Kili was ever going to get from his uncle for tossing Gwen out. All things considered, it wasn't bad. Kili was astonished to have gotten even that from him. This was _Thorin..._ Perhaps, he didn't ignore Kili quite as much as he imagined.

"What is it that you were here to speak about?" Thorin suddenly prompted.

Kili froze. He'd forgotten entirely what he was there for in the confusion of the 'almost apology.' And now, he felt a shiver run down his spine, the dread of his task filling him once again. Kili summoned up an image of Gwen's smile, and at last, he was blurting out the words he so needed to say. "I know you think it's daft, and reckless, and senseless, and fake, but...Gwen is my One. The one person in this world who can complete me. And I need to go out and find her. Now."

Thorin released a deep hiss of a sigh, and Kili wasn't able to see his expression, due to the fact that he rose from his chair, pacing slowly behind his desk. "You were right." Kili's hope was squashed as Thorin continued. "It is all of those things that you described. Without a doubt. But," He turned, with yet another sigh, to Kili. "You are your mother's son, without even less of a doubt. And you're going to go after this girl, no matter what I say here."

Kili couldn't hold back a slight sheepish smile, scratching at the back of his neck. "Well...Aye, that was the general plan."

Thorin rolled his eyes, resuming his pacing. "Dis' son for sure."

* * *

The only sound that dared to break the sacred silence that yawned in the massive space was the scuff of Kili's boots against the polished onyx floor. It was nearly deafening, echoing off the sharp facets of the columns, swirling in the vaulted darkness of the distant ceiling. Kili's eyes scrolled listlessly across his surroundings, skipping over smooth black stone, polished to a shine, sliding off of the line of runes carved into the rock, almost too far up for him to read. But Kili knew the words.

 _Fallen for love of home._

Fallen for their love of this home. Incinerated to protect the very halls he walked. Kili sighed in a deep, silent breath, cool air, clearer than night swelling into his lungs.

The space was not done yet. Not by far. Thorin had great plans for the larger space of the hall. Rows of plaques were to line the floor, hundreds of memorials, for every hundred of his people that Thorin was useless to save during the attack of Smaug. Kili quite liked it the way it was now, though. It was quiet, empty, and massive. The air was cold, so deep in the mountain as it was. It seemed the perfect place for a soul without a keeper to thrive. And that was what he was there to find.

The silence held as Kili neared the far end of the hall. The ceiling sank lower, a crisp line of drooping stone half-separating the area from the empty openness of the rest of the space. Now, the thin smell of candle smoke laced through the air, the polished stone glistening faintly with splashes of reflected firelight. Lined up against the wall were impressive slabs of black stone, each nearly as tall as Kili, and at least six feet long. Their metal rims of copper, silver, gold and mithril glinted to the flickering candlelight. Kili ignored these, in favor of walking, almost numb, to a small alcove cut into the side. This was an even smaller space, polished not to quite such a shine as the royal chamber, but glowing in warm light. The stone slab lay before him, silent and still, black as night.

Kili fell to his knees, his hands going up onto the clean cut edge of the memorial, his neck drooping till his forehead thudded softly onto the cool, unforgiving stone. Finally, he allowed his shoulders to hunch, his lungs to begin breathing, the words caught in his throat to fall.

"Father."

The word was unfamiliar on his tongue.

"I'm here."

A dry chuckle squeezed out of him as he closed his eyelids against the faint light.

"You know that, though." He slid a thumb softly over the stone, the slight rough grain catching faintly to his skin. "Is this right? What I'm doing?"

No answer came, of course.

"I want it to be. Mahal only knows, I want it to be."

Another laugh caught in his throat, feeling suspiciously on he edge of tears as he let himself slide down the stone, his shoulder leaning into it as the energy drained out of him.

"I almost wish none of this had happened," he admitted, voice lowering a bit, even though there wasn't a living soul other than his own around to hear his words. "I was happy, then, in a way. I didn't know what happiness really was. And in that unawareness, I was happy."

"But now it's gone," he sighed, defeat squeezing his gut. "And I'm not getting it back, am I?"

As the silence rang out, Kili opened his eyes, drawing his hand up to trace his fingers over the engravings cut into the stone.

 _Kilhon, Son of Filhon_

 _That he is never forgotten_

Tears spilled up out of Kili's eyes, and he squeezed them back shut before more could escape.

"I wish I had known you. I wish you could speak to me. I wish that you could tell me if this is wrong."

Silence.

The stone against his temple was a bit of a comfort as he felt tears drop off of his chin. He did not bother to wipe them away. "Father, I miss you."

* * *

 _ **Awww. That was angsty. Welcome to my writing.**_

 _ **So much response to that last chapter! Hi! I was blown away by how awesome all of you are! Seriously! I'm glad I'm not writing this for no reason. I feel fulfilled. Quick note: if you wanna see more of these characters, check out my other story, Shibboleth for drabbles, AUs and other assorted things of that sort. Review, fave and follow if you have time to make this author a very happy one indeed! Love you all, and see you next week!**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: Old Acquaintances**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_

"So, are we staying or going? Because if this is to last another hour, I'm going to go get some sleep. Or breakfast."

Kili chuckled at this, shaking his head. "No, Gim, we're leaving."


	3. Old Aquaintances

_**Don't own anything but your soul.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE**

OLD ACQUAINTANCES

Some mornings just felt right. Anticipatory. _Important._ Kili could remember a few mornings like that.

The morning he first drew back the string on a bow. Sunny, clear, not a breeze to be felt, smelling of spring grass and excitement.

Those last moments he looked upon Ered Luin before leaving for a quest that would end up changing him forever. Still dark, the golden sunrise brushing warmly against the horizon, a cool, insistent breeze, the faintest smell of wood smoke, the air itself taught with eagerness.

This morning did not seem suitable to the quest Kili was about to undertake. It was a sour, early spring day, the air chill and moist, the clouds spitting down spatterings of rain, the sky clouded and darkened with the dawn. Usually, at this hour of the day, Kili would have thrown quite a fit at having to be woken up and ready to go. But he hadn't been sleeping much in those past few days, and the night before that morning, he hadn't caught a wink of sleep, head abuzz with everything and nothing all at once. Kili had been ready, geared up to go, half an hour before the time they'd agreed to.

His companions didn't seem to be that way.

Bofur was bleary-eyed as ever, stumbling about almost as if he was drunk. (On a second thought, it was entirely possible that he actually _was_ drunk.)

Gimli could have been asleep on his feet for all Kili knew. The dwarf's heavy brow and rather small stature left Kili completely unable to see his eyes. With all the armor he was decked out in, Kili could imagine he wouldn't be falling over at all if he _had_ happened to fall asleep standing...

Only Ori seemed to be fighting the dregs of sleep with any fire. Though his eyes were red-rimmed, and he yawned every few minutes, the flighty dwarf seemed set on bouncing on his heels unceasingly, his eyes skittering about nervously, hands wringing feverishly.

"Can't we just go?" Ori asked, tone betraying his nervousness.

"We've got to wait for mum and Fili," Kili sighed, leaning back against the stone pillar behind him. "They'd kill me if we left before they said goodbye."

"What's got yer knickers in a twist anyway, laddie?" Bofur drawled, tugging his hat down lazily.

Ori seemed hesitant to answer, but after a bit of chewing on his fingers, spat out, "I _may_ have told Dori that we're leaving an hour after we actually are."

Kili bit back a chuckle. Dori had been so adamant about Ori _not_ going along for this little adventure. The young dwarf was smart to have tried to keep him from a last goodbye. It was entirely possible that the fussy old dwarf would have just thrown a bag over his brother's head and dragged him into a dark corner until the "dangerously foolish dwarflings" that Kili and his troupe apparently formed were long gone.

Bofur snorted. "Worried he's gonna catch you?"

"Rightfully so, I think," Ori shot back, rocking forwards and backwards once again.

The conversation was halted by a sudden clattering from the top of the side stairs. They all turned to see Dis hurrying down the steps, skirts and braids flying. Behind her, Fili was coming down a bit more slowly, a slight smile on his lips.

Kili barely had time to brace himself before the weight of his mother hit him heard, nearly knocking him off of his feet. Dis locked her arms around him in a tight hold, tucking her face out of his view as he regained his balance. "Warning, next time, mum!"

"Shut up," Dis shot back, reaching a hand up to deliver a sound smack to the back of his head. "You've given me enough trouble as is."

Kili rolled his eyes, squirming a bit to free himself from his mother's vice-like grip. "Oh, aye."

"You have," Dis insisted, letting him free a bit, but keeping a firm hold on either of his elbows. "You're making you're poor dear mother go prematurely gray."

"You're not _gray,"_ Kili scoffed, before muttering to himself, "Although it wouldn't really be _premature..."_

He glanced back up to Dis to see her raising a brow at him, eyes glinting. "What was that?"

"Nothing!" Kili replied immediately, throwing his hands up in defense. "Nothing, at all!"

Dis gave him a bit of a stern look, but it soon turned to a sigh as her grip loosened on his arms. "Still the foolish dwarfling you always have been." Kili opened his mouth to protest, but suddenly Dis had gripped either side of his face, bringing their foreheads together in a sharp "crack."

Kili's thoughts went spinning immediately, his vision blurring and crossing as a throbbing took up residence in his skull. He gripped at the worst bit of this pain, biting back a curse. " _Mother!"_

Dis let out a peal of laughter, before she pulled his hands away from his forehead, leaning forward to press a kiss (much more gentle than her last show of affection) onto his likely already bruising skin. "Stay that way for a little while longer, though, if you will."

Kili winced, and pulled away from her, rubbing at his eyes to try and clear his vision. "Aye, will do."

"Alright, the lot of you," Dis began, her voice rising to be heard by Kili's other three travelling companions. "I need you-Gimli! Wake up!"

Kili turned in time to see the young dwarf start up, his head jerking around in panic, hands fumbling for the axe leaning against his leg. "Where is it!? I'll chop it _right in half-"_

"There's nothing to be chopped," Dis interrupted. "But there will, be I'm sure. You all need to keep both eyes open, and act clever, if you can't actually be clever. It's a big, dangerous world out there."

Bofur nodded happily, sending Dis a smile, while Ori seemed to have been made a bit nervous by that proposition, swallowing hard, his knuckles white as he kneaded his hands together. Gimli still seemed a bit skittish after his rude awakening, shifting from foot to foot, axe half hoisted.

"Aye," Fili suddenly said, having arrived with the rest of them only a few moments before. "Whatever mum said."

"Oi, find your own thing to say," Dis shot to him, giving a rather childish roll of her eyes.

"Fine," Fili huffed. "Stab first, ask questions later."

Dis seemed immediately aghast, swatting him on the shoulder. "Fili!"

"What!?" Fili protested, rubbing at the spot she'd hit. "You told me to find my own thing to say!"

"Yes, but not something like _that!_ They'll-"

Kili cleared his throat loudly, trying to hide his smirk of amusement. "Well, we ought to get going."

Fili gave a roll of his eyes, but stepped a bit closer, opening his arms. "Come on then."

Kili took that invitation, stepping into his brother's embrace. After a moment, they drew away, a familiar smirk, though tinged a bit with sadness, on Fili's lips. "You going to make it without me?"

"I don't know," Kili sighed in mock drama. "You have always been there to keep me from getting involved in unfortunate situations. Like starting up a romance with someone that I could never be with. You've _never_ encouraged that sort of thing," Kili added, sarcasm dripping off his tone.

Fili gave him a dry look for a few moments, the sadness draining out of his gaze. "You're the absolute worst."

"No worse than you."

Kili's thoughts went spinning again, as Fili brought his forehead forward, cracking it against Kili's. "You look after yourself."

Kili sent his brother the best smile he could manage, as he was once again clutching at his forehead, trying to recondense his scattered brain. "You too."

Before Fili distanced himself again, a short silence fell. "I wish I was going along with you."

A twinge of sadness pricked at Kili's heart upon hearing the honesty in his brother's tone, but he forced a bit of a smile onto his face. "We both do."

It was going to be odd, being set off on the world without his brother at his side.

Fili backed up, like his mother had, then speaking louder, said, "I've everything set for you to be escorted across the lake, then through Mirkwood. You'll be on your own once you get to the Anduin Road, but since you don't really know where you're going from there, there's not much else we can do."

"We don't need some bloody _escort,"_ Gimli grumbled. "We're not-"

"Thank you, brother," Kili sighed, trying not to grin at Gimli's mutterings. His cousin was not known for tact. This was going to be an interesting quest.

Fili clapped him on the shoulder one last time, before backing up beside Dis. "You'd best be off, then."

Kili nodded a bit numbly, his fingers clenching. "Aye."

"Stay safe, Kee."

Kili nodded to his mother, who only sighed.

"Stay safe all of you," Fili added. "We hope you're all home soon."

"Provided we've found the girl, of course," Bofur added with a tip of his hat.

A soft smile touched Fili's lips, which he directed mostly at Kili before responding. "Of course."

A heavy silence fell, neither party knowing what was next to say, when Gimli, (tactful as ever) asked, "So, are we staying or going? Because if this is to last another hour, I'm going to go get some sleep. Or breakfast."

Kili chuckled at this, shaking his head. "No, Gim, we're leaving." It was a bit like crawling through syrup, trying to turn his back to his mother and Brother, to Erebor, to face the gray world gaping at him through the massive stone gates of the entry. Kili managed though, twisting on his heel, and starting towards the gap in the doors. "We're off then."

* * *

They trod mostly in silence, across the flats outside of the main gates. Across the battle field.

Kili hadn't been there much after the battle. It felt like too many ghosts dwelled there. His skin always got clammy and chill, the knot of scar tissue in his shoulder throbbing faintly, as if in memory. Kili kept his head down, away from the mist that rolled across the plains, and tried to fill his mind with Gwen.

It wasn't hard. A flood of Gwen seemed to rush over him, even at the slightest invitation. Her hands. Her eyes. The gentle curve of her lips into a smile. Her fluid grace, like liquid silver flitting over a hearth. The smell of her hair, her clothing, her skin under his fingertips. The feeling of her lips dragging over his, warm and soft and tempting. The sound of her breathless whispers. The feeling of her curious hands. The delicate arch of her cheek into pale, sharp ears.

There was a time, not long ago, when this rush of thoughts was unwelcome. When he'd have to give himself hypothermia, sticking his head in a creek, just to wash them out of his mind. When the idea of her pointed ears made him sick.

Now it only made his heart throb all the worse.

The sun had likely risen, though the cloud cover kept it shaded away, leaving the ground below still gripped in the throes of a chill spring morning. Luckily, it only took them an hour (And some careful skirting around Dale) to reach the banks of the Long Lake. Waves lapped gently at the dark, shingled shore, the water beyond glassy and dark. Only a few yards out, visibility was gone completely, the mist rolling up heavy and curling out of the serene water. Their footsteps creaked on the rotting wooden dock Fili had told them about. At one point, it had been a bridge, connecting Esgaroth to the shore, but since the attack, it had been rendered to a dock, perhaps fifteen feet stretching over the water.

"Oh, we are not going to be on a _boat,"_ Gimli suddenly said, his voice cutting through the serene, silent mystery of their surroundings.

"Don't know how else you'd like to cross the lake," Kili muttered, squinting to try and peer through the mist. Where was their 'escort'?

"I am a _dwarf,"_ Gimli spat, shifting from one foot to the other nervously, the dock swaying slightly under his changing weight. "And a dwarf stays firmly anchored to the _ground,_ thank you very much."

"Oh, boats really aren't that bad," Ori explained. "Better than those barrels, anyway."

Bofur let out a chuckle. "I'd think _anything_ would be better than those barrels. I swear, I still smell fish from the odd crack or crevice when I'm washing up!"

Kili winced. "We do not need to hear about your _crevices."_

"Oh, we all have them," Bofur replied with a roll of his eyes. "Don't see what there is to be embarrassed about."

"Am I interrupting something?"

Kili jumped at the sound of the smooth, amused voice behind him. He turned as quick as he could, to see the prow of a barge parting the mist, the keel swirling the silky black water into tiny eddys. In a moment, the bargeman came into view.

"Bard!" Kili found himself crying out in surprise once he'd identified the man, a smile lighting his face.

The man smirked, sending Kili a nod as he gently paddled the boat around to them. "Aye."

"What're you doing out ferrying us about?" Bofur asked. "Haven't you better things to be doing in Dale?"

Bard shrugged as the side of the boat slid in, just inches away from the edge of the dock. "It's good for the heart to be back out on the water every once in a while."

"I can hardly imagine _that's_ true," Gimli snorted, not loud enough for Bard to hear, but loud enough to make Kili roll his eyes.

He loved his cousin, truly, but he could be a rather close-minded dwarf at the most inconvenient of times.

By then, Bard had come to kneel by the side of the boat, stabilizing it against the dock with one hand and looking up at them expectantly. "Are you coming, then?"

* * *

As much as it seemed like a good idea, Kili couldn't force himself to go rest in the front of the barge as they were ferried across the lake. He could feel he was exhausted, but just as every night previous, his thoughts were buzzing far too fast for him to sleep. And he knew that if he tried to sleep, he'd only be plagued with dreams and night terrors, reminding him of just why he had to go on this adventure.

Bard had raised an eyebrow as Kili settled himself down next to the man in the back, but hadn't questioned it any further. It took a few minutes for the others to settle down, for Gimli to stop complaining, Bofur to stop tripping over _everything,_ and Ori to decide whether he was going to be knitting or sleeping. But they had gone quiet, the only sound being the paddle cutting gently through the smooth lake surface.

Kili had no idea how Bard could possibly know where they were. The mist had engulfed them completely, rolling up out of the water to fog out the view any further than a yard away. Kili could hardly see to the end of the boat. And if he remembered correctly from their last boat ride with Bard, these waters could be fairly treacherous.

Almost as if he had read Kili's thoughts, Bard spoke as he absently slid them forward, eyes scanning over their clouded surroundings, "Fret not, Master Dwarf. I do not need to see to know where I am on this lake."

"Where are we, then?" Kili asked, pulling his cloak a bit tighter around him to repel the chill.

"New Lake-town should be on our left in a minute or two," Bard explained, voice still low, as if not to break the calm. "Not that we'll be able to see it."

Kili nodded slowly, eyes scrolling over the blank wall of whiteness to their left. "I thought there was a push for it to go back to being called Esgaroth."

"There may be," Bard replied. "But we who have lived here from our youth know it as Lake-town. And I do not think a few forward-thinking politicians will ever be able to touch that."

Kili snorted. "You may have something there." Silence fell again, though not uncomfortable. Kili rubbed his hands together a bit, to gather warmth before bothering to speak. "How is the rebuilding going here, anyway?"

Of course, he had seen the official reports, but those were always terribly dull. Plus, Bard would be up-to-date on the sort of things the official reports would never catch.

Bard stiffened a bit at the question, but did not fumble over his answer. "It is slow. The people are hardly more rich than before. But they have hope now. Things have changed; things they never thought _could_ change." Kili glanced up to see a bit of a smile touching the man's face, his eyes still flicking over their misty surroundings. "There is a new hope. And with that, I know that they can do whatever they need to."

There was a definite fondness in Bard's voice as he spoke of Lake-town. Kili knew for a fact that the man was very loyal and dedicated to the people of Dale, now that they were his responsibility. But a bit like Kili, still missing the Blue Mountains, he could guess that a bit of Bard's heart would always remain with the speck of wood in the middle of the Long Lake.

"Good," Kili sighed. "That's good."

Bard did not let the silence last long, though he did obviously hesitate slightly to speak again. "I cannot lie, you've gained my curiosity, Master Dwarf. I wonder what could drag you out of your mountain and back into the world."

"Appropriately so," Kili chuckled, closing his eyes for a moment with a sigh. "I wonder a bit myself."

"What is it?" Bard prompted, his curiosity clearly outweighing his sense of social propriety.

"What else could it be?" Kili asked. "There was a woman. And until I sort things out with her, I will not be able to rest."

A smile spread over Bard's face, though he didn't look down at Kili. "So, that's what could get a dwarf out of his mountain."

"At least this dwarf," Kili added.

A bit more of a far-off look rose up in Bard's gaze, his jaw tight. "It is good that you're letting yourself go after her. There is nothing worse than a life spent wondering what might have been."

This gained Kili's curiosity a bit as he nodded slowly. It seemed Bard was speaking from experience. "Do you know of this?"

Bard finally sent a glance down to him, lifting a brow. "Of what?"

"Of a life wondering what might have been?"

In an instant Bard's eyes had returned to the mist, and he let out a low sigh. "That is a story to be heard another day, Master Dwarf."

Kili winced slightly. Thorin would admonish him for having overstepped his bounds. He should have been able to tell that Bard didn't want him prodding. Kili smiled apologetically a bit. "Right, of course."

They carried on in silence from there out.

* * *

Kili was startled out of his doze by the boat under him sliding to a halt. He blinked open his bleary eyes, shaking the weariness from his head as he gathered in his surroundings. The mist had trickled mostly into nothing, the sky murky gray above, the dark green of pine trees only yards away. The silence was replaced by the sound of waves, lapping timidly against the shingled shore.

"We are as south of the lake as I will be taking you."

A glance up showed that the voice was Bard, now seated on the edge of the boat opposite to Kili, the paddle to the boat resting on his lap. "Travel along the river. If you make decent haste, you should be there by nightfall. I expect you have some escort through the forest?"

Kili nodded, rubbing the last dregs of sleep from his eyes as he straightened out of his slouch. "Aye, Fili's supposed to have set something up."

"Good," Bard said with a nod. "Should I wake the others for you?"

"I've got it," Kili assured him, sitting up. "Rise and shine, you lazy _ingots!"_

His sharp bellow shattered the mellow atmosphere of the lake, Bard startling, the sound of bird wings carrying through the air to them, but these sounds were joined by the groans and moans of waking dwarves.

Once he had gotten over his temporary alarm, Bard smiled slightly. "Certainly effective."

"Always is," Kili replied with a shrug, using the side of the boat as leverage to haul himself up to his feet.

As his companions dragged themselves into wakefulness, Kili slung on his pack, being sure it fit comfortably onto his back. While he was at it, he tossed up the hood of his cloak, feeling the faint rain from earlier gusting in on a sweep of wind. As he adjusted his coats to better keep him warm, Kili had to stop for a moment as a jolt of recollection hit him.

He could practically feel her there, her back flat against his chest, tucked into his arms, into his coats, his to keep warm and safe. Now, her absence was awfully gaping.

Kili's fists clutched into the wool of his cloak as he tried to swallow down the pain that had risen up so suddenly. _I'm on my way, love._

By the time he'd pulled himself together from that, the other dwarves had managed to get themselves onto the shore with their gear. Kili startled into action, fishing in his pocket as he spoke to Bard. "How much for it?"

Bard shook his head, raising a hand to stop him. "Not necessary."

Kili frowned. "But last time-"

"Last time, I was a bit more tight on money," Bard interrupted him, with a wry half-smile. "That is not the case now. And," he added with a slight inclination of his head. "This is a favor that is no trouble to me for the sake of an old acquaintance."

Kili allowed a smile onto his face as he took his hand from his coin pouch. "I'll have to repay the favor eventually, then."

As Kili started for the prow of the boat, and his companions, sorting themselves out on the shore, Bard spoke again. "I await that, Master Dwarf."

Once he'd stepped onto the shore, Kili sent a smile back at Bard. "Goodbye, then."

"Farewell," Bard returned, before getting back up to his feet.

With a few gentle pushes, the boat had slid off of the shallow stone, slipping away into the deeper water and mist.

* * *

The weather didn't get any better as the day went on. It remained gray, breezy and damp. This, combined with Kili's first full day of walking in a good while, and Gimli's near constant complaints, coupled with Bofur's penchant for singing, and Ori's general nervousness, left Kili in a very sour mood by the time the hour was reaching late.

Luckily, they had made fairly good time, and the forest of Mirkwood nearly blocked out the sky with its darkness.

Over the months since they'd returned to Erebor, Kili had become a bit more familiar with this forest. He'd seen it from a distance too many times to count, even seen it as close as he was then. But still, the forest managed to chill him to the bone like it had the first time he saw it. The shadows seemed too heavy to be natural, the trees too viciously twisted to be any natural creation.

They were to be travelling along the Old Forest Road, and Fili had sent for an escort party of elves to keep them from getting lost amongst the twisted trees. They didn't need a repeat of their last venture into the woodland.

As Kili walked, a bit reluctantly, closer and closer to the path's entrance, flashes of movement among the trees pricked at his eyes. He'd barely had time to squint when a figure materialized out of the darkness. It stood tall and lean, and...was that red hair?

* * *

 _ **Whatever could that be!? I think it's pretty obvious, but hey, leave a review anyway letting me know whoever you could think that is.**_

 _ **And so, our zealous heroes go forth for their mighty quest! Will there be success!? (Honestly, considering who these dwarves are, probably not.) I'm a bit nervous to be putting Gimli in here, seeing as I've never written him before and he is such a beloved character. But I feel like he would not have let them leave on another quest without him, even if it is a kind of lame one. Hope you liked it anyway! Don't forget to review, as those are actually life to me. I'd love to hear what you think of Gimli…He's an odd little bird to work with. Have a great week!**_

 _ **(Quickly, to address a guest in the reviews, I won't be doing any of this from Gwen POV, sorry. Kili won't let me. But if you see any specific bits or chapters that you would want in Gwen POV, let me know, and I very well might write it as a one-shot on my other currently running story. Thanks for the reading and reviewing!)**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: Older Friends**_

 _ **Preview:**_

"We gave him chances, many chances, to return home, to leave a life that would only end in pain, and to return to his people. He took none of them."

"...but, he loved her. Is it so wrong that he wasn't willing to give that up?"

"…You should get some rest, Master Dwarf."


	4. Older Friends

_**Tolkien and Peter Jackson own the world and characters. I own Gwen. And background elves one through four. And that's pretty much it.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

OLDER FRIENDS

 **"** Awkward" would be the best word Kili could have used to describe his present circumstances. Another good word would be "uncomfortable."

This was, of course, for many reasons.

One was the fact that Mirkwood really hadn't gotten less awful since the last time he'd been there. Even on the path as they were, the shadows were high and choking, the air thick and humid, reeking of rot. The sickness that all of this set in his gut was too familiar. It reminded him of so many moments. So many moments he almost wished he could forget.

There was also the level of his companion's obvious discomfort that set him on edge. Ori was more fluttery than ever, eyes flicking in a ceaseless cycle to the elves, towering over them, to the trees twining to block out what was left to be seen of the sky, then to his companions, as if to seek comfort. Despite his jovial outward appearance, Kili knew Bofur well enough to tell he was a bit twitchier than usual, his wide grins and jokes a bit strained. Gimli was (to no surprise) the worst of them all. He kept a firm grip on his axe, and his chin tilted up to glare at their elven escort almost constantly.

And, of course, the main cause of Kili's discomfort was the beautiful elven maid keeping up a smooth stride at the front of the party. The red banner of her hair fluttered out behind her, standing in a stark contrast to the darkness of the forest. Their eyes had only met once, and the flood of shock that rocked both of their gazes had been enough for them to avoid eye contact like that for all of the foreseeable future.

It wasn't that Kili wasn't _happy_ to see Tauriel alive and well. He had lost her, a bit, after the end of the battle, and it was good to see that she'd made it out in one piece after all. But still, they may not have left on the very best of terms...

Kili would be lying if he said it wasn't just a _bit_ satisfying, having Tauriel fall for his charm as quickly as she had. Her dry remarks, porcelain skin, and eyes that seemed to catch the starlight perfectly helped to coat the raw wounds on Kili's heart. Making her blush, he could almost pretend that it was an entirely different girl he was speaking to. Watching her fight was achingly similar to the grace of Gwen, flowing fluid, like water, whilst cutting down the darkness.

But at the same time that treating Tauriel like Gwen had eased the pain in his heart in the moment, the seconds after would be even worse than his usual level of heartache. Guilt would hit harder than the loss, tearing the wounds open all the larger. Bofur's confused glances and Fili's questioning gaze would cut through him, making him squeeze his fingernails into his palms hard enough to make them bleed, even as he grinned up at Tauriel.

And now, of course, Kili's flirting had only continued to make things worse. Before she had looked away, Kili could have sworn he saw a sliver of betrayal slip into Tauriel's gaze as she looked down at him. They had walked in complete silence, the four elves besides Tauriel just as silent as their leader, for what had to have been an hour. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered him, but after their early morning, and at least a half day of walking, Kili could feel is legs growing heavy, and see his companion's more frequent stumbling.

Of course, none of them were willing to speak out on that, so Kili took the initiative. "D'you think we could consider calling it a day any time soon?"

Tauriel didn't slow her pace, but flashed a glance back at him. For a moment, her eyes shone hard and cold, but her gaze warmed as it settled on him. "Soon, Master Dwarf. It is not safe here."

Luckily, Tauriel was true to her word, as they had stopped within fifteen minutes. The elves had brought them to a rather nice spot, a clearing in the trees, on a bit of a hill, well guarded on every side by the trees. The elven escort didn't even seem to need to communicate, silently going about their duties, working around each other easy as breathing.

That was much different than the dwarven way of going about setting up camp. It always took a fair bit of shouting and corralling just to assign duties to everyone, and once the jobs were underway, there consistently be some sort of conflict. The sound of tripping, falling objects, and colorful swears would ring out from the campsite for a good half an hour before they had some semblance of what they were trying to put together. A pang hit Kili's heart as the elves worked together effortlessly and silently, their faces as emotionless as ever. He missed travelling with all of the others.

The four dwarves had been somewhat herded into the center of the clearing, watching the action around them back-to-back, instinctively trying to get out of the way. Upon noticing their defensive position, Kili shook out of his stupor, making his way to Tauriel, pulling various oilcloths out of the packs the elves had towed along. Kili tried not to shift uncomfortably as he got her attention. "Good evening."

Tauriel paused slightly in her actions, looking up to him with a raised brow. "Do you need something, Master Dwarf?"

"Ah, no," Kili explained. "Just wondering if I-or we-" he added, with a glance over his shoulder at the clump of dwarves. "Would be able to help with anything? Gathering firewood or something of that sort?"

"That is Ferawen's duty tonight," Tauriel informed him, sending a glance to the reddish-brown haired elf, making their way out into the trees. "And I don't think she'll really be needing any help."

 _"She?"_ Kili sputtered instantly. He had just assumed all of the elves escorting them were male, other than Tauriel. He'd been scarred enough in Rivendell. But now, he was getting it wrong the _other way around?_ He really must be losing his touch...

A twitch of amusement played at the corner of Tauriel's lips, but she didn't dare smile at him fully. "She, indeed."

"That...that's a _lass?"_

"Yes," Tauriel repeated, her amusement only growing, though she did her best to mask it behind a picture of professional composure. "Was there some confusion?"

"Yes, actually," Kili replied, still a bit baffled. These elves, and their daft gender-neutral faces. They would be the death of him.

"It shouldn't matter much to you, anyway," Tauriel dismissed with a shrug, before she added a bit quieter, some bitterness in her tone, "Unless, of course, you'd like to flirt her into fondness of you, then break her heart."

Kili winced at that, coming out of his shock. So, Tauriel _definitely_ hadn't forgotten his little...game the last time they'd met. "Tauriel, about that, I'm-"

She completely ignored him, turning back down to her work on the packs. "I will let you know if there is anything we could use your help with, Master Dwarf."

"Ah, thank you," Kili muttered, before trying to begin again. "But last time-"

 _"Good evening,"_ Tauriel said, tone not leaving any room for him to continue.

Kili nearly drooped. He really shouldn't have done that..."Good evening, Tauriel. Thank you."

* * *

 _Tinúviel elvanui..._

The sound, from everywhere and nowhere at once. Hardly discernible from the wind itself, ruffling softly against the tree's leaves, stirring the mulch and dust across the forest floor. Quiet, and sweet as a sigh.

 _...elleth alfirin..._

Hardly audible. Painfully quiet. He wanted to hear it better. He _needed_ to.

 _...ethelhael..._

The delicate tonal inflections brushed over his skin like a breeze, chilling him to the bone.

 _O hon ring..._

A bit stronger, then. Finally.

... _finnil fuinui..._

A flash of porcelain pale in the darkness. The crush of leaves against light boots. Hands, stirring the leaves as she went. There. Right between the pools of inky shadow that collected amongst he roots of the age-old trees.

... _A renc gelebrin..._

A flash of mahogany silk, glinting in moonlight. Fine, wiry arms cast out into the darkness. Dark eyes meeting his, glinting blindinly in a sudden wash of starlight. One last word settled across the air, trickling away into silence, swallowed up by the night sky.

 _...thiliol..._

A soft smile, meant only for him, then nothing.

* * *

The world Kili startled into was farr too much like that of his dream. The night breeze whispered and flickered the leaves, silvery against a backdrop of shadows. The air was chill and damp, nearly _alive_ against his skin. The smell of leaf mold combined with that of the wind, trickling faintly into his senses. The only thing missing was the soft voice of Gwen, singing of a fairy-tale she wished that she could have lived.

Kili breathed out a sigh, letting his eyelids fall closed. He hated dreams like this. Ones where he _knew_ she was there, but was hopeless to reach her. But now, he was wired, all of his senses thrumming at the very thought of her presence. Despite the exhaustion heavy in his limbs, and settling over his mind like a film of clogging dust, Kili forced his eyelids back open, dragging himself out of the warmth of his cloaks. The cool air played with loose fingers through the slightly sweaty tangles of his hair, whisking the last of sleep from his eyes.

"Master dwarf?"

In an instant, his heart leapt up to a vicious beat in his chest, and he may have wrenched his neck in his haste to turn his head about to the source of that _horribly_ familiar address. A flash of pale skin caught in the filtered moonlight, a dash of dark, silky hair, of blinking, curious eyes.

And just like that, his excitement was gone in a flash. The moonlight showed the hair to be pin straight and the color of fire, the eyes illuminating into pools of green, instead of soft black. "Tauriel," Kili choked out, his breath slamming back into his chest with a vengeance. "It's you."

She arched a sharply intelligent brow. "Yes, it is. Does this fact disappoint you?"

Kili winced slightly. He shouldn't have let his upset be quite so apparent. He adjusted himself to face her a bit better, forcing a hint of a smile onto his face. "No, no, of course not. Just, for a moment..." Kili shook his head, his mouth going dry. "I thought you might be someone else."

"Who else?" Tauriel, asked, her tone softening slightly, posture relaxing back into the tree behind her, though her back still remained straight.

"Ah, you wouldn't know..." Kili hesitated. Actually, Tauriel might have known Gwen. "Well, you might have, I suppose. But you wouldn't have been much fond of them."

Again that eyebrow shot up. "Who is this, exactly?"

"Um..."

"Go on," Tauriel prompted with a nod in his direction.

"Well," Kili began with a sigh. He was too bloody exhausted to deal with elvenfolk. "She was called Gwe-Or, Glorawen, I suppose. Daughter of-"

"Venelir," Tauriel finished, tone a bit grim. "I know of her."

Kili saw Tauriel's gaze harden as she stared into the trees above Kili's shoulder. He really wasn't sure if it was a good thing Tauriel knew of Gwen. If Gwen had been telling the truth, the elves of Mirkwood weren't exactly fond of her. "...Aye."

Much to Kili's surprise, a wry smile broke out over Tauriel's face, a huff of air brushing out of her lips, sounding suspiciously like a chuckle. She immediately brought a hand to cover her mouth, even though her laughter was apparent now. Kili frowned. "What's so funny?"

Tauriel merely shook her head, and waited for herself to regain composure before responding. "Nothing, really. It's just...to many of the elves in Mirkwood, Glorawen is...well, rather unattractive."

Kili was immediately taken aback. "What d'you mean?"

Tauriel shrugged, still smiling a bit bemusedly. "She just _was._ Much too like a human in appearance."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Kili asked, still rather confused.

Tauriel shook her head again, her eyes artfully avoiding his. "The thought that someone so...strange in the eyes of her own people would be able to win your heart, when I..." She caught herself from continuing, then added with a sigh, "It seems the Valar do have some sense of ironic justice."

"About that, Tauriel-"

She didn't let him continue, her eyes flicking up to meet his for a moment. "Kili, no. I shouldn't have brought it up. I do not wish to address it now, or later."

Kili gritted his teeth, guilt welling up in him. "I just wanted to say that I'm-"

Bloody _Mahal,_ he wished she'd stop interrupting him.

"Sorry? No, you are not sorry," Tauriel replied, tone a bit bitter.

"But I am!" Kili insisted.

"What for then?"

Kili sputtered for a response, his thoughts scrambling. After a few moments, Tauriel sighed, slumping back against her tree. "I knew her father, before his banishment."

Kili was a bit startled at the change in topic, but quickly replied with, "Did you?"

Tauriel nodded. "He was in the guard unit above mine, and a few centuries older than me, but I do recall him."

A few _centuries..._ he would probably never get used to the immortal-ness of elves. Bloody strange, that business. "What was he like?"

"Irritating, mostly," Tauriel replied with a shrug. "At least to the rest of us, he was. He was very easily distracted, even by the smallest of things he found beautiful. Honestly, when he ran off with that woman, many of us were not too surprised."

"I see," Kili said with a bit of a frown. "Was this enough for you to cast him out?"

Tauriel looked a bit surprised at the forwardness of that question, but responded as smoothly as ever. "Do not think we banished our own kin easily, or on a whim, Master Dwarf."

Kili tried not to wither under the slightly stern gaze that she leveled at him.

"We gave him chances, many chances, to return home, to leave a life that would only end in pain, and to return to his people. He took none of them."

"...but, he loved her. Is it so wrong that he wasn't willing to give that up?"

Tauriel fixed him with a totally unreadable gaze, before she let out a sigh, changing the topic. "You should get some rest, Master Dwarf."

"Can't," Kili answered, a bit sheepishly. "I may have had a bit of a dream."

"And what do you expect me to do about it?" Tauriel asked, looking down at him quizzically, but not in entire unfriendliness.

Kili had to think for a moment there, but soon said quite hopefully, "D'you know the _Lay of Lethain_ song?"

Tauriel's expression only grew more incredulous. "If you want me to sing, Master Dwarf, you are-" All of the sudden Tauriel went rigid, her head snapping up, eyes flickering to their surroundings.

Kili's blood ran cold, any residual exhaustion sliding off of him. "What is it?"

"Listen," Tauriel ordered, her gaze not straying to him, tone almost a whisper.

Kili did as he was told, ears straining against the near silence. For a moment, there was nothing. Then, there it was. Tree branches creaking. Leaves rustling against the push and pull of the wind. The snap of bone on bone.

His reaction was almost immediate, snatching his bow from the ground beside him. As he fumbled with his arrow, Tauriel had already nocked hers, and was in a crouch, ear tilted up so she could hear better. "Wake the others," Tauriel shot over to him. "And keep them quiet. Be ready for an attack."

Kili nodded, the adrenaline of potential battle already pumping through his veins. This time, those damned spiders wouldn't be getting the best of him.

He'd nearly had to muffle each dwarf as he woke them, as they all saw it fit to grumble up a storm. But, once Kili had explained, they all went into silence, nodding obediently and obeying his orders despite their just having woken up. Underneath the thrum of panic pumping through his veins, Kili felt a swell of pride for these dwarves. If anything, they knew how to be obedient when the moment required it.

Soon he was back at Tauriel's side, bow drawn, and sword at his hip, straining to hear for the spiders coming. As he listened, a sudden thought occurred to him. "Where are the others?"

"They set off to the nearest outpost an hour ago to report," Tauriel hissed.

Ah, so that would be a significant dent on their numbers. "How far is the outpost?" Kili asked, a sinking feeling hitting his gut.

"About an hour," Tauriel replied, tone grim. She suddenly went tense again. "Silence."

That was loud enough for the dwarves, who were grumbling amongst themselves, to hear. As the silence Tauriel had ordered fell, Kili tilted his head into the wind, seeking out whatever Tauriel was hearing. Only the breeze answering.

"It's-"

Tauriel cut him off, finishing the sentence in her own words, tone thick with dread. "It's silent. There's nothing."

There was another heartbeat of silence before it the sound came back with a vengeance.

Kili barely had time to twist about to look up when a heavy shadow descended, only growing larger. He managed to wrestle his bow up in time, stumbling a step back and loosing his bowstring. The arrow sunk into the body of the massive spider with a _thunk._ Immediately, the beast let out a wretched screech, sending goosebumps up Kili's skin. The spider fell with a crash onto the ground, only a foot from him, but Kili quickly found that his single shot had not killed it, but instead, enraged it further.

He staggered back a bit more, fumbling to find another arrow to fire as the spider gained its bearings back. Just before he loosed, a familiar yelp rose up behind him. His heart gave a wrench of fear and he turned quickly to see Ori had tripped, and another spider was quickly descending on top of him. As Kili took aim, Gimli beat him to it, splitting the spider's head open with one hefty blow from his axe. It feel on top of Ori, it's web snapping from its back, unable to wail in anguish as it's split skull bubbled black ooze. Kili swore as he heard the breathy shriek of the spider that had nearly gotten him, right at his back. Even before he could turn, the beast let out another scream. Tauriel was at his side, and had swiftly separated the head of the creature from its body. "Drop the bow," she snapped. "They're too close."

Kili nodded, and spent his one nocked arrow on a glimmer of blackness darting from the shadows in a tree to his left. The satisfying squeal of another slain spider answered as he dropped his bow and quiver onto his bedroll. As he pulled himself back up and drew his sword out, he tried to take in their situation.

No more spiders had attacked yet, but the forest around them was seething with shadows. Bofur and Gimli were trying to drag Ori out from under the spider nearly crushing him, while Tauriel spun her daggers in anticipation, muscles tense and ready for another attack. He felt a bit odd, ordering the others about, but at this point it seemed there was no one else going to do it. "Gimli, Bofur, lift it, Ori, drag yourself out. Then close ranks."

In a moment, Ori was free, and they were standing near the center of the clearing, facing outward, waiting for the next stroke to come. Kili could hear the forest alive again, scuttling and clicking in the tell-tale signs of an impending strike.

This strike came only a moment later, as a swift shove to the shoulder sent him stumbling sideways into Bofur. The dwarf caught him and dragged him further back a bit. By the time Kili had righted himself, he saw that a spider had come out of the branches of the trees above them, swinging down to the space where he used to stand. It had gone dead still now, and Gimli was struggling to wrench his axe back from where it was half buried in the body of the beast. "I had it!" he roared as the blade finally popped free, flinging globs of black blood and guts through the air.

"I had it first," Tauriel shot back a bit irritated, through her mask of unaffected calm as she freed her own blade from the space between the creature's head and neck.

Kili groaned. "Could we _please-"_

"Behind you!" Tauriel called sharply.

Kili turned just in time to see a spider rearing up from the darkness, its fangs clicking and drooling. Kili managed to push Bofur out of the way, lunging forward to swing a long slide across the creature's mask of glittering eyes. It flinched back from him in pain, so Kili hooked a boot under its head, giving it a sharp shove upward. His plan succeeded, and the beast reared up onto its back legs in shock and imbalance, exposing its scaly underbelly to Kili's blade. Kili took full advantage, diving in to deal a killing blow, his blade cutting with an easy "crunch" through the spider's thin armor.

It seemed this strike was successful, as the creature let out a now familiar screech of anguish, its legs curling up into its body as it still tried to flinch away from his attacks. Kili recoiled as these hairy stalks nearly brushed against him, hurriedly yanking the length of his blade from its prison.

By the time he'd turned around, another two spiders lay dead and bleeding on the ground, and the others were keeping a sharp eye on their surroundings. Of course, it didn't seem Gimli was ready to end his little tiff with Tauriel yet. "Next time, stay out of my way, lass."

"So long as you stay out of _mine,"_ Tauriel hissed, before drawing a knife out of her boot, throwing it with a deadly flick of her wrist, only inches above Gimli's head.

The projectile whistled by Kili's shoulder and he twisted his head to see a spider collapsing off of a high tree branch to his left, falling like a deadweight onto the forest floor.

By the time he'd turned back, Gimli was once again protesting. "Oi, watch where you're flashing those-"

"Shut up," Kili ordered as he jogged the few yards back to the others, sending a pointed look at Gimli. "We need to be _focused!"_

Gimli glared at him, and perhaps grumbled under his breath, but Kili ignored it in favor of tucking himself into their defensive formation. "Do you know why they're attacking?"

"Because we're an easy meal?" Ori offered, his voice trembling.

From beside Kili, Tauriel shook her head. "They've been doing this more lately. Reacting less on animal instinct for food and safety, becoming more bold against us."

Rather inappropriately, considering their present circumstance, Gimli snickered. "Mighty elves, getting taken down by a few bloated _bugs-"_

"Silence," Tauriel bit out, bristling.

Gimli may have protested, but Kili identified the deadly seriousness in Tauriel's tone and gave the young dwarf a solid smack in the arm to quiet him.

"It's different," Tauriel murmured, after a moment of silence.

Kili strained to listen, not for the first time, cursing the darkness of the night. It might be all well and good for Tauriel, with her fanciful elven hearing, but compared to her, Kili was practically deaf. Whatever it was she was hearing this time, Kili certainly wasn't able to identify it.

"What is it-"

Ori was cut off by Tauriel's sudden movement as she whipped another blade from her belt, flicking it with deadly precision into the darkness off the ground. In a moment, Kili's eyes registered the glinting silver of her knife pinning a now writhing black shape into the ground.

"They're smaller," Tauriel explained. "Keep an eye out! They're venom is deadly."

Kili swore fitfully. He really bloody hated Mirkwood. The snap of a twig caught his ears, and Kili had enough sense to glance up, and just in time, it seemed, as he saw black movement glistening in the branches. "Heads up!"

They barely scattered in time, as half a dozen of the squirmy little beasts dropped onto the ground in their midsts. Kili found himself stumbling back a bit as two of the spiders surged at him. He barely had the sense to swing his sword down at the bigger of the two. The weight of the blade and his arm punctured through the center of the creature's body, stopping its movement almost instantly, but as he soon found, lodging his blade into the spongy forest floor. Meanwhile, the other spider wasn't deterred in the least, scampering closer to his boot. Kili reacted almost instinctively, lifting a boot to stomp hard down onto the beast's head. It was hardly bigger than the sole of his foot, but his attack seemed to have little effect, only dazing it for a moment, before it started back at him. Luckily, at that moment, he freed his sword out of the ground, and swung it down viciously, cleaving the nasty little bug in half.

"You're too heavy handed."

Kili turned on his heel to face the voice behind him, heart jolting in fear until he found it was just Tauriel. Kili was about to protest, but Tauriel cut him off with a sharp command of, "Move."

Kili did as he was told with hardly a moment's thought, swiftly stepping aside. Tauriel breezed past him, nearly too fast for him to see, and there was a sharp, breathy squeal as yet another spider was killed.

Just as he turned to face Tauriel, Kili's feet suddenly disappeared out from under him. He hit the ground hard, a gust of leaf mold and mud flying up into his nostrils as the ground began shifting under him. As soon as the breath returned to his lungs, Kili's vision snapped into clarity, allowing him to see the massive spider above him. He hardly registered the pain of the creature's pincers around his ankle, or the horrendous smell of the beast's hairy body. He did, register, however, the fact that, apparently as he was dragged away, he had lost his grip on his sword.

A curse slipped from his lips, and he grasped frantically at the blur of the spider's legs like a cage around him. Luckily, he caught a secure grasp on one and gave it a hard yank. The beast's whirring steps stumbled a bit, the grip tightening on Kili's ankle, but it continued dragging him, to his utter annoyance.

Getting a bit desperate as the forest floor scraped past him below, Kili reached out with both arms, yanking the two legs he found into himself. This finally had an effect, the spider pitching over forward. Its grip loosed slightly, and Kili yanked his leg free just before the heavy body of the spider fell on his lower half. Kili yelped in pain and disgust as the spider continued to writhe, trying to get its legs back under it.

What was he supposed to do now? He was unarmed. Was he going to _wrestle_ it to death?

His answer came in a blur of pale skin and dark red silk as Tauriel descended on the spider, leaping smoothly onto its back, driving both of her daggers into its brain. Kili let out a breath of relief, but didn't relax as he strained to drag himself out from under the dead weight of the body. Once Tauriel had drew her blades back, and hopped, lighter than air, back onto the ground, she offered a hand down to Kili. "You alright?"

"Fine enough," Kili answered, grimacing as he took Tauriel's hand, using it as leverage to pry himself onto his feet. He hissed in pain as his weight hit the ankle the spider had gripped, and sent a loathful look down to his attacker. "Bloody wretched things."

Tauriel opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out, as a flash of black caught Kili's eye from behind Tauriel. As soon as he'd noticed it though, another dash of movement caught his eye. An arrow, punching the spider that had slid down on its web, out of the air. His eyes followed the projectile to its source, and Kili saw the (female, apparently) elf from their group earlier leap down from her crouching position on a high tree branch, hitting the ground lightly. She said something to Tauriel in their flowing language, and Tauriel responded after a moment, giving a shake of her head. In a moment, the elf was sweeping off in the direction of the trampled trail the spider had left whilst dragging Kili away from the others.

When he looked back at Tauriel, Kili noticed her expression, a bit concerned and dazed, and her hand, clasping at the side of her neck. He frowned, taking a step closer. "Tauriel? You all right?"

She seemed to startle out of her daze, then, her eyes snapping up to his, the hand falling from her neck. "Of course. Come on."

Kili wasn't able to press her as she slipped away in the same direction as the other elf. He sighed, and followed, limping slightly at an attempt to favor his wounded ankle.

By the time Kili returned to the clearing, spider corpses of various sizes littered the ground, and his dwarves were standing in the center, panting, and spattered with black blood, but very much alive. All of the elves that had been escorting them before had returned, and were standing in the outskirts of the clearing, keeping careful eyes locked on their surroundings. Kili jogged up to his companions, sparing them a small smile. "Alive and well?"

"Don't know about _well,"_ Gimli muttered.

"But alive all the same," Bofur added, giving Kili a weary smile in return.

"I do believe they've given up for now," Ori told him, still clutching his sling against his chest.

Kili nodded. "The worst is over then."

Bofur made a hum of agreement, and Kili would have relaxed, had a flash of movement not caught his eye. _"Tauriel!"_

* * *

 _ **Am I honestly just going to write everything to take place in Mirkwood? Like, seriously, what is my deal with this place? It's like 4 days in actual canon…On another note, writing Tauriel is fun. Like, seriously. Especially her and Kili's interactions. I might have to do some Kiliel in the future…**_

 _ **I did have a lot of fun writing this one, and I hope you have just as much fun reading it. (I thought I should let you know, I am just getting to writing some serious plotty-plot stuff for this story, and this is gonna be fuuuuun) Review if you value my sanity in the least (also, go check out Shibboleth for more of these characters, AUs, ect.) I love all of you! Have a great week! (AND REVIEW)**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: Chasing Hope**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_

"I don't really get it, you know."

"Get what?"

".. _.This._ I really don't get what we're doing out here."

"I lost something. And I need to get it back. Or at least to try."


	5. Chasing Hope

_**I don't even own my sanity.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIVE**

CHASING HOPE

Kili didn't reach Tauriel in time to catch her as she crumpled to her knees. He did manage to grab her shoulder though, as she pitched face-first forward into the ground. He dragged her back up, letting her fall back into his chest. She was shaking terribly, her skin feeling clammy as her head lolled back into him. What in _Mahal's_ sweet name was this? She had just been standing there, then suddenly...

A flash of memory returned to Kili, and he took up a handful of hair from the nape of her neck, tilting her head forward to reveal the place on her neck that she'd been reaching for earlier. His eyes widened upon seeing an angry red, raised welt marring her pale skin, the veins around the spot tinted dark and straining against her skin.

Tauriel jerked hard against him suddenly, a strangled sound choking out of her throat as her muscles seized up, coiled tighter than any spring. Kili swore, fighting to keep his grip on the elf, even as she twitched and strained in his arms. In another moment, two of the other elves were at his side. One knelt down to their level immediately, reaching for the pulse in Tauriel's neck, while the other took one of her arms, relieving Kili of some of her deadweight as she was wracked with some sort of terrible shiver. "Bloody...Tauriel, what are you doing?" Kili murmured, feeling a hard twinge at his heart.

Her emerald eyes were wide and glassy, her jaw locking hard, strangled hacking, choking sounds squeezing out of her lips. She was completely out of her mind and body, it seemed.

"She's been poisoned," the elf checking her pulse told Kili, tone wrought with tension. "A spider must have gotten her."

Kili's eyes widened fractionally, and he glanced back down at the welt growing steadily darker on her skin. "When?"

"I know not," the elf told him, before breaking into fluid elvish, speaking to the one helping Kili hold Tauriel up.

Kili's eyes darted between the two of them as they spoke, before he had to cut in. "Is she going to be alright?"

As if in response to his question, Tauriel suddenly doubled forward, and Kili's ears were filled with the sound of her retching on the forest floor, her back convulsing against him.

The elf who had spoken to him before paled a bit, his eyes widening. "I...I cannot say either way."

Suddenly, Tauriel was being drawn up out of his arms, shaking and limp, hoisted up on the elf's back. "What-" Kili sputtered. "What are you doing?"

"Taking her to healing," the elf not carrying Tauriel responded, before turning to bark a few commands in elvish at the other two, who watched on with wary eyes.

In another moment, the two elves Kili had dealt with were gone, disappearing into the shadows of the forest, and taking Tauriel with them. Kili was left a bit numb and baffled, shaking slightly with adrenaline. Was Tauriel going to die? Was she going to be felled by some daft spider beastie with a particularly potent batch of poison?

A hand landed on his shoulder, and Kili turned to see Bofur had approached him, a confused and frightened look on his face. "What's gone on?"

"A spider," Kili managed to get out. "She's been poisoned."

Bofur's eyes went wide, as he breathed out a curse. Behind him, Ori blanched visibly, his hands trembling, while Gimli's heavy brow hid most of his shock. "Is she going to make it?" Bofur asked, genuine concern tingeing his tone.

Kili shook his head, reaching a shaky hand up to run back through his hair. "Don't know."

"Come along!" One of the elves ordered, already at the edge of the clearing.

"What'dya mean?" Bofur asked, turning on his heel to face them.

The elf raised a brow, expression decidedly condescending. "It is not safe to stay here for long. We will make haste on our path and sleep once the danger is past."

"On our path?" Kili repeated, pushing his way to the front of the group to face the elves head-on.

"Yes," the other elf replied, tone a deadpan.

"You mean we're not going off to the same place as Tauriel?"

The elves looked almost _offended_ by this concept, as one of them shot back in reply, "No, you are not."

"Why not?" Bofur suddenly asked, sounding more boldly challenging than Kili had.

"There is no need," one of the elves sniffed. "Our duty is to escort you through the forest."

"And nowhere else," the other elf added.

"You'll take us to her," Kili stated, tone much stronger than he felt. "We need rest as well."

"You can rest on the road."

"Let's not you forget," Gimli began, tone a warning rumble. "You're outnumbered here."

Kili smirked. For once, maybe it was good that his cousin was so quick to a threat, at least this once. The elves hardly showed a reaction to this, though Kili noticed their hands slide to rest nearer to their sword belts, their stance shifting into a defensive. Perhaps he did have some leverage.

"Not that that's a threat or anything," Bofur assured them with a smile. "Just thought you should know."

Kili let his smirk slide into something a bit more wicked. "That in mind, how about we go visit Tauriel for a bit, aye?"

* * *

The elleth (as Kili had recently learned female elves were supposed to be called) looked terribly serene, asleep. Her deep crimson hair had been combed out of its braids, and was splayed out across the pillow her head rested on, the feathered ends of it hanging off of the edge of the cot. Her features were stilled completely, eyes softly closed, lips parted slightly for breathing. Beneath the thin blanket, Kili could tell her chest was rising and falling in slow breaths. In the golden puddle of sunshine that she laid in, you could almost imagine she was just settled down asleep for a mid-morning nap.

Of course, the brace of white cotton around her neck somewhat shattered this illusion.

To Kili's understanding, Tauriel was likely going to live. This didn't stop guilt from weighing heavy on his heart. Kili broke his gaze off of her sleeping features to bury his head in his hands. "I'm sorry."

His words fell on obviously deaf ears.

If he could go back, and undo the thing he'd put Tauriel through, he happily would. It was wrong, what he did. And the little voice inside his head (that sounded suspiciously like Gwen) wasn't letting him forget it easily. "I said I'm sorry, alright?"

There was not a response, obviously.

Kili groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "What do I do, then?"

Maybe it was daft, that he was upset that there was still no response. For once, he sort of missed the voices that had rang on in his head back before Gwen left. They had at least provided some noise. They had given him ideas, despite how wicked or absurd those ideas might have actually been. Now, there was silence.

He could almost imagine what Gwen would be doing if she were there. She likely wouldn't be happy. She'd be sitting across the room, arms crossed over her chest, legs crossed, giving him a terrible dose of the silent treatment, though keeping her gaze burning on his down-turned head. "Come on, love," Kili huffed. "Just give me _something_ to work with."

"Who are you?"

Kili jumped at the voice, nearly starting to his feet. The intruder was an elf, standing in the doorway, a towel draped over her arm, a bowl of steaming water in her hands. Her already large eyes were wide in alarm, her fine jaw setting hard.

"Uhm-"

"Who let you in here?" The elleth demanded, voice cold, and hard as steel.

Kili flurried for a response, combing a hand back through his hair, somewhat in an attempt to hide his now flushing cheeks. "I...well, I let myself in." Seeing the elleth only getting more frustrated, Kili hurried to continue. "But it's alright! Tauriel knows me; she'd be fine with it! And I haven't been here but a minute!"

The elleth still seemed suspicious, but moved over to the other side of the bed, setting the bowl down on the low table there. "You are one of the dwarves she was escorting?"

Kili nodded. "Aye."

The elleth nodded slowly, leaning down to check Tauriel's forehead. "And what brings you to her bedside?"

"Guilt," Kili admitted with a shrug.

To his surprise, this got a muffled snort from the elleth, who now had a small smirk gracing her features. "What of?"

"Many things," Kili replied, hedging around the real answer.

The elleth didn't press, and instead fell silent, checking Tauriel's breathing.

"Is she alright?" Kili asked, unable to contain the question.

The elleth looked a bit skeptical of his eagerness, bit nodded all the same. "She will be, in time."

"How long 'til she wakes?" Kili pressed.

"Too long," the elleth answered, dousing the towel from her arm into the bowl of water. "Merelas was looking for you that you would leave."

Kili swore. As he'd found out, the guard who had been most adamant about them pressing on in spite of Tauriel, was named Merelas. It had taken some careful figuring on Kili's part to sneak of and find the upper room they were healing Tauriel in. If Kili was found, there was nothing he could do against them leaving.

"Do you have paper and a quill?"

* * *

Kili experienced a certain feeling of a weight being lifted from his chest as he at last cleared the trees and shadows of Mirkwood.

His whirlwind of thoughts quieted down, and he was finally able to stop replaying the events of the previous days. The guilt lifted off of his heart, the voices whispering betrayal quietening. With those feelings gone, though, there was a definite gap in his heart, and he felt it all the more acutely. Kili breathed in a deep sigh of the cool mid-afternoon, letting the clear sunshine seep into his skin. "Mahal, Gwen..."

"Ach!" Gimli groaned, stretching his arms out to both sides. "That's better!"

"I agree," Ori hummed, a bright smile illuminating his face as he looked up towards the sun. "I can think much clearer now."

"The Valar guard you," one of their new elven escorts told them, grudgingly.

"Cheery lot," Bofur commented, voice low, as the elves melted back into the shadows.

"It must wear on them, being in the forest all the time," Kili said, his eyes scanning over the plains that spread out before him. "They never see the sunlight."

"Speaking of sunlight," Gimli drawled, running a hand down the already bushy hair of his beard. "We're going to be out of it fair soon."

Kili glanced up at the sky. Indeed, the day looked to be at least half-way over, probably more. "Let's get on our way," Kili suggested, straightening himself up, and adjusting his pack with a sigh. "If I read the maps correctly, if we make good time tonight and through tomorrow, we'll have made it to the Anduin Isle village long clear of nightfall."

The others grunted in reply, and soon, they were off on the path stretched before them.

* * *

Kili's hopes of being able to camp nearby the river were unfortunately quashed, as the night fell heavily on them. He could tell the other dwarves were dragging, yawning and grumbling though they hadn't yet come to the point of complaining directly to him yet. Kili found this a bit amusing. He wasn't used to being a leader. He was used to being one of the dwarves under a leader, just like his companions, biting back groans and carrying on on sore feet, just because the leader hadn't given them leave to stop for the night yet. Now, it seemed Kili was free to make the calls. He rather liked it.

He didn't want to torture his friends though, so when he found a raised copse of trees a few dozen yards off the side of the path, he stopped them. "We'll be here for the night."

The copse, it seemed, had been used to house travelers before. The grass leading to it was trodden down, the leaves cleared away in the center of the space, the ground there blackened with soot and dead coals. Kili dropped his pack heavily at the base of one of the large oak trees skirting the clearing, taking a moment to catch his breath back before speaking. "Bofur, would you mind getting the fire set up?" A nod. "And Gim, could you see if there are any streams nearby?" He got a bit of a glare from Gimli on that one, but the younger dwarf grumbled in agreement anyway.

"I'll set up a few traps," Ori sighed, a bit glum.

Kili winced. He knew the dwarf hated didn't like to be the direct cause of the death of little animals, but he had the most nimble fingers out of any of the dwarves, and was likely the only one suitable for the job. However, their food supplies were already beginning to drain, and it seemed the ache of an empty stomach always won out over squeamishness for Ori.

"Right," Kili said with a slightly sympathetic nod. "Thanks. I'll be making rounds, checking if there are any fresh trails. I'll bring back firewood if nothing else."

"Much appreciated," Bofur shot back with a tired smile.

Soon, they had all scattered to perform their respective duties.

Kili found it somewhat comforting, being out in the wild all alone again. The area was not too heavily forested, but there were enough trees, hills, and outcropping rocks for him to keep decent cover. His bow was drawn and taught by his side, his pulse thudding hotly in his chest as he jogged about, despite his aching feet, the cool breeze of the dusk dancing across his skin, and tugging at the strands of his hair that had slipped out of their clasp. It was good to be free, to be really alive, again.

He latched onto a trail soon enough. A rabbit run, in fairly good use, tracking around the base of a hill. Kili followed it along, in a creeping half-crouch, up onto the curve of the hill. A flash of movement suddenly caught his eye, and Kili dropped down to his knees, flattening himself slightly against the grass of the hill. It took him a moment of squinting in the low light till he caught what he'd seen. A rabbit was snuffling around the edge of a sizeable patch of brambles, apparent ally oblivious to his presence above. A grin split Kili's face as another shape squeezed itself out from the undergrowth, this one much more plump than the other. It sniffed suspiciously at the first rabbit, before carrying on its way, half-hopping further into the open, nibbling against the grass.

Kili hardly dared to breathe as he adjusted himself, shifting as silently as he could, up the hill a little, adjusting his bow so that he'd be able to aim it properly at the larger of the two animals. He had just focused his aim into the spot right below the creature's twitching ear, when it was all ruined.

"Oi! Kili!"

Kili's heart dropped as Gimli's shout rang out. Unsurprisingly, both rabbits pricked up immediately, giving the space about them an alarmed stare before bolting into the bramble patch. Kili groaned, loosening the tension in his bow string, and staring longfully into the twitching bush his dinner had fled into. Would have been a bloody good dinner too...

"Did you hear me!?"

"Yes!" Kili shot back, making sure to shout loudly enough that Gimli would be certain to hear him. "What is it?!"

"I think it best you come over and see for yourself!"

Kili felt a twitch of concern over his general annoyance. What was it that he needed to see himself? Kili hauled himself up to his feet, trying to peer between the trees about him to see if Gimli was anywhere near. "Where are you?"

"Just a bit out of camp," Gimli bellowed back. "Downhill!"

"Bloody helpful that," Kili grumbled, picking his way down the small hill he'd worked himself up onto. "Keep talking!"

"What should I say?"

Kili rolled his eyes, pricking his ears to try and hear where the voice was coming from. To his right, likely. Or was that behind him...? "I don't bloody care. Just talk, dolt!"

"You see, that's what I don't find myself very fond of!" Gimli began. Kili could tell he was fuming at the insult, even without being able to hear him. "I canna' see how _I'm_ being a dolt when you're not making any blasted sense! If you'd told me, 'oi, Gim, tell me about your afternoon' or 'how's your old aunt doing, anyway?' I would have something to say! But you can't just tell a dwarf to _talk_ and have him blindly obey without even-"

Kili tuned out Gimli's words, in order to listen to the direction of the sound. Soon enough, Kili had caught a glimpse of the red-haired dwarf through the trees. He was midway through a particularly fiery complaint about his father's apparently irritating obsession with tree leaves when Kili arrived, tapping the dwarf on the shoulder.

Gimli startled hard, his words cutting off abruptly, his feet dragging him about in a stumbling circle to face Kili. "What'do you want!?" After a moment of seeing Kili, Gimli sighed out a breath, running a nervous hand down his beard, tapping his hand against the axe tucked into his belt. "Ah, it's just you. Shouldn't sneak up on me like that."

Kili snorted. "Hardly sneaking. You were just shouting too loudly to hear anyone properly."

"Just wanted to be sure you'd be able to hear me," Gimli grumbled, perhaps a tad defensive.

"Aye, I did," Kili told him. "As did our dinner."

Gimli seemed to miss that last bit, and brought him round with a clap to his shoulder. "Look at what I've stumbled across!"

Kili flicked his eyes to the trees around him, then raised a brow. "Looks like forest to me. Is that really so worthy of note?"

"Not the bloody _forest,"_ Gimli corrected him. "Someone's been staying here."

Kili frowned now, looking a bit closer to the tiny clearing they were both standing in. All of the sudden, it caught his eye. Covered a bit with leaves and debris, but in the center of the clearing, a few rocks scattered into a loose circle. He crouched down immediately, clearing away the leaves that had built up in the slight hollow of the ground in this circle. When he lifted his hand away, his fingers were stained dark. The ground was burnt to black. A bit more clearing showed that the ashes from the fire had been scattered a bit around, then covered up carefully. "Whoever it was, they were trying to clear their tracks."

"Aye," Gimli agreed. "And they didn't have a big fire. The ring's small, and the trees are too close down for anything too blazing. It had to have been a small group."

"Maybe one or two," Kili breathed, absently rubbing the soot deeper into his fingertips as he peered around the clearing for more evidence. A bit of a dip caught his attention, and he scrambled over to it, gently sweeping away the leaves that covered it. "This is where they slept." The dirt was clear of roots and rocks, and had been packed down. "It was just one person, travelling alone, then."

"Or two, sleeping right up against each other," Gimli added, coming over to peer over Kili's shoulder.

"No," Kili dismissed with a shake of his head as he cleared out more of the sleeping space. "It isn't packed down enough for that."

"They weren't dwarf," Gimli observed.

Kili would have to agree. The height of the sleeping space implied that this traveler was one of the big-folk. Likely not an elf. They were too light to pack down the dirt this much. Also, too tall to fit this indent. "No, indeed..."

Gimli made his way to the other side of the camp while Kili stared down at the sleeping spot, trying to put a profile of this traveler together in his mind. "They killed something over here."

This got Kili to his feet in an instant, hurrying to where Gimli crouched, sifting through the leaves at the base of a tree on the other side of the fire circle. As Kili knelt down, he, too, saw the blood spattered and dried onto the broken bits of leaf. "Not enough blood for something too big. It was likely just a rabbit, unless they actually slaughtered it somewhere else, then just brought it back here to keep it..."

"A competent hunter, then" Gimli mused.

"Competent enough," Kili admitted with a shrug. More competent than him today, it seemed. He was justified though. He wouldn't have lost that prey if Gimli hadn't been so bloody _noisy._

"What I don't get," Gimli began, leaning his back against a tree. "Is why they didn't just stay in the more settled camp up there."

"Maybe they didn't pass it," Kili suggested. "Or it was too open for them."

"Trying to be sneaky-like, then," Gimli surmised.

"That would be my guess," Kili said distractedly as his eyes scanned over the rest of the camp.

After a few moments, Gimli spoke, squinting at the small clearing they stood in. "How long, d'you reckon, since they've been here?"

Kili shrugged. "A few days? Not long."

A sudden thought floated to the forefront of Kili's mind, and he was barely able to quash the hope that suddenly welled furiously in him. Was it too much of a stretch to think that this was Gwen's trail he was on? It made enough sense, objectively speaking. She knew her way around hunting, was the right height to fit the sleeping hollow, would have been travelling alone, and likely would be trying to stay off the beaten path and remain unnoticeable. Still, doubt nipped at his positivity. What were the chances that Gimli would have randomly stumbled across Gwen's former campsite? It could be any medium height careful hunter travelling alone. Mahal, did he want to think this was Gwen, though. His skin was almost tingling at the thought that she could be as close as this site offered.

"Well, would you look at this..."

Kili glanced up to see Gimli kneeling by a tree on the edge of the clearing, closer to the fire pit, squinting at something pinched between his fingers. "What is it?"

"A hair, I believe..."

Kili was at his side in half a second, joining his cousin in squinting. "Let me see."

Gimli offered his pinched, gloved fingers, and Kili yanked his gloves off, before catching the nearly invisible strand of hair waving about in the faint breeze. It was long. Long enough for...No. No false hope. People other than Gwen had long hair. A slight headache began in Kili's head as he stared down at the hair, trying desperately to determine its color. Dark, certainly...

"'twas caught on this here tree," Gimli informed him, giving the tree beside him a hearty pat. "Caught in the bark."

"This..." Words failed on Kili's lips as he stared down at the strand of hair wrapped around his fingers. "Mahal."

"What is it?" Gimli asked, his curiosity clearly drawn.

"It's...It's daft."

"Spit it out!" Gimli ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument.

With a sigh, Kili settled back onto a more comfortable position on his heels, trying to get the dying light of the day to catch the hair properly. "I just had the thought that maybe...Maybe Gwen was stayed here, not long ago. And this hair, it's long enough to be hers. And dark enough, I think."

Gimli seemed to take a good while to consider this, and when he finally did speak, his tone was surprisingly gentle. "Is that really possible?"

"Of course it's _possible,"_ Kili huffed. "It's just not plausible." That hurt to admit, but Kili took that pain and twisted it in even harder, adding, "Not at all."

The hair in his hands almost snapped under the tension he was putting on it.

Gimli paused again, and let out a sigh. "I don't really get it, you know."

Following Gimli's lead, Kili sat fully on the ground, letting out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "Get what?"

".. _.This,"_ Gimli finally offered with a wide indication to their surroundings. "I really don't get what we're doing out here."

Kili buried his face in his hands for a moment. He knew this conversation would be coming sooner or later. Gimli was the only one of their little company who had never met Gwen. Never heard her laugh. Never seen her smile. He didn't understand how much it hurt to have her gone.

"I lost something," Kili said quite simply. "And I need to get it back. Or at least to try."

Gimli stared at him for a long moment. "I suppose I could imagine that." His hand came up to worry his beard. "Although, I can't hardly imagine that some elfy-lass could be worth all of that fuss."

Kili full-out laughed at that. "This...This was _Gwen_ though, you see? She wasn't just some 'elfy-lass' she was...She is..." Kili found himself quite at a loss for the right words. Gwen was... "Well, Gwen."

Gimli gave him a cock-browed look, clearly incredulous, while Kili focused his attention on worrying the hair in his hands. "But, I don't...the likelihood that we're going to find her is next to nothing, I'm certain." Kili bit out the next words, though they tasted sour in his mouth. "It's entirely likely that she didn't even go in this direction."

Gimli coughed a bit awkwardly, seeming unsure of what to say in response to that. "Well, um...I suppose I'm sorry that that's the case..."

Kili shrugged, swallowing back the pain that swelled in his throat. "Aye, it's alright. Nothing a Durin can't handle."

Kili's smile felt forced on his face, though Gimli seemed comforted enough by it that he stood, giving Kili a pat on the shoulder. "Best be getting back to camp before nightfall, then."

"I'll be there in a moment," Kili replied a tad distractedly as he dragged himself onto his feet.

The lowering sun cast sharp, jagged shadows across the leaf-strewn ground, the sky through the trees darkened to a midnight blue, the pink blush around the horizon nearly disappeared. Kili leaned back against a tree heavily, with a huff, gently twining the hair about his fingers. Was it daft? Was it daft to hope at this point?

Just as despair was setting in fully, a breeze swept over Kili's skin. His skin tingled at it's very touch, a sharp shiver wracking down the length of his spine as it swirled into his senses, carrying with it a smell warm, and soft and familiar and...Gwen.

A slight smile touched at Kili's lips once the phantom smell was whisked away. Mahal, he really was losing it.

* * *

 _ **Kind of slow, I admit…Sorry. But now we're getting into the build up to some pretty epic stuff, so just stick with me. Thank you for fave/follows/reviews on last chapter! You're all honestly the best.**_

 _ **On another note, school is starting to get intense. So, if any of you lovely reader would want to consider beta'ing any of this story (even just a chapter or two) please let me know! It would be a great help and stress off of my back!**_

 _ **Review are love! Reviews are life! I'm greedy! Give them to me! Love you all! Have a great week.**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER:**_ _ **On the Heels**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_

A flash of red caught his eye, and he was stumbling madly, blindly, towards this strange caravan. Towards Gwen.


	6. On the Heels

_**Yeah, no. I don't own the Hobbit. You should know that by now.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIX**

ON THE HEELS

It seemed that the spring was still clinging to its time, not ready to give into the summer quite yet. Kili could only hope that this was one of its final kicks. It was quite the wretched day. Rain had been pricking down on him since the moment he woke up that morning, the clouds were an impenetrable blanket over the sky, and the wind was cold and persistent, gusting about him. All Kili could do about this was pull the hood of his cloak up further over his face, clutch at his own arms to keep himself from shivering, and press onward, his gaze locked onto his feet, churning in the gravelly mud of the road. The all-day rain had turned the Anduin road into a mud pit, the river itself worked up to a violent force, churning through the riverbed.

If he let his mind wander too much, terrible memories would return to him. That icy evening in the Misty Mountains when he met a stranger carrying his hobbit in the snow. When he'd that stranger torn from his arms in the middle of a storm giant battle. When he'd watched that stranger (who wasn't so much of a stranger anymore) be ripped away from him, down the length of a torrenting river.

He didn't like to remember those things. He was sick of being reminded of her. Of losing her.

For the first time in hours, someone spoke up. It was Ori, his voice tired, but audible over the rain and river a few dozen yards off to their right. "Wait! Look here!"

Kili stopped mid-step, turning to face the younger dwarf. He had stopped at the side of the road, and was crouched down beside a patch of brambles. Kili forced his tired legs into a jog, joining the others at the bush. He knelt down beside Ori, sweeping the damp hair out of his eyes. "What's this?"

Ori held up a small thing to him. It looked to be a scrap of cloth, maybe the size of Kili's palm, ragged around the edges, soaked with water and mud. "This was caught in this bush."

Kili took the fabric from Ori with a frown, squinting down at it in the dismal lighting. The fabric seemed to be a roughly woven wool, of some dark shade, though it was impossible to see what color exactly. Clenching the fabric in his fist, Kili skimmed a hand over the bush Ori had found. All along its roadside length, its branches and twigs were snapped off and crushed, as if someone had run up against it. That would make sense. Maybe this bit of cloth was a scrap from the corner of their cloak or coat that got snagged in the brush. Of course, they would have had to have been moving rather quickly to clean tear a chunk from their clothing while grazing this bush. What cause could they have for running like that?

"The undergrowth's trampled over here," Bofur announced, having wandered down the road a bit.

A surge of adrenaline went to Kili's heartbeat, and he rose easily, clearing the few feet between Bofur and him in just a moment. Indeed, the brush had clearly been run down. Vines were torn and mangled, brambles dragged about, low hanging tree branches clean snapped off. Kili whistled, gently taking a step into the trees. "Someone was in a hurry."

Bofur nodded, following after him. "My thoughts exactly. A few someones by the look of it."

"They were travelling the same way as we are," Kili mused, his fist clenching all the tighter around the fabric in his palm. "They tore past that bush, and through here..."

"Maybe they were running after something?" Bofur offered.

"Or being chased," Kili mumbled, as the trees thinned out, the sound of the river strengthening.

He barley glanced down in time to feel the mud nearly give out under his boots. The ground had been slicked out into practically a slide, leading a trail down the sharp downhill that began, leading directly to the stony riverbed, the water gushing, dark and dangerous all the way down. Bofur let out a cry of surprise, and Kili darted a hand out, catching him before he could go stumbling right down the hill. "Watch yourself."

Bofur staggered back from the drop. "Bloody-That was close!"

Kili nodded numbly, glancing back the way they came. This was the way the trail lead...Kili's heart dropped to his gut as his eyes skimmed down the slope, to the stone riverbed directly beneath them. Caught on a waterlogged tree trunk, something was protruding from the water, though it was being buffeted and thrown at every angle by the force of the river's torrent.

Dread rose in Kili's throat, but without a moment's hesitation, he began his scramble down the slick of mud.

"Oi! Where're you gone!?"

Kili didn't reply, having enough to worry about as he tried to keep his feel under him. Flecks of rain drops caught stingingly in his eyes, no matter how much he squinted, and his cloak threatened to tangle with his legs any minute, the wind whisking any hope of warmth away from him. There was a cold sweat running down Kili's spine by the time he had stumbled to the side of the river, and nausea was beginning to well up in his gut. The thing caught against the tree...

Bofur landed at Kili's side with a slight yelp, having slid most of the way down on his bum. Kili pushed past the clumsy dwarf, making his way across the few feet of damp stone that remained not-submerged in the river closer to what he was quickly discovering was a body.

Its arm, free above the waterline, was being tossed and rolled by the currents. In the moment that it stilled, Kili flinched away. Half concealed by the corpse's sleeve, its hand was pale and waterlogged, looking almost waxy and puffy.

As Bofur jogged over to Kili's side, speaking of his confusion, it was only a moment before the dwarf fell silent, save a horrified mutter of "Sweet Mahal..."

Kili swallowed hard, clenching the fabric in his palm hard enough to draw blood with his fingernails. Whoever this was, they'd been dead, and lodged in this river for at least a good few days. Every bit of Kili's being protested the idea of moving this body. He didn't want to see more of it. He didn't want to see who it was. He didn't want to know how they died.

And yet some sort of driving, morbid curiosity pushed him onward, and Kili found himself calf-deep in the river, waiting for the body's arm to roll his direction.

Voices from the top of the riverbanks caught Kili's attention. It seemed Gimli and Ori were at the top, looking down at them, about to come down to them. Luckily, Bofur was dealing with them. "No, no, you two just stay up there."

"What are you doing down there!?" Gimli barked, clearly not taking Bofur's word for any value.

"It's nothing!" Bofur shot back, trying, in vain, to put himself in between the younger dwarves and the corpse in the river, as if to protect their eyes. "We'll just-"

"Is that-" Ori's voice was trembling frightfully.

"No, no!" Bofur assured them. "It's nothing to worry yourselves about! Just stay-"

"Shut up and help me," Kili growled, catching the fabric of the sleeve of the body's shirt at the elbow. His grip was sloppy at best, and he _really_ didn't want the body to start flopping around without his control. He was already feeling quite ill.

Bofur shot one last hopeless look at the horrified faces of the younger dwarves, before scrambling to give Kili a hand. With Kili clutching reluctantly at its sleeve, and Bofur finding, and using its leg as leverage, the two dwarves managed to drag the body, flopping like a ragdoll, onto the unsubmerged stone.

It was the body of a man, tall and decently burly. Though it wasn't the body Kili found himself looking at. It was the face. Pale, its once blue eyes sunken and milky, like they'd melted into the skull, its cheeks strangely bloated, chunks of pale hair falling to crisscross this nightmarish face. Kili's trance was broken as Bofur moved with a grimace, tearing a bit out of his cloak to lay it over the exposed face.

Kili looked up at him, mind spinning, almost in alarm, and Bofur, entirely serious for once, avoided his gaze. "No one needs to see that. Especially not the young ones."

Kili sent a glance up at said dwarves, a tad alarmed. In his sort of daze of first seeing the body, he'd forgotten they were there. Now guilt set in hard. They were both terribly pale underneath their beards, Gimli's hand clenched white-knuckled on his axe hilt, Ori simply trembling like a leaf in autumn. Kili swallowed this guilt a bit painfully, before nodding. "Aye."

He forced himself to scan his gaze over the rest of this swollen corpse. A glint caught his attention, and Kili found himself kneeling at the body's side, as far away as he could plausibly be, squinting at the knife hilt jutting from its spot, wedged high between two of the man's ribs. Realization struck hard, and Kili moved without thinking, reaching down, and wrenching the blade free from the corpse's chest. Kili recoiled from the body, at the sound the knife made, and the thin trail of pinkish-brown liquid that now dribbled off the small, carefully sharpened elven blade in his hand.

Once he'd calmed the fresh wave of sickness in his gut, Kili made his way to the river, upstream from the body, kneeling to plunge the entire knife into the icy water. Kili shivered, more from horror than the cold. Mahal, this wasn't happening. It was too surreal.

Yet, it became all too true as Kili lifted the knife back out of the water, shaking his head. Bofur appeared over his shoulder. "What's this?"

"It's hers." His voice was barely stronger than a breath, as if he didn't entirely believe it himself.

"You mean, it's..."

"This is Gwen's knife."

That hung heavily in the silence, and Kili felt a shiver wrack down his spine. This was one of those little knives that Gwen had out on the table in the tavern to sharpen. One of the knives she hid in her boots in case she might need them. A knife that had fallen out of her grasp as she trembled with horror at having threatened a man. A knife that she had now apparently driven through another man's ribs, quite effectively killing him.

"We...we should go."

Kili couldn't respond to that, his gaze fixed listlessly on the tiny blade in his hand, the scrap of wool in his hand that, on closer inspection was looking to be a dark reddish brown. The same dark reddish brown of Gwen's cloak. Gwen. Bloody-…Gwen...Gwen GwenGwenGwen-

Bofur's hand landed heavily on Kili's shoulder, shaking him out of his daze somewhat. Suddenly, the wool and knife were being pried out of Kili's grasp. It was as if a massive weight was lifted off his shoulders in that moment, air finally filling his lungs. He allowed himself to be shepherded to standing, guided to a rope, coerced back up the muddy slope, away from that corpse.

As Gimli and Ori worked to get Bofur back to safety, Kili suddenly found himself on his knees, convulsing as he vomited his lunch onto the forest floor, shivers wracking his entire body all the way.

Bloody Mahal. It was all getting to be too much. Tears burned at the corners of his eyes, as he spit up a mouthful of bile, a chill gust of wind setting him into another set of shivers. Finally spent, he collapsed back into a tree, sucking in deep breaths of cool moist air, letting the cold squeeze all of his muscles tight. He felt miserable. He was miserable.

 _Gwen..._ he thought as his companions rushed to his side. _What's going on?_

* * *

Kili found sleep evading him as the night burned by, cold and uncomfortable. He'd finally gotten Bofur to give him back the knife, and the scrap that Kili was almost positive had come from Gwen's cloak. He found himself staring down at the knife as the night wore on, rubbing his thumb absently into the rough grain of the cloth. His mind roiled endlessly with thought, scanning over the facts, running through the possibilities. It was torture. He was sick of guessing and wondering, and trying to figure. He just wanted to _know_ already.

"You're not going to be sleeping at all, are you, lad?"

Kili looked up at Bofur's question, a bit startled to see that the dwarf hadn't fallen asleep yet. Still, he shook his head, crumpling the fabric away into his palm. "Don't think so."

Bofur considered him for a long moment in the low light, before he sighed, almost tiredly. "You haven't been sleeping much at all, have you?"

Kili shook his head silently, feeling almost a bit ashamed as the dwarf's heavy gaze fell on him.

Bofur didn't push him on that though, just sat back against the tree he was by, and fiddled absently with his unlit pipe. "You know, I think it was a bit of providence that you woke up when you did."

Kili couldn't help but raise an incredulous brow at the dwarf's matter-of-fact tone. "What?"

"Back in the forest," Bofur clarified. "When Gwen almost snuck out."

Kili sat back with a huff, as memories from that night came flooding back. "How do you say that?"

Bofur shrugged. "It just seems a bit strange that you woke up exactly when you did. If you'd just been a few minutes later, she would've been gone, with not one of us the wiser."

The small knife in Kili's palm glinted merrily against the moonlight as Kili shifted it absently, his eyes fixed down at the bit of metal. "You weren't exactly being quiet, you know. It's not _so_ strange that your chatter woke me up."

Bofur let out a snort. "Oh, we two were quiet as mouses. At least _I_ was," Bofur conceded. "Can't speak too much for her."

Kili gave a breathy chuckle, a bit of a smile lifting his mouth. "And I wouldn't expect you to."

There was a long silence as Bofur numbly sucked at the unlit stem of his pipe, likely gathering his thoughts before he started to speak. "She was right special, that one."

"Who, Gwen?" Kili asked, perking up a bit.

"Of course," Bofur agreed. "Bit of an odd bird, but a nice one, at least."

"Aye," Kili chuckled.

"Flighty as one, too," Bofur added, a touch of bitterness to his voice. "A bit like you were when you were her age as well."

Kili lifted a brow. "She's a-hundred and twenty-eight Bofur. Hardly younger than me."

The dwarf only shrugged. "She looks it, though, and I think that's what matters."

Kili couldn't exactly argue to that.

" _But,"_ Bofur added, his voice speaking of some deep reasoning. "D'you know the best way to catch a bird that's gotten itself lost?"

"A cage?" Kili guessed drily.

"Another _bird,"_ Bofur groaned, exasperated. "No wonder you're brother's called the smart one."

Kili started to protest, but the older dwarf cut him off. "So, I think it's only proper that you're after her."

Although Kili was pretty positive that Bofur had just called him a bird, he found himself smiling. "You know...thank you."

Bofur chuckled, settling himself back against his tree, pulling his cloak up tight around him. "It's nothing, lad. Now, if you're going to be awake anyway, I'll take my rest while I can. Wake me up if you're even the least bit tired, aye?"

"Aye," Kili confirmed.

"Goodnight," Bofur sighed, sliding down onto the ground.

"Goodnight," Kili breathed, before breathing out a sigh, sending another glance down at the knife in his hand and the scrap of fabric wound at its base.

Maybe Bofur was on to something with that whole bird idea.

* * *

Luckily, their next day of travel was much more pleasant, at least on the weather side of matters. The air was clear, finally feeling of spring, the sun shining bright and warming through a blue, cloudless sky, a cooling breeze eager on the horizon. Kili was sure he would have found it perfectly pleasant, had exhaustion not weighed quite so heavily on him. As was, he was just marching along the path, one foot before the other, keeping his heavy head down. Despite this, and their delays the previous day from rain, they made good time, and found themselves reaching the Calahorn village Northern bridge by the time the sunset was just beginning to melt into the horizon. The town that covered the small island wasn't too populous, and the dwarves had been forced through a decently sized checkpoint before they entered, but all-in-all, it seemed a nice, quaint little place. The streets flickered with comfortable, familiar movement, the shadows long, but not ominous.

The rather weary travelers made a beeline for the closest inn, their aching backs calling for a break from their load, their stomachs beginning to roar with hunger. It was a nice enough establishment, a small stabling unit off to the side, a clean looking building, and decent vacancy. Deciding this would be quite the better accommodations compared to the wild out-doors, they'd secured two rooms, with two beds each fairly easily, and soon enough, Kili was back in the tavern, sitting down at the bar. "Meals for my table?"

The barkeep's eyes followed Kili's indication towards to the table his companions sat around. "And yerself?"

Kili nodded, to which the man only grunted, "Ale?"

Kili smiled faintly. "Of course."

Before the man could go to the back, though, Kili stopped him, his pulse suddenly, absurdly picking up. "A question?"

"Aye?"

The man's attention gotten, Kili wet his lips, trying to figure out how to phrase his question properly. "Have you, any time recently, had a girl travelling through here?"

"What sort of girl?" the barkeep asked, a bit grudgingly.

"Beautiful," Kili replied almost automatically.

The man raised a brow, at last stopping his incessant cleaning of the bar top. "Lad, you're gonna have to give me something else if you actually wanna get anything."

"Right, right," Kili said, shaking his head to rattle the Gwen-fuzz out of it. "She's uhm...She's a human. Thin, and fairly tall," Kili's mind scrambled a bit to find the right words to describe her properly. "Dark hair, dark brown, and eyes the same color. She liked to wear red, may have been headed south through here?" There wasn't too much hope in him (or he tried not to allow there to be too much hope) but he asked anyway, looking up at the barkeep's bored expression. "Do you remember anyone like that?"

The barkeep took his time, chewing on his cheek, his brow furrowed a bit, though he continued to regard Kili coldly. Kili tried not to flinch away from this, wanting the man to just _give him an answer_ already. If he would just come right out and say "no" that damned hope bubbling up in every inch of him would be crushed, and he could move on with his evening, as with any other evening. As was, Kili felt a bit close to shaking. He just needed an _answer._

"What business do you have with this lass?"

Kili's heart jolted, his mouth stumbling in his hurry to get the words out. "She has something of mine."

Aye, his bloody _heart._

The barkeep regarded him coolly for a few sickening heartbeats, before growling, "Aye. I might've seen someone like that."

Gwen. _Gwen._

Kili's eyes had to have gone at least half the size of a dinner plate as his heart practically stopped. "What?"

"Are ye dumb?" the barkeep scoffed, picking his rag back up. "I said aye, didn't you hear?"

Kili tried to blink some of the astonishment off of his face, even as his pulse began buzzing through his veins. "I heard. Where...where is she?"

"Left not half an hour ago, down the road, south, I think. All geared up for the journey."

Kili was on his feet before the barkeep had even finished explaining. "Thanks."

"Oi! If you are to be doing anything unsavory, drop my name, and I drop your head off your shoulders, ye hear?"

Kili ignored the barkeep's hollow threats, and his travelling companion's puzzled looks, pushing past the cloaked man just about to step through the doorway. Despite the full day of hard travel, Kili was bursting with energy as he exploded through the door. The world was just about to turn to sunset, the streets growing empty, the shadows stretching into strange distortions. Hardly any of this impacted Kili's thoughts as he set off, at a near jog down the road south. She was so close. He could feel it. In the air. In the earth. In his frenzied heartbeats. In his veins, thrumming with adrenaline.

The world, and feeling itself blurred together as Kili charged, full ahead, down the path. He couldn't afford to go anything less than this break-neck pace. He had to bloody find _Gwen. His Gwen._

Everything came back with staggering severity when the sound of laughter and the weight of horses' feet against the hard packed dirt and gravel of the road trickled into his ears. Suddenly, his lungs were burning, his legs spasming and shivering with sheer exhaustion. His mouth was horrendously dry, tasting faintly of blood. Sweat slicked his skin, his hair flying wild in the faint breeze. Mahal, he felt terrible. Gwen.

That thought managed to push him forward the last bit of what he needed, cresting the small hill before him.

Silhouetted against the last orange-ish pink throes of a fading sun, and the jagged outlines of the forest, there was a horse and rider, someone standing on either side of the horse. A flash of red caught his eye, and he was stumbling madly, blindly, towards this strange caravan. Towards Gwen.

Then it all stopped again. The girl on the horse turned her head back over her shoulder to look at Kili, her dark brow raising to nearly disappear in the scarlet scarf draped around her head. Tall, slim, red clothing, dark hair, and dark eyes. But this was not Gwen.

The girl had strikingly beautiful features, a heart-shaped face with bronzed skin, her hair slipping out in tight curls, a shade above ebony, from under the intricate gold and red of her head scarf, draped loosely over her head, and helping to bring the warm glow out of her skin.

Not Gwen.

He collapsed. His legs just gave out, his breaths coming in massive, struggling gasps, like a fish out of water. Bile rose up in his throat, his gut suddenly horrendously empty as he fought the urge to vomit whatever could be left in his stomach. A cloud of dust rose around him as he fell onto the path.

Not Gwen.

The not-Gwen spoke quietly to her men, before her horse was spurred on, the men on either side jogging after her. Perhaps absurdly, tears burned at Kili's eyes as he took up handfuls of his sweaty, matted hair, yanking viciously at it, as fury, upset, horror, and a number of other terrible emotions came to a forte in him.

" _DAMNIT, GWEN!"_

He didn't even care if anyone heard his ragged scream.

" _Damn you!_ Damn...Mahal..."

The fury faded, leaving nausea and guilt to swell up in its place. "...Bloody Mahal, Gwen..."

* * *

The sun was well set by the time Kili had dragged his sorry arse back to the tavern. He had ended up having to drag himself on more than one occasion, his legs too trembling and weak to support him. Luckily, he ended on his throbbing feet, staggering through the door into the tavern. He made a beeline for the bar, taking the open seat against a wall. "Water, ale, food," he managed to croak to the bartender, before falling into the wall beside himself, trying to nurse his frazzled nerves.

"Had a bad time of it, then?"

The barkeep had slid a mug over to Kili, and the dwarf lifted it up to his lips, taking a few massive gulps, not particularly caring if this was ale or water he was drinking. Either way, it cleared the cloyingly dry feeling of his throat, washing the taste of dust, blood and tears out of his mouth. "It wasn't her."

"It wasn't?" the barkeep asked, raising a brow. "Weren't she tall, dark haired, southbound, and wearing red?"

Kili shook his head. "It wasn't _her,_ aye? I wasn't talking about _that girl."_

"Then who _were_ you talking about?"

"Bloody shut _up,"_ was all Kili could grind out, before falling back to his wall, pinching at the bridge of his nose to try and relieve the pressure that was building.

The barkeep seemed to leave him alone, and Kili absently took a few swigs of what he found to be a thin ale, trying not to pass out from hunger.

"This lass..."

Kili looked up, a bit startled to see who had spoken. It was a man, with dark hair, and a black cloak over his shoulders. He looked...Kili suddenly identified him as the man he had shoved out of the way perhaps an hour previous in his hurry to chase down 'Gwen'. "What about her?"

"Don't bite my head off, then," the man snapped back, his dark gaze cold.

"Fine," Kili huffed with a roll of his eyes. "What was it you were saying?"

"I think I passed by her on the road up here," the man said coolly, before taking a long drag from his mug.

Suddenly, Kili had gone all tense again, his nails grinding painfully into his palms as hope clenched his empty gut. "I swear, if you're leading me on-"

"What would I be getting out of that?" There was a clear warning in his eyes, telling Kili to back down a bit. With a reluctant hiss of breath, Kili did so, sitting back into the wall, allowing the man to continue. "You should be thanking me for actually remembering the little wench."

Kili's fingers twitched at the insult, but he let it pass, lifting a brow. "Where was she? What'd she do?"

The man shrugged. "Ran into her on the road maybe a half a week ago? Nearly lopped my head off, I swear."

A smile tugged at Kili's lips, but he forced his face to remain calm, his tone even. "Can you describe her to me exactly?"

"Look, lad, I don't exactly-"

"Please," was all Kili said, trying to relay to this man all his desperation to even gain the slightest lead on Gwen.

The man rolled his eyes, but began gruffly, "Scrawny little thing, she was, and skittish as a rat. Lots of dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin. Nearly pulled her sword on me just for passing by her on the same side of the road-"

"What sword?" Kili prompted, his heartbeat picking up again in excitement. This was starting to sound more and more like Gwen.

Kili received a glare for having interrupted, but the man answered anyway. "Silver, curved back I think. Flashy, but didn't look to be anything more than decoration."

"More than that," Kili chuckled, a smile forcing its way onto his face. He buried his face into his hands to hide this, rubbing at his scruffy chin. "Mahal, she'd kill you in a minute if she had the will." The small knife tucked into his boot was only more proof of that.

"Sounds like just the girl to be chasing after," the man drawled, before muttering to himself, "Never will understand dwarven-folk..."

Kili ignored that last comment, but pressed on, raising his face back up with the smile cleared off of it. "Where was she?"

"Down the path a ways," the man replied with a shrug. "Past Gladden fields, right before the trail splits off to Lothlorien, I think."

"Travelling fast?"

"Look," the man huffed. "I weren't really making an effort to watch these things at the time. I told you who she was, and where she was, what more d'you want?"

Kili quietened a bit at that, his eyes boring into the bar top for a moment, before he lifted them back up to the man's, tone sincere. "Did she seem hurt at all?"

"No missing limbs, as far as I was aware," the man responded, taking another swig of his drink. "No marks on her pretty little face either, don't you worry. Merchandise isn't damaged none."

A blush heated Kili's face a bit. "She's not-"

"Then what? She steal something from you?" The man didn't give Kili time to respond as he dropped his mug onto the bar top, leaning over to say to the bartender, "Dwarf-boy's covering my tab."

Kili was left, still processing the man's question as the he left, the barkeep finally sliding a plate of food in front of him. Why was he after Gwen? Did she steal something form him? A half chuckle snorted out of his nose as he tore into his bread. _Aye. My sanity._

* * *

 _ **Whoo! This wasn't edited as much as it should be…I'll get back to it ASAP (or as soon as I have time). But please do point out any blatant errors you may notice.**_

 _ **I would love to hear from you in a review or PM, just please let me know what you think about this chapter, or this story so far. It really helps me to hear what I'm doing right, or what needs to be worked on, especially as I continue to write this. So review! Love you all! Seeya next week!**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: Wretched Things**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_

"But we are not blind like the batses…We can see in the darkness now, Precious…We don't need the light like it…Not anymore."


	7. Wretched Things

_**Assuming you own just as much of this as I do, I own just as much of this as you do.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER SEVEN**

WRETCHED THINGS

He was aware of the darkness. More aware of it then he ought to be, sleeping. But there he was, painfully, sharply, and excruciatingly aware of the darkness that his own unconsciousness cast over the eyes of his mind. Perhaps he might have struggled against the trailing weight on his arms and legs, pinning his head down from movement, stilling even the slightest of twitches from his fingers.

However, he felt no need to struggle as the darkness swirled and ebbed like a cloud of ink around his stationary limbs.

It should have been rather startling, but Kili found himself unsurprised as a crackle of pure white light split the darkness. Suddenly snapped out of his frozen stupor, Kili found himself blinking furiously against the brightness, lifting a hand to guard his eyes. This made no difference though. The light continued splitting through him, searing into the depths of his gaze, causing a terrible, blinding pain deep in his skull.

But wait…In the whiteness that split his head, there was something. Movement, a silhouette, a dash of white-gold…Perhaps…

* * *

The darkness of the room was like a balm on his aching eyes. As Kili lay there, blinking at the stark change in light, trying to orient himself, he felt his memory slip away, like water rolling off of a duck's feathers.

Mahal. He needed to get a better handle on his dreams.

* * *

Having woken up after his dream, Kili was unable to fall asleep again, and thus was able to wake his companions before the light of dawn had quite edged up against the horizon. Despite their best efforts to whine and complain their way into another few hours of sleep, there was a fire burning in Kili's veins. The fire that always seemed to flare back up when he knew Gwen was close. When he knew he was hot on her trail. He gave the credit to this fire for the fact that he was able to get the other dwarves up, out of bed, and down the stairs for a brief breakfast within the hour.

Hof course, this had done nothing to impact their level of complaints.

"It's not even bloody _bright_ out…"

"And won't be for another hour," Bofur added with a glowering glare to Kili.

"Half an hour," Ori corrected, tone still sleepy as he picked at his chunk of bread.

"Shut _up,"_ Gimli drawled, before dropping his head down to hit the table-top with a solid "thunk."

Kili, meanwhile, rolled his eyes, taking a bite from his own bread. "You sound like a bunch of whiny dwarflings."

"Oi!" Bofur protested sharply. "I resent that! If anyone's a dwarfling, it's you lot. I'm _mature."_

"Aye," Kili snickered. _"That's_ what it's called."

"You should respect your elders," Ori mumbled.

"Elder?!" Bofur's face was turning progressively redder and redder. "I ain't some sort of…of _Balin!"_

"Well you're—"

Kili was cut off by the bartender slamming open the door to the kitchen, sweeping an acid glare over them. "Keep it _down!_ Not everyone here is awake 'afore the sun!"

"Sorry," Kili mumbled, stuffing his mouth with a bite of bread as the door swung closed after the snappy man.

"Even _he_ agrees," Gimli groaned, head still down on the table. "Just give us two more hours, Kee."

Kili shrugged. "Two more hours of rest is two hours faster we'll have to travel later."

A groan rose up from all three of the dwarves, and Kili just shook his head, chuckling a bit. "I take that as saying we should get a move on then?"

* * *

The day likely would have been lovely, had they been travelling through a bit more favorable of an environment. The sky was scrubbed over decently with clouds, but a clear blue in the chinks that had formed as the sky shifted. The sun was bright, though not too stiflingly hot, the air crisp and fresh.

However, by the time midday rolled about, the landscape was beginning to shift to that of the Gladden Fields. Kili had never been there, but he'd read about it, certainly, and the descriptions he'd read in books were matching up fairly well with what he was seeing. The path had gotten a bit muddy, and the stretches of land on either side of the trail were becoming scrubby and spongey, puddles of muddied water forming every dozen yards. This environment, was of course, rather favorable to flies. They buzzed about the party, swarming their eyes, their ears their noses, filling the air with an incessant drone. Kili had spent half the day alternating between sneezing out nosefuls of wildlife, and trying to bat said wildlife away with flapping arms. This all amounted to him being dead _exhausted_ by the time they'd found a raised bit of land to spend the night on, just a bit off of the path.

There had been no leads on Gwen that day, and Kili tried not to let himself become too disappointed. The man at the island inn had said he'd passed hear near Lothlorien, which was at least another two day's travel away. He didn't need a clue every day, if he had a fairly clear goal as to where he was headed.

A bit reluctantly, Kili had agreed to first watch. There had been no sign of dry wood, or cover under which to have a fire, so he was forced to settle with wrapping himself in his cloak and bedroll as mist began rolling in off of the wetlands. He brought a hand up to massage at the lump of scar tissue in his shoulder as the snores of his companions filled the air.

With all the damp, chill, and exertion, his wounds were beginning to throb steadily throughout the day. Perhaps he should have tried to find some sort of salve to use before leaving…

Kili froze as a glint caught his eye, yards away. It was the direction he knew the path to be in, and Kili was forced to lean forward and squint, trying to peer through the haze of mist that was steadily building. The flash burst again, and Kili narrowed down on this source, his heart sinking into his gut as he discovered that this wasn't just one thing reflecting. It was two, right next to each other…peering right back at him.

* * *

Kili hadn't said a word to his companions about that strange glint, even through the painful next day of travel. There was no need worrying them. In all likelihood, that glint had just been a stray cat or other animal. Mahal, for all he knew it was just some vision, stirred up by his cold-addled brain. Still, he couldn't forget the shiver that had gone all down his spine, the trickle of cold sweat on his back.

Sleep had been hard fought that night, even once his watch was over. He did sleep, but he spent most of the night tossing and turning, trying to chase the chill creeping cold of the night away from him. Needless to say, he wasn't entirely ready to face the next miserable day the world seemed to have in store for him.

As they reached the depths of the Gladden fields, the path grew progressively more marshy, in accordance with the land around him. It seemed that long ago, there may have been an effort made to create a platform over the path, in order to keep a traveler's boots out of the sticky, somewhat foul smelling mud, but this had been surrendered to the fields long ago, reduced to the odd sunken shaven wood log, submerged half in the rich grayish swamp.

Within the first hour, Kili's boots had gotten a good soaking of murky swamp water, and every few steps, he'd get tripped up, his boots sticking into the mud. The others were struggling just as much, though none of them had fallen totally in yet. And thank Mahal for that. They smelled awful without a faceful of stinky swamp sludge gumming up their hair.

"Wait, wait just a moment!"

Kili turned at Ori's voice, to see the young dwarf submerged half up to his knees in a hollow of water and mud. Luckily, Bofur came to his rescue, grasping him strongly by the arm to help pull him out.

Gimli, meanwhile, swore, shifting from foot to foot to keep from sinking in any more, batting a swarm of flies out of his eyes. "Are ye sure we're even on the path yet?"

"We are," Kili sighed, casting a glance to their surroundings, muddled with reeds and tufts of coarse grass.

Gimli scoffed. "Don't see how this path's much better walking than anywhere else."

Kili rolled his eyes, lifting a boot a bit and trying not to wince at the horrible sucking noise it made as it broke from the mud's hold. "If you'd like to try another route, by all means, be my guest, Gim."

Gimli growled a bit, but his response was cut off by Ori, who suddenly sprang free, stumbling forward a few feet before catching himself.

Bofur hissed at the splatter of mud that rose up, taking large steps to get out of the worst of the sludge. "Unfriendly place, this seems."

"I'm amazed that anyone would actually _want_ to live in this," Ori grumbled, fiddling with his scarf, which had also trailed into the mud.

"People _live_ here?" Gimli repeated incredulously.

"Aye," Ori replied absently. "Or they did, once not too long ago. The Stoors," He provided, nodding that they should get a move on.

Kili agreed, setting off, though he kept an ear back on Ori's continued explanation. "The Stoors. A type of Hobbit, I do believe, though much more fond of rivers and fishing than the Hobbits we've known."

Bofur let out an indelicate snort. "Aye, just imagine out Mr. Baggins out here in this!" He launched immediately into a mocking-Bilbo voice. "Ooh, my poor feet, with all this mud! Why, my hair might just get tangled!"

This was answered with a bout of laughter from both Bofur and Ori, though Gimli joined in a bit, just at the comical pitch of Bofur's voice. Kili, however, couldn't bring himself to laugh as another shiver wracked though him. The same as the night before. Still, Kili glanced back over his shoulder, tossing back, "And don't forget his bloody _handkerchief."_

This drew out another round of howling, and Bofur started off on that, saying something about "The mud will _stain!"_

Kili managed a chuckle, but couldn't help his eyes skittering over the scrubby underbrush at the side of the path, looking for another pair of wide eyes glaring back at him.

* * *

The world swelled into existence around him, as if on a breath.

He could feel nothing around him. No slightest of breezes, touches of air, cool weight of the ground beneath him.

There was no sound. Not even the slightest of whispers murmurings of the wind against grass or tree.

All there was his breathing in his own chest, slow and drawing, as if drawing in then expelling all the mysteries of the universe that this space has held. And what fathomless mysteries these were, ebbing and flowing through his being.

 _You must wake._

There was a light, not of the sun, pressing at his eyelids, longing too slide into the fullness of his gaze. It was cleaner than the light of the sun, he figured. And more golden than all of its beams combined.

 _The dream has ended._

He could feel reality drawing him back, tugging on the swaying tendrils of darkness in this infinite pool of life. He did not wish to leave this space.

 _And yet, you must._

Movement was round him. Spaces and shapes he hadn't the mind to comprehend hushed past, their movements booming repercussions in this infinity devoid of stirring. Sound crawled across his skin, seeking some entrance into his consciousness. That light grew all the more, the beams straining down through his eyelids, no matter how he tried to avert his gaze. No matter how much he tried to remain in that place.

 _Wake, now._

* * *

His eyes slid open, the world returning to him in the silent hush of a sigh.

Reality creeped back over him. The cold, hardness of the ground beneath his back. The chill air trailing icy fingers across his skin. The moon over a backdrop of stilled clouds, gleaming coldly into the cavern of their world.

He knew he was tired, but he did not feel it. Instead, he was able to right himself from his sleeping mat, peering down across the rest of his dozing companions. Gimli was leaned up against a rock, his hands still on the grip of his axe, but light snores pouring out of him. Asleep on watch. Kili sighed, and gave his stiff muscles a brief stretch, before hauling himself up to his feet, and making his way to the edge of their little camp, made at the top of a gradual hill.

He quickly discovered that the night was just as cold as the last, and that he had somehow managed to forget his cloak at his bedroll. He was left clutching at his arms, shivers running through him continuously from the humid air.

This movement all suddenly stopped, as a sound caught against Kili's ear. The faint, rhythmic sucking of mud. The sound of something pulling up out of it one after another, after another, after another…

It was barely audible, but growing louder with each passing heartbeat, now thudding painfully against Kili's ribcage. It may have been his imagination, but Kili could have sworn the wind carried over to his ears a strange hissing noise. A hiss, that if he listened carefully, sound almost like… _Bagginsssss…_

Kili forced himself to take a deep breath, dread rising in his chest.

Mahal above. This really didn't seem too good.

It was almost as if every one of his muscles was frozen solid, as he was forced to listen, helpless, to that squelching sound, so rhythmic, so like…footsteps. Closer and closer and closer and—Out of the growth of reeds a bit down the slope, in the faint moonlight that strained through the cloud cover a pair of glassy, blue eyes staring up at him, locking instantly on to his gaze. Then a voice, carrying over the wind so faintly, but amplified by the fear now pounding a steady rhythm into the back of his consciousness, " _Shire…Bagginsss…Precious…?"_

Just like that, Kili was released from his spell in a snap, his muscles moving more on instinct than thought to snatch his bow off of the ground, nocking an arrow as fast as his fingers would fly. The creature in the reeds fell silent, twitching back slightly, but otherwise remained motionless as Kili leveled his bow down at it, aiming for the spot right between those large, reflective eyes.

He spoke only as loudly as he could without his voice trembling, trying not to let his hands shake. "Get out."

The dwarves sleeping behind him stirred slightly at the sound, but Kili ignored it, chilled to the bone as slowly, _slowly,_ the eyes tilted. Curious. The creature was curious. Kili shivered again. "You heard me. Get out, or I shoot."

The reeds sifted and rustled faintly, a slight hissing growl coming up from the brush. Kili turned his gaze as steely as eh could, locking his gaze onto the creature's. "Now."

It seemed to understand this, and the undergrowth was rustled again, this time, in the creature's retreat. Kili didn't dare lower his bow or even _breathe_ until he could clearly hear the beast's footsteps, squelching in retreat.

Finally, he lowered his bow, a sigh filling his aching lungs, his trembling muscles turning lax. His fear dissipated, leaving behind a shaky nauseous feeling. Kili dropped his forehead to his hands, sucking in more of the chill night air, trying to wipe the cold sweat off of his brow. That was no cat. That was something else entirely. Something _bad_ else entirely.

Ori's voice, behind him, nearly startled him out of his skin. "Kili? What's going on?"

Kili's heart leapt into his throat for a moment, and he whirled on the younger dwarf, letting his bow fall out of his grasp. "Oh…Ori. It's you. It's…there was something out there."

"What was it?"

Kili shook his head quite hopelessly, sending a glance over his shoulder, just to be sure that there were no more glints from the darkness. "Don't know."

Ori pulled up his blankets closer up to his chin, his eyes wide and nervous. "You're scared."

A sigh caught in Kili's throat but he shrugged. "I suppose."

A silence fell, in which Kili looked back out in the direction the beast had retreated to. What _was it?_ And why was it saying Bilbo's name? Whispering of his home? How could it have known Bilbo? And why did it come to _their_ campsite, whispering these things? How did it connect the two? And of course, _what in Mahal's name was it?_

Without a moment's hesitation, Kili swallowed back his fear, plucking his bow back off the ground. "I'll be back soon."

"Where are you—"

"Keep watch for me. If I'm not back in half an hour, wake the others, and go out looking for me."

"Kili, it's not—"

Kili cut Ori off again, hauling himself up to his feet. "I'm going to find out what that was and how it knew Mr. Boggins." He shot a smile (one that even felt fake to himself) at the increasingly more jittery Ori. "Be back in a few minutes, I promise."

With that, he was set off down the slope he'd seen the beast, ignoring the knot of anxiety building in his chest.

He found the trail rather quickly, in a line of shuffled and a few snapped reeds, the mud still healing from the disturbance of the thing's footsteps. It was a thing on four legs, it seemed. But the tracks seemed odd, irregular. Too large for any ordinary animal. To really see the tracks clearly, though, he'd need them to be laid on something a bit more substantial than marsh sludge.

The cold began to creep into his bones as he followed the trail along, and he kept his ears trained, straining to hear even the slightest alert of the creature's presence. At least the tracks were being made somewhat more clearly visible, as tufts of grass and damp dirt began to sprout up more frequently. To Kili's surprise, and somewhat horror, the prints made looked almost like that of…feet. As in, human feet. Not of some odd marsh-animal. This idea was only enforced by his memory of the creature's eyes. So searching, so…intelligent.

A shiver shook its way through Kili just at the memory. Why, exactly, was he chasing _after_ this thing, after all that bother he'd gone to in scaring it away?

Quite unfortunately, it seemed to be rather too late, as he edged over the top of a grass-knotted bluff, keeping low and creeping in the darkness. He could hear water flowing fairly softly, and even below this noise, the sound of splashing, harsh and irregular, along with this. He was just about to peek over the top of the hill, when a sharp sound rattled through the air, cracking and violent, a gleeful shriek cutting the darkness. "We, gots it, Precious, we _gots it!"_

The slapping cracking noise became even more panicked, and Kili stayed, frozen, listening to this creature scream. "It tried to slip away from us, but we _gots it!"_

We? Were there two creatures?

The voice of the creature took a sudden change in tone, the glee shifting to bitterness, the slapping sound turning to tearing and crackling. "Oh, yes, very good! Very good precious! We gots the little fishy! _The fishy!"_

The beast broke out into a strange coughing hacking, then, as if it was retching up its whole throat. This choked out into a gravelly pleading whine, as the creature wheezed out, "We must keep our strength if we are to find the Precious…"

Another shift, back to the harsher, more acute gravelly screeching. "With _little tiny fishes!? Gollum!_ Tiny, _tiny_ fishes?"

"Tiny fishes is—"The voice cut off as another sound muffled it, the sound of voracious bites, and slobbering gasps.

Kili's hand tightened on the grip of his bow, a swallow cutting hard through his throat. He really would have been better advised to stay away from this thing all together. Yet, its apparent feast would probably be the best distraction he could find. Daring the chance, Kili eased himself a bit more over the peak of the bluff, eyes straining in the darkness.

He was able to pick out at the base of the bluff, a decent-sized pool of murky, near-still water, a small stream trickling down into it. In the shallows, its sallow skin reflecting faintly in the moonlight, was what Kili believed to be the creature. It was down on all fours, crouching, bowing its head down to the scraps of glistening flesh smeared across its knobby hands. It reminded him almost of an emaciated goblin-king. Its skin was pale, and stretched tot eh brink, patchy, scraped, and bruised across the creature's almost naked body. Whatever this was, it wasn't right.

Kili froze as something snapped under his knee, a tiny cracking noise fluttering through the air. It seemed to ignore Kili's prayers to Mahal, as it brought the horrific creature to a terrible freeze, its entire body going still, its rather loud eating, silent. This was not good. Remarkably not good.

The creature tilted its head to the side a bit, and Kili caught a see if its massive, blue eyes, glittering with icy malice. The almost cleaned fish skeleton dropped out of its mouth, though bits of raw meat were still smeared around its mouth. In a flash, the eyes faded, looking a bit skittish and scared rather than maliciously gleeful. The beast spoke quietly, as if for Kili not to hear, a slight tremble in its voice. "What's there, Precious?"

" _Nasty_ little eavesdroppers," the creature answered, a smile spreading across its now frightening expression of cruel happiness. "Dropping… _eaves."_

Suddenly, Kili felt as if the creature's eyes were right, unnervingly on his. Breaking this searing contact for as long as he dared, Kili smoothly hoisted himself into a crouch, drawing back the arrow he'd already nocked onto his bowstring.

The creature broke into immediate anguish, throwing its head back, howling, "Oh, always with the _bowses_ and the _arrowses!"_

"Don't move," Kili bit out, feeling almost as if the sound of his voice was intruding on the conversation the best continued to have with itself.

A smile twitched back onto its face, anguish fading to biting sarcastic curiosity. "It was telling us to move, before, wasn't it precious? And now—"

"I said, _don't move!"_ Kili snapped, trying to impress as much viciousness as possible into his tone. He wouldn't let this thing see how disturbed he was by it. "I'll put an arrow between your eyes before you can blink."

Of course, this brought up the question of _what was_ this thing? It wasn't an animal. At least, not any natural one. Too small to be a human, too skinny and wretched to be a dwarf, and too slimy and cold to be a hobbit. Was this some magical thing, then? He'd heard of some sorcerers summoning up strange beasts, servants of Morgoth, when the mood struck them. Was this some specter of evil?

The creature did indeed freeze, though it gave a bit of a roll of its eyes. "What does it _wants?"_

 _"I,"_ Kili began, putting a strict emphasis on the fact that he was _not_ an 'it.' "Want to know what you have to do with Mr. Baggins."

"Baggins." Any sarcasm or annoyance at Kili vanished from its demeanor. _"Baggins."_ The beast's fists clenched into the sod hard, and Kili watched, horrified, as the creature's eyes glazed over, its body beginning to tremble terribly. "It stole it from us. We hates it forever. It stole our _precious."_

"What are you on about?" Kili asked, a bit hesitant to even interrupt it.

"Baggins," it repeated, before fixing Kili with a viciously powerful stare, its massive blue eyes practically luminescent in the waning moonlight. "Where is it? Where has it taken the Precious?"

Kili found himself adjusting his weight away from the thing. "I don't know what-"

 _"The PRECIOUS!_ THEY _STOLE_ IT FROM US _!"_ The creature seemed almost wracked by this scream, it's whole body jolting forward, toward Kili.

"Not another _step!"_

It ignored Kili's warnings, tearing up the bluff towards him, quite literally foaming at the mouth. Kili moved without hardly thinking at all, his bowstring snapping from his fingers, the arrow whistling near enough to clip the beast's ear. Luckily, this was enough to halt its charge forward, as the creature stumbled to a halt, clutching at its nicked ear, astonishment on its face.

"I warned you, miserable bastard," Kili hissed out, snatching up another arrow from his quiver, and levelling the nocked projectile at the creature's eye.

"It hurts us, Precious."

Kili was shocked at the tender _astonishment_ of the things tone. For a moment, something akin to _pity_ tugged against Kili's heartstrings. Luckily, this moment was only brief, as the creature broke into its horrible, hacking _"Gollum"_ coughs, its whole body curling with the effort of it.

Soon, it raised its head, its eyes fixed to Kili, glittering with malice. Its voice was low again, as if not for Kili's ears. "It hurts us, we hurts it back…"

"The next one's through your eyes," Kili announced, forcing his tone not to waver. He was not getting anywhere with this thing.

"We don't wants that!" it managed to chirp out, its eyes shooting wide with fear, before this was shut down hard, a harsh voice hissing out, "Shut _up!"_

Disgust fought for a place in Kili's emotions. Honestly, what _was_ this thing? It seemed tortured almost, but not by Kili. By _itself._

A glint caught Kili's eye. Locked around the thing's knobby thumb, clutching at its recently injured ear. Worn silver. "What's that?"

"Through the _eyes,_ Precious," it moaned, before once again snapping back to itself. "I said, shut—"

"Tell me what that _is!"_ Kili barked, his voice breaking a bit, his hands fighting not to tremble. Was he right in what he was seeing? Could he be right? Did he _want_ to be right?

"What is?" the thing repeated, confusion clear in its eyes. However, it soon followed Kili's gaze, realization dawning. " _That's_ what it means Precious…"

"Where did you get that?" Kili prompted, nervousness adding to the pit in his gut.

The creature's eyes fixed back on to his cold amusement and curiosity blooming. "Why does it want to know, Precious?"

"Not important," Kili said curtly.

"But it _is," The_ thing hissed, a slow smile spreading across its thin, glistening lips. "It is, it is. This…this is very important, Precious…Yes, Precious…"

Mahal. It was seeing right through him. He'd let too much slip. This was bad.

"Tell me where you got the bloody ring, or I'll end you here and now," Kili gritted out. Only glee added to the things expression, but Kili quickly added, "And that means no finding Baggins. Or…Precious."

He sincerely hoped that the fact that he had no idea what he was talking about didn't show.

It didn't seem to, as the concern shattered the things glee, a frown curving its mouth. "But we wants the Precious…"

"It's _lying_ to us!" the thing snapped at itself.

"M'not," Kili growled. "Who did you take that from and where is she now?"

It seemed a clod of shadows drifted out to shadow him from event he light of the moon, and all he could see properly was the creature's eyes, staring up at him, glinting like wicked mirrors. "We think you _know_ where we gots it…"

Kili grit his teeth, forcing himself not to take a cautionary step back. "What's that matter? I'm asking the questions, and I'm the one who's got an arrow posed to pierce your skull if you so choose to continue not answering the question I ask."

All of the sudden, the shadows twisted deeper, the glint of the thing's eyes even disappearing from view. He was blind. The creature's voice spoke up, and Kili's ears strained to track its source. "It thinks we'll tell it, precious…It thinks we'll tell it what happened…"

"You will," Kili said, voice sounding stronger than he felt. "And you will now."

He cursed in his head. With the hissing drifting of the sound of the creature's voice, it could be anywhere. He could just imagine it now, stalking around him, creeping across the ground, just waiting for its time to strike…

A shrill chuckle rang out, disbelieving. "It thinks it can _threaten_ us, Precious! Threaten us, even when it's as blind as…a _batses!"_

Kili leapt half a foot in the air as the voice seemed to brush along the nape of his neck with cold, clammy fingers. He whirled around to face the sound, but by the time he'd twisted about, nearly losing his footing in the process, the voice was gone from there, once again ringing out in grating, gigglish laughter.

"But we are not blind like the batses…" All at once, the voice had taken up a much more sinister tone, low and barely audible. Not for his ears, even though he was listening. "We can see in the darkness now, Precious…We don't need the light like it…"

Kili sucked in a breath, his heart clenching hard in his chest as silence fell, not peaceful. Waiting.

"Not anymore."

The breath was slammed out of him, as well as his bow flying out of his fingers, his arrow snapping under the weight of his body as he was slammed back into the ground. He had little chance to regain his breath or even cry out, as a pair of clammy, bony hands took up a death grip around his throat, ragged fingernails digging into the soft muscles of his neck. He groped up frantically for the weight of the creature on his chest, but it only choked him harder, dripping spittle onto Kili's face as it cawed out, "It struggles, Precious!"

Kili could feel the pressure building in his head, as his fingertips began to grow weak and tingly.

"It will go silent," The creature cooed back, almost as if comforting a child. "Just _squeeze."_

Just as the thing's thumbs began to crush into his windpipe, his tongue feeling swollen and heavy in his throat, Kili managed to get a good enough grip around a rock, half buried in the peat. He gathered all of his strength up, and just as the creature started up another screeched cry at itself, he ripped the rock free from the ground, clobbering it as hard as he could into the thing's body above him.

Its sharp cry of pain and surprise was immediate, and all of the sudden, the breath was rushing, heavy and hot, back into Kili's throat, sending his head all sort of dizzy. Luckily, he was able to react almost on instinct, pushing away his sudden nausea to launch himself on top of the writing mass of pale muscle beside him, the rock still clenched hard into his hand. He beat at it somewhat frantically, feeling a sort of sick satisfaction whenever his blows were returned with the hearty thumping and crunching of bruising and breaking meat.

Soon enough, he'd regained his breath and thoughts enough to let the muddied and bloodied rock fall from his hand, trying to get a decent grip on the things spindly arms, currently flailing frantically to get to him. One of these hands caught his mouth, and Kili swore out loud as the taste of blood flooded his mouth. Luckily, by this point, he had almost entirely pinned the thing down. A glint caught his eye, and he suddenly remembered his main source of anguish, the tarnished silver ring that adorned the thing's knobby thumb. He lunged across for it, doing his best to keep its arms pinned down with his elbow. Unfortunately, it seemed to realize what he was after, as its eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, its arm stretching as far from Kili as if could be. "NO!"

A growl of annoyance slipped from Kili's lips as he strained all the further, trying to ignore the thing's frantic cries, its rancid breath washing over him. Just as the ring was almost at his fingertips, a sharp pain erupted from his upper arm. Kili flinched back in horror to see that the creature, practically foaming at the mouth by now, had taken his arm in a deep, scraping bite. He jerked his arm back, elbowing the creature hard in the jaw. This seemed effective as it let out a yelp, it head jerking away. Kili took the opportunity, lunging across the creature's body, grabbing onto its tightly closed fists with both of his hands.

The problem he ran into the, was getting the things fingers uncurled enough to wrench the ring away. Kili grit his teeth, and adjusted his weight, so that much of it was leaning back onto the knee planted on the creature's chest, and set to work, trying to pry its fingers apart.

"It _hurts us,_ Precious!" it wailed, flailing its legs in a weak attempt to buck Kili away. "It doesn't go still like the others!"

" _Shut it!"_ Kili growled, jabbing an elbow back. It seemed to hit the creature as it was left whining and keening as he tried to pry its fingers apart.

"Go _away!"_ it almost sobbed, throwing its head back in forth.

"Give it to me!" Kili shot back, still fighting the thing's iron grip.

"No!"

Gritting his teeth, Kili hoisted his weight up a bit, before dropping down, elbow first, into the center of the creature's chest. He could practically feel bones snapping as it let out a horrible screech, sounding like metal screeching against metal. Although he winced slightly at the noise, Kili took advantage of its momentary shock to pry its finger out from its palm, wrenching the tarnished silver wring off of its knobby finger, and slipping it on to his for safe-keeping. It's shriek only worsened, until Kili got enough leverage to grab the thing's spindly wrist between two of his hands, bending it back nearly to snapping. "Now, I said _shut it."_

The creature did so, its eyes falling wide and terrified onto Kili's grip on its arm.

"Now you're going to be _nice and cooperative_ here, and I'll make it a clean break," Kili hissed.

"No breakses," it squeezed out, its lip trembling a bit at the thought.

"I'll do it," Kili assured him without hesitation, increasing the pressure, practically able to feel the bones creaking in protest. "The girl you got this ring from. Did you kill her?"

"Eeeeh…" It only took a slight twist of the things wrist before its hesitation was gone, spittle flying from its mouth in its hurry to reply. "She hurts _us!"_

"She's alive," Kili found himself murmuring, something constricting in his chest just upon saying those words. He quickly regained his composure. "She is alive then?"

"Oooh," the thing began, its face shriveling up in unhappiness before it finally spat out an answer. "We don't _know!"_

"Fine," Kili huffed. "Was she alive the last time you saw her?"

The thing nodded from under him, its eyes clear and honest as day, and Kili found himself still looking down at it warily. "How did you get this from her, then?"

A grin lit the thing's face, though a slight darkness clouded its bright gaze. "Trickses!" It dissolved into a fit of hissing laughter, only stopped as Kili bent its wrist again, in warning. "We fights her, we bites her, and when she's gone we find the pretty thing right in the grasses."

Kili nodded slowly, looking down at his captive as his thoughts spun. There wasn't anything to do with this thing. Honestly, it may have been a mercy to the planet and the thing itself if it finally lost its thin grasp on the world of the living.

"And you've told me the truth now?" Kili asked.

Another large-eyed almost excited nod.

For the strangest reason, that Kili really did not know how to explain, he trusted it. How…strange.

Kili steeled himself for what he was to say next, trying to gather the ends of his frayed thoughts back together. "Next time I so much as hear a twitch of you in the brush, you're dead. No questions, no negotiating, I will kill you. And you will never find your precious."

It looked suspicious for a second, especially as Kili still had a grip on its wrist, but eventually gave a slight nod. Well. That was that.

With a sigh, Kili began shifting his weight from atop the creature. "I will do it."

Another nod. This time, Kili dropped its wrist, before springing up off of it. It stared hard at him as he gathered his bow off of the ground, and continued to lay there, its glassy eyes boring into Kili as he moved to pick up his bow in order to leave. As Kili backed up the hill, it still lay there, breaths heaving slightly, eyes pinned to him as he inched away, the air silent save the thing's shallow breaths.

A rather unwelcome twitch of guilt pulled at Kili's heartstrings as he watched it lay there. The thing was scraped and bloodied, particularly around its ribcage where Kili had first used the rock. He had clearly broken a few of its bones. The hand that had the ring on it was raw and scraped up, and Kili tried not to think of the rest of the creature's blood, which was now smeared all over him.

He, too, was a mess. His hair was falling everywhere, soaked with sweat and mud. His throat was already smarting, and he'd be surprised not to have some nasty bruising there by the time the morning rolled around. Although he barely felt it, he knew his arm was going to be quite a bother. The creature's teeth had left scraping gouges in his flesh, which he could be sure that he would be feeling a bit later.

The pain of his own wounds helped to still his guilt quite a bit as he reached the top of the bluff, the creature still unmoving save his eyes. Still…what a wretched, wretched thing.

* * *

 _ **And who is this, updating during freaking tech week? Yeah. That's me. Ouch. Tech week hurts.**_

 _ **Thanks to thetransitsofar, my beta for this chapter, and a reviewer of every chapter of this fic. You're cool! Also, thanks to everyone else that has supported this story! It means the world. Anyway, hope you have a better week than the one I'm about to have! Review if you have the time! Love you all.**_

 _ **NEXT CHAPTER: The Balm of Dreams**_

 _ **PREVIEW:**_ Kili all of the sudden became aware of how…mad he sounded, with that little outburst. And there were his travel companions, his loyal friends, his bloody _family,_ stopped in the middle of the road, gazing at him as if they looked upon a madman.


	8. Balm of Dreams

_**Everything except my OC and AU plotlines belong to Tolkien and Peter Jackson.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHT**

BALM OF DREAMS

A silver dawn, pure and clear as mithril.

It filtered, washed out white through the trees, casting long and stark shadows across the leaf-scattered ground. It was all almost too bright for him to look at. As if he had spent an hour in pitch darkness, then was suddenly stepping out into the height of a summer day. But this light was not hot and golden. Rather, it was clean and clear, burning the darkness from his soul.

Through squinting, he was able to determine movement, betwixt the trees ahead. Flickering, and faint, barely edging onto his peripheral.

He tried to open his eyes a little wider to see, but the brightness of the light burned horrible spots all across his vision. No matter which was he tilted his head, he could not put this movement into the center of his line of sight. It would always dance just out of view.

 _You are close._

The voice was low and sweet, filling his senses to the point of bursting.

 _Do not flee from that which you cannot understand._

For half an instant, he was able to distinguish a pair of pale bare feet, stirring slightly the ashy leaves.

 _You need not regret._

Darkness.

* * *

He awoke to soreness. His very bones ached, from the cold and damp that still clung all to him. His thigh wound throbbed steadily with each of his heartbeats. His shoulder ached without ceasing, a slow, gnawing fire chewing at the whole length of the scar. He could feel his new wounds as well. Swallowing hurt his throat something terrible, and he almost didn't want to try and talk, knowing how much it would likely hurt. Outside of a few other scrapes and bruises, his arm hurt as well, and Kili had to wonder a bit if the creature's spit could have poisoned him somehow, with that bite. It certainly couldn't be good anyway.

It was barely light out, though the clouds were beginning to break overhead, promising at least a fairly clear day. Kili needed that. With any luck, they could be reaching the outskirts of Lorien by half-way through the next day. They'd be a bit closer to his Gwen.

Hopefully.

Despite his protesting body, Kili dragged himself up, a tad miffed to see all of his companions lolled across their bedrolls, fast asleep. This included Ori, who swore he'd keep watch after Kili returned to camp. Obviously, that didn't quite work out. If they were to last long on the road at all, they would need to start actually staying awake through their watches.

Kili struggled to fault them, though. They were all obviously exhausted.

Stretching into a yawn, Kili took one more moment to himself before drawing in a deep breath. "Rise and shine, you sods!"

It was a good few minutes after waking up until any of the other dwarves noticed Kili's new wounds. And this was, of course, as Kili was sitting up to attend to his new arm wound, unwinding the bandage that had been hastily wound around it the previous night.

"What's that?" Bofur prodded, a frown creasing his brow.

"Oh!" Ori almost squeaked, his eyes snapping onto Kili's injury. "How is that?"

Kili shrugged. "It hurts, but that was to be expected."

Now he'd gained Gimli's attention as well, who eyed Kili's arm with steadily growing suspicion. "What 'appened to you? I don't remember that being there."

Kili was saved from responding to that as the last layer of the bandages peeled away. The thin light of the morning was much better to see this wound by, luckily. It wasn't too deep it seemed, no bone showed, though the whole area was scabbed over or smeared with dry blood. Kili hissed out a curse, before fetching his waterskin and a clean roll of bandages from his pack. "There's been a creature on our tail for the past few days," Kili explained as he tore off a section of the bandage, uncorking his waterskin to soak the scrap of fabric.

"Has there?" Bofur asked, his brows shooting up to disappear under his hat.

He nodded, dabbing at some of the dried blood. "It came a bit too close to us last night, started saying things about 'Baggins' and the shire, so I thought to track him down."

He now had the full attention of all of his comrades, even though he was still working on cleaning out his wound. "Terrible, wretched little thing, it was. The size of a hobbit, but certainly not as round as one. I walked in on it eating up a raw fish, and having an intensive argument with itself."

"With itself?" Gimli repeated, disbelief staining his tone.

"Aye," Kili confirmed. "Right cracked, it was, if you asked me."

"That's what tore you up, then?" Bofur guessed.

"It bit him," Ori corrected. "And it had Lady Gwen's ring."

Kili nodded in confirmation, feeling the weight of the cord around his neck that had the ring strung onto it. "Tried to choke me out, as well."

Gimli whistled, eyeing Kili's wounds in a whole new light. "Did you shoot it through the ear, then?"

A slight frown quirked at Kili's lips. "No."

Gimli raised a brow. "Stab it?"

"No."

His brow lifted even further in disbelief. "Don't tell me that thing's still alive."

When Kili hesitated to respond to that, Gimli let out a grown, rolling his eyes. Bofur merely looked concerned, while Ori's eyes went wide as dinner plates, as if he hadn't considered the prospect.

"It'll be after us in a heartbeat," Gimli sighed.

"It won't," Kili assured him. "I frightened it something terrible."

"Aye, but that won't _matter_ if it's bloody _mad!"_

Kili could feel his heckles raising a bit. "Oh, would you have rather been there?"

"Might've been an improvement, aye," Gimli replied, matching any of the fire in Kili's tone.

Kili grit his teeth a bit, trying not to show his steadily growing irritation. "So you would have rather you—"

Bofur cut them both off from a full-scale argument. "That's enough, lads. No worth arguing over something's already done."

Kili huffed out his irritation, before going back to his work, scraping away layers of crusted blood from his skin. "We'll be out of this area by the day, and now that you all know to look out for it, there's hardly a chance it would be able to sneak up on us."

"Fine," Gimli grumbled. "I still think you should have killed it when you had the chance."

"Why didn't you?" Ori asked in a bit of a small voice.

This gave Kili a bit of a pause as he halted momentarily in his work, his mind working double time. Why hadn't he killed it? It would have been a quick thing. A minute or two of strangulation. As Gimli has said, one arrow through its brain. "Pity, I suppose," he said. And that was the only thing he could come up with. Why else would he leave the wretched little thing alive with itself?

* * *

There had been, as was expected, some decent complaining when Kili announced his new plans for the night watch. There were to be at least two dwarves awake at all times, who would switch out half through the night. This, hopefully, would serve to keep them awake through their watch. However, as it was turning out, this setup wasn't just keeping the watchmen up, but the other dwarves as well, as Gimli and Bofur chatted quite _loudly_ between themselves.

Kili breathed out a huff, fighting back a yawn as he shifted to his other side, trying to get comfortable. Still, this did nothing to cancel out the noise of Bofur making a point about _turnips,_ of all things. With a stifled groan, he threw up the hood to his cloak, managing to muffle the noise slightly.

He was dead tired, honest. They had travelled hard, their steps perhaps egged on somewhat by the threat of a deranged beastie on their trail. Everything ached, and yet, with that _infernal chatter_ he simply could not fall asleep. He just felt strange.

He pulled his cloak a bit in tighter around him, as the cool settled down further into his skin. Some spring this was thus far. It would have to turn out to be a nice, warm summer to balance all the bitterness out. He offhandedly wished that Gwen was there. Who was he kidding; he pretty much always wished that Gwen was there. But that evening was no exception. It would feel quite nice to have her curled up into him, her nose tucked into his chest, the slim curve of her waist under his arm, her breathing warm and slow and regular…

* * *

The night was gone, and he was awake before he could even blink. It was once again the strange, washed out light he had woken to before, the same ashen pale forest floor. Now, he wasn't alone though. Gwen lay, tucked under his arm, her face hid away. Really, there was no sign of life from her, save the slight rise and fall of her ribcage under his arm. Kili squinted a bit against the brightness of the world, nudging the top of Gwen's head with his chin. "Gwen, wake up."

She didn't even acknowledge him in the slightest. Kili frowned. She usually wasn't _that_ heavy of a sleeper. "C'mon, love."

Still, nothing. With a huffed sigh, he tried to jostle her awake with the arm slung across her waist. No response. A frown bent his mouth, and he was able to drag himself up out of his sleeping position. His head felt a bit fuzzy, and the world around him seemed even brighter, sitting up, but a tension in his chest egged him on, dragging him up to his feet.

It was strange. No matter how he squinted, the light would not to retreat into anything he could properly see through. It cut into him, burning at his eyes. Quite strange, that. Still, he found himself disregarding this and wandering a bit forward, ears affixed onto the unnatural silence that gripped this white place. The crackle of snapping leaves and twigs boomed into existence, catching acutely onto Kili's ears. He twisted to face it, and found his vision almost blacking out from pain. The light was too bright for him to see.

"Who's there?"

No response came from the specter of light before him, at least not until a voice slow and deep, with the weight of ageless eternity behind it spoke, ringing all throughout him. _There is heaviness upon your heart._

In the strangest of ways, Kili knew exactly what the y referred to with that. "Aye."

 _You fear finding her._

Shivers darted over Kili's skin. This voice _knew._ They were reading him like an open book on a summer's noon.

Kili stumbled over his words. "I…I…"

 _You fear that your quest will prove in vain if you do find her._

Kili's throat choked out a bit, tears stinging at his eyes. That pain, which he had held from touching his heart, came crashing down, flooding him. Gwen wouldn't come. She'd fled from him. And she'd continued to flee from him, even as he gave chase. He hated the heaviness he felt at that thought, but he knew that the voice was correct. He knew that the quest would prove to have been in vain if he found her. Did he even want to find her at all then?

 _You cannot lose hope._ The crisp words settled over Kili's consciousness like single flakes of snow, settling over his skin agonizingly slowly, then melting, melting into his consciousness. _Without hope, you cannot think to go another step along this road you have forged._

"I cannot hope when I have nothing to hope for," Kili murmured, now keeping his head down, trying to keep his eyes from the blinding brightness of the light.

Suddenly, the light seared all the brighter, and there was the faint crackle of a few more footsteps. There was the faintest pressure on Kili's forehead, of a touch of light itself, golden and pure, searing through the darkness that hung in thick dregs around his thoughts.

It all came bursting back. Dozens, hundreds of dreams, visions, almost too much for him to take in as they flashed through his conscience. Flashes of smiles, of colors, scraps of laughter or whispering, of soft words spoken into the soft darkness of an ever listening night sky, dashes of feeling, calloused hands, sliding against his, stone, smooth and cool under his palms, water, like liquid ice sliding over his skin…

A gasp was torn from him as suddenly, this cacophony of sensation fell silent, leaving him exposed and seared through by this white, clear light.

 _You have much to hope for._

Tears blurred his vision, smearing the light across his eyes. All he could do was nod.

 _Rest with an easy heart now, for you will not always have the means to._

As he walked away, the light at last faded.

Gwen was there, leaning against a tree, her head tilted back, skin washed to porcelain in the pale light, her eyelashes a stark contrast of thick pitch black against the smooth whiteness of her cheek. As his footsteps neared, her eyelids flickered open.

For the first time in too long, Kili was able to truly meet her gaze. He knew, well enough, that this was not her. It could not be her. But as she fixed him with the softest smile he'd ever seen, her eyes intensely focused, yet hazy and sleepy, locked into his, he allowed this dream-phantom to be her.

"Come to sleep."

Her voice was so near to perfect that it hurt, tugging something fierce against his heart.

She held a hand out to him, and he was helpless to avoid taking it. It fit, slight and scarred and calloused into his, with a familiarity that ached. She drew him down to her, and she was curled perfectly in his arms in half of a heartbeat. Right where she fit. Right where she belonged.

Kili felt tears already starting up in his eyes as he tilted his forehead to rest on her temple. She was so warm against him, so real. That warm, ticklish scent of her that he had almost forgotten rushed over him. Her gaze, just as tearful as his, locking onto his as she skimmed rough fingers down over his cheek. "I miss you."

His voice was thick with emotions as he tried to choke out, "I miss you too, love."

She chuckled bitterly, her eyes squeezing shut for half a moment, before she opened them again, fixing them tight against his. Kili could feel her fingers trembling against his cheek as she murmured, softer than air, "I love you."

* * *

The sky was perfectly open, and straight and clear blue from horizon to horizon, but Kili felt the strangest sort of unease prickling over his skin. The only cause he could think of was the forest that had been steadily growing on the horizon as the day burned on. This unease, however, was unlike that which he felt with Mirkwood. That was nervousness, pain, fear, all wrapped up into one. But this, this was more like…anticipation.

"Are you quite sure we've really got to go into the forest?" Gimli asked (not for the first time).

"We're going in," Kili shot back, not even bothering to glance back over his shoulder.

"I've heard some right _astonishing_ things about this forest," Ori added, tone still managing to be chipper.

"Bloody _strange_ is more like it," Gimli mumbled. "It's not right, tromping straight into the middle of the spawning grounds of the elven folk."

"Gim, I've told you," Kili sighed. "We're after Gwen right? And I am as close to positive as I could possibly be, that she'd not have avoided it."

"Thought she didn't like other elves," Bofur pointed out.

Kili shrugged. "To my knowing, that only really applied to the elves in Mirkwood. She sort of avoided the rest, but didn't have too acute of an aversion to them."

"So we don't even _know_ for sure that she's gone in?" Gimli asked, his tone a bit affronted. "Are you bloody kidding me?"

"She'd have gone to see them," Kili shot back, trying not to snap too much. "Alright?"

"Alright?" Gimli repeated. "No, it's not alright! We're going on a whim into—"

"It is not a bloody _whim,_ alright!?" Kili spat, whirling on his heel to face his redheaded (hotheaded) cousin. "I _know_ Gwen is there, or was there, or…" his fists clenched hard as his thoughts tried to scatter. "She'd just…this is the closest we've been to her. I—I know it. And if she's not here, the she's nowhere! Then we're not going to find her. Then she really is gone. This is…" the realization set in heavy and hard, although, somewhere deep inside, he'd always known it was there. "This is it, aye?"

Silence fell, and Kili found himself looking, almost desperately between the faces of his companions. Confusion, alarm, and the slightest tinge of fear, of worry for him tinted their gazes. Kili all of the sudden became aware of how…mad he sounded, with that little outburst. And there were his travel companions, his loyal friends, his bloody _family,_ stopped in the middle of the road, gazing at him as if they looked upon a madman.

Unable to feel that itching across his skin, Kili turned back on his heel, saying in a voice more ragged than he cared to admit, "Let's get along then."

The forest was frighteningly familiar. It was as if he recognized it, although he had never stepped foot in it in his life. Everything seemed to be silvered, and dripping with strangely saturated light. Were all elven forests just _strange_ in some way?

The ground was sort of spongey, the rocks coated with moss, and Kili tried to worry that they had already managed to wander off the path. However, he was much more caught up in the elegant sparseness of this woodland, the mist somehow curling off of the ground, the sunlight straining faint through leaves above.

Gimli's low growl of a voice broke into the sacred silence. "I hear there's an elf-witch in this forest…"

"Not a _bad_ one though," Ori admonished.

"Oh, I don't know," Gimli chuckled, a bit warily. "I've heard that anyone who so much as falls under her _gaze_ is put under her spell."

"Old wives' tales," Bofur said, tone speaking of slight exasperation.

"Is it?" Gimli asked. "If you'd ask me, this forest seems _strange."_

"There is a lady here," Ori added. "But not terrible, I don't think. Not terribly dark, anyway. She's a lady of the light."

 _"Lady of the Light,"_ Gimli mocked in a falsely girlish voice. "What is she, a lamp?"

Ori let out a surprised, slightly offended, yes still amused snort, while Bofur snickered. "Just like the elven folk," Gimli added, voice growing a little more boldly loud. "Put a bloody _oil lamp_ in charge of their city."

"Gim," Kili shot over his shoulder. "Shut up."

The loudness of the dwarf's voice cut easily, unnervingly through the silence.

Yes, Ori and Bofur laughed on, so Gimli mocked on, yet again in a high pitched voice. "Oh, I bow before you, my lovely Lamp. Tell me, my lady, do you need me to relight you?"

"I would not consider it wise, you know, referring to the Lady Galadriel, the Lady of Light and fairest and most fearsome of Elleth remaining in the East, an _oil lamp."_

By the time Kili had gotten his gaze back up off of the ground, and to the speaker, there were a dozen arrowheads aimed for him.

* * *

 _ **Yeah, this chapter was short and somewhat contentless. As for the length, this will likely be the length of most chapters to come…You know, life is busy. I hope you liked it though! I'd love to hear what you thought of it if you have the time.**_

 _ **This will be reedited later. I have a break from school coming up, so hopefully, I will have much time to write. I love you all, and until next time!**_


	9. Caras Galadhon

_**Don't own nothing. Not even an education in grammar, evidently.**_

 _ **NOTE: For bonus points, listen to the Lothlorien sound track from Fellowship on endless loop while you read this.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINE**

CARAS GALADHON

Kili hadn't even bothered to fight back. Maybe at another time, a year, or even a few months ago, he would have fought against the control of these elves. He'd have been scheming for escape, would have been looking for some way, any way, to secure his freedom. But now, he just tromped along the faint path, wandering through the trees as the day burned on. His mind was spinning and a bit bleary, though unlike it had felt in Mirkwood. Now, everything was just a bit fuzzy around the edges, his thoughts flowing sluggishly. In all likelihood, this was mostly just a result of his own exhaustion.

Of course, now that Kili had found the elves of this forest, he discovered himself stumped for what to do next. All of him was undeniably being drawn to go to this forest, and to find Gwen, but he quite soon realized that four armed dwarves travelling in broad daylight, cursing the forest they were in may be regarded as hostile. And judging by the at least a dozen elves that surrounded the lot of them, they had indeed been judged a proper threat.

Kili hadn't spoken much, letting Bofur do the talking and explaining as the day wore on. Now, though, he found it in him to drag his eyes up off the path, and speak. "Where, exactly, are you taking us?"

No response came, the elves hardly showing they'd heard him at all. Kili frowned, saying a bit louder, "Just going to give me the silent treatment? Very mature."

He could have sworn he saw the faintest flash of a half smile on the face of the elf to his right, and considered this a slight triumph. But still, no luck. Would they be imprisoned, like in Mirkwood? He'd heard that the elves in this forest were different than the Mirkwood elves, so hopefully the dwarves could work out a slightly better deal. He'd not like to be back in a cell.

It was silent (save a few discontented grumblings from Gimli and a bit of elvish muttering) until night was beginning to creep in. The whole party pulled to a sudden halt, Kili nearly tripping over his own feet. After a few moments of muttering, they were jostled back into movement, being dragged towards a large tree to their right. "Oi, where're we going now?"

He was just as ignored as ever, and the elves didn't even bother to look down at him. They were nearing the base of the tree, and all of the sudden, Kili's eyes caught on a stairway, winding up around the tree. He blinked a few times and had to rub at his eyes a bit, just to make sure he really was seeing this. Sure, it was little more than thin, rounded pieces of wood jutting out from the side of the tree, and spiraling up it into the branches, not a handrail in sight, but how had he not noticed it as he approached?

He wasn't allowed any longer to ponder this as he was shoved up onto the first step. To his shock, despite the seeming thin quality of these boards, they didn't crack, or give, or even squeak under his weight. They felt just as solid as any stone-built staircase, carved into a mountain. Of course, being made for elves, Kili had to stretch a little to step from one platform to another. As he edged further up the tree (with a decent amount of prodding from the bloody _impatient_ elf behind him) the space between the steps, a straight fall down, began to make his stomach twitch with nervousness. Instead of focusing on that, he forced his eyes to stay pinned onto the grayish-silver planks. To his amusement and slight annoyance, he noted that, quite unnecessarily, these steps had been designed to look like leaves, with etching and all. Bloody elves with their bloody unnecessary decorations.

As their height grew even more nauseating, the steps spinning a bit beneath Kili's eyes, he found them ascending into the canopy of the tree. Large branches jutted out from the trunk, only inches away from him, the darkness of the night growing thicker and thicker as time wore on. A swift, cool breeze chilled the cold sweat that had broken over his skin.

Where in Mahal's sweet name were these elves taking them? He certainly hoped it wasn't much higher. While he didn't fancy himself too _afraid_ of heights, he'd be much happier being a bit more…grounded. Judging by the frequent grumbling and whining of his companions, they were experiencing a similar sentiment.

To his relief, the darkness began to break a little, and he spared a glance up to see perhaps half a dozen whitish blue lights, scattered almost like stars through the tree branches around them. Despite the seeming stoniness of his guards, Kili tried another question. "What are those lights?"

To his shock, the guard behind him (the prodding-happy one) said in a soft tone, "Lamps."

Kili frowned for half a moment. They certainly didn't look like any sort of fire-lit lamps. They looked more like massive versions of the glow-bugs back in Ered Luin. White, clear, and ethereal. "They look like stars," Kili said absently, taking another glance up at this strange sort of scenery.

"Yes," was all that he got in reply.

They continued to ascend among the frosted starlight of the lamps, the breeze whisking cool past him as the ground dropped further and further away. Kili was almost startled to find that this spiraled staircase into the heavens had an end, as he looked up to find that they had been brought to a larger platform. It was shadowed by low-hanging tree branches, those white lamps hanging, scattered amongst the branches. A shiver ran down Kili's spine, partly from the cool, damp breeze driving against him, and partly due to the cluster of stone-faced elves, all of them well armed, that stood on the opposite edge of the platform.

He was yanked to a halt by the hood of his cloak, and soon found his companions shoved up against his sides. A quick glance showed that none of them were harmed, although they looked a bit frightened and awe-struck, their wide eyes glittering with the light of the lamps. Kili turned back around just in time to see the cluster of elves that had come to greet them part, one slipping forward. He was dressed in the armor of all of the others, his blonde hair braided back from his face, but he bore a certain air of authority that none of the others did. His tone was clear and mellow as he spoke up, finally breaking the unnerving, breezy silence of the place. "Which of you speaks for this group?"

For a moment, they all exchanged glances, but Kili quickly realized his position, and stepped forward, holding his chin high enough to meet this elf's gaze. "I do."

The elf nodded slowly, something twinkling strong and calculating in his cool gaze. "You are aware that we have not had dealing with dwarves since the dark days?"

There was an unspoken threat in those words that chilled Kili to the bone. Unfortunately, Kili's slight pause gave Gimli the chance to step forward. "Are you aware that to that I say, _ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!"_

Kili immediately clamped a hand sharply down onto the dwarf's shoulder, being sure that his fingers dug in hard enough for it to hurt. "Keep your mouth _shut,_ you bloody ingot, or I'll do it for you." He shoved Gimli back hard, before whirling back to the elf, who stared down, eyes more cold than ever. "The dumb ginger does not speak for all of us, I assure you."

That quip, which usually would have gotten a bit of a smile, left the elves as stone-faced as ever. Tough crowd. "In fact, it is an honor for us to have been…escorted through the forest."

Gimli snorted. " _Escorted_ my—"

Kili was saved from having to turn back around to deck him across the face by one of the others doing it for him. "I apologize for my companion's rudeness. It is weariness of the trail and straining of the spirit only, I am sure."

"What business do you have stepping foot upon this land?"

"I…" Under the elf's powerful gaze, Kili wilted a bit, but persevered, trying to keep his tone as strong as possible. "I seek your help."

The elf's brow shot up. "And why are we to lend you our help?"

Mahal.

That stumped him a bit.

He managed, "Because you are the only ones who are able to lend me this aid."

"What aid is this you ask?" the elf asked, after a slight pause of consideration.

"I seek to find someone…A missing friend."

"And this is to be _our_ business? Dwarf, while our eyes do remain open to the movements of the world, we are not aware of all that passes and—"

"She'll have come here," Kili burst out. "Gwen—Glorawen, half elf, half human, daughter—"

"Silence." Kili had little but to obey, as the elf's gaze flashed to cold. "Why are we to trust you? Why should we not leave you to rot in your own filth?"

"You have to help me," was all that he could choke out, panic welling up in his chest. "You must. You're all the hope that I have left."

The elf's eyes cut deep into him, and all of the sudden, visions burst across his mind's eye: a pale, washed out forest; an eternity of light; a voice, soft and worn with the swell of ages…

He was snapped out of this slight daze only as the elf said something quite sharply in elvish to the others, before sweeping away. Kili let out a sigh as his heart dropped out, darkness welling up heavily in him. Was it…over?

As this flashed through his head, he almost missed their packs being tossed at their feet. One of the elves spoke up in common only to say, "You will sleep here."

* * *

Kili hardly found himself able to sleep. He credited it largely to their rather strange sleeping circumstances. There they were, laid out across their bedrolls. But unlike usual, there was no slowly dying fire to light the air with any warm glow. Instead, it was mostly dark, save the pale, ghostly wash of the lamps over them. Instead of being firmly planted on the dirt of the ground, they were perched hundreds of feet above the earth, only an inch of polished wood separating them from a deadly plummet. At that altitude, the slightest breeze swayed the surrounding branches, the air chill and moving across his skin, plucking at strands of his hair, taunting them about the edge of his gaze as he lay, sleepless.

His mind was an endlessly churning tumult. His thoughts were like the water at the base of a waterfall, being shoved down, away, only to be vigorously kicked back up moments later, whether he wanted them to or not. They had not been put in prison yet, to Kili's knowledge. That had to speak at least somewhat well. But why wouldn't the elves just have told him where Gwen was, then sent him on his way? If they were going to be helping, why keep them for the night, watched by an unwavering guard from every side? But if it was not their intent to help the dwarves, why would they not simply kill them or imprison them properly?

Despair and hope grappled desperately for a hold over Kili's heart, with no clear winner in sight. Kili, meanwhile, was feeling this constant battle really take its effect. Unlike his previous mental conniption with Gwen, the voices he had heard hadn't reappeared. He was just left to the drone of his own thoughts, merely walking him in circle after circle. He needed to straighten out these circles. He needed to reach some sort of conclusion, be it good or bad soon, or the tolls on his sanity could be dire.

Strangely enough, the whole forest seemed to feel a bit…peculiar to him. Not in a _bad_ way, per say, but it felt oddly…transcendent. As if anything that happened among the whispering boughs of these trees would automatically be of some great consequenc. In the sacred shade of these age old trunks, in the clear wash of the starlight lamps, no thing was trivial.

This only furthered the argument of dread. A slight lead on Gwen was hardly more than inconsequential, trivial. No, he would not be receiving some tip-off here.

With a huff, he sat his head back, blocking out the light, trying to still his thoughts. Whatever was to happen, he should, if at all possible, face it well rested.

* * *

The forest was, almost undoubtedly as beautiful in the daytime as it had been in the night. Instead of the sharp, white lights that filled the treetops in the night, flashes of golden sunlight flickered through the leaves, leaving scatterings of it across their leaf-strewn path. The trees were bursting with spring, green and thriving already. Mist seemed to cling to the trees and ground, despite the warmth of the sun, cutting through the leaf cover.

Kili's mind was, of course, still running over-time.

The elves had returned to them their packs, weapons and all, but they remained, well surrounded by an armed guard, escorted through the winding paths of the forest. The elves had ignored any questions asked of them, though Kili noticed a few of them watching him with growing curiosity.

It wasn't until about midday, when they crested a hill, and the horizon opened before them, that an elf at last spoke. "It is Caras Galadhon. The heart of Elvendom on earth. Realm of the Lord Celeborn, and of Galadriel the Lady of Light. There is little a view so beautiful that can be seen in the East of this land."

The vista that spanned before them was indeed remarkable. The forest stretched onward interminably, thriving with thick green. Above all the other land, a hill rose. The trees set up on it were tall and beautiful, taller than any sort of tree Kili had seen.

Despite this sight, Kili let out a sigh as Gimli deadpanned, "Looks like a lot more bloody trees to me."

* * *

They were lead up to Caras Galadhon, the trees around them growing larger and larger with each yard. Soon, they were being filed up winding, stone carved staircases cut into the hillside, the light of the setting sun golden warm on their skin. Already, Kili could tell this city was nothing like the outpost they had been brought to the previous night. Delicate, covered stairways threaded their way, wound about the massive tree trunks, movement flickering among these structures high from the ground, every few minutes.

As the sun set, the lamps came alive in the trees, twinkling and glowing out like stars piercing the greenish, cloying darkness of the night. When he looked up, Kili noticed a particularly thick cluster of these lights, high above the ground. The heart of the city.

He couldn't quash the hope that bubbled in his gut. They weren't being cast out. They weren't being treated as prisoners. Could they, at last, be reaching their goal? Could his Gwen be waiting for him, on the edge of one of those leaf-shaped platforms, surrounded by a hundred, dazzling, floating stars, looking down at the group of them, picking their winding way closer? Was her skin tingling like his? Her scalp pricking? Her heart slowly crawling its way, beat by beat, into her throat as his was? He couldn't help but spare another glance from his feet up to that ball of prickling lights. Was this going to be the end?

A untellable period of time drifted by them, as if time itself had no true grasp on this forest. By the time he snapped back into a hazy sort of reality, they had been brought up to the base of one of the trees under the brightest of the light cluster. The roots of the trees were massive and silvery, lifting off of the ground in places to create hollows and caves with the leaf-strewn ground. A white tent of sorts was set up against the largest of these hollows, and Kili could see a few stacks of bedding had been placed under this structure.

"You will stay here tonight," one of the escort elves told them. "Your dinner shall be brought down soon."

By the time Kili turned to face this elf, the escort was already thirty paces away, filing towards one of the covered staircases, leading up toward the city above. He looked around, a bit shocked, only to find that they had, indeed, been left alone in this hollow. It seemed the others had noticed this as well, as Gimli shuffled a bit closer. "They're gone. Let's go."

Kili merely blinked at the dwarf, his words not quite making sense. "What?"

"We'd best make a break before they get back, don't you think?"

Kili glanced over Gimli's shoulder to the others. Ori looked twitchy, his eyes darting about in every direction, while Bofur had an uncharacteristic frown on his face, as he watched. Kili took a moment to think. This was their chance at freedom, if they ever were to have a chance. But freedom from what? Freedom from a comfortable place to sleep and the possible guidance of the elves? Was that a freedom he really wanted? Could he really take himself away from this, when Gwen could be only yards above him, just within his grasp?

A hard swallow choked his throat, as he dropped his pack off of his shoulder, onto the ground beside him. "We've nothing to make a break from. We rest here tonight."

He was unable to look back up, fearing the disappointed looks of his companions.

* * *

Sleep escaped him again. This night, he should have been perfectly comfortable. There was a feather pillow beneath his head, a soft, woolen blanket draped over him from head to toe. His stomach was full, his hair combed, his face washed. The contented snores of his companions, happily tucked away with their blankets and pillows, filled the air. Lanterns flickered only feet away, and above him, he could look straight up into the heart of Caras Galadhon. His thoughts scrolled listlessly across a hundred different topics though, a hundred different memories, a hundred different dream-visions.

At last, the chaos became too much to him, and something drawing, tugging at his heart, drew him out of his blankets, and onto his feet. He found himself padding, without boots, across the clearing, away from the grunts and snuffs of his companions, and into a darker, quieter copse. The stone stairs he found himself on lead downwards, into what looked to be another hollow, this one smaller. A trickle of water ran out from a gap in the roots of one of the great trees, filling the air with the faint ringing of water against stone. The only real light came from the very distant tree-lamps, and the torches, held by stone statues, keeping vigil around the rim of the hollow. It seemed that the whole copse was centered around the structure in the center, formed of roots and carved stone, cradling a shining silver bowl. He found himself drawn to the centerpiece of this structure, practically creeping the whole way. He dared not disturb the sacred quiet of the place. It was not his right.

The shallow silver bowl was polished to a high shine that he could only accredit to the elves, blemishless as far as his eyes could detect. It was, for the most part dry, save a slivered, thin circle of a puddle resting in the direct center. Kili found his hands gripping the stone of the sides of the basin, trying to peer more closely at this. He felt his toes scuff on the edge of the stone as he strained to lift himself up enough, to peer down into that shimmering disc. His breath caught in his throat as he drew closer to it…

He blinked, freezing. What was he doing? It was simply a puddle of water. What drew him into it so completely? Slowly, a frown marring his face, he leaned back away fully, eyes still blinking as if in a daze.

The light caught in his eye suddenly, sending a chill down his spine. Now he truly froze.

A white light it was, purer than anything he had seen. Anything he had ever seen outside of a dream. He dared not to face it head on.

 _Welcome, Kili, son of Kilhon, of the line of Durins' sons._

A gentle tug on his heart, drawing him, drawing him away from the basin. With trembling hands, he dropped his grip on the edge, finding himself slowly turning towards the light.

He wanted to look away, it burned so much. But he could not.

There were the feet. Pale and undisturbed, radiating an unearthly glow of their own. Transfixed, and unblinking, Kili found his eyes tugged up to meet hers.

It was like a physical blow to his chest.

Eyes, bluer than any sky or sea. Deeper than the very fissures of the earth. More ancient than the stars. They saw into him, cut into him with an unforgiving firmness. Pierced into the very center of his heart.

His breath returned to him sharply, and he found himself released from the spell as she inclined her head softly, a gentle smile on her lips. Kili blinked away the tears that had slid down his cheeks, before bowing his head down, breathing out, "My Lady."

Her voice bore the unending timelessness of her eyes, sweeping through him like a cool wind. "It is late, and you are weary."

Kili's head jerked back up, his eyes going wide with panic. She was finally here. She could not be simply sending him off. "No, I—"

"You have many questions," she acknowledged. "And your heart is heavy with many troubles."

He could only nod.

"Your answers will not be found, nor the resolution of your troubles at an hour such as this."

Kili swallowed his disappointment back hard, feeling another tear slip, unwilling from his eye.

"You will rest now, until the morning has come."

And it was so. He could not disagree.

"Thank you," he managed, bowing his head again, exhaustion suddenly hitting him like half a ton of granite. "My Lady."

"Good night, Kili."

 _Tomorrow you will have found your way. Tonight, you will sleep in peace._

And so he did.

* * *

 _ **Freaking Galadriel. Scary, she is. Maybe Kili reacted a bit dramatically to her, but hey. Better to over-react than under react when it comes to her, I suppose.**_

 _ **Please let me know what you thought! I'd love to hear anything you'd have the time to say! This chapter was a bit rushed, but hey, now we're actually hitting the stride of this story! Woop! Seeya next week!**_


	10. Crossroads

_**The world and most of the characters belong to Peter Jackson and Tolkien.**_

 _ **WARNING: A bit of harsher language in this one.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TEN**

CROSSROADS

"It is the dawn. You must wake _up."_

Kili groaned and rolled over, burying his head back into the blanket to block out the noise. "Shut up."

"I will not, thank you, Master Dwarf."

Kili froze. That wasn't his brother. Or his mother. Or his uncle. Or his cousin. Or his second cousin. Or his neighbor. Or his friend. Or _anyone_ he bloody knew. Who on earth was it then, waking him at such a wretchedly early hour?

He jerked into a sitting position, his eyes snapping open, only for his head to ram into a solid chunk of wood with a radiating "thud." "Bloody _Mahal!"_

To his utter irritation, he heard stifled laughter to his left. He would have looked up to glare, had he not been clutching at his splitting skull, gritting his teeth and trying to blink way a swell of dark spots. "Keep it down, would you?" piped another voice, this one actually recognizable as Gimli.

As soon as he could, Kili rolled over on his bedroll, peeling his eyes open. Though the light stung at his eyes, he made out a tall, slender figure silhouetted in the light of the already risen sun. Kili used a hand to shade his eyes to get a better look at this newcomer, grumbling, "Who're you?"

"I am to escort you to the presence of the Lady."

Kili frowned, squinting up at the elf, his thoughts still falling sluggishly. "That's what you're to do, not who you are. I asked who you are."

The elf looked a bit surprised at his insistence, but quickly reverted to a straight face. "That is an irrelevant detail."

Kili rolled his eyes. "I won't get up until you tell me."

"Natharin."

Kili flopped back onto his bedroll. "Brilliant."

"Aren't you getting up?"

Oh, this elf was going to prove quite annoying, wasn't he?

* * *

Reality had quickly come rushing back to Kili after he had been forced from his little shelter. It seemed that a good, comfortable night's sleep had left him more than a little muddled upon waking. However, it appeared to have had its benefits. His head didn't drag so much, his limbs losing a few pounds. It was nice to feel actually alive again. His companions, once they'd actually woken anyway, seemed to also have benefited from a full night of good rest, and within a quarter of the hour, they were all combed and scrubbed from a cool spring, dressed in their cleanest clothes, and being ushered up one of the great winding staircases.

Kili's pulse beat steadily with anticipation. Natharin had said he was bringing them into the presence of the Lady. Kili could only assume he was speaking of the Lady Galadriel. Kili was quite curious to get another look at her, now that he was in a better state of mind. Was it pure exhaustion that made her appear to radiate with a light more beautiful than any he'd ever imagines, and made her voice tear into him, her ageless eyes know him more than anything?

A shiver jolted up his spine. Something told him that that all hadn't just been an effect of his exhausted mind.

They were lead up to a platform, where Natharin left them, disappearing up a staircase with a muttered order to "wait here." Kili drew in his surroundings as his companions huddled together, muttering a bit between themselves. It was a beautiful day, now that the sun had risen above the horizon. Although he could only see snippets of it between the thick foliage of the treetops, it seemed the sky was clear and blue. The sunlight that did fight through was golden warm against his skin, and a cool, driving breeze kept the temperature brisk. The platform they were stood upon, was, of course, hundreds of feet off of the forest floor, and shaped round, the intricately carved staircase that Natharin had disappeared up at one end. His eyes then lit upon his companions, worriedly discussing with each other.

All of the sudden, this struck him a bit. He wasn't part of this group, worrying, planning, plotting. Since when had he become so distant from them? When had he become more their leader than their brother? When had he changed?

Bofur, who Kili's gaze had been left focused on, seemed to notice, and raised a brow, speaking over the mutters of their conversation. "Kili? What's wrong?"

Kili startled a bit at having been called out. His hesitation left Bofur's eyes going wide, his hands patting down his hat and braids. "Have I got something on my face?"

By now, the other two had turned to look at Kili, who was feeling a bit flustered under this sudden pressure. "No," Kili assured Bofur. "No, you're fine."

Bofur began stepping a bit closer, though cautiously, almost as if he was trying to approach a wild beast. Mahal, was that what Kili had become? "Good, good. So…Why, exactly were you glaring at me so?"

"Glaring?" Kili's frown returned, this time tinged with confusion. "I wasn't glaring."

"You were," Gimli corrected him.

"Just like Thorin does," Ori added with a sage nod.

Kili paled. Evidently, instead of becoming a wild beast in their eyes, he was becoming his _uncle._ Which was, actually, a bit worse, all things considered.

Kili shook his head, trying to smooth his face back out. "I do not frown like Thorin."

"You were just then!" Bofur explained. "Downright scary, it was. I had half—"

His eyes snapped wide in a second, to Kili's confusion, the words disappearing in his throat. The frown once again returned, and Kili looked to the others. They, too, were fixated on something over Kili's shoulder, eyes wide, hands trembling.

Realization struck him hard and he turned, seeing just what he thought he might see. The Lady Galadriel herself was at the top of the staircase, looking down at them with a slightly tilted head, as if faintly amused. Kili immediately bowed his head down, admittedly grateful that he was still able to breath upon looking at her head on, unlike the previous night. She was, of course, no less unbelievably beautiful, than before. Her dress hung long and draped, scattered with tiny white crystals that cast sparks of pure light about whenever the sunlight glanced against it. The golden silk of her hair fell down to her hips, the insistent breeze hardly having any effect on it. Her eyes, bluer than anything Kili had seen, warmed in the sunlight, proved less of a harsh piercing into Kili's heart. He found the Lady in the daytime much more bearable than in the night.

 _The light of the sun will always outshine any of my own light, Master Dwarf. In the night, you are not adjusted to such illumination. But now, your heart is clear. It will not burn as it did once._

Kili drew up from his bow, his eyes meeting Galadriel's. She smiled softly at him, before looking up further to see the rest of the dwarves. "Welcome."

No response came from his companions, and Kili could only assumed that that were feeling a searing light such as the first time he had seen her outside of his dreams. "It is an honor," Kili replied graciously, speaking surprisingly smoothly, considering the way his heart squeezed simply to have him looking at her.

"Many find your presence here strange," she said, not even as a question.

A chuckled huffed out of Kili, a bit of a smile tugging at his mouth as he muttered. "As do I."

Lady Galadriel smiled a bit more widely.

Kili only noticed Natharin standing behind Galadriel until he spoke up, "My Lady, if you would like to move to the meeting space…?"

Galadriel nodded a bit offhandedly, before addressing the dwarves again. "If you will discuss your journey and its future, I would have you join me."

"Of course," Kili said.

He made to follow her up the staircase, but found his companions were not following. Ori was sniffling a bit, his hands clenched in his mittens as he stared hard at the ground. Bofur tugged absently at one of his braids, a wide smile across his lips and tears gathering, unabashed in his eyes. Gimli, meanwhile, was staring unseeingly forward, a deep frown furrowing his brow.

Kili's eyes swept them over again, before he spoke. "Are you alright?"

Bofur looked up to Kili, pure joy lighting his eyes as he said in the most honest tone Kili had ever heard, "She's beautiful."

"She is," Kili said, Bofur's smile transferring to him as well.

"Her eyes," Ori began, voice shivering slightly.

"Aye," Kili finished. "They cut right through you."

Gimli still hadn't moved. Kili considered him for a moment as Ori and Bofur tried to clear the tears out of their eyes, increasingly massive grins splitting their faces. Finally, Kili said, "Go on, you two, after her. I'll bring Gim along in a moment."

A glance back at the frozen Gimli seemed to sober them a bit, but Kili gave them a nod of assurance, and they were off, Bofur nearly skipping, Ori and bumbling over his own feet after him. Kili watched them go for half a moment, before turning back to his cousin, speaking a bit more softly. "What did she say to you?"

Gimli merely shook his head slightly, his frown remaining.

Kili raised a brow. This was odd. "What did she show you?"

Finally, Gimli's head jerked up, his eyes, slightly teary, meeting Kili's. He shook his head a bit more, mouth opening and then closing as if he couldn't quite find the words to say. Kili gave him a moment, until at last, the ginger dwarf choked out, "How does she know?"

Kili frowned. That was a good question indeed. After a moment, Kili began speaking, saying, "I don't think she _knows_ for certain. But I think she's been around long enough to have a good idea."

"Right," Gimli said, though his tone said nothing of that being true, his eyes still a bit glazed. "Of course."

Kili gave him a moment to gather himself, before slinging an arm over the shorter dwarf's shoulders, beginning to guide him towards the staircase. "Come along then."

He could feel Gimli shaking. What on earth had Galadriel _said_ to make his usually obnoxious cousin go silent? (Perhaps Kili needed to learn this trick…)

They followed another staircase up a-ways, before they found the others. A wide, round platform had opened up, reminding him a bit of those in Rivendell. Across the platform, a gap in the trees provided a wide vista, showing a sea of trees rolling downwards from them. From this vantage point, they had to be almost at the top of the trees. The leaf cover above them was sparse, allowing a wash of dappled golden light to spread across Kili's skin. A round table stood, solitary in the center of the platform, six high backed chairs, looking to be made of white-bleached branches, placed around it. Galadriel was sat at the head of the table, in front of the vista, Natharin at her right side. Ori was seated on her left, looking shivery as a mouse, shooting nervous glances at the Lady every few seconds. Kili nudged Gimli to the seat beside Ori, before he took the only remaining one, directly across from Galadriel.

Natharin straightened in his seat as soon as Kili had sat down, turning to address Galadriel. "My Lady, if you would like to begin?"

Galadriel nodded slightly, before fixing her gaze onto Kili, who tried not to fidget. "Glorawen is not here."

A sharp sigh tugged out of his chest, his fists clenching, eyes squeezing shut. He knew that she wasn't. He had known for some time. A part of him just _knew_ that she wasn't near. Still, disappointment stung hard at his heart.

This struck his companions as well. Ori's eyes dropped to the table, a hard frown on his face, and Kili heard Bofur mutter "Bloody brilliant," his tone, for once, not hinting at humor.

"That's it, then I—"

Natharin cut Gimli off without even looking at him, addressing Kili. "But she was, not four days ago."

Kili blinked slowly. So she was? So he was on her path? He found his words choking a bit in his throat as he lifted his eyes again. "How…how was she?"

Galadriel's gaze glinted with something akin to pity. "She is fading."

Natharin continued. "She is alive, and in fair health, but her spirit is drifting."

 _Just as yours is._

Heat clenched in Kili's throat at the sound of Galadriel's silent words. He wasn't just seeking answers of Gwen when he asked his next question. "Why?"

"I am not sure," Natharin answered with a frown. "It was strange. She seemed hounded almost. Chased by dreams, haunted by memories. Every time that I came to wake her, she was already awake, eyes blank and staring. It could very well be that she wasn't sleeping at all."

By the time Natharin had finished that explanation, Kili could feel that he'd gone pale, his hands shaking slightly in his lap. "Mahal…"

 _She is chased by memories, forced to flee in her dreams._

"She's used to that, though," Kili shot back to Galadriel, not particularly caring if he appeared bloody insane. "She's used to running."

"Because she is used to it does not mean it does not weigh on her soul,' Galadriel replied, also out loud.

Kili lowered his head a bit, the familiar strain of this mission falling back hard onto his shoulders. "What are we to do now, then?"

Silence. He looked up to see the dwarves avoiding his gaze, while Natharin looked about at them, confused at their silence, before speaking. "She is but four days from here, Master Dwarf. If you make haste, I am sure that you will have caught up to her within the week."

Kili huffed a chuckle at the elf's tone. He spoke as if that was the most logical, simple response in the world. "It's not that simple, aye? I…I don't know that we can afford to go on with this wild goose chase."

"Wild goose chase?" Natharin spoke again, as the others still remained silent. "It is hardly that, I think. The person you have sought is just down the road—"

"I know that!" Kili burst out, looking up to meet Natharin's gaze with a glare. His mind was in enough tumult. The last thing he needed was an elf trying to pry into things that they knew nothing of. "But we've been running on 'just down the road' and 'just a bit further' for the better half of _a month_! Perhaps we've had enough! Perhaps we've just _tired_ of it all!"

The sourness of that lie settled on his tongue and was immediately prodded by the silent tone of Galadriel's voice.

 _You have not tired of it._

"I know," Kili breathed, trying to squeeze out some of his frustration as he looked into the tranquil pools of Galadriel's eyes. "But the others are."

"Oi!" Bofur piped up. "We're not tired!"

"Aye!" Ori agreed with a thin cover of gusto. "We can go on, Kili."

Gimli hesitated, but relinquished, "If she really is just down the road, I don't see why we wouldn't just get it done…"

"But it's not 'just down the road'," Kili sighed. "It never is! You know that."

"Aye, but—"

Kili cut Bofur up, placing his head in his hands hard. "You're _tired!_ I know it, I have eyes, I have ears. You're all sick and tired of this dead-end senseless quest." He shook his head, still in his palms. "And I don't disagree. I would be tired too."

There was a bit of a silence, until Bofur spoke up. "Well, I don't know if I'd say _senseless…"_

"You do have some sense," Ori added.

"Aye," Gimli snorted. "The sense of a madman."

That hit Kili in the heart and he sat back in his chair. Ori slapped Gimli hard on the arm. "Don't _say_ that!"

"We all know it's true," Kili chuckled, a wry smile spreading across his lips. "I've cracked, haven't I?" A curious twinkly in Galadriel's gaze caught his attention, but he pressed on, forcing some vague sort of authority into his tone. "I…I need to go home. I said that if she wasn't here, this would be the end. And…I suppose this is the end."

A tense silence fell, and Kili let his head drop back into the chair, sighing as defeat washed over him. "It's been a good run, I suppose." He tried desperately to ignore the throbbing of his heart at the thought of turning tail.

Galadriel spoke suddenly, her voice bearing an underlying sternness that sent a shiver down Kili's spine. "Kili, you were not drawn into this forest for it to be a turning point to home. No…you will continue this quest until you have succeeded."

Kili opened his mouth to speak, to argue for the cause of his weary friends, but Galadriel gave him no space to speak. "You will travel alone from now, and your companions will return to their home."

Disagreement from the dwarves broke out immediately, though Kili remained silent in consideration as Gimli grasped protectively onto his forearm.

"Y'can't just _separate_ us like that!"

"My Lady, he is our _family."_

"Who d'ya think you are anyway?"

Galadriel silenced all of this with a cool, sweeping gaze. "Without the determination,t he motivation , you need, this quest will quickly become impossible. "

Before his companions could start again, Kili silenced them with a look, before speaking, meeting Galadriel's gaze as steadily as he could manage. "Will I truly find her, if I continue alone?"

Protest sprung out of the others immediately, and a fit of annoyance slammed Kili's fist down on to the table, his teeth gritting. "Shut up, _all of you! "_

A strange, guilty sort of silence fell, and Kili forced out a calming sigh before addressing Galadriel again. "Will I meet her again if I go on?"

Galadriel considered him for a few long moments, her eyes sweeping over the entirety of his thoughts, gathering the information she needed to continue. At last she admitted, "Time can be the only true herald of such things, Kili."

He recognized the unspoken confirmation in her eyes, and breathed out a sigh, sitting back in his chair, trying to ignore the fact that all eyes around the table were fixed onto him. Bloody Mahal. This much attention was stressful. He mulled over his words a bit before speaking, his voice hardly seeming louder to him than the wind that blustered about them. "Very well. I will continue alone from here."

There was an almost audible intake of breath from around him. Kili kept his gaze fixed ahead, lest it stray to meet that of one of his companions. His friends. Mahal, what was he really leaving behind here?

Galadriel nodded towards him, a knowing smile lighting her lips. "I see. Natharin, you will go with me. I shall make arrangements for your departure," Galadriel said to the dwarves, before she stood from her seat.

Seeming almost as if in habit, the dwarves, except for Kili, stood as she did, in acknowledgement, a sign of silent respect. And indeed, that silence remained until the sound of Galadriel and Natharin's footsteps had disappeared from earshot. Kili tried not to wince as he felt the weight of their gazes on him. Finally, he forced himself to lift his chin and look them in the eye.

Bofur looked sad, certainly, and perhaps a bit regretful. He looked as if he had surrendered.

The pain in Kili's chest hurt a bit more at the sight of Ori who looked rather _sorry._ As if he had done something wrong, wringing his hands fitfully.

Gimli was, by far, the worst. Betrayal, raw and ragged, hung in his gaze, directed unflinchingly, and perhaps a bit tearfully at Kili.

Kili wilted under this pressure, clearing his throat slightly, before breaking the silence with a choked-out, "I'm sorry."

Bofur was the next one to speak, as he sat heavily back down into his chair, tugging at one flap of his hat. "Aye. We are too, lad."

That sent a sharp sting of regret into Kili's heart.

"You don't have to," Ori said, voice hardly louder than a breath, hands wringing all the more furiously. "We can stay with you."

"You can't," Kili corrected him gently. "It's been long enough that I've been dragging you about the countryside, with no proper payment of any sort."

"We didn't _ask_ for payment," Bofur scoffed. "Trust me. We'd had asked for it if we'd wanted it."

That drew a slight smile to Kili's face. "I…I know that. I cannot say enough how much I have appreciated you all coming along with me this far. But…" he struggled to find the right words. "It is time for me to face this on my own. I've bullied you along for too long."

"Hardly bullied," Bofur snorted.

Kili would miss that. The dwarf's uncanny ability to pull out a joke even at the most misplaced of times.

"Now _, Thorin_ ," he continued. "That was bullying, for sure. But with you, it was more…playful threatening."

Kili rolled his eyes, though a smile managed to curve his lips. "Aye sure." All of the sudden, he realized that Gimli had yet to speak. That was certainly a thing unusual for the young dwarf. Kili was a bit startled to find that the dwarf's broken gaze had hardened a bit to anger, seething behind his eyes. Kili's frown disappeared. "Gim?"

"You bloody _bastard,"_ he growled out before turning on his heel, storming down the stairs.

Kili let out a sigh. This was starting to seem like one of the temper tantrums Gimli would throw as a child to get his way. Only this time, it was hurting Kili's heart to see him this angry.

"What's got him?" Bofur asked.

"He seems quite—"

Kili cut Ori off, already getting to his feet. "I'll go after him."

He found himself hurrying down the stairs after his cousin. He was practically taking them two at a time, and found himself a bit out of breath when he finally caught up to the dwarf. "Gim!"

He made no move to having heard Kili's cry.

Kili rolled his eyes. "Bloody—Gim, for Mahal's sake, just—"

He did indeed stop quite suddenly, just before he went down another flight of stairs, whirling around, fire spitting in his eyes. "Get his name out of your mouth!"

"What?" Kili asked, recoiling a step back in surprise and confusion.

"You do not deserve to have the name of our creator on your lips if you betray your own kind!"

"Be—"Kili was taken aback. " _Betray?_ What are you on about, Gim?"

"You have forsaken us!" Gimli spat, his anger only seeming to grow. "You have forsaken your kind, your very kin, to these lying, scumbag _elves!"_

"I haven't forsaken anything!" Kili protested, his tone beginning to rise to match Gimli's.

"You have!" Gimli bellowed back, his voice breaking slightly. "You're following the advice of some loony, mind reading fairy, going after…after some elven _bitch_ instead of being where—"

That hit Kili like a blow to his chest, spilling a wash of fuel over the flame in his heart. "You know _nothing_ of her!" His fists were clenched hard to keep from striking the dwarf standing only feet away. "You know nothing of where I belong, or who I belong _to_ or who I bloody _am!_ You nothing of me, or what I have gone through, or—"

"I am not some innocent dwarfling, anymore, Kili!" Gimli roared, his hands clenching onto the hilt of his axe, muscles tense. "You cannot push me aside as you always have! You cannot just _leave me behind_ in the dark anymore! I know this world. I know _you!_ And I know when you're making a decision that you'll regret forever!"

"You know—Maybe I will!" Kili shouted, throwing his hands back, fighting against the terrible feeling that rose up in his throat. "Maybe I will regret this forever, Gim. But you don't know, just as I don't! But one thing I sure as hell know, is wherever I am after this won't be the _rift_ I'm trapped in now! I'll know for sure what was meant to be, and what can be! I can't _live like this_ anymore!"

Kili found himself drawing in sharp, ragged breaths, clutching at the handful of fabric over his throbbing heart, waiting for Gimli to speak. When no sound came, Kili swallowed down the thickness in his throat, speaking through his gravelly, low voice. "I'm tired, alright Gim? I've tried to keep it together, but I'm slipping away. I'm…I can't drag the rest of you down with me any longer. You know that."

Gimli stared firmly out over Kili's shoulder, refusing to show emotion or respond in the slightest, it seemed. Kili sighed. "I know you don't understand, and…I don't either. But this would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would always be wondering what may have come of it, if I had only done what I knew I should. …Maybe I will regret this all by the end of it," he acknowledged, letting his shoulders slump. "But I won't regret it as must as I'll hate myself for never having tried."

"Very well," Gimli finally said after a pause of at least a few minutes. Kili's heart tore a little more in his chest. His cousin, his _friend_ , still refused to meet his gaze. "I hope she's worth it."

The words rang in the air, hollow, and empty of any true hope. Kili watched helplessly as Gimli stormed away down the staircase.

Just as the dwarf fell out of sight, Kili had a sudden thought. This thought was affirmed as Gimli reappeared, marching, huffing past Kili, muttering, "I don't bloody know where I'm going in this bloody place."

Despite the gaping rift forming in Kili's chest, a slight smile forced itself onto his face. That lad had always had the directional sense of a drunken slug.

* * *

 _ **Aaaargh, these chapters are so heavy….don't worry, they will lighten up later. Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! They make my little fangirl heart siiiiiing.**_

 _ **Ahem. That got a bit weird. By the by, if you're looking for more of these characters, go check out my other running story, Shibboleth. Review if you have the time or will to make this fanfic author very happy. See you next week!**_


	11. Gifts and Goodbyes

_**I don't own anything you recognize. Unless you recognize Gwen. I own her.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER ELEVEN**

GIFTS AND GOODBYES

The next day dawned overcast and dreary, matching, quite well, what Kili was feeling. A certain sort of defeat had come upon him. He was losing one of the last things he had brought with him from home, his friends and family. Now, save some distant and out of reach memory of a girl named 'Gwen,' he was alone, to push on or be left to die. What a cheerful though that was.

He knew his mum would be furious. He was sure to get quite the lashing if he did ever get back to his home. Hopefully, though, the letter, freshly sealed and gripped in his hands would help to soften the blow. In the note addressed to his brother, he'd explained what was going on, and asked him to send messages to the likes of Thorin and Dis. If Kili was to return, perhaps he could keep from having his hide tanned the moment he stepped through the door.

'If he was to return…' That was an odd thought. In all likelihood, he supposed, he wouldn't be getting home if he carried on as he was. He had no idea where he was going, or what he might encounter. On another day, he may have laughed at his own lack of preparation. That day, though, he merely gripped his letter all the tighter, sending a glance to his already packed bags, just feet away from him.

He let a few more minutes of waiting drag by, before he allowed himself to get up to his feet, marching briskly towards the meeting place. He tucked his letter into his jacket, lest the occasional flicks of rain catch on it. It was hard enough to get just the one piece of parchment to write on. He couldn't imagine trying to secure another one from the unearthly creatures that surrounded him.

That was certainly one disadvantage in living with such ethereal, disconnected people. He was still of the world, even if they weren't. He still wrote letters to transfer information, even if they hadn't seen parchment in 3 centuries.

Kili was happy to see that he wasn't too early to his companion's seeing off. They were checking over their newly refreshed packs one more time, being sure that they had all of the supplies they would need to return home. Kili smiled faintly at them. Bofur and Ori returned this gesture, though Gimli blatantly ignored him. Kili was unsurprised.

He made his way to Ori, kneeling beside him. "Could you do me a favor?"

"What sort of favor?" the young dwarf asked, immediately visibly suspicious of Kili.

He tried not to roll his eyes as he drew the letter from his coat. "I need you to get this safely into Fili's hands once you get back."

Ori looked down at the letter, a bit taken aback. "What's this? Why not one of the others?"

Kili shrugged. "Gimli thinks I've gone totally rogue, and Bofur's going to get drunker than a skunk before you even reach the next inn. You're the best person here for the job, Ori."

He still refused to take it, even as Kili shoved the folded parchment into his woolen mitten. "Kili, I can't—"

"Please, Ori," Kili said softly. "I need you to do this for me."

Hearing the honesty in Kili's tone, Ori took it fairly grudgingly, sliding it away into the file of papers he kept stored in his pack. "If you really think I'm best for the job."

Kili smiled, feeling emotions well up in his throat. "Thank you." That came out far too croaky and affected for his taste, so Kili cleared his throat firmly, before rising to his feet. "I…I wanted to say thank you to all of you."

Ori looked up at him with wide eyes, while Bofur smiled. Gimli froze in his actions, though he did not lift his head to look at Kili as he continued, trying to make the words as eloquent as possible. "You've…you've carried me so far in this journey, and honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better troupe to take me this far."

A grin skewed Bofur's face. "It's been fun."

Gimli snorted sharply at that, before instantly falling silent. Kili's heart sunk in his chest a bit further. So Gimli really wasn't going to let go of this. Kili pushed that pain away, forcing a smile onto his face. "Get home safe, aye?"

Ori nodded. "We'll try." He gave a pat to the letter in his pack, and Kili's smile twitched slightly more genuine.

"Is there anything else you require?"

Kili turned to see that Natharin had approached, his honey-brown hair still somehow perfect, despite the rain.

Bofur stood up straight. "I don't think so, no. Anything you can think of, lads?"

There were only grunts of denial.

Kili cleared his throat, trying to steel his emotions up. "…Well, I suppose this is goodbye."

Bofur smiled again, stepping closer to clap Kili into an embrace, knocking their foreheads together. "Good luck with your lass. We'll see you back at home soon."

Kili nodded. "Bofur, you…through this journey—"

"I know," Bofur interrupted, giving him another hearty pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry yourself about it."

With that, the ever-cheerful dwarf cleared away to his pack. Ori was next, who took Kili into a surprisingly tight hug. Kili blinked in shock for a moment, but returned the embrace after a minute. "Tell them all I'm alright, aye? And explain what happened in a way that _won't_ get me killed when I do get back home."

Ori only nodded, and Kili understood his silence as the young dwarf pulled away in a second, swiping away tears with his sleeve. Just before he turned around again, Kili caught his shoulder, turning him back around. "Stay safe, Ori."

"You too," he managed, before hurrying off to his pack, trying to shake away the tears that welled up in his eyes.

When Kili turned, he found Gimli had already hoisted his pack, not sparing a glance as he asked, "We ready to go?"

"Gim," Kili said softly, hoping the emotions in his tone would be enough to sway the attention of the stubborn, young dwarfling.

"What?" Gimli said sharply, turning to face Kili with cold eyes.

Kili grit his teeth against a sigh, and searched his gaze for warmth, remorse, sadness…anything. He came up blank, and just choked out, "Please try to understand."

Gimli stared right back for a minute, before his gaze dropped away, his tone dismissive. "Goodbye, Kili."

Bofur, who had come up to his side, placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about him. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

Kili nodded, trying to shake the weight of pain off of his heart.

Bofur stepped away, taking a look across the others. "Let's head out, then."

They nodded, and Bofur shot one last smile back at Kili, before announcing, "Alright then, lads, we're off!"

Kili couldn't look away as they started off down the path. Only a few feet away, Kili heard Bofur's voice start drawling, " _Theeeere's an inn, there's an inn, a merry old inn, beneath an old grey hill…"_

He chuckled to himself as he already heard the others groaning in complaint at the off-key singing. Perhaps he was a bit fortunate not to be on that journey with them.

Kili watched them track down the path further and further, only snapping out of this slight stupor as a massive tree trunk obscured them from sight. A chill ran down his spine. The rain had gotten stronger, falling properly now, half-soaking his light clothes. With any sort of luck, he'd catch his death of a cold.

"Master Kili," Natharin said from behind.

Kili turned, shaking his head a bit to knock the cobwebs of doubt from his thoughts. "Yes?"

"Lady Galadriel had requested your presence."

Kili nodded.

* * *

He found the Lady of Light again, in a place high in the trees. This was covered though, with delicately carved vaulted ceilings, and though its walls were open, looked to be more of a space to live in than to have meetings in. The lower level of the platform bore a table in the center, rich carved chairs placed around it. A staircase from there lead to a higher alcove, walls formed more solidly, save a window of sorts opened in the center. Galadriel stood, her back to him, in a softer gown of dusted gray that hung from her, shining faintly in the dim light. She seemed fixated on the view that the window presented her. Natharin, who had lead Kili up to this place, nodded respectfully towards Galadriel, before ducking back out the way they came. Now alone, Kili took a few cautious steps closer, trying not to shiver from the chill of his damp clothing. "My Lady…"

Galadriel did not turn, remaining silent.

Kili frowned slightly, but continued up the staircase, glad that the sound of his heavy boots against the wood floor was disguised by the hush of the rain, showering onto freshly growing leaves, all around. In the raised space, he found there to be two chairs, both angled towards the window. Set into the wall was a twisting line of bookshelves, tomes looking to be centuries old lining them. Knowing elves, these books likely were at _least_ centuries old. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around himself to preserve his own warmth as he stepped up behind her. "Galadriel—"

"You are cold," She said, suddenly, though her gaze did not part from the greyish light of the window. She indicated without looking, to the right chair, where a silvered-grey length of fabric draped across the top.

Kili hesitated slightly, but bit back any objection as another shiver wracked through him. Although more covered than the rest of Caras Galadhon, this house was still certainly breezy. He plucked the fabric up off the chair, delighted to find it marvelously soft in his hands, seeming to be made of some fine wool, though thinner than any Kili had seen or felt. As he wrapped it about his shoulders, however, he discovered the legends of magical elven clothing were true. Though it was thin, it seemed almost to radiate his warmth back at him, releasing a sigh of relief from his lungs.

Ori would love to get a good look at this. His mum would as well. She'd have quite the conniption, of course, if she found out it was of elven make…

"This is my favorite place in the city," Galadriel said softly, almost as if Kili wasn't really supposed to hear.

Kili could only nod, taking another glance around. The alcove certainly did seem more homely than the rest of the place.

"Yes," Galadriel replied. "I do find it to be…home." For a moment, her gaze stayed locked onto the view of the gray horizon, but soon, she turned to him, giving him the slightest of smiles, before sweeping back into the left chair. Kili was somewhat frustrated to see that she was even _sitting_ in a way that made her appear as if she were floating. Were these elves ever just _clumsy?_ "If you would have a seat, Kili."

He did as he was told.

"Your friends…they are gone now?"

"Aye," Kili said. "They just left."

Galadriel nodded slightly. "I see." She sent another glance towards the window. "Your heart is troubled."

"It is," Kili agreed. "I…I'm not sure if I've made the right decision."

Galadriel considered him for a moment before replying, "And you will not be for some time."

Kili let out a sigh as she confirmed his worries, slumping slightly back into his chair. "What gain will it be to have followed my heart if I lose everything else in the process?"

She again, took pause, as if thinking deeply. "It is not for me to say. Only time can tell you the answers you seek."

Kili huffed. He didn't _want_ to bloody wait. He wanted to feel like his life had some sort of certainty to it again. He yearned for the monotony that his life had held before all of this nonsense. He longed to know what was behind every turn, to know every twist of the path before him.

He almost chuckled at his own thoughts. He could hardly believe this was really him, wishing for _less_ adventure, less opportunity. Oh, how time had changed him.

"Kili, you will not be returning home for a time after you have found Glorawen."

Kili found himself staring down at his lap hard as he tried to process this new information. "What?"

"I spoke to her, and now I shall speak to you. You know, Kili, that a darkness is growing in this land."

A certain…shadow edged upon Galadriel's tone at the sound of this. Kili tried not to squirm in discomfort, shrugging, meeting her gaze with a frown. "I suppose. What's that got to do with me, though?"

"Glorawen is travelling eastward, where this growing darkness has a particular…foothold." There was certainly more behind that that Galadriel would not share with him. It made his skin crawl all over. "When you join her, the two of you shall continue into the depths of this power, and learn for me, what even my eyes cannot see."

"What…I don't understand," Kili said, shifting a bit away from Galadriel. An odd, faraway look had come upon her eyes, edged with something chillingly dark. "What is this power you speak of?"

Galadriel's chin lifted as she looked him over, a strange air of distance settling over her. "An ancient, and terrible darkness. One that, unchecked, could destroy all that we have ever held dear. Your…quest will aid in the checking of this evil."

Kili hesitated, finding himself shying away from Galadriel. Where had the warm, smiling vision gone? What was this darkness, so dark that it could creep into this Lady of Light herself? "What if I refuse?"

Galadriel's gaze locked sharply onto his and a gasp tore from his throat.

Fire filled him. It burned his skin, twisted his flesh. Screams pierced his ears, not just his own. Screams of hundreds, of thousands. Darkness swelled inside him, unstoppable, unfaceable. No light could pierce its venom. There was Ori, his books burned, those clever hands chained. Bofur, his hat trod into the mud, his voice for song choked away. Dwalin, broken and beaten, caged in the mud. Bilbo, smeared with blood and dirt, beat beyond recognition, the heat of wicked fire lighting his face in angry, red light. Thorin, stripped of any honor, broken and unbreathing in a gully. Dis, shattered to silence and surrender, mauled beyond recovery, hardly able to crawl in line with hundreds of other dwarrows. And Fili, scourged to the bone, slowly eaten away by flames and fire, the flesh melting from his very bones, drip by drip by drip... The darkness choked tightly around his throat, swallowing his vision until all that was left of existence was his fractured soul and that single burning _eye._

 _DWARF._

No matter how much he strained and struggled, he did not have the power to move as jagged sound surrounded him.

 _I_ SEE _YOU._

He convulsed with a sharp gasp, barely remaining in his chair as he choked life back into him, his eyes greedily sucking in the faint cool light, the damp, chill air a blessing against his skin.

When he finally lifted his head to Galadriel, she stared blankly at her hands in her lap, her eyes and pupils blown wide, her shoulders shaking slightly. The silence was heavy, though a welcome change from the crackle of flame, the tearing of voices, the screeching of metal. Kili took his time, regaining his wits, his heart still thudding viciously as he met Galadriel's gaze.

"For everything that you hold dear, Kili," Galadriel said, her voice hoarse. "You must help as you can."

Kili could only nod. After a moment, he regained himself enough to ask, "What are we to learn?"

"The enemy has a hold, already, on that place. If ever he was to start gathering physical power back to him, he would first spread his forces into the men of the east."

He nodded again, slowly. Why would she ask this of him, though? What made him the one to bear this quest upon his back?

"Sometimes the most unlikely of figures are truly those who become heroes, Kili," Galadriel said in reply to his thoughts. "You have seen this darkness already," She added. She swept her eyes over him, and Kili felt a throb in the knot of scar tissue on his thigh. His Morgul wound. He remembered it, somewhat. He remembered that chill, slowly taking over him, glazing all to black, stilling his thoughts. Putting, in place a feeling of darkness, deep and more impenetrable than the sea. "You have seen it touch the hearts of those you've loved." Thorin's gaze, laced with the madness of a dragon, flashed through his mind's eye. "You've witnessed the power of corruption is brings to pass," A sudden throb of the healing wound on his arm recollected the horrifying decrepitness of that strange creature in the Gladden fields. " And Glorawen…" Galadriel paused slightly. "She knows the place, though she is not part of it. She will prove to be an able guide, I think."

Another slight chill went up Kili's spine, but he ignored it in favor of asking, "This…This will be dangerous, will it not be? If the darkness is growing, who's to say it won't grow to…us?"

"It will be dangerous," she said. "And this evil is strong enough that without your awareness, it will grow upon your hearts. You must fight it with all that you are."

"And when we cannot fight it any longer?" Kili was almost angry at himself for asking a question he really didn't want to know the answer to.

In a moment, Galadriel had drawn something from her sleeve, holding it, in the center of her palm. It looked to be a small vial, no larger than her palm, tipped at one end with an elegant silver cap, the whole device made of pure, clear crystal. "This may aid you."

Kili hesitated for a moment, before he reached over, lifting the slender capsule. It was practically lighter than air, and felt oddly delicate in the callused bulk of his hand. He lifted it to the light, swirling it gently. Just as he'd thought, it was empty.

"It is empty so that it may be filled, Kili. It will serve to draw the darkness from you when the time comes."

Kili regarded it carefully, frowning. After a few moments of consideration he spoke, voice barely loud enough to be heard, "Will we survive?"

Once again, Galadriel sighed softly, before saying, "Only time will tell."

Kili's fist wrapped around the vial, and he was half surprised that it didn't break as he repeated, "Only time will tell?" He found himself surprised by the sudden anger rising in him. The sudden will to _live._ "You're sending me into the heart of a darkness that could spell the end of all good in this land, and all you can assure me is that 'time will tell' if I ever even reach my home again? What if that's not enough assurance for me?"

"It must be enough," Galadriel said, voice raising to match his, though remaining firmly emotionless. "If you do not do your part here, Kili, son of Kilhon, you will have to live and die by the hand of this evil, knowing that your decisions here could have saved the lives of those that you love. You will live to know that your fear of death chained your friends, your allies, and your family to an eternal _damnation._ Do you wish to live with this knowledge in your heart?"

Kili found himself cowering a bit away from Galadriel. All of the sudden, the wind was catching against her hair, whisking it about as a harsh, hoarse edge came upon her voice. Still, he grit his teeth, determined to remain true to his objections. "I want to _live._ You would not have a concept of it, but I have lived for not even a _century_ yet! I have seen nothing of the world, not experienced half of the joys that it can contain, and now you wish that I tear myself from it? I apologize but—"

"You think I have no concept of time, no idea of the value, and the fragility of life? I have seen eons pass before my eyes, and I have seen youthful lives squandered for the cause of _nothing!_ " It seemed the wind had picked up a bit more, her eyes going a touch wider and wilder, the depths of them flashing with memories. "And now when I say that your life, should it be vanquished on this journey, would serve a cause far grander than this world has seen in centuries, you _disbelieve me?_ I will not have such _insolence_ from one unknowing of their place in this _world!"_

Kili's back hit the chair behind him, his hands gripping hard to the arms of the chair as Galadriel rose from her seat, the fire behind her eyes flaring, crackling with power, her voice deepening to shake the particles of air around him. He was frozen, staring at the cold fury gripping her gaze, not even daring to draw in another breath.

It took an instant for this spell to drop. The heaviness that had grown in the air was whisked away by a particular breeze, and the air rushed back into Kili's lungs as the elleth's consuming stare was shifted away from him. Galadriel's eyes were wide in some strange surprise, as if she had not known what she was doing. It was like before, after the vision Kili had. Like the words had taken over without her consent, and left her hollow and startled.

She dragged in a slightly shaking breath, before she stepped back to the window, her trembling hands locking onto the sill as her eyes fixed to the gray skies shown through the gap. "I cannot force you to help, Kili. I can only say that in the age that we are coming upon in this world, every soul in this land will be called upon to make sacrifices. Sacrifices that could cost them everything. I call upon you now, not as a demand, but as a request. We are in need of your aid."

"Fine," Kili said his voice sounding almost as shaken up as Galadriel's. "I'll…I'll do it."

A sigh swept from her, though Kili could determine no specific emotion from it. "Thank you."

"What…" Kili struggled to find the proper way to phrase his question. "Why did Gwen not stay here, and wait for me?"

"My dear Kili," Galadriel began, the slight smile on her face audible. "I did not know that she had anyone to wait for."

Kili frowned. "You sent her to face this on her own?"

"I had a sense," Galadriel explained as she drew herself away from the window, returning to her seat in front of Kili. "A sense that she would not be alone." Her gaze flicked across him. "And the Valar have proved true."

"And if she does not except me? If she flees again?"

The soft smile lighting her face put Kili somewhat at ease especially with her little episode of psychosis only minutes earlier. "Then I expect you to continue giving chase, I should think.

* * *

 _ **Galadriel be cray. Maybe I overdid the whole psycho-Galadriel thing, but hey, a darkness is growing, even over our Lady of Light. But there you have it! The plot of this story, actually revealed! Are you excited? I'm excited.**_

 _ **If you're looking for more to read, I'm posting some Christmassy stuff over on my other story, Shibboleth, so go check it out,**_

 _ **Review if you had any thoughts…especially if you're as excited as I am to have this story finally going somewhere. I love you all! Have a good week!**_


	12. Bat Toenails

_**As of yet, I don't own the Hobbit franchise or any of its characters. After the 25**_ _ **th**_ _ **though, we'll see.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWELVE**

BAT TOENAILS

He started out the next morning without a single glance back at Caras Galadhon. It hurt his heart a bit, being there. It felt like he was both betraying someone, and being betrayed at the same time. Betraying someone, probably due to the fact that he swore to turn back home if he didn't find Gwen there. Betrayed, because against all logic, a part of his heart was positive that she was there. These feelings clashed awkwardly in his gut, making him almost feel a bit sick to the stomach as Natharin lead him silently along a small forest path.

It reached to be about lunch time before his elven guide spoke. "Should we have a break?"

Kili nodded, stepping off the path into the small, shaded glade to the side of it. He dropped his pack, bow and quiver to the ground before seating himself on a mossy log. Natharin did likewise. Still silent in drifting thought, Kili reached down, looking through the supplies he'd numbly packed into his bag. Although he wasn't hungry, it would be good for him to keep his strength up as much as possible. He frowned as he saw a flash of green from the sack of dry food he was supplied. He drew out a rectangle the size of his palm, wrapped in glossy, dry leaves. "What's this?" he mumbled to Natharin, who had also drawn a piece of it from his pack.

Natharin looked up, seemingly surprised to hear his voice, but replied, "Lembas," as if that should have been self-evident.

Kili flicked a gaze down to the pack, before he looked back up to Natharin, lifting a brow for further explanation.

Natharin sighed and unwrapped the leaf a bit, revealing a white, biscuit-like thing. He crumbled off a chunk from the corner. "Lembas bread. It's an elven creation. A single bite can keep a full grown man full for a day."

Kili snorted at the somewhat smug expression on the elf's face as he tossed the tiny piece back. "We'll see about that."

The bite Kili took was about as dry and crumbly as it looked, and he had to force the faintly sweet mouthful down, his mouth sucked of any moisture. Natharin chuckled at his expression before taking a neat swig from his waterskin. "It can be a bit dry, however."

"Thanks for the warning," Kili grumbled, reaching for his own water.

That stubborn smile remained on the elf's face.

* * *

There was little more communication between them as they pressed on. It seemed that there was some silent communication between them. The understanding was that neither of them particularly wanted to be there, and they would both rather be with other people if they were to be trapped in this forest anyway. And yet, they were stuck with each other.

Kili was, grudgingly, a bit impressed by the elvish bread. He hadn't felt a pang of hunger all day, after even two bites, though that could possibly be accredited to his general sour stomach from the past two days. That fact wasn't helped by the elves' apparent lack of any sort of actual _meat._ Honestly, how could anyone survive on plants? He was sick from just a few days of it.

With a short exchange, they agreed to stay the night in a clearing a few dozen yards off of the side of the path. While the spring was coming quickly, the nights were still fairly cold so Kili started up a small fire, while Natharin collected wood for the night. They had just settled down on opposite sides of the fire for a supper of cold lembas bread when Natharin spoke. "Master Kili, what was Glorawen's story?"

Kili frowned and took a gulp of water before asking, "What'd you mean?"

Natharin shrugged. "Where was she? How do you know her? Why do you care to chase after her?"

"How much do you know?"

"Nothing, really," Natharin replied. "She wouldn't tell me a thing, and the Lady Galadriel isn't exactly an open book."

Kili paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before beginning the tale, keeping his eyes fixed onto the faintly flickering light of the fire. "Her father was a woodland elf of Mirkwood who fell in love with a travelling human woman. He betrayed Thranduil's wishes and chased after her, and received eternal banishment for him and his decedents as retribution." Natharin looked faintly surprised at that, but Kili continued. "They moved east, and Gwen was born. Her father died when she was young, and her mother, of age, soon after. She spent much of her time wandering the area East of the Misty Mountains, and with the Rangers in the North, never really finding a place to be home."

"Why did she not find home in Lothlorien? Or in Rivendell?"

Kili shrugged. "It didn't feel like home to her, I suppose. It is terribly hard being a mortal living with you immortals, you know?"

Natharin snorted. "I'm terribly sorry, but I don't have a concept of that."

"Anyway," Kili said, preparing to end his story. "We crossed paths in the Misty Mountains, and she tagged along with our group for some time. She had a bit of a…falling out with the leader of our company, and was thrown out of our midst."

"And now?" Natharin prompted.

"And now I'm finding her again," Kili said quite simply, with a shrug.

The elf inspected Kili's face carefully, as if searching for more information before sitting back. "There's something more that you're not saying."

Kili let out a dry chuckle (one of those odd little habits Gwen had infected him with some time ago), settling back into his log. "There's always more."

"Fair enough. But…just tell me. Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"It's tearing you apart," Natharin explained softly. "This search is killing you from the inside out. So, why do you continue?"

Another halfhearted laugh, all humorless. "She's got the other half to my heart. I'd quite like to get it back sooner rather than later."

"Oh." Natharin seemed a bit surprised at that, but Kili could hear a smile in his voice. "Love, then. It makes you all do some wild things, does it not?"

"The _wildest,"_ Kili confirmed, his thoughts flashing across a hundred different recollections of the absurd things he's done for love. It really was absurd.

* * *

He settled down in his bedroll, which had apparently been cleaned by the elves. Natharin would be keeping watch, because apparently, elves had no need to sleep. In Kili's opinion, this just made them all the more unnerving. Still, it was probably a good thing. Kili needed as much rest as he could get.

Despite the warmth of his soft bedroll and coats, the weight of a full stomach, and a head weary for sleep, Kili still couldn't quite drift off. There was a panging, hollow feeling in his chest, like a piece had been taken from it. Of course, Kili recognized, as he reached out to pull closer a body that wasn't there, this lack was Gwen. Bloody Mahal, could the girl give him no rest?

His mind quite set on ignoring any more odd ponderings he could think up, Kili snuggled deeper into his blankets, before willing himself to sleep.

* * *

His goodbye to Natharin had been brief, but Kili felt a slight bit emotional as he turned his back from the elf. He really wasn't bad. For an elf, that was.

The River Anduin rushed merrily by again, and the heaviness in Kili's heart grew more. He would be continuing his search for the same girl on the same river as before, with the same idea on where she could be as before, but without the company of his friends and family. He had gained nothing, but lost something quite dear to his heart. As a brisk wind whipped over him, bearing the air of distant, dusty places, Kili sighed, reaching up to the string under his tunic, strung with Galadriel's vial as well as Gwen's ring. Two of his most precious possessions.

Kili shook any dregs of odd sentimentality out of his head before starting down the long road before him.

* * *

With no travelling companions to concern himself with, Kili pressed on without ceasing. He sustained himself for the whole day on bites of lembas and sips of water, hardly letting himself stop for more than five minutes through the whole day. If he was going to be catching up with Gwen, he couldn't spare any time for dawdling.

The sun had well gone down by the time that any thought of sleep occurred to him. He stopped at the side of the road, and sat himself in a small clearing, resting his sore feet, and choking down a perfectly sweet ripe apple, that somehow turned to sand on his tongue. He'd considered a fire, but thought against it fairly quickly, and simply wrapped himself up in his bedroll and cloak.

He dozed off a bit, but by midnight, Kili found himself just as restless as the previous night. After perhaps another hour of trying to force himself to sleep, Kili stood with a sigh, packing his bedroll and slinging his pack, carrying on the road.

By the time that the next morning had rolled around, Kili could feel the lack of sleep from the past nights. His limbs were heavy, vision unfocused. But now, of course, there was even less of a chance that he'd be able to fall asleep. The decision to carry on through the day was, perhaps, influenced by his desire to finally catch up to the girl. He could get plenty of sleep once she was safely tucked into his arms.

The day trailed by listlessly, Kili's thoughts blurring out somewhat into a dull throb at the back of his head. His legs carried him onward though, the path rolling away beneath him, mile after mile. The odd thought occurred to him that he hadn't seen anyone, or even heard his own voice outside of the odd sigh in…hours? Days? Weeks? It was so terribly difficult to tell sometimes.

The world startled him out of his own mind by catching his foot against a stick on the path. He went sprawling towards the ground, but quickly found that he didn't just stop there. Evidently, he had been straying a bit too close to the edge of the path, which dropped away sharply downwards. Dust flew up into his eyes and nose, the world spinning and sliding and scraping against him, his gut churning, head throbbing. Dear, Mahal, what…

He caught in his fall suddenly, arms yanking painfully in their sockets, breath crushing from his chest before, with an awkward slipping and tangling of limbs, he fell free, rolling and scraping onward. Unfortunately, his fall was once again jerked to a stop a cracking, stinging line of feeling across the front of his throat. A strangled, dry cry choked out of him until, with a terrible snap, he was freed, scrambling for breath, and clear thought as his plummet continued.

One last stop came in the form of a terrible splash, water and grit crowding into his nose and mouth, yanking the air from his lungs, sucking the energy from his limbs. His eyes closed tightly without his willing, and he was being thrashed and tossed in the rush of water, a world of breathless, terrored darkness. He clutched for a firm grip on anything, but all his grasping fingers found was ever-shifting water and sand. Nothing tangible.

 _Thorin…_

 _Mama…_

 _Fili…_

 _Gwen…_

 _Gwen._

He grasped onto the slippery, muddy feeling of the thing with the fervor of a dying man snatching at the dregs of life. With a strength he did not truly have, he hauled himself towards it.

Air breached the world, and his lungs dragged it in without his doing, catching and choking on river water all the way. His feet found some grip, and he floundered out of the water, choking and trembling, eyes rolling about his head.

Was this what Gwen had felt like, when she went after Thorin in that river? When she had fallen, choking and trembling, into him? Where was she now, to comfort him, to return the favor? Where was she?

He'd hardly managed to rid his lungs of half of the water sloshing in him, when, with a sharp crack, the night flashed into blackness.

* * *

"Papa? Is he dead?"

"Hush, boy."

Kili let out a groan as the hand shifted his shoulder again. Everything hurt.

"He made a noise, Pa—"

" _Hush,_ I said!" The hand landed on his shoulder again, this time a bit more gently. The voice spoke then, softer. "Lad, can you hear me?"

A slight whimper slid out of Kili's throat.

"There you are. Now why don't you open up your eyes?"

After a moment, Kili tried to do as he was being instructed. However, even the watery light of dawn cut through him worse than any hangover he'd ever felt, and his throat throbbed as a hoarse cry rattled out of it.

"Ah, it's alright," the voice said, patting his shoulder softly. "Don't you worry yourself about it. I'll just roll you over for a moment. Althron, fetch me my waterskin."

The hand became more insistent, urging him onto his back, flat onto the ground.

"Yes, Papa!"

"Just hold still a moment," the voice said to him, in a firm but gentle tone. "I'll just be checking to make sure everything's alright."

Kili was confused, for a moment, as to what that meant, but quickly realized as a hand landed on his ribs, sending a flush of deep pain through his abdomen. He flinched away slightly as the rough hand applied slightly more pressure, a yelp choking out of his closed lips. "Hush," the voice said again, the hand shifting. "I need to check if anything's seriously broken."

Kili resigned himself to biting his raw tongue to keep the silence, even as his muscles spasmed in pain.

"Here, Papa."

In a moment, the attention shifted to the point of throbbing pain at his temple. A cool cloth dabbed against it, setting it stinging, and Kili had to fight himself not to flinch away. By the time the attention drew away from the wound, Kili's whole head was thudding with pain, the light straining through his closed eyelids searing him.

"Your ribs are bruised up a bit," the more gruff voice said, "and you're head's been knocked a bit silly, but I think you won't be dying."

Kili was about to grunt in reply when the smaller voice said quietly, almost as if not for his ears, "Why hasn't he woken up yet, Papa?"

Kili tried to answer that himself, pulling his eyes open and grumbling out, "I am awake." Unfortunately, he was only able to pry his eyelids open to a squint, and his words jumbled into a mumbled, "Mm'wae…"

After a moment, the smaller voice spoke again, "Are you _sure_ he's not dead, Papa?"

Kili let out a low groan. He hadn't been fully alive but ten minutes, and whoever this child was, he seemed more than a bit annoying.

* * *

 _Oh, how the great have fallen,_ Kili mused as his eyes locked onto the dusty road, rolling by, only a few inches from his nose. His ribs throbbed faintly with every little bump the cart passed over, and his head felt full of an odd mixture of cotton fluff and pain. Galthron, the man who had found him, half stripped on the side of the road, had insisted Kili lay down as they travelled, a rule strictly enforced by his ever eager son, Althron.

Evidently, in his stupor of exhaustion, Kili had managed a fall into the river where he lost his pack on the way down. When he managed to drag himself out of the swelling river, it had been just his lucky day as a troop of street bandits had found him, giving him a good bash on the head, and kicking up his ribs, stealing most of his coats. Even more bitter of a loss was the cord around Kili's neck, that had held Gwen's ring and Galadriel's gift. His heart stung with disappointment. Those two pieces had brought an odd sort of comfort to him

Galthron had decided to bring him along in his empty livestock cart to the next village down the road. Kili wasn't entirely sure _why_ this travelling salesman would want anything to do with a half-dead dwarf, but he couldn't exactly be ungrateful. The man had even found his pack earlier that night, and had returned it to Kili as soon as Kili realized that it was his.

Of course, this all meant that Kili was left lying down in a bed of sparse straw, smelling strongly of livestock for the entirety of the day, the horse dragging them on at an almost murderously slow pace. Kili had to grudgingly admit that it probably was good that he have someone to watch after him, make sure he's resting, and all that.

Althron had turned out roughly as annoying as Kili had imagined. The lad was full of questions, for his father (who merely answered with a grunt) and Kili (who, after the second hour, began simply telling the boy that he would have to "ask again later"). It was his first trip out with his father, and apparently, the lad had never seen a dwarf before. He seemed set to remember every answer Kili gave to his questions on dwarves, so that he'd be able to rehearse it properly to his friends back at home.

When they stopped for the night, Kili was left stirring the pot of thin beef stew over the fire, seeing as a few bruised up ribs evidently incapacitated him completely. Althron was at his side, happily feeding small bits of wood into the fire. "Do you have stew often in your caves?"

"We do," Kili answered. "Though not quite like this."

"Really?" Althron asked, his curiosity drawn. "How's it different?"

Kili paused before answering that, sitting up to peer into the boiling cauldron. Odd, white bits were floating at the top, something slimy lurking at the bottom, while chunks of something suspiciously purple tied the whole thing together. While Kili could have simply done a comparison of this strange dish to the stew Bombur made, he decided to take it a different route. "Well, you know, it's never a proper dwarf stew unless you put bat toenails in it."

Althron wrinkled his nose in disgust, recoiling slightly. "Bat toenails? That's nasty!"

"You don't _eat_ them," Kili admonished, as if this should be obvious. "You pick them out before you eat it."

"Why'd you put them in the first place then?" Althron challenged, a grudging sort of disbelief on his small features.

"Flavor," Kili explained. "Like I said, it's not a proper dwarven stew without half a dozen bat-nails."

"I didn't know bats had toenails," Althron said after a moment of deep thought.

"Of course, they do," Kili scoffed. "What else would be on their toes?"

Althron looked up to him, suspicion written across his features. Kili met with this with a raised eyebrow, until Althron shrugged, turning with a frown to prod at the fire a moment longer. "I guess. There _are_ a lot of bats in caves."

"Exactly," Kili said, a smug sense of satisfaction rising in his chest. "Bat toenails, the key to any good stew, they are."

Of course, Galthron took that precise moment to return from camp with water, just in time to hear the end of Kili's little tall tale. As the aging man merely quirked an eyebrow at Kili, the dwarf found a genuine smile on his face for the first time in quite a few days. And it felt good.

* * *

 _ **Heeeeey! I got a chapter done mostly on time! Hooray for me, right? Gah, I have no life. Also, not enough life. (Did I really name this chapter "bat toenails?" Where even am I right now?) I swear, this story is going somewhere. I actually meant to get to a certain point this chapter. But it just wouldn't have fit with the timeline I established here. So, next chapter.**_

 _ **Fun fact: Yesterday, someone walked up to a piano and started playing the LOTR soundtrack, like both hands, completely memorized, every freaking song from In Dreams to Into the West. It fulfilled every dream I've ever had. I don't even know who they are and I want to marry them. Is this bad?**_

 _ **I love you all and I hope you all have a fabulous holiday season! Reviews are the best gift you could give so get typing! Until next week, when I think you guys shall be made veeeery happy indeed.**_


	13. Smiles and Full Hearts

_**Middle earth and all of its inhabitants belong to Tolkien and Jackson. I own my OCs, but nothing else.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

SMILES AND FULL HEARTS

The world was naught but flashes of silk-like darkness, caressing his skin dangerously gently.

He could feel the growl of her voice sliding across his flesh, lifting and drifting over him like a wave of sensation.

He could feel the trembling, the shuddering heat of each of her tender breaths, dusting tingling feelings over his skin.

The warm, intoxicatingly mysterious scent of her flooded his senses with every intake of breath.

Her fingertips were delicate and brushing over his skin, sliding over muscle, raking through thick curls of hair.

The faint, hot light danced across the high, pale planes of her face, shadows flashing in the hollowed contour of her neck, arching in the darkness with a shuddering gasp.

Dark hair, spun with flickers of molten copper and gold, falling, softer than silk over him.

A dangerously dark smirking-smile on supple, red-stained lips.

Large, elegantly sloped eyes, a flush of black lashes resting against the cream-pale cheek.

Blink to openness.

A gaze wreathed in flame, with a sliver of impenetrable, fluctuating darkness gouged through the center. Burning away the comfort darkness had brought, tearing into his soul.

 _I_ SEE _YOU._

* * *

A gasp tore out of him as he was ripped into the world of reality. His hands fisted in his bedroll, his skin heavy and slick with the sweat of night-terrors. His skin tingled at the memory of the dream, even as the details of it slipped away, like sand through his fingers.

Bloody Mahal. He hated night-terrors.

* * *

It was a warm spring day. Kili laid on his back on the cart, stripped down to just his tunic and breeches, his head resting atop his bedroll, dozing in the warm sun. His ribs felt a bit better, that day, only a faint stinging registering in his mind with each breath. His head ached with every little jostle it was forced through, but it certainly wasn't as bad as it had been the previous day. His condition certainly had been helped by the nearly full night's rest he'd received the previous night.

Somewhat grudgingly, he had to admit that he was blessed by Mahal to have been picked up by Galthron. He was making just as good of time as he would have on foot and alone, possibly even moving a bit faster, and now he was receiving the chance to really rest. It was a bit easier to heal on this cart, out on the road in the sunshine then it had been in Caras Galadhon. Save, of course, Althron, who had mastered the skill of speaking as soon as Kili had managed to drift off into sleep.

"Do you really know how to use that bow?"

"Yes," Kili murmured, not even bothering to open his eyes.

"Really?" Althron asked, doubt touching his tone. I thought you were a dwarf."

"I _am_ a dwarf," he sighed.

"But I thought dwarves didn't use bows. I thought elves used bows."

"You thought wrong," Kili said. "Some elves use bows. But some humans use bows as well. And some Hobbits." Alright that was probably a lie. But Althron didn't need to know that. " _And,_ some dwarves. I'm one of those dwarves."

"I guess," Althron surrendered, after a moment of thought. "I can shoot bows too, you know."

"Can you?" Kili asked, feigning interest.

"Aye," he said, pride puffing his chest out a bit. "Papa says I'm not bad."

Kili heard Galthron's snort at that, and smirked. With this lad's distractible attitude, Kili couldn't imagine him particularly proficient in archery.

"I like scimitars better, though," Althron said after Kili was silent for a moment. "I'm real good at those. My friends say that if you didn't see me, you think I was a proper Easterling."

"What's that?" Kili asked, his interest actually drawn.

"What's what? And Easterling?"

"No, no," Kili said, finally opening his eyes to look over at the boy. "A 'scimitar' you said?"

"It's a sword," Althron explained. "Very sharp and shiny, it's what the Easterlings in Rhun use, you know."

"I gathered," Kili sighed. "What do they look like though?"

If the boy was going to be blabbering constantly, they might as well discuss something that could eventually become handy.

"Long, curved up the blade," Althron explained. "The ones I've used are only single-edged, but I think there are some with double edges."

"Hmm," Kili hummed, falling back onto his back. That sounded quite a bit like Gwen's sword. He supposed if she had grown up in Rhun, it would make sense that she would have been trained in the use of such a sword. "I know someone with a blade like that."

"Really?" Althron asked. "Is he any good?"

"She is," Kili said with a slight suppressed smile. Good enough to beat him, any ways.

Althron launched off into a litany of his various friends' proficiency in weaponry, and Kili allowed his thoughts to wander. Back to the early days, when Gwen was just a pretty enigma in the corner of a tavern. When flirting with her was a fun pastime. When the quest was new, the trail untread and unknown beneath his feet. How young and naïve he had been back then…

"Kili?"

"Aye?" Kili said, rolling over to face Althron's voice.

"Are you listening?"

"Sort of."

"I asked why you're here. Where you're trying to go, and why you're trying to get there so fast."

"You don't have to answer that," Galthron sighed from the horses guiding the cart. "Boy, you must learn—"

"It's fine," Kili assured him, before turning back to Althron. "I had a friend, not long ago. But they wandered off, in this direction."

"Why?" Althron asked in mere innocent curiosity.

Kili almost had to chuckle at the accurateness of the boy's question. Why, indeed, had she wandered off? "I don't know. I just know that I have to help bring her home."

"Oh," Althron said after a minute. "I guess that makes sense."

"It does," Kili agreed, before rolling to his other side, facing away from the boy. "Now, that's enough questions for now. I'm going to rest."

"Oh, aye," he sighed. The silence hardly lasted three heartbeats, before Althron started up again. "But don't you ever wonder what would…"

Mahal. This lad did not know how to shut up. Kili felt a rush of sympathy towards Galthron. Being alone with this lad's constant babbling…It really was no wonder that the man had dragged Kili along with him.

* * *

The next night Kili spent with Galthron and Althron, he found himself still trapped to fire duty. He had tried to tell Galthron that he was healthy enough to go out hunting, but the man wouldn't have any of it. Kili somewhat suspected that he just wanted some time away from his son.

"You'll have to make sure you look around for rocks in Rhun," Althron said, prodding the fire under the pot of water Kili was trying to boil.

"Oh?" Kili said absently.

"They have the _best_ rocks and shells by the sea. We went there once, Mama, Papa, and Mirallynn and me. I found some _really_ brilliant ones. Well, I actually found a lot, but Papa wouldn't let me take more than two. Mirallynn got two as well, but she just got little bits of glass that had been worn smooth by the sand. I told her they weren't worth anything, you know, but she liked them a lot better than the real rocks." Althron shook his head in disappointment at his sister's decisions.

Kili merely nodded, his eyes fixed on the faintly simmering river water. In the twilight, the bubbles caught in the golden light of the setting sun, beading off of the sides of the pot, then flying up until they disappeared into the air. Right fascinating, it was.

"Wait!" Althron chirped. "I think I have the smaller one with me!" He twisted towards his pack, but froze for a moment, hitting Kili's arm to get his attention, and meeting his gaze seriously. "You can't tell Papa that I brought it though, you hear?"

"I hear," Kili sighed, fighting back against a yawn.

"Good." The boy crawled a pace or two over to his pack, pulling it open, and setting to rifling through it. He had just began to speak, when a clinking sound rang out from it.

Kili froze. That was familiar to him. Very familiar. "Stop," Kili said, cutting Althron off.

"What?" he asked as Kili crawled over to the pack.

A glint caught his eye, of silver and glass. His eyes were wide as plates in disbelief as he reached into the boy's pack, drawing out a frayed cord that had been retied at the ends to a full circle. On it, was strung a small glass vial, etched in a crawling silver stopper, a battered gray metal band clinking against it. "Bloody Mahal," Kili breathed. "Where'd you find this?"

"Caught on a branch!" Althron explained, pride puffing him up for a bit. "Papa didn't see it, and you know what they say, finders keepers, losers—"

"It's mine," Kili said, turning the things bout in his hands in wonder. There were his two most important possessions, a bit dirty, but no worse for wear than when had last seen them.

"What—no!" Althron protested, outrage furrowing his small brow. " _I_ found it! You can't have it!"

"It must have torn off when I fell into the river. It thought it had been stolen. But…here it is."

Curiosity seemed to win out over Althron's outrage for a moment. "What is it?"

Kili tapped the vial with one finger. "This was given to me by a friend of mine to help me in the journey to come, and this," he said, indicating Gwen's ring. "It's my friends. And it's very important."

"What's important about a ring?" Althron asked.

Kili smiled slightly at that question, turning the ring in his fingers. So much bittersweet emotion was attached to that little bit of jewelry. "Much more than you would think."

"Well," Althron began, turning up his chin at Kili. "It's still mine."

He tried to reach for it back, but Kili drew it away just out of his reach. "Not so fast. Althron, this is mine. It always was. I thank you for taking care of it, but I need to take it back now."

"A duel," Althron announced.

"What?"

"A duel!" he explained. "Winner gets to keep the…the thing."

Kili rolled his eyes. "Althron—"

"Pleaaaaaase?" he suddenly begged, already bouncing with excitement. "I saw some really great sticks over there that we could use, and then you can see just how good I am with a scimitar! It's only fair!"

After a moment of thought, Kili stood with a sigh. The ache in his ribs had faded to a mere dull annoyance…Why not? The least he could do was make this child happy for ten minutes.

"Alright. Where are these sticks then?"

Althron grinned and leapt up to his feet, running to the side of camp. He pulled out two sticks, one gnarled and twisted, the other straight, with a few twigs poking out from the sides. He thrusted the straight one out at Kili. "Here! This one's straight, like your sword."

Kili shook his head for a moment, then set to snapping the spare twigs off of his 'weapon,' rolling the stiffness out of his neck. As he turned the stick in his hand, a smile lifted at his mouth. This was bringing back memories. Memories of long summer days, spent in clearings outside of his home with his brother, beating each other with sticks and calling it training. It had only been made better when Thorin had come out and joined them. By the end of it, Kili would usually be covered with bruises, scrapes, dust and sweat, but would have the biggest grin on his face and the fullest feeling in his heart. Those had been the good days. When all that mattered was finding the right stick to beat his brother with.

As he watched Althron slice his own false weapon through the air, Kili hoped, somewhat absurdly, that maybe this little spar could bring back that childlike joy. He needed more of it.

"You going to stand there until I grow a beard, or are we going to duel?"

Althron startled out of his intense focus, and the stick he'd been trying to twirl went flying out of his grasp, into a tree a few feet away. Kili let out a snort of laughter as the boy scrambled for it. "You bet your bloody buttons I am! I was _born_ ready!"

"What, that was six years ago, wasn't it?" Kili taunted.

 _"Ten,"_ Althron corrected him with a frown. "But are we going to fight now, old geezer?"

Little brat. "You watch who you're calling a geezer," Kili warned him, levelling his 'blade' at the boy's forehead. "This _geezer_ 's about to kick your arse."

It seemed that Althron had enough of this banter as he let out a squeaking roar, charging for Kili, blade raised. Kili sidestepped easily, and was about to bring his blade down to tap the boy in the back, when he twisted back around, knocking Kili's sword aside. Kili was a bit impressed. Although he had made a foolish first move, and was now wobbling, he'd at least blocked Kili's first blow. Kili feigned right for half a second, before going for the boys right side. He twisted out of the way with a gasp, narrowly missing the blow, and Kili took a quick step forward, sweeping his blade out for the boy's knees. He jumped to avoid this, and Kili took this faltered balance as an opportunity to reach over and tap him atop the head with his stick. "I win," Kili announced, smirking as Althron batted the blade away.

"No fair!" Althron shouted, cheeks flushing. "My—this stick isn't balanced properly! And—"

"Save the excuses for someone else," Kili scoffed. "We both know I won."

Althron pouted for a moment, before saying, "Best two out of three."

"Oh—"

"What?" Althron challenged. "Too afraid you can't win again?"

Kili had to chuckle at the boy's utter gall, but nodded.

Kili easily won the next match, though he waited a bit longer, giving Althron a moment to think he might have gotten the upper hand. And maybe he would have, had Kili not been a battle-hardened warrior prince. The lad had good instincts, though his desire to add dramatic flourish to everything and everything somewhat detracted from his ability. There had been more than one occasion when his own flashy moves had been his destruction.

While the third match was entirely unnecessary, Althron had insisted, and Kili didn't disagree. It was nice to get his blood flowing a bit, and while it wouldn't necessarily hone his swordsmanship at all, Kili was actually having a bit of fun. Althron had a snarky little mouth on him.

It was undeniable that Kili let Althron win the last match. Still, you couldn't tell the boy that as he strutted about the camp, waving his stick sword. Kili, meanwhile, sat heavily back down beside the boy's pack, plucking up the necklace, and slinging it around his neck. "I'll be taking this then."

 _"Fine,"_ Althron sighed. "Consider it a consolation prize for your failure."

"Hardly failure," Kili snorted. "I won two out of the three matches."

"But _I_ won the last one. And that's worth _two_ points."

"Points?" Kili repeated. "We weren't even running on bloody points!"

"We were," Althron insisted. "And the first two were worth one point each, while the last was three."

" _Three!?_ You just said it was worth two points!"

"I was wrong," Althron said, straight-faced with a shrug. In a moment, though, he broke, a wide grin breaking across his face. "But I still won."

"No you—"Kili stopped with a sigh, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, Althron. As long as I get the prize."

Kili half wanted to punch the smug grin of the boy's face. And probably would have, had there not been a smile on his own face, and a full feeling in his heart.

* * *

The fire was burning low, casting flickering reddish light across the shadows. Althron was fast asleep for once, and snoring softly in his bedroll, so the camp was quiet, Kili and Galthron sitting in companionable silence. Kili was using his sleeve to clean the mud out of Galadriel's vial, rubbing the fragile glass gently. He'd already carefully polished Gwen's ring, but the silver details of the vial caught dirt easily, and as long as he was awake, he might as well have been doing something productive. If he was Ori, he would have had his knitting out hours ago.

Galthron cleared his throat, and Kili looked up to see him shifting a bit, as if he wanted to speak, his eyes fixed onto the fire. After a moment, he looked up to Kili, before saying, "I, I was wondering, if you wouldn't mind explaining—why are you out here?"

Kili hesitated, and Galthron shook his head. "Never mind that, actually. I sound like Althron. Don't you—"

"I fell in love with a girl," Kili explained with a shrug. "And she fell in love with me. But circumstances became…strained, and she had to leave."

"Didn't tell you where to?"

"Not even a hint."

Galthron whistled. "What'd you _do?"_

"I didn't do anything," Kili explained. "She just…she thought that our being together couldn't end in anything good, so she ran."

"And…" Galthron began. "You're about to tell me you're goin' after her?"

"I am," Kili admitted.

Galthron snorted. "Bloody foolish, that seems."

"It does, doesn't it?" Kili sighed. "But…"

"You don't want another but her?"

Well, that hit the nail straight on the head. He could only nod.

"I know that feeling," Galthron said after a pregnant pause, leaning back into the tree behind him. "Felt it myself. It's maddening."

"I agree," Kili sighed.

"But I chased after my girl, and got myself two wee ones and a wife for the trouble, so I suppose I can't really condemn what 'yer doing too much."

A smile flicked at Kili's lips. "Is that so?"

"Aye. It took a good chunk out of my sense, trying to pull that off, but I suppose it was worth it."

Kili's smile grew. Maybe Mahal had given him this man to ease his heart as well as save him from death. "Any advice with my lass then?"

Galthron chewed on his cheek for a moment, thinking, before coming up with, "Bring flowers."

* * *

Kili was going to miss his somewhat curious company. They had reached the next town down the road by late-afternoon the next day, and Kili was going to be staying the night in the town, while Galthron and his son moved on. They were supposed to reach Minas Tirith before spring turned to summer, and they weren't going to be doing that by spending odd nights in towns. Kili had said goodbye to Althron first. He was going to just ruffle the boy's hair, but Althron launched himself at Kili, squeezing him into a tight, quick hug. Kili found himself smiling, and patted the boy on the back as he pulled away. "You stay out of trouble, aye?"

 _"You_ stay out of trouble," Althron corrected him, lifting his chin. "I never get myself into any sort of trouble."

"Oh aye," Kili snorted. "And I'm a bloody _pixie."_

"Could be," Althron sniffed. "Haven't got much of a beard to speak for you."

Galthron looked about to interject, but Kili merely rolled his eyes, flicking the boy's chin up with a finger. "More than you have."

He probably would have argued back to that, but Kili quashed this out, giving his hair a good ruffle. "Take care of your da."

He turned, then, to Galthron, who shook his head, smiling slightly.

"Thank you," Kili said with a smile. "I'd be dead if it hadn't been for you coming along."

Galthron shrugged. "Someone else would've come along if I didn't." Kili opened his mouth to speak, but Galthron beat him to it. "But you've served a nice bit of entertainment on this long road. Take care of yourself."

"Of course," Kili agreed. "And you take care of—"

"Aye, myself, and the boy, I know." He rolled his eyes, then turned, mounting his horse again. "Boy, get in the cart, before I leave you behind."

Althron scrambled to obey, but seated himself on the edge of the cart closest to Kili trying to speak even as, with a tip of his hat toward Kili, Galthron started down the road. "Thank you for telling me about dwarves, even if you haven't the beard to be one!"

Kili slung his pack onto his shoulder, rolling his eyes in response.

As he rolled down the road, Althron shouted back at him again, barely audible above the grinding of wheels on gravel road, "Good luck finding your friend!"

Kili smiled, and gave the boy a wave before he disappeared from sight. Good luck indeed.

* * *

After fighting through the crowds of the town, Kili managed to book a room in one of the inns (under the name "Bofur Longbif", of course), and after a short sojourn there, was back out in the town. It was busy, and while it was mostly filled with the typical rabble of middle earth, he noticed a few odd fellows with darker hair, and sallow skin, their clothing different from those around him. The world was changing around him.

The inn had no tavern, so he bought himself a freshly cooked turkey leg from a street vendor. While somewhat lacking any real seasoning, the meat was good, especially after his diet of leafy things, lembas and thin stew. The sun was beginning to catch golden against the horizon, and an odd sort of knot had tied itself in Kili's chest. Worry? Fear? Anticipation? It couldn't be described with any words he had.

All he knew was that he couldn't leave the streets and return to his room. Not yet.

He had to have paced the streets at least twice over, in looping, wandering circles. He was beginning to get odd looks from street vendors. But still, that knot was only winding itself tighter and tighter.

Maybe it had been an hour that he was out. Maybe ten minutes. Maybe more. All he knew, in that single flash of a moment, as dark eyes, warm and cold all at the same time, glinting with starlight and darkness, endless enough to keep his attention for an eternity locked onto his across the market, was that for once, it all made bloody _sense._

* * *

 _ **Freaking finally. Next chapter's a big one…I'm excited. You should be too. Review if you feel anything about this chapter. Or just tell me how your day was. I'm not particularly picky. Thank you to everyone who as reviewed, you guys mean the world to me! And Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a great week!**_


	14. Wake Up

**I do not ow anything but my OCs. The world and characters are Tolkien's and Peter Jackson's.**

 **WARNING: Blood, a bit of self harm. PM me if you want a version with those bits cut out.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

WAKE UP

It was almost amusing, how well they knew each other. How, without even blinking, a silent conversation passed between their gazes. Kili had only ever done that with his brother, until he met her. It was like words were totally unnecessary, because they could hear the other's thoughts ringing through their head.

Kili's heart twisted, the breath smashed out of his chest. Oh, blessed be Aulë, it was Gwen.

There was a touch of something in her wide, dark eyes, something Kili recognized, but didn't want to recognize. It was the primal, feral sort of fear that had frozen her in place all those months ago in Mirkwood. Now it caught her dead stopped in the middle of the crowded street.

And then all of the sudden, as if there was a cue passed between them, she turned and bolted.

The crowd wasn't moving fast enough. They were slower than slugs, oozing through the streets, always wandering into his path as he picked up speed. Energy was bursting from him, and he had to fight back against a scream of frustration. She was disappearing far too quickly down the street, weaving smoothly through the crowd, like water through stones.

He barely had time to mutter out faint excuses as he bowled a middle aged man over. The man shouted something after him, but Kili was too transfixed by the sight of Gwen, as she broke free of the crowds, immediately bursting into a sprint, nimbly dodging anything in her path.

Kili growled in annoyance, gritting his fists hard as his heart pounded into his throat. She was so close. So _bloody_ close. Was she about to disappear after all of this trouble?

With a flash of dark hair, she turned left, disappearing behind a building. Kili shoved his way to the left side of the road, hugging the wall, and using it as a bit of leverage to forge a path, finally able to break into a run down the cobbled street. He twisted into the alley way, only to find it empty. His heart jolted hard, and he did a double-take, leaning back to look around, scanning the crowd for the faint flash of her loose brown hair, her milk-pale skin. Had she not made the turn as he thought?

A large commotion sounded suddenly, from the road on the other side of the alley way, the shout of something about cabbages drifting through the air, and Kili was through it in a second. The street he burst out upon was even more crowded than the last one, and he let out a groan as he saw Gwen to be nowhere. His eyes caught on a small cart that had been overturned. Could it be—? There was not time to think.

He forced his way through the street, not caring whatsoever who he knocked aside. His mother would clobber him over the head with a rolling pin. And at this point, he didn't care. Finally he got to the cart, where he gasped, "Where did she—"

The stall keeper glared up at him, from where he knelt, trying to gather back fallen cabbages, but jerked his head towards an alley across the street and a bit further down.

With a glance at the crowd around him, Kili realized that he had little but to trust this man, and was on his way, barreling through the streets. For the first time in his life, Kili wished that he was a bit lighter on his feet. But _only_ for that specific case, of course.

Thank Mahal, the next road he stumbled onto was less crowded than both he had previously been on, wider and lined with much fewer stalls. He heard the clatter of footsteps, and saw a flash of the back of a cloak, disappearing to the right, meters down the road. At last free to run, Kili took off at the fastest sprint he could muster, the store fronts flashing by him in a blur, people startled, clearing out of his way. He almost missed the turn Gwen had taken, but twisted himself around in time, stumbling for a minute as he came upon the new road. It was one of the roads on the outskirts of the town, just inside of its massive perimeter wall. It was long enough that Kili got a clear view as Gwen glanced over her shoulder, as if to see if he was still following. Their eyes caught for the most fractional of moments, and she was ducking into a guard tower, plowing past the weary looking guard at its entrance.

She was going at full speed, full flight to get away from _him._ Damn it _all!_

He didn't waste another moment, and was down the long cobbled road in what felt like moments, throwing himself into the guard tower door. He was faced with the beginning of a spiral stone staircase, and without hesitation, threw himself at it, taking the steps two at a time. Thank Mahal for his unusually long legs.

He was faced with the bewildered guard halfway up, and merely pushed past the man without a second spent.

His legs were burning something fierce as he at last burst into the open air. Now he could see it clearly, as Gwen dashed along the top of the wall, her silver cloak and hair streaming out behind her. Kili could hear the odd guard shouting at him or Gwen, but ignored them entirely, trying his hardest not to be thrown off of the ramparts as he took the sharp turn in the wall savagely fast. All that mattered was the stone churning out underneath his boots, the distance between him and Gwen that was somehow shrinking gradually. He was gaining on her. And for that, he was willing to ignore the burning of his breath in his lungs and throat, the taste of blood filling his mouth, the throb of his legs, the sting of his ribs, the blurring of his vision.

He shot down the spiral staircase after Gwen, nearly falling down after her. He certainly used gravity to his advantage though, leaping down four steps at a time, not particularly caring if he stuck the landing. When he stumbled out of the wall, he found the main gates to the town open before him, revealing a dirt path winding through the trees. Gwen was already hot on it, the dust kicking up behind her as she tore across it. Kili was after her without even the slightest moment to catch his breath.

This wasn't just quite possibly the most important chase of his life; it was the _only_ one that mattered. If he lost this, he would spend the rest of his life wondering "What if." He'd had enough of that. It was time for some answers.

They somehow ended up on a much smaller path, no more than a trail, picking its winding way through the trees. He was gaining ground, especially in the moment Gwen tripped over a loose root, nearly sending her sprawling off of her feet entirely. She was losing her energy.

Kili was only meters away from her as the trees suddenly cleared out from around them, and they burst into a wide farming field, left fallow. Gwen didn't stop, even as she stumbled on the loose dirt. Apparently she was set on keeping up this little chase until the very end. That was well and good. It was just a few more yards—

She whirled around suddenly, a flash of silver pulling him to a ragged stop as she stumbled backwards for a moment, momentum carrying her further than she'd thought.

She brandished her blade, trembling slightly, breaths sharp and panting from her mouth as she hissed out, in the most broken, fearful, malice-filled tone, "Do not come a _step_ closer."

Kili's eyes were wide, as he scanned her over with his eyes, breaths tearing through him. Mahal. There she was. His Gwen. A vision of fury and fear, lit by the gold of a setting sun, flushed and sweaty, hair mussed, looking, for all rights, like a rabid animal.

Had he done this to her?

He approached her carefully as one might try to approach a spooked pony: with the utmost slowness and gentleness. "Gwen—"

There was a flash of silver, and suddenly, he felt a line of cool, razor-sharp metal brushing his throat. He was forced to freeze as Gwen stared at him with wide, frightened eyes, murmuring, "I _said_ that you cannot take a step closer."

He did as he was told, hardly breathing as the tip of her blade scraped against his throat. She was shaking. He kept his gaze locked onto hers, which was scanning almost unseeingly over his face. Her eyes drifted off of his, the metal falling away from his throat slightly, as she murmured something inaudible to herself. "Gwen?" he prompted softly.

She pulled her blade away from him further, taking a stumbling step backwards, as she repeated to herself, "It's not real."

Kili hardly dared to moved, watching carefully. What was—

"It's _not_ real," she said again, her eyes locking onto his, tone growing stronger as she shook her head.

"What are—"

"It's not _real!"_ She snapped as he neared her staggering back away. "You're—" she cut herself off, repeating, "It's not real!"

"Bloody Mahal," he breathed. "Gwen, you've got to—"

She was shaking her head now, her whole body wracked with shivers as she repeated that like a mantra, "It's not real, it's not real—"

"It is—"

He was cut off as she carried on, stepping further away. It almost seemed that she had forgotten her sword, resting in her hand, with the way she waved it about her, her free hand reaching up to clutch at the roots of her hair. "It's—it's not real, not real, not _real—"_

Her eyes locked onto his, and Kili watched in horror as she twisted her blade, running a long, deep cut across her palm with the length of the weapon. He was frozen, wide eyed as she gasped raggedly. Blood beaded up along the wound instantly, and Kili could see the flesh pulling apart. Unable to take it longer, Kili started towards her. "Bloody Mahal—"

" _Stay back!"_ She spat, lashing her sword in his direction, narrowly missing his nose. A droplet of her blood hit his cheek, and his gut dropped. What in All of Arda was _happening?_

Gwen's face contorted in pain suddenly, and the sword clattered out of her hand, as if the pain of her self-inflicted wound had just hit her. She clenched her fist hard against her, and Kili could see the blood crawling out of the wound, running bright red against her pale skin. "It's not _real-"_ she almost cried, hitting her injured hand hard, as if thirsting for the pain. "Wake _up! Wake up!"_

"It's not a dream!" Kili told her, alarmed. "Gwen, you're not dreaming!"

Her panic only grew at his words as she stumbled back further, reaching up to grab at her hair, smearing a trail of blood across her cheek, working her hand so that more, and more blood trickled out of it. "Wake up—Valar, why aren't I waking _up!?"_

 _"Because you're not dreaming!"_ Kili shouted as loud as he could, hoping that his voice could cut through her hysteria. He dared not step closer, despite how much he wanted to grab onto her wrists, and stop the way that she gripped onto her hair, the way she frantically twisted more and more pain into her wound. "You're awake, Gwen! It's not a bloody _dream!"_

She looked up at him as he said this, and suddenly, it was as if she was actually seeing him there for the first time. A whimper trickled out of her throat as she drew further away from him, eyes wider than saucers. "Kili…"

"Aye," he said, voice ragged, heart thudding up into his throat. "I'm here."

She flexed her injured hand almost subconsciously, and after a moment, drew herself up, speaking in a quiet, distant voice. "What are you doing here, Kili?"

"I…" he swallowed hard, trying to keep the strange flood of emotions in his chest at bay. "I had to find you."

"Why?" she asked. "Did I not leave you? Did I not tell you to forget me?"

"Well," he said. "You did, aye. But…I've never been good at listening, you see?"

The playful comment failed completely, as Gwen kept looking at him like he was the strangest sight she'd ever seen. "I _left_ you. I told you to go, and live your life, and…and now you're here? Kili…what…what are you doing?"

"I tried," Kili said softly, trying to keep her calm. "I tried to forget but…I can't live without you. I _can't_ forget you."

"How…" she began, her gaze leaving his to try and find answers in the churned dirt beneath her feet. "How could you do this to me?"

"Wha—" she was entirely serious. What _had_ he bloody done, indeed? He hadn't the slightest of clues. "What do you mean?"

"I…I had left you. I had closed that page, I had finished that chapter, I had _resigned_ myself, but now you come here, and you…you _ruin_ it! I was moving on, Kili!" There was something akin to desperation in her eyes. Something that begged him to have just been some strange figment of her imagination.

"Were you?" Kili asked. "Because it seems, as of now, that you haven't been!"

Her hands worked as the wheels in her brain churned. "Nothing has changed. We are still just as apart as we were—"

"Nonsense!" Kili shot back. "That is total bloody _nonsense_ and you know it! Gwen, I'm here. I'm here to bring you _home—"_

"Do not speak to me of _home!_ I have no more of a home than I did when I left you—"

"I'm a mess, alright?" Kili interrupted. This was all going downhill far, far too fast. "Without you, I—I can't bloody _live_ like that! And I'm looking at you, and you _agree_ with that! You know that you won't last, with us being apart! We—"

"It hurts, yes, Kili, but it can only lead to _worse—"_

"Worse than what?" Kili challenged. "What could be worse than this…this _death_ we're living! I love you Gwen, and you _know_ that you love me as well, even if you try to numb yourself to it! Our love—"

"Open your bloody _eyes,_ Kili!" She snapped, staggering further back from him, using her hands to indicate her appearence. "Can't you see? Can't you see that this ' _love'_ is destroying me? Can't you see the way it wears on me, the way it's chipping away at me _piece by piece_ , _tearing_ me apart, _scraping_ and _carving_ at the little happiness and stability that I have left?" She ground each of those words into him, as if trying to draw up as much pain as possible into his heart with her stinging tone. "It's _ruining_ me and it's doing the exact same to you!"

"It's ruining nothing! You can't—"

"I can't eat!" She hissed, eyes blazing with pain. "I can't sleep, but to be _tortured_ in my dreams, I cannot blink but see your face, my heart cannot _beat_ but shatters with that pain! And you dare tell me that it is not ruining me? I cannot walk, I cannot breathe, some days, I cannot _stand—"_

"And you think that it is any different for me?" Kili scoffed. "Being without you, it's bleeding me _dry!"_

She once again reached up to pull at her hair, as panic flared in her gaze, blood streaking down her arm. "Then how do you show your face here? Why do you come after me, when we were on our way to _freedom—"_

Kili growled in irritation, trying to grasp for control of her wrists. He missed them by an inch, but still shouted, "That wasn't out _love_ doing all of that, Gwen!"

"It is!' she almost sobbed. "It's those smiles we shared, its each of the _words_ we exchanged, its each of those stupid bloody _kisses_ that we never should have had—"

Finally, he managed to snatch up her wrists, and _Mahal._ Her skin burned against his. Burned with a future that could be. He dragged her in closer to him. "That is not our ruin. Our ruin is in our separation! It is in your thinking that nothing good could come from our love! It is in your _refusal_ to see that it is the _breaking_ , not binding of our hearts that destroys us! It is in the fact that you cannot _trust_ me enough to t—"

"It doesn't just _work like that_ Kili!" she spat, a tear sliding through the blood on her cheek as she struggled against his grip. "Our ' _love'_ does not fix everything! Trust does not solve our every problem! A leap of faith cannot carry us to safety!" More tears fell now, and Kili could feel the raw power of her emotions like a physical blow against him. "The things you dream do not come to any reality! Maybe in your perfect little vision of a world, it does, but _not_ in any I've lived!"

Kili would have said something, but Gwen refused to stop, the words rolling off of her tongue, her struggle against his grip weakening. "And I've tried, Kili! I've tried to hold onto daft, girlish dreams! I've tried to trust in happy endings, I've _tried_ to have my fairy tales be real, and it _doesn't work!_ Reality always comes back in and _ruins_ you!" She beat his chest with both of her fists, as if desperately trying to impress the words upon him.

"Gwen—"

Her voice was growing ragged now. "This isn't a fairytale. We don't overcome our problems with 'true love,' the story doesn't get the happy ending we want. The commoner doesn't end up with the prince, and it _bloody well_ doesn't all end with a ride into the thrice-cursed _sunset!"_

That was where, at last, she ran out of hateful words. Kili was simply left to stare into her teary, broken eyes, trying to pull some sense from his life. What to say to that?

Trembling, he softened his grip on her wrists, dropping her uninjured hand. His heart ached as he closed her blood slicked, wounded hand into a gentle fist, pressing a soft kiss against her unbloodied knuckle. They were both frozen into an odd sort of trance, even as Kili looked up to her face, reaching up to clear away the mess of blood and tears that was smeared across her beautiful, horrendously unforgettable face. She seemed to jolt back into her senses just as his finger brushed against her and pulled away from him. Tearing her eyes away from his.

A long silence fell, in which Kili discovered that a good amount of her blood had ended up on his hands. He could taste it on his tongue, smell it on him. It was everywhere. With a glance to the fading light, he cleared his throat faintly. "We need to get back to town. It'll be dark soon."

There was a slight pause, but Gwen nodded at him.

* * *

They were absolutely silent, on the way back into town. Gwen kept her hood up to hide her face, and Kili merely ignored the glances he was getting for his blood-smeared hand. Kili guided her to the inn that he had a room at, somewhat surprised when she didn't protest. Was she staying there as well?

Kili lead them across the filling tavern, to the innkeeper, nudging Gwen up to stand beside him. "Excuse me," he said in a gruff voice, catching the man's attention. "My friend's had a training accident. Do you—"

Suddenly, a small woman bustled up next to the innkeeper, speaking before Kili could finish. "Accident? What's this?" her eyes flickered over Gwen, who flinched back slightly, before speaking. "Let me see."

Gwen grudgingly offered up her injured palm, which the small, but evidently fiery, woman grabbed quickly, eyes growing wide at the sight of the blood dried in rivulets down her wrist. "Some training accident," she mused as she carefully pried apart the hand Kili had tucked closed. He felt Gwen wince next to him, and without thinking, lifted a hand to her shoulder to stabilize her. She jerked away from him, shooting a slight glare in his direction.

It seemed that the woman saw all of this interaction, her eyes darting, observing the tension between them, the wheels of her mind churning. "Maedre," the inn keep began, his eyes on the customers growing leery of Kili and Gwen's blood crusted hands and lifted hoods.

"Aye, I know," the woman said, brushing him off. "Head on up to your room," she instructed Gwen, giving her hand back to her. "I'll be up in a minute to get that stitched up. What room are you in?"

"Five," Kili answered quickly with the room number he'd received, not letting Gwen have the time to slip away from him.

The woman observed this with a quirked brow, and Kili could feel Gwen's glare on him, but he ignored it in favor of giving the woman and the inn keep brief nods, before placing a hand on Gwen's back, leading her away from the tavern's prying eyes, up the stairs.

He could feel tension wrought through Gwen's spine under his hand, and as soon as they were out of sight, she pulled out of his grip, pointedly refusing to make eye contact with him. Kili was almost frozen with disbelief as a rush of cool air filled the space she had filled. After so long of wishing, hoping for her to be in his arms, feeling her phantom warmth, she was finally there. And yet, she felt even more distant than ever. His fists clenched at the loss, but he pressed on, leading the way to the door painted with the number five. He unlocked it, and it swung open easily. As soon as he and Gwen were inside, and the door closed behind them, the silence they'd been trapped in broke. "What in the Valar's namewas that, Kili?"

"What was what?" He sighed, as he leaned back against the door, rubbing at his temples.

"Why wouldn't you just let me go off to my room?"

"Because I'm not letting you go yet."

"But—" she began, but stopped quickly, pursing her lips and saying in a clipped tone, "I thought that I made it very clear earlier, time has not changed out circumstance—"

"I'm _not_ letting you go yet," Kili interrupted. "I thought I made _that_ very clear."

"Kili—"

"We need to _talk,"_ Kili huffed. "We need to bloody _calm down_ and talk about this all."

"There isn't anything to talk about!"

Kili was having none of that. "Shut _up,_ Gwen. I love you, but if you would just bloody _shut up,_ that would be brilliant."

Gwen fitfully ignored the comment on love, instead saying, "Shut up? I thought you just said that we need to talk."

Kili groaned, squeezing his temples even harder. "You _know_ what I meant."

"Did I?" she challenged, lifting an infuriating brow. "Because I don't know that I did."

"This!' Kili cried. "This is exactly what I mean! When you refuse to bloody _listen—"_

He fell silent as the door behind his back shook with knocks. He took in a deep breath, shooting a glance at Gwen (who was staring quite firmly at the floor) before pulling the door open. The woman from before bustled in without a glance towards him, carrying a small box in her arms. "Onto the bed," she ordered Gwen, plucking a stool from the corner as she went.

Gwen did as she was told, and the woman seated herself directly in front of the girl, reaching for her injured hand. "Fill the basin with water and bring it over," she told Kili without even a glance in his direction. Bossy.

Kili didn't dare to disobey, though, and set the full basin on the ground next to the woman within a moment.

She set to work, dipping a clean cloth in the water, wiping the now dry blood off of Gwen's arm and hand. Kili was about to go back to lean against the wall, seeing as all of the seats in his room had been taken, but the woman called him back. "Not quite so fast. Get me the candle."

Kili huffed, but did so, setting it onto the ground next to her. She didn't let his stray this time, as she pulled a small glass bottle from her box. "This is going to hurt. Sit next to her to—"

"I don't need him," Gwen gritted out, her gaze fixed onto the wound, not even drifting towards Kili.

That stung his heart rather, but he didn't let it show on his face, shrugging and making his way to the far side of the room. Damn that girl.

"Fine," the woman breathed, before unhesitatingly pressing a ball of cleaner-soaked cloth onto the edge of the cut.

Gwen's whole body went ridged, her eyes squeezing closed. Kili could see her other hand gripping hard into the blankets on his cot, and he was almost surprised that she didn't cry out. She held strong though, as the sharp smell of alcohol filled the room. Kili sighed a breath out. He didn't like seeing her pain. He liked even less not being allowed to help her through this pain.

Once she had seen the wound clean enough, the woman pulled a needle and thread from her box. She plucked the candle off of the ground, passing the needle through it a few times, before setting it back down, threading it carefully. She gave no warning, before she pierced it through the skin of Gwen's palm. Gwen's head fell back in a silent cry of pain, and Kili's own hand flexed with the sight of it. He forced himself to watch at the thread was drawn through, completing the first stitch, but after that, he had to look away, as his gut churned. Bloody _stitches._ He knew they were necessary. Indeed, they were very helpful, but that didn't mean that the sight of them being put in didn't make him at least a bit dizzy.

He looked up when he heard the sound of thread cutting. The woman was dabbing the wound over once again with alcohol, before nimbly wrapping it firmly in a clean bandage. "Clean it out every day, and rewrap in in fresh bandages. Remove the stitches, _carefully,_ in a week, and you should be healed up in fair time." She passed Gwen the glass bottle she'd been using, as well as a clean roll of bandages.

Gwen nodded. "Thank you."

"Aye," the woman said. "Just try to avoid any 'training accidents' in the future."

Kili acknowledged the look she sent him with a shrug. Gwen's wound wasn't his fault.

"I'll send clean water and supper up," she said, before brushing out of the room past Kili, carrying the medical box with her.

The silence fell heavily, as Kili tried to massage the growing headache out of his temples, while Gwen gingerly flexed her newly bandaged hand. After a moment, Kili allowed himself to look at her properly with a sigh. Her skin was pale(possibly with blood loss), the shadows under her eyes dark. Her eyes were a bit puffy still, from crying earlier, and there was the coppery, muddy shade of dried blood smudged across her face, also worked into the roots of her hair. She looked like a proper basket case.

He separated himself from the wall with a bit of reluctance, moving to the small table where the water jug and towel still sat. There was a bit of water still left, so he took it with him, as well as the towel, taking the seat the woman had left. Gwen eyed him critically as he tilted the jug, dampening a section of the cloth. "What's this?"

Kili didn't speak, reaching out to hold her chin. She jerked out of his grasp. "Don't—"

"You haven't a mirror, and believe it or not, but I'd rather not be toting around a lass looking like she's just taken part in a horrific murder," Kili explained drily.

Any protests she was preparing were cut silent as he grasped her chin gently, bringing up the cloth to dab at the blood and tears dried onto her face. He almost had to smile at the familiarity of this. Him, exhausted by Gwen's absurdity, tending to her wounds, while she seethed under him, refusing to meet his gaze. Of course, that time by the river had been quite a bit different. Their problems were a little bit more difficult to solve now.

He finally broke the silence, as he sat back in his seat, looking at her eyes, even if she refused to look back. "You know, I'm not just going to give up."

She glanced up at him for a moment, before sighing. "It's only a matter of time before this all comes crashing down on us, Kili. I would rather have that be now than in years when…when I've let myself hope."

"What if it's not a matter of time?" Kili challenged, though he kept his tone calm. "What if it all worked itself out, what if it never _came_ crashing down?"

Her gaze met his hard, the thoughts twisting behind her eyes, before she shook her head, casting her gaze back onto the floor. Kili grit his teeth at her silence. "Gwen, tell me? Why? Why do you insist on it being a matter of time? Why _must_ it come crashing down?"

She hesitated again, her gaze flickering to his for a moment, before she began speaking. "Because…because nothing could be this _perfect."_

He saw her eyes. As in, _really_ saw them. At last, she allowed him to see into her without the veil of madness or anger. And there was disbelief. The sort of disbelief that stemmed from a loss of childlike dreams. The loss of trust in the impossible. The loss of her hope.

She broke this silent communication, burying her face in her uninjured hand, letting her hair fall forward around her face. A glint of silver caught his eye, and he reached out in an instant, and there, in his fingers, was a tarnished and water-stained lump of silver, threaded onto a tiny braid. His bead.

The heat of tears caught in his eyes, as Gwen drew that hair back over her shoulder a bit apologetically. She had kept his bead. The bead he had woven into her hair upon their farewell. She hadn't lost it, or let it in her pocket for those months. She still wore it. Still wouldn't deny their love.

"Gwen," he began, voice surprisingly rough. "I want you to look me in the eyes, and tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that with as much truth as you can, and I'll be gone. I'll go home, and I won't bother you another day after that." Her eyes lifted to his disbelievingly. Kili swallowed hard, and continued. "Tell me that you have lost _all_ hope, tell me that you do not still dream of the future we know together. Tell me that you do not think of what could have been, of what still could be. Tell me that the tenderness that you once held for me has grown bitter, that the embraces we've shared were all for naught… Tell me that you do not ache every minute, and tell me that you will not _always_ ache every minute when we are apart. Look me in the eyes and _tell me_ that you do not love me still, and you will not see me again."

Her mouth opened, then closed again, and her eyes darted from his as she breathed out, "Kili…"

"My eyes, love." he corrected her softly, placing a finger under her chin to lift her gaze back to his.

"I…I do not…" Her words seemed to run out, something akin to desperation darkening her gaze as she groped for the correct words. Finally, she surrendered. "I can't."

Kili let her chin go, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. Her head fell forward into her hand, that beaded braid falling over her shoulder again, as if impressing her words.

"Then," Kili breathed. "I'm not giving up. Not so long as we still love each other."

She peeked a glance up at him through her hair, as if in disbelief, before dropping back down to her hand, breathing out, "Bloody _dwarves."_

* * *

 _ **Well….I'm sure this chapter didn't turn out quite as you all were expecting…I have no regrets. Perfect relationships bore me. Is it just me, or have Gwen and Kili gotten a**_ **lot** _ **more eloquent than when last we saw them? I guess this is what happens when I'm stuck reading high literature instead of Hobbit fanfic…**_

 _ **I can't believe how long this chapter got. It's like 2000 words longer than my most recent chapters have been. Oh well. This was a pretty important chapter. Let me know if I did well with it, or your thoughts on it in a review! It's the best way you can repay me for the hours of my life I've burned away for this story. Thanks! And until next week!**_


	15. Untangling

_**I do not own Middle Earth or its characters. I own Gwen and this storyline.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

UNTANGLING

The wind had this horrible manner about it as he trudged up the hill, being stiflingly hot and bone-chillingly cold all at once. It seemed to be draining him, stripping away at his already ebbing energy. Mahal's lovely beard, he was so exhausted. The trail had no ending in sight, no respite from the shivers wracking his body, the sun beating down at him from a grey sky. Hot dust filled his lungs and mouth while all of his muscles throbbed.

Her shadow cut harshly into the horizon, on the trail before him. She didn't seem to be struggling too much, but he could tell from the hunch of her shoulders, the dragging gait of her boots against the dirt, that she was tired. His thoughts were a fuzzy haze in his head, each thread an undefeated tangle in his brain. And he had little energy to spare to untangle that mess. He was better off focusing on the heels of her boots, throwing up little clouds of dust with each crunching, sliding step. Any further thought could only lead to madness.

At last, his legs gave out under him. His face ground hard into the burning gravel, and he gasped in a lungful of dirt, trying to call out her name. She didn't hear. Rather, she pressed on, up the hill, as he scrambled, and strained to get his feet back under him. It was futile. He was sliding. The rocks may as well have been oiled, with the way his fingers lost any purchase they found. And there she still was, continuing up the hill, without a glance back to him.

Another attempt to gasp her name sent him into a weak coughing fit, tears gathering up in his eyes, desperation twisting into a wretched knot in the pit of his gut.

Did she not hear him? Did she not feel that he was gone? Did she not _know?_

She pressed on, out of view. And still, there he was, sliding, scrambling, hacking. Losing her. Losing himself. _Falling_.

* * *

He jolted awake in a fit of cold sweat, fists trembling as they twisted into the blanket. His whole body was rigid, still fighting that fall.

He forced his eyes closed against the darkness, dragging in blessedly clear breaths, forcing himself to _calm down._ He was alright. He wasn't falling there was no dust, there was no Gwen, there was—

Gwen.

His memories were hazy. Or…or were they memories? There were odd bits, flashes here and there…running, but not catching up, flashes of silver and scarlet, trembling, pale hands. He gripped hard at the shirt over his heart as a terrible feeling trickled into him, like icy water being poured into him, slowly filling him to the brim as his heartbeat sped faster and faster. Mahal, what…What?

All of the sudden he jolted up into sitting, gripping hard at his hair. Dreams and reality were mixing in his head. Scrambling, tying, tangling, until he could tell one from the other, didn't know which of his memories to trust, didn't know which of his senses to believe, didn't know who or _what_ or if she was—

He burst out of his door like a madman, practically ripping the deadbolt off of the door. The only light was a slight silvery wash of moonlight, but he thought she had said that she was in room three, but the door looked unfamiliar. Mahal, _every_ bloody door looked unfamiliar. It made him wonder if he'd ever even _seen_ that door—

Room three it was. He pounded the door hard, trying to ignore the doubt that flooded through him. He really didn't recognize the bloody door at _all._ This was seeming more and more _false,_ more and more impossible. But she had to be there, she _had to be—_

But she wasn't.

Gwen didn't stumble, sleepy to the door.

It was an unfamiliar, wrinkled face that yanked their door open at that ungodly hour of the morning.

Not her.

He felt sick. Trembling. Shivering. Nauseous. So…

It was a dream.

He didn't even hear the voice of the man who's sleep he'd interrupted, and in a moment, the door was slammed closed centimeters from his nose. A choked scream squeezed out of his throat as he collapsed against the door frame, blinking hard. He wasn't crying, no. It wasn't grief that affected him. Not loss. No. It was just…reality. And he wasn't about to go crying about reality.

Until reality shattered of course, and he _felt her_ and turned, to see her there. Silvered and dewy-eyed with sleep and moonlight. A vision of…

The tears burned against the back of his eyes as he crushed her into his arms, something breaking in his chest at the way she _still_ folded perfectly into him, the way that her hair still smelled the same, still tickled the same way against his nose. The way that this was _Gwen,_ and somehow he hadn't been dreaming. He still had her here with him, and she was still his.

He felt her surrender for a moment, melting into him in that curiously perfect way that she did, as if relieved. But this didn't last as she eased herself away, creating a space between them.

That sliver of ice, uncomfortable, and easily aggravated, wedged itself into his heart. She wasn't his. Right. So that hadn't been a dream either.

For a moment, as she stared, caught in his gaze, it seemed as if she was moving to sweep away the tears that had escaped from his eyes, and into the rough scruff of his beard. But she shut that down in a moment, drawing even further away.

Kili's arms slipped out from around her, that ice twisting further in, destroying the golden heat that had bubbled up suddenly in him.

"Good night, Master Dwarf," she managed, before slipping away into the room labelled "one."

Now, door one, that was familiar to Kili.

He could still feel her heat, like a ghost, against him. Or, perhaps it was the absence of her, as acute as ever, that he felt against him.

When he got back to his room, he collapsed against his door, and for the first time in weeks, months, he let himself cry. He cried for relief that his search was over. And he cried in despair that he still had yet to really find her.

* * *

He woke to a throat raw with crying, eyes blurred with shed tears and a head fogged with exhaustion. He felt completely wiped out, and he had only just woken up. Still, he managed to haul himself out of his cot, out of his faintly damp blankets.

The basin of water in the corner filled his head with memories of the previous night, and he had to dry the water off of his face with his shirt because the other towel was under the wooden stand, smeared with coppery streaks of dried blood. It really was real. This strange combination of a nightmare and a dream. He could hardly bring himself to believe it.

He shook the dregs of exhaustion and disbelief off of his head, and set to packing up the few of his belongings he'd unloaded the previous night. He and Gwen had agreed to meet at dawn in the tavern, to discuss what was to be happening, and Kili hardly dared to keep her waiting.

By the time he did clamber down the stairs, it seemed that he had kept her waiting a bit. She sat at a corner table, dressed from head to toe for travel, sipping at the mug before her and warily watching the few patrons that inhabited the room. She saw him, but turned her gaze away to the wood of the table as he came over.

The chair made a seemingly deafening noise as Kili dragged it out, earning a few nasty looks from the other patrons. He ignored them in favor of catching the gaze of the barmaid watching over the place. He indicated at the nearly untouched breakfast in front of Gwen, and when the barmaid had disappeared into the kitchen with a nod and slight roll of her eyes, he sat down.

The silence between them was uncomfortable, to say the very least. After a minute of this, Gwen broke the silence by coolly lifting her gaze to his, giving him a nod, and greeting him, "Good morning, Master Dwarf."

"I suppose it is," Kili sighed, the sound of her voice, although a bit stiff and formal washing over him like warm water. Some of the tension in him slid away, and he slumped slightly down into his chair. "A bit early, though."

"Why, it's already past dawn," she pointed out, one eyebrow arching slightly. "Have you grown weak, Master Dwarf?"

"Hardly," Kili snorted. "I've not exactly had an easy time of this journey, you know."

At the mention of his search for her, she fell silent, dropping her eyes to her yet untouched breakfast as she took a sip of the drink in her mug. Kili sighed. Just like that, their conversation was broken. Was she always this prickly?

Luckily, the barmaid came soon, setting Kili's mug and bowl of gruel down in front of him. "Thank you," he shot to the barmaid's quickly retreating back. Someone was a bit crabby, it seemed.

The dull hunger pangs in his gut had him immediately spooning in a mouthful of the gruel. It was a bit watery, but at least had been salted somewhat. It was lukewarm as he forced it down. The gulp of tea he had was just about as watery, but near to scalding hot. Still, he managed to swallow that.

He noticed again, Gwen's untouched food. "You should eat."

She shrugged. "I haven't the appetite."

He bit his tongue against pointing out that she was _certainly_ a bit more bony than he had last seen her, instead saying, "You don't want to waste food. Come on now," he gulped down another bit of his own food, trying not to pull an uncomfortable face. "You need the energy."

After a moment of silence, Gwen grudgingly obeyed, picking up her spoon and starting on her bowl.

They had both gotten down most of their food when Kili sat back in his chair a bit. "I went to Lorien after you, you know."

"You did?" Gwen asked after a moment, prodding at the few tablespoons of gruel left in her bowl.

"I did," Kili confirmed. "I spoke to Galadriel."

Gwen's movement stilled, her eyes finally lifting to meet his. "Oh?"

"I know about your mission," Kili said in a slightly softer tone. The rest of the tavern didn't need to know all about this.

"So you do," she said carefully.

"And according to the lady herself, I am to help you out in that."

She masked her surprise well, behind a sip from her mug, saying in the most neutral tone she could manage, "I see."

"Aye," Kili confirmed with a bit of an attempt at a half smile. "So you see, you're sort of stuck with me by now."

He knew her well enough to recognize the touch of a smile that tried to force its way onto her mouth as she said monotone, diplomatically, "Well, I suppose I am."

* * *

It was a beautiful day, and Kili may have even found the sunshine and gentle breeze to be a comfort, if not for the tense silence gripping between him and Gwen like a wall of stone. He thought of a hundred things to say to her, a thousand things to tell her about, too many stories to count, but somehow, he would always think himself out of just _saying it_ before it could get an inch out of his lips.

Shockingly, Gwen was the one who finally broke the silence. "Tell me, Master Dwarf, How did your journey home continue?"

He blinked in surprise for a moment, but smoothly responded, "Surely you've heard tales of our victory already?"

"I would not have asked if I did not wish to hear it," Gwen responded.

Kili shrugged. She had a point. He forced his memories back to that dark, twisted forest and almost winced. He had been practically a shell for the days they wandered around the forest after her leaving. He'd cried on his brother's shoulder for a good day and a half, and once his tears had run dry he'd been unresponsive, barely alive or quite dead. Of course, he wasn't exactly going to tell Gwen that. "We wandered the forest for a few days, until we were attacked by spiders. Ungoliath's spawn, I think, massive, quite—"

"I am familiar with them," she interrupted. "I had my own close calls as well."

"So you'll understand when I say they completely bushwhacked us, knocked us out, and wrapped us up into a prison of webs, that we weren't complete cowards for letting that happen?"

She seemed to consider that for a moment before replying. "Aye, I think I can see that."

"Good. So, I think it was Bilbo who cut us free." He shook his head. "How, I'll never know, but I do know that we had a _bloody_ time fighting those buggers off. We had it under control, of course. In fact, I daresay we would have taken them down all on our lonesome, but a troop of elves had to swoop in and 'save the day' as they are so very wont to do."

"Bloody _elves,"_ she snorted. "Arrogant little gits."

"You'd know," he shot back, with a glance towards her hair, which hung down over her ear.

"Oh, shut it," she scolded him with a roll of her eyes, dipping her head a bit to allow more hair to fall and shield her ear further. A subconscious habit, he expected.

"Anyway, we quickly realized that these elves were indeed 'arrogant gits' as you artfully phrased it, as they stuck us in the bloody _dungeons."_

"Rude."

"It was, wasn't it? You see, I think I liked the elves in Rivendell much better. No offense to your father, or course," he added.

"None taken," she said with a shrug.

"It's nothing personal," he explained. "You see, while Elrond's underlings were a bit stuffy and androgynous, these ones were just…"

"Nasty," she finished for him.

He nodded gratefully. "And after having spent that time with them that I did, I think I can rightfully say that I'm completely unsurprised to hear how they treated you."

She didn't reply to that, so Kili decided it was best to move on from the topic. It seemed that she was still a bit sensitive on that one.

"So, after Thorin had suitably destroyed any hope of our release from bonds by directly insulting everything Thranduil stood for, we discovered that our burglar was at last living up to his job title. He'd managed to keep from being captured by the elves, and snuck us all out of our cells."

He saw a faint smile light her lips at that.

"From there, we just had to pop into some wine barrels, get dropped into the river, and a bit of a battle, and a Morgul shaft to my knee later, we were out of that mess."

Gwen's head snapped up at that, her face having visibly paled, panic flickering awake in her eyes. "A Morgul shaft to the knee?!"

"Well, thigh, really," he corrected her, shrugging. At the mention, the knot in his leg pulsed, not painfully, but as a reminder of the scar still carved, dark into his flesh. "But aye, basically." At the dread and questions rising across her face, he continued, "I mean, I made it through alive and all that."

"No bloody _really_?" she scoffed, bringing a hand up to rub at her forehead. "Kili...what…how did that even happen?"

"Well, we had a bit of an orc army after us," he explained a bit sheepishly.

"As one does," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"And well, you know, the Morgul shaft…these things just sort of happen."

"You're ridiculous," she sighed after a moment. "The poison alone—"

"Aye, aye," he interrupted. "I'll get to that, I will. Let me continue the story though."

Upon receiving a slight roll of eyes and wave from Gwen he did indeed continue. "So, there we met Bard, a bargeman from Laketown, who, after a bit of negotiating, took us into town. And soon enough, we got the support of the whole place, and we were all armed up, but Thorin…" A sour taste flooded Kili's mouth at the memory. "Thorin didn't want me coming along further. Not to the mountain."

This gained him a slightly curious look from Gwen, and the knot in his thigh gave a pulse of pain. "I was…By that time, my wound was festering badly, and I think the poison had pretty well spread. I could walk mostly though, and I tried to tell Thorin that, but…"

"He went on without you," she finished, voice a bit soft.

"Aye," Kili sighed. That still stung. What could have been different, had he been at his uncle's side when that door finally opened? What ill could have been avoided? He shook the regret away, continuing, "Fili and Oin stayed behind with me, as did Bofur. But I think that was an accident, on his part. After that," he explained. "I don't remember much. It was bloody _painful,_ I can tell you as much. When I came to, Fili explained that one of the Mirkwood elves had done some sort of magic to heal me up, and well—"

"Wait," she stopped him. "Why was there an elf there?"

"She followed the orcs that were tracking us, I suppose," Kili said with a shrug.

"And she healed you…"

Kili nodded, trying to keep his face neutral. Surely, Gwen would learn about Tauriel eventually, but now…it could wait until the right time.

"She healed the festering wound of a black arrow…" Gwen mused, a bit of awe touching her tone. "That would have taken a vast amount of energy." She pinned him with a look he couldn't avoid, then, as if gauging his reaction. "Why would she do something like that?"

Kili shrugged again. "Haven't a clue." Actually, he had a clue. He certainly had a clue as to why Tauriel would nearly burn herself out to keep him alive. But that was just another one of those things that could wait for later. "I suppose I just look rather pitiful when on the edge of death."

His slight joke didn't seem to register to her, and she merely nodded faintly.

Kili watched her. Something was troubling her. Of course, what _wasn't_ troubling her? He'd have to try and work through the tangle of darkness in her, bit by bit, to finally free her. It was going to be a long time of untangling.

He was startled back to reality as Gwen glanced up at him. "And? What next?"

* * *

With a sharp intake of breath, he was awake. The world snapped into reality around him. The air was cool as it flooded his chest, nipping at his cheeks, numbing his nose. The sky was dark and grayish behind the streaks of inky blackness cut out by the trees overhead. The air smelled clean and earthy, of wood smoke and flame. The sound of the fire crackling low intermingled with the brush of wind against trees.

A shiver wracked Kili's spine, his skin coated with cold sweat.

Any details of the nightmare trickled away, like dust through open fingers, and he let it fade away. The swampy darkness clogging his heart was enough to make him believe that he could do without remembering that particular nightmare.

He hauled himself up to sitting, his blankets falling away, allowing the breeze to cut through the thin shirt he wore. He raked a hand through his slightly sweaty curls, before noticing Gwen.

She was hunched over the fire, her legs pulled up to her chest, arms resting loosely over her knees. She had her grey cloak on, the hood up, shadowing her face, and shielding her from the whims of the wind. Her hair tumbled out from the cloak, stirring slightly, and the way that the firelight lit up her features in a beautiful, amber light made his heart hurt.

She didn't even acknowledge him as he shifted out of his bedroll, and a bit closer to the crackling coals of the fire. He remembered her having volunteered for the first night watch, and Kili had little choice but to accept. But now, the very thought of sleep made his skin crawl. He could not control what he saw in his own eyelids. He would much rather stay in this breezy world of night, watching over the fading embers of the fire then surrender once again to the darkness.

They sat in silence for some time, until Kili spoke, his voice raw and rough from sleep. "Do you have dreams?"

Her eyes flickered up to his, and the suggestion of a smile danced over her lips. "Yes."

"And nightmares?"

She only nodded, eyes dropping back to focus on the fire.

He didn't dare prod further, just as she didn't prod. It was a simple understanding they had. But certainly an effective one.

Only a glance to the sky, to the moon, already arching across it, gave him the force to shatter the silence again. "I'll take the watch."

She shook her head, mumbling, "No. I will not be sleeping tonight."

He didn't prod. Even though he wanted to. He let her be, and with a nod, the rest of their vigil began.

* * *

 _ **Meep. This was short and choppy. Forgive me. I had two nights to write and edit. I'll keep this AN short and sweet, so that I can get this posted to all of you, but I love you all. Reviews give me reason to stay up all night trying to put these chapters together, and if you do review, know that you make my day every single time. Have a great week!**_


	16. One Place To Another

_**Tolkien and Jackson own characters and world.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER

Kili woke to the dawn, washing a cool blue light over him. He blinked wearily against it, fighting back a groan at the muscles of his back he could already feel locked to stiffness. The slight chill damp of early morning had settled over him, and he barely felt rested at all.

He must have dozed off the previous night. Maybe that was the key to receiving a night of dreamless sleep. Fall asleep on accident. Against a tree.

As he shifted, he decided that perhaps that wasn't such a good idea. Numerous points of his back stung with aching, and there were at least two cricks in his neck. No more falling asleep sitting up for him.

A quick glance around the camp told him that Gwen was not there. Her pack still was though, and the ashes of the fire had been put out recently, so he figured it was nothing in particular to worry about. Kili took a moment to rub the half-hearted sleep out of his eyes, before using the tree behind him as leverage to haul himself to his feet. He worked his neck about, stretching his arms across his chest a bit, trying to shake the dregs of sleep away.

He made quick work of tying up his hair, not yet bothering to clasp it. What was the point, honestly, of using anything but a bit of leather? The only person that would see it would be Gwen, and it wasn't particularly likely that she was going to be offended by his lack of hair ornamentation.

 _Mother would kill me…_ he mused as he stripped off his shirt, sticky with dew and sweat. He would need to clean it the next chance he got…a bath would, of course, be good as well. A flash of movement caught in the corner of his eye as he stretched out his back, letting the cool morning breeze curl across his naked skin, and he smirked.

He certainly took his time then, trying not to chuckle as he knelt down to fetch his clean shirt from his pack. Did Gwen think she was invisible? That he wouldn't notice her there?

Either way, it was a bit priceless to finally turn around, fully clothed, and see her standing there, stone still, a few branches cradled in her arms, her eyes locked onto him. He broke the silence by raising a brow. "Everything alright there, love?"

She snapped out of her daze in a moment, tossing the firewood to the ground, and speaking briskly. "Pack your things. We leave soon."

A laugh bubbled out of him as she beat a hasty retreat, trying, it seemed, to hide the flush of pink that lit up her face, he bet, all the way to the tips of her pointed ears.

* * *

He was packed and dressed by the time Gwen returned to the camp, another full armful of firewood gathered in her arms. It seemed that she had regained her composure mostly, but she definitely had avoided his gaze when he shot her a knowing smirk. That was what he had missed. Making her make a fool of herself when she thought herself so cool and unaffected. There were few things that made him smile more.

"What's this for?" Kili asked, indicating the firewood she had gathered together.

"We'll be out of the forest by the day," she explained. "Into the Brown Lands. It gets cold at night, and there's little to be had for firewood. We'd be wise to carry some along with us."

Kili nodded, and made his way over to help her break the wood into manageable pieces. "Are we going to be across another settlement any time soon?"

"If we're on the path I think we are, we should be by tomorrow evening."

"And if we're not on the path you think we are?" Kili asked.

She shrugged, snapping a log over her knee. "Then I haven't a clue."

"Fantastic," Kili chuckled. "I love being lost."

"I haven't been here in years," Gwen sighed. "I have an idea of the area in my head, but it's my guess that we're going to be wandering around a bit misguided for a while."

"Do you think, maybe," he began, raising a brow. "That we should find a map? Or perhaps a guide?"

"Maps are useless out here," she explained. "Most of the roads they show are gone, or misdrawn. The roads that are actually there are lined with criminals, waiting to take advantage of travelers unfamiliar with the area. It would be death. Now a guide," she said, tone changing to a more considerate one. "That might be out best bet. Or a caravan, really. It's not safe, to be going across the desert, just the two of us…"

"So we just need to find a caravan,' Kili surmised, kicking the last piece of firewood into their pile.

"That would be ideal, it seems." She handed him a length of cord, then swept half of the pile over to her, beginning to lash it to the top of her pack. "But you make it sound too easy. It's not every day that a caravan just happens to be passing through a town. It's even less often that they're not going to make a deal with you, take you into the desert, then kill you in your sleep."

"Ah, yes," Kili mused as he knelt down, starting to tie the wood up onto his own pack. "That would be unfortunate."

"Aye," she agreed. "Rather. But we can keep our eyes open. Odd things happen, in this place."

"Would they really do that, though?" Kili asked after a moment of thinking. "Would they really kill us in our sleep?"

Gwen sat back from her work for a moment. "You really can't know. Not once you get further into the east, at least. You can't trust much out there. One can never know who their allies are. Betrayal is always an option. So, to answer a question like that…yes. They would do that. It's possible that they won't, but nothing is ever probable for the people you meet here."

Kili nodded slowly.

With a yank, Gwen finished securing her portion of the firewood to her pack, and once Kili was happy with his work, she tossed a bundle of fabric toward him. He caught it fairly easily, and found it to be a ball of silvery fabric, feeling thick and tough as leather, but still soft and silky to the touch. "What…" He opened it up to see that it was the grey cloak Gwen had been wearing over the past few days.

"You'll need it more than I."

Kili frowned. "I have my own cloak, Gwen."

"Not like this one, though. Galadriel gave it to me as a gift."

Kili snorted, though he was somewhat impressed as he ran his hands over the swirling weave of the wool. "What would my mother think, me forsaking good dwarven weaving for daft elven magic…"

"I think you'll find it valuable. It makes you practically invisible to most who look upon you."

Kili hummed, studying the small, yet beautifully designed silver clasp at its neck. Damn elven craftsmanship. So bloody _delicate._ A sudden thought occurred to him. "It didn't make you invisible to me."

"Well, yes," she began, rolling her eyes slightly, her shoulders tensing a bit. "I said most, not all. It allows those who would do you harm to look over you."

Kili knew that this could be somewhat dangerous territory, but honestly, he had a point…"So you didn't guess when I could still see you, that I wasn't going to do you any—"

She had gone stiff, and lifted her head to interrupt him, nearly spitting out, "I'd rather not talk about that day right now, _thank you_."

Kili's heart fell in his chest. Right. This still wasn't exactly his Gwen. She still had that cold, daft hatred inside of her. He sat in stunned, somewhat embarrassed silence for a moment, gripping his fists into the cloak at that sudden surge of disappointment. _Mahal,_ he missed her.

"Well," he began, at last. "Thank you for the offer, but I think that this belongs to you."

She stopped him before he could toss the cloak back. "I want you to wear it."

Kili shook his head. "No, Gwen, you need it—"

"I don't," she corrected him. "Where we're going, dwarven folk are both uncommon and unwanted. It'll be better for both of us if you can go unnoticed as much as possible."

"Oh," he breathed. "But it was a gift…"

"And now I give it as a gift to you," she huffed. "Just bloody take it. I don't think Lady Galadriel would mind."

Gifts…he forced his face to remain neutral as the sudden thought occurred to him. The jewelry around his neck. Galadriel's gift to him as well as Gwen's ring. He'd forgotten about it. Guilt rose in him, but he quashed it down. He'd tell her soon. He'd give it back to her soon.

The weight hung heavily on his neck as he got to his feet after Gwen.

Desperate to distract his own thoughts from wandering to guiltier things, he blurted out, "Where did your old cloak go? The red one?"

"I sold it," she said with a shrug.

"Sold it?" Kili was somewhat aghast. He remembered that cloak so well…"Why?"

"I needed the money. And I had gotten a new one. Also, where we're going, I won't exactly need it."

"But…" Kili stuttered, a deep frown forming on his face. She couldn't just bloody _sell_ that cloak! She'd had it for…forever! "But you can't just have _sold it."_

"But I did," she replied, not a touch of remorse in her tone. "Now, are we going to get walking, or is the winter going to come and make me miss that old thing?"

* * *

It was midday when their path wandered out of the forest. The trees had been growing thinner and thinner, the shrubbery lower and more scrubby, until finally, Kili found himself faced with a treeless landscape, sprawled out before him. It looked to be a rough grassland, yawning out before him all the way to the horizon, rolling with some hills, but mostly flat. The wind swept warm across it, bearing a dry, dusty scent with it, into his lungs. Their trail carried on into this endless grassland, petering out into invisibility after Mahal only knew how many miles. He'd hardly seen a space this _vast_ in all his life.

At his side, Gwen let out a soft sigh, breathing, "Still as flat and empty as I remember it."

A smile twitched at his lips at that. "You sound as if you do not remember it fondly," he observed, his eyes still locked onto the landscape, watching the way the grass waved under the weight of the wind rolling across it.

"It's hot, sunny, and dry, and it'll kill you if it gets the chance," she deadpanned, before continuing in a slightly more sentimental tone, "Although…The smell of it, the wind, the sight, it reminds me very much of my youth."

"Your home," Kili filled in.

"No," she chuckled. "Not home. Few would be mad enough to consider this place home. It is merely the way one gets from one place to another."

Kili nodded slowly. If this place wasn't her home, then where her home?

He shook this from his head soon enough, and with a flourished a wave toward the trail before them, bowing slightly. "If you'll lead the way?"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, but started down that endless path anyway.

* * *

It turned out that on such flat ground, they made excellent speed, and although it was impossible to tell, Kili was nearly positive that they had made decent mileage. Of course, the clearness of the path couldn't be all good. The sun was horrendously relentless, though not too terribly intense, beating down against the back of Kili's neck. He had long since shed all of his spare layers, and even then, he trudged onward slicked with sweat.

The sunset seemed to be bringing some sort of relief though, as it cast its first rays against the flat, brownish line of the horizon. An hour of so earlier, Gwen had abruptly stopped him, silently pointing out a cluster of small animals, a bit like giant rats. Kili had never heard of them, but Gwen had called them _Shurrkoan_ and said that they were good to eat, so he didn't waste a moment. He'd snagged two of the creatures, each as long as his forearm, with a few clean shots from his bow. His mouth was nearly watering at the thought of fresh meat. While a diet of lembas and the odd plant certainly kept him sustained, it in no way kept him happy. He was a dwarf, Mahal be blessed, and a dwarf needed meat.

They had found their camp under a small bluff a few hundred feet away from the trail. A small rock formation guarded them from the wind that rolled across the plains, and Gwen had managed to start a small fire as Kili cleaned the animals to cook. As they had for most of the day, they remained in a happily companionable sort of silence as they worked, and this continued as they started on their meal.

They were still lit in a soft golden-orange light, even as the sun had mostly dropped behind the ground. They sat in quiet contentment, and while Kili wished that they could speak as easily as they once had, he was mostly just glad that she seemed at least somewhat happy. He could see that she was exhausted, especially after their day of hard travel, and he hoped that she would agree to try and sleep. She needed it. They both did, really.

Finally Kili broke the silence, as he watched the wind ruffle her hair about her face. She had been pushing her hair out of the way the entire day, trying to keep it from sticking to her face with sweat, and he didn't see why he couldn't offer to help. "I could braid your hair."

Gwen lifted a brow as she looked up from the embers of the fire. "I'm glad to hear that, master dwarf."

Kili rolled his eyes slightly, but continued. "It's been in your way all day. I could really put it up, so that you wouldn't have to worry about it a bit."

She seemed to be hedging away from him. "Kili, I'm not sure that that's—"

"Nonsense," he declared, silencing whatever half-hearted protest she was going to try and muster. He had crawled over behind her in a moment, not giving her time to disagree as he set to work, combing the frizzed tangles out of her hair with his fingers. "You ridiculous girl, have you not brushed your hair in a week?"

He had meant it a bit as a joke, but she didn't seem to register that as she flinched slightly. "Well…"

"Bloody Mahal," he huffed as he worked to unsnarl a particularly nasty knot. "I thought elves were supposed to be mad about caring for their hair."

"It's not like _you've_ combed yours in a month either."

"Aye, but I don't have your hair," he explained. "Your hair deserves to really be cared for. And," he punctuated this by yanking out the last large knot in her hair. "As it seems that you are determined to remain useless on that front, that leaves me to tend to all of this."

"I never asked you to do this," she huffed, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

"And you wouldn't have to if you just learned to braid your own hair," he countered as he pulled away a section, beginning to braid. "But until that happens, you basically _have_ asked me for this."

"I never asked for anything," Gwen grumbled, fiddling with a pebble between her fingers. Kili was reminded somewhat of a disgruntled, pouting child.

"Now, that's certainly not true," he murmured, combing the hair back away from her scalp to weave it into the braid. "You've asked for plenty of things."

He could feel that she was about to protest. "You've asked for me to shut up, and I'm certain you've requested for me to 'sod off' on more than one occasion." A silent sigh filled his chest as his fingers found his bead weaved into her hair at the nape of her neck, warm with the heat of her body. "And, actually," he began as he worked the ornament out of the loose braid it tied. "If my memory does not misguide me, I believe that there was a moment that you did ask me to braid your hair."

Gwen was silent for a moment. "That was an…extenuating circumstance."

"And this circumstance doesn't classify as extenuating?" Kili asked, a bit teasingly as he worked the small bead into the updo he wove. "Your hair has clearly been a bother all day, and if we don't find some way to control it, it could very well blind you at the most inopportune of times."

"Alright," she huffed. "Fine. Maybe I have asked you to braid my hair. However, despite our 'extenuating circumstances' at this moment, I have yet to have actually requested you to even come near me."

"Oh, don't act like you mind," he chuckled, nudging her back with his knee just to remind her of his closeness. "You don't—"

His words fell away as he swept up the hair off of her neck. "What's this?" he murmured, almost to himself, as he leaned in for a better look.

Carved into the pale skin of her neck, over the rounded knobs of her spine, a design had been etched, or half of one, it seemed. The swirling black, delicately looped pattern seemed to have stopped half way, to end in a sharp, viciously red vertical line, slashed directly down the middle of her spine, disappearing up into her hairline and under her shirt.

A curse slipped out of her lips, and all too suddenly, her hand had lifted up and covered this odd tattoo. She immediately stuttered for an excuse. "That's…That's nothing."

"What was it?" Kili asked again, trying to nudge her hand away.

"Nothing," she repeated, pulling away from him, tone growing a bit sharper in conviction. "It's nothing of your concern, anyway."

"But—"

"You see," she said, shifting to move even further out of his reach, nearly making him lose his grasp on her half-braided hair. "I knew this was a bad idea. I said…just, let go—"

"No," Kili sighed, dropping a hand from her hair to set it on her shoulder. "Don't, Gwen. I won't prod, I swear. I won't even look at it again," he added as she hesitated.

Finally, she shifted across the ground a bit uneasily toward him. When she was back within his reach, he set to work again, keeping his word as she let her hand fall away. He noticed, as his fingers brushed the nape of her neck where he knew this mark lay, she flinched. What was this that got such a visceral reaction from her? Mahal, he was curious…but he had a promise to fulfill. And a braid to tie off.

After a few more minutes, he'd woven Gwen's curling locks up into a braid all the way around her hairline, neatly sweeping the hair off of her neck and shoulders. For once, her ears were showing, and he had tied his bead into a smaller braid just above the tip of her left ear. Part of him couldn't deny that he liked the way that it looked there, glittering in the last rays of the day.

Shrugging off any worries, he slid himself up behind her, his legs on either side of her, settling his head on her shoulder, one arm straying to linger around her waist. He was half surprised that she didn't push him away, but was certainly grateful. Feeling her breaths against him, her weight comfortable and familiar against his chest, loose strands of her hair tickling his cheek, it was all terribly _right._ Not to mention, of course, that with the breeze, and the low fire, it was getting rather chilly. He tried to convince himself that the cold wasn't the only reason Gwen was allowing this intimate sort of closeness.

His chin, resting atop her shoulder allowed him to watch as she unpicked the knot of the bandages wrapped tightly around her hand. When she'd uncovered the wound, Kili was glad to see that around the stitches, the cut seemed to be healing fairly well, the flesh puckered and reddish at its joint, but certainly healing together. "It's healing well."

"It is," she agreed, the sound of her voice buzzing through his chest.

She leaned over to fetch the bottle of antiseptic from her pack, before she uncorked it, carefully cleaning the wound. Considering her slight flinching, it still wasn't healed all of the way closed. After rinsing it with a few drops of water, she set to trying to wrap the wound in new, clean bandages, using only one of her hands.

Kili quickly leapt to her aid, leaning both of his arms around, her, plucking the roll of bandages away from her. He made quick work of binding the wound, though he was careful not so cause her anymore pain. "There you go," he hummed, tying off the bandage. "Good as new."

A slight chuckle shook out of her, but after that she fell silent. Kili was left to think, one of his arms having returned to her waist, the other drawing swirling patterns on the dirt beside her thigh. Mahal. He was so bloody _comfortable_ and _content._ What was wrong with him that all he could think about was that black tattoo on her nape? Why was that blasted thing bothering him so terribly? Why was he about to ruin these moments of peace and contentment that Gwen had given him?

He could hardly stop himself as he opened his mouth, asking, "Can I ask about it now?"

"Ask about—" she began to ask, before her shoulder stiffened slightly. "That."

Kili turned his nose into the crook of her neck, trying to calm her down by nuzzling slightly into her. "Don't worry. It's alright if you don't…"

Just as quickly as it seemed that she had fallen into him she was drawing away, sliding off his arm from around her, sliding out from under his nose. "Kili..."

"Oh, don't close yourself _off_ like that, love," he groaned as she continued pulling further away. He could already feel her absence. "I only—"

"It's _nothing_ for you to worry about," Gwen breathed.

Kili paused for a moment, examining her face. She didn't even believe that herself, did she? "Is that so?"

This stopped her for a second, and she lowered her head, almost as if in shame, while Kili awaited his answer. Eventually, she gave up, letting out a long-suffering sigh as she began shuffling through her pack. "Thank you for the hair management tutoring, but if you wouldn't mind taking the first watch, I should get some sleep."

What choice did he have but to nod?

* * *

It had been a quiet night for the most part, excusing the occasional flush of wind across the grass. They hadn't enough wood to spare to keep the fire going, so Kili had wrapped himself in his bedroll, even to keep watch. Despite the heat that the day had forced upon him, it seemed that the nights were still cold.

He didn't mind too much, keeping first watch. The stars were bright and piercing above, and he entertained himself while Gwen slept, recalling the stories for the constellations he knew, and making up stories behind the ones he didn't.

When the moon was about at its highest, a sudden sound cut through the darkness, a ragged howl shuddering the peacefulness of the dark night. Kili jumped, quite involuntarily at the clearly animal sound, a shiver running down his spine. The thing wasn't close, but Kili still settled a hand atop his bow. Just in case.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the sound had disturbed Gwen from her peaceful slumber. A jerking breath shook her body, and within moments, she jolted even harder, a slight yelp glancing off of her throat. She was awake then, eyes wide in the darkness, half sitting-up from her bedroll. Just as she glanced over towards him, Kili locked his eyes onto the sky. His ruse seemed to work, and with a soft sigh, she settled herself down into her blankets, turning her back to him.

Once she couldn't see, Kili frowned, looking back down at her prone form. There were those nightmares then. A shiver went through her from head to toe, and Kili had to grit his fists into the grass against the urge to go over and comfort her, or to offer her some solace, just to do _something._

Instead, he sat in silence, watching her breaths heave in her chest as she tried to calm herself back down, all alone, in the dark corner of her little world.

In between breaths, he suddenly could hear scraps of humming, sweeping over to him on the wind. He practically held his breath, leaning in a bit closer. It seemed that Gwen was humming to herself, as she rocked slightly. It was a small, sad and simple melody, but almost regretful-sounding in a strange sort of way.

Whether the wind simply got too hard for him to hear, or she fell asleep, Kili would never know, when the song faded to nothing.

Either way, he let the night roll onward, sliding over him, the air held in a contented silence.

* * *

 _ **Somewhat of an uneventful chapter, but I really don't want to have to do a huge timeskip, especially because there's a lot of important relationship things happening…hmmm…We'll see my pretties. If you have comments on that, or on this story in general, or if you just want someone to talk to, leave a comment! I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading, and until next week!**_


	17. Lost and Found

_**Tolkein created the world and characters, Peter Jackson breathed life into them, and I killed them with an overload of angst. It's the ciiiircle of liiiiife….**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

LOST AND FOUND

Kili was quickly discovering that the Brown Lands were far too hot for his taste. As Gwen (badly disguising a grin) had informed him, though, they weren't even out into the worst of the place yet. Already, the grass was giving away to large patches of gritty dust, and Kili had become well accustomed to the feeling of sand whipping stingingly against his skin, carried by rolling breezes. The sun was relentless, and Kili had been forced to trudge along with the hood of his cloak up, in hopes that it would protect his head and neck from the scorching heat. Gwen had come prepared for this, wrapping a light scarf over her head and mouth.

Nonetheless, the day wore on, hot, and sweaty. If Kili needed a bath before, he most _certainly_ needed one now.

At last, there came a break from the monotony, as the ground began to dip, their path, which had faded into a thin line of worn out grass, strengthening once more. The grass became somewhat less sparse, and Kili's hopes were fulfilled, as they staggered upon a river. Well, sort of a river. It was a river _bed_ at the very least. The sun had clearly done its work, drying what may have been a decent flow of water into a murky, stagnant trickle. Whatever relief filled Kili at the point of finding this faded quite promptly when Gwen spoke. "Well. This is unexpected."

"Unexpected?" Kili repeated. "Unexpected how?"

"As unexpected as unexpected could be," she mused.

"Right now," Kili began, dread filling his gut at the bemused confusion on her face. "I could do without the cryptics. Why is the river unexpected?"

"Not a river so much as a—"

"Gwen!" Kili interrupted, panicking just a _bit._ This place was vast. If they were lost…

"Right, well, I _may_ not have really expected this river bed to be here."

"Bloody Mahal," Kili sighed. "We're lost then."

"Well, not _quite,"_ she reasoned. "This really could be one of two things. It could be the Salt River, which, depending on where exactly we are on it, means there's a town within twenty miles of here. _Alternatively,"_ she sighed. "It could be the Akul-Jut River, which ironically, considering its meaning, is long since barely running, and towns along it dies out decades ago."

Against that grim news, Kili felt the need to ask, "What does "Akul-Jut" mean, then?"

"Ice water."

"That is ironic," Kili admitted after a moment off thought.

"Rather."

There was a pause, in which they both watched, somewhat regretfully, the water sluggishly slipping by, before Kili spoke. "Then I suppose you don't know which way we should be going down the river, then?"

"Haven't a clue."

"Well…we'll go left, then."

Gwen shrugged. "Seems as good a direction as any."

* * *

The twilight seemed to stretch on forever, out in that grassland. The horizon, visible in a flat line all round them, swallowed up the sun agonizingly slowly, centimeter by centimeter, as they walked alongside the dried up riverbed. They had opted to stay on the slight bluff along either side of the riverbank, to avoid having to crawl and climb over the large boulders that lined it. Kili was about to suggest that they call it a night, when Gwen halted suddenly, throwing a hand out to his chest to stop him. "There's something ahead."

Kili frowned. "What—"

"Silence," she hissed, her hand sliding to her sword. "Draw your bow."

Kili was already on it. It seemed, that based on his previous experience, if a woman of elven blood was telling you to be on your guard, it would be best to get on your guard. And fast, it seemed, as Gwen glanced around, looking about ready to bolt if something hostile came about.

The moments slid by, Kili's heart pounding adrenaline throughout him. However, as they stood there, everything was silent and still as a grave. Just as Kili was about to lean in to speak, the sound of scraping gravel had him whirling toward the riverbank, where above the line of rocks, a—

A… _child._ It was a child. It looked to be a girl, no older than Althron had been, but in some horrible condition. Her long, dark hair was matted, her skin scorched by the sun, and smeared with dirt. The dress she wore was torn, dirtied and scuffed, and her wide, dark eyes had almost the appearance of a wild animal as she crawled up towards them.

Kili exchanged a brief glance with Gwen, who looked just about as confused as him. What in Arda was a child doing, out here? And in this condition?

The child had frozen, upon seeing them, and Kili could see her thin arms trembling. "Hello," he called out softly, sending her a slight smile after he had stowed his bow and nocked arrow away.

She flinched away from the words, and did not reply.

"Are you alone?" Gwen asked, her tone not cold, but certainly not sympathetic.

The girl's gaze flickered between him and Gwen, but she remained silent.

"Well?" Gwen repeated, a bit more firmly. "Are you?"

The child only looked more fearful, and a bit of sympathy tugged at Kili's heart. He placed a hand on Gwen's elbow, saying softly, "Gwen, don't you—"

She shrugged him off, saying again, tone raising to near a shout. "Is there anyone with you?"

When silence replied, he could practically feel the tension in Gwen reaching a crescendo, as she half drew her sword, snapping out, "I think it would be _wise_ for you to answer me when I ask you a question!"

Kili turned on Gwen, grabbing her arm hard, hissing out, "Calm _down!"_

It seemd that his words were unnecessary though, as the girl fell back with a squeak of fear, shaking her head. A weight rose off of Kili's chest. Sure, this raised some questions, but at least Gwen seemed to relax slightly. "Good then," Kili said, smiling again. He eased a few cautious steps towards the girl, before dropping into a crouch, putting himself on eye-level with her. "Now, why don't you come over here and sit with us for a while."

The girl was unresponsive. Kili fought against a frown. Surely, the she was hearing him? Why wouldn't she respond?

He tried again, this time, unhooking his half-full waterskin from his belt and offering it out to her. "Would you like some?"

Her eyes went a bit wider, and darkened with want, but she seemed to hold herself back, shooting a quick look over Kili's shoulder at Gwen.

Kili uncorked the skin, offering it to her again. "It's water. Come and have some."

This seemed to finally tempt her, and she nearly scuttled, stumbling, closer. When she was just in reach, she snatched the skin out of his hand, then, falling back a bit onto her knees, lifted it, pouring it into her mouth. Kili's eyes widened, as the water sloshed over her. "Woah, now. Be careful."

As if on cue, she lowered the skin, breaking into rattling, wet coughing, sloughing a bit more water down her front. "Slowly, now," Kili warned, watching her carefully. He'd rather not like this girl to start drowning.

She seemed to disregard his words entirely, and started back at the waterskiing, gulping it down until it was empty. Even then, she shook the last few drops out viciously.

"There now," Kili said gently, as she lowered the skin, clenching it in her tiny fists. "That's better, isn't it?"

She didn't reply. Instead, her gaze locked onto Gwen, who he could hear coming a bit closer.

"Are you lost?" Gwen asked, still a bit wary.

There was a moment of silence, before the girl nodded slightly.

Gwen seemed satisfied with that. Kili took a glance at the darkening horizon, before seating himself, dropping his pack beside him, and opening it, ruffling through it until he found one of his pieces of lembas bread. "Are you hungry?"

If he were to judge by the way she swallowed hard, eyes locking onto the bread that Kili unwrapped, then yes. She was hungry. "Take it," Kili encouraged her, offering a corner of it out. "It's good."

Her eyes flicked from Kili's hand to his face, as if debating. With one last smile from Kili her resistance shattered and she lunged forward, snatching the food away and swallowing it in one bite. Kili chuckled a bit as she stared hard at the bread Kili was now folding back away. "I think that should be quite enough for now. You'd be surprised, I think," he assured her, stowing the food back away in his bag. "It fills you a lot more than you'd guess."

Gwen crouched down next to him, dropping her pack. The girl flinched hard at this action, and Gwen sighed. "I won't hurt you, alright?"

No response came and Gwen let out another sigh. "I suppose we're staying here for the night, then."

He glanced over to see that she was looking at him, exhaustion, and worry written across her features. He flicked his eyes over to the girl, watching their exchange with wary eyes. "I think we should."

"Very well," she breathed. "Clean her wounds, if you would. My medical supplies are at the top of my bag. I'm going to get some more water."

With that, she was back onto her feet, stalking off to the river.

Kili watched her go, before turning back to the girl, eyes still glued on the spot where Gwen had disappeared. "So," he began, drawing over Gwen's pack. "What's your name?"

The girl didn't respond, too preoccupied with sending glances in Gwen's direction. He sighed, leaning over to catch her gaze. "She's really not that bad, you know? I know she seemed a bit scary, but she's like that with everyone."

This remark drew a slight, shy smile from her face, and Kili felt obliged to continue. "She's a bit like a mother bear, you—Or, I suppose you really wouldn't know much about bears out here. So, she's a bit like any mother, in that respect, hostile, trying to protect her children—Well, I suppose that example would put me as her son, which…" Mahal, no. Ew. "No, that's certainly not the case but…"

A genuine smile was now on her face, though a bit reserved, and Kili couldn't help but smile back, even as he huffed. "Well, you get the point. She's a prickly girl, and very protective of what she thinks needs protecting. But," he said, as he pulled the bandages and antiseptic out of Gwen's bag. "That's neither here nor there, really. Let's get you patched up."

"Sara," She said suddenly, her voice weak and thin, but most certainly hers.

"What was that?" Kili asked looking up to her. She hid her face a bit, and perhaps would have blushed if there weren't dirt caked across her face. "Sara," he repeated. "Is that your name?"

This earned him a slight nod, and he grinned in earnest, sliding himself forward to sit in front of her. "Well, Sara, It's nice to meet you."

* * *

Their small fire was dying, the night finally having drawn over the twilight.

Kili had cleaned out the scrapes and cuts that Sara had gotten, and she had eaten well, but Kili could tell that she was ill. She hadn't stopped shivering, and when Kili had tested her forehead, it was hot to the touch, and a bit sweaty. A fever, likely. Hopefully, she could just sleep it off. They didn't have enough medicine to treat her properly if she worsened.

She had fallen asleep only a few minutes earlier, curled into Gwen's bedroll, wrapped in all of the cloaks they had. Now, Kili was sitting next to Gwen, watching the fire die into nothingness. A glance over to her put a frown on Kili's face. The scarf she had wrapped around her head was the only protection she had against the cool of the night, the swift breeze whisking past them. She didn't startle as he placed a hand on the center of her back, leaning in to say softly, "Are you cold?"

She shook her head slightly, though she gripped the red, fluttering scarf a bit more tightly around her shoulders. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked again, rubbing his thumb in soft circles over her spine. He could feel the web of muscles across her back through the thin layers that she wore, and half-imagined that he could feel goosebumps on her skin, even through her clothing. "I thought that you were always cold."

She smiled softly at that, but ignored the comment. "I'm doing just fine."

"We don't need you sick as well," Kili commented, half to himself, half to Gwen. He had never been particularly good at taking care of sick people, and while he could certainly carry Sara if need be, and perhaps even Gwen, he doubted he'd be able to drag them both along with him.

Gwen's gaze had shifted to Sara's dark, bundled form, and she said suddenly, "I'm not a monster, you know."

"I never said you were," Kili told her, a bit taken aback.

"No," she sighed. "It's just with Sara, and the way I scared her, and you seemed…"

"It's alright," Kili assured her, before she could continue, now moving his hand in full circles across the smooth expanse of her back.

Gwen shook her head. "I'm just so used…I'm so used to being untrusting, to expecting everything to be a trick. I've seen children just like her used as bait, and…and I guess some sort of instinct kicked in. I just—"

"It's _alright,"_ Kili repeated, nudging her shoulder to silence her. "I get it, love. You're careful, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's probably good, considering how I'm _not_ like that. I need you to balance out my over-trusting tendencies."

This put a faint, almost sad smile onto her face. "I didn't mean to scare her though. I mean, I did, but…"

"Gwen," Kili began, his deep tone drawing her eyes up to meet his. "You're no sort of monster. Even Sara knows it. You were as stern as you needed to be, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You've well made up for anything by now, anyway."

Her gaze didn't leave his as she listened, and for a gut-jerking moment, he noticed her eyes flick down lower to his lips, and something in the back of his head spoke up, wondering if, just maybe, she was about to kiss him. His throat went dry, and he found himself subconsciously wetting his lips as his hand stilled on her back. Her breath was catching in her throat, her fingers curling in the dirt. It was as if they were both being drawn in by their warm swirling breaths, the thudding of their hearts, the gravity of their locked gazes...Suddenly, she tore away, her eyes returning to the fire.

A breath hushed out of a Kili, and he slumped slightly as his heart began beating again. With one last firm squeeze, he let his hand fall away from her back, leaning away and taking in a deep, cool breath to regain his composure. If he had made even a bit of a move there, he could have kissed her. And he had a sneaking suspicion that she would be helpless but to kiss him right back. At the very thought, a dark, curling feeling woke in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't entirely sure whether he liked it or not. Either way, he clenched his fists, trying to expel any absurdities from his tongue, before speaking in a surprisingly hoarse voice, "You need sleep."

"I do not," she shot back.

"It wasn't a question," Kili corrected, and would have leveled a stern look at her had it not been for that sudden frustrating urge to kiss her.

"You're right," she admitted. "It was a lie."

Kill opened his mouth to protest, but Gwen beat him to it. "I will be fine tonight. Now go to sleep, master dwarf."

* * *

Kili woke to the dark of the night, the sound of whimpering cries trickling into his dreams. It took him a moment to get his bearing, and when he did, he looked to see Sara half-crawling out of her bedroll and blankets, her whole body shaking. He was sitting up in a second, and would have leapt to her side, had it not been for Gwen, reaching the girl's side, just before the sound of her retching vomiting filled the windy air. Kili winced, and averted his eyes slightly. It seemed that Gwen had this covered, though, drawing the girl's hair away from her face, placing a stabilizing hand on her back.

When Sara had emptied her stomach, she rolled over, groaning and sobbing slightly. Gwen tucked the girl easily into her arms, murmuring softly, something Kili couldn't hear. His heart was put at ease, though, as he watched Sara relax into Gwen, her sobs soon going quiet. If he had any doubts, this seemed to clear it up. Gwen was no monster.

The breeze caught at an angle, in which Kili heard Sara mumble, "Mama…"

"She's not here," Gwen told her softly, uncorking her waterskin for the girl. "Clean your mouth."

When the girl had done as she was told, Gwen took the waterskin back. "But if you go to sleep now, I swear, I'll find her for you."

After a few moments, Gwen had managed to ease the trembling girl back into her blankets.

Minutes passed, where Gwen sat at the girl's side, quieting anything she started to say, until it seemed that the girl had finally fallen off to sleep. Gwen stood back up, brushing herself off a bit, before starting towards her spot on the other side of the fire. As she passed, Kili grabbed onto her ankle, halting her. "Is she alright?"

Gwen shrugged, crouching down to his level. "At least she had the sense to crawl out of bed before she vomited. I'd throttle the brat."

There was no real threat in that comment, and Kili noticed her glance, with an exasperated sort of fondness, in the direction the girl lay. "She's been drinking bad water," Gwen explained. "She could be sick for a week, or a few hours. We'll just have to see."

Kili nodded slowly, before noticing the weariness behind Gwen's gaze. "You sleep. I'll take the watch."

"No," she half chuckled. "It's fine, Kili. I'll stay up and watch her. You sleep."

"Gwen—"

"Kili, do this for me. I need you well rested for tomorrow,"

"…Fine," Kili finally admitted with a sigh. "But you _will_ be sleeping tomorrow night."

"If that's what you wish," Gwen replied with a slight roll of her eyes.

There was a moment of silence, in which all of the sudden, their gazes met, and a shivering tingle went across Kili's skin, warm and pleasant. He was dragged back to that moment earlier when the whole world seemed to slow down and narrow until it contained just him and this striking girl. Dark heat curled in his gut, and he was amazed that Gwen didn't move an inch, even as he lifted his hand to her face, gently cupping her check, his large, calloused hands spanning her face from chin to ear-tips. He may have imagined it, but she leaned very slightly into this warm touch.

He found himself leaning closer, ever so slightly, thinking that maybe, just maybe this time—

A weak, sleepy cough rattled out of Sara's space, and Kili snapped back to reality.

Gwen, too had broken out of whatever spell had taken them, and she was about to pull away from his touch. Thinking fast, Kili leaned forward, tapping his forehead against hers. He let it linger there, reveling in the way their noses brushed ever so slightly against each other, the way their breaths mingled the way her hand strayed up toward him, as if she wasn't sure what to do with it. Kili smiled, letting his eyes fall closed as he reveled in the hot, warm feeling that burst open in his chest. There she was. His Gwen. In his grasp. It was no kiss, but being this close to her…It was nice.

At last, he managed to get out, "Goodnight, Gwen," the words much more throaty than he had intended them to be.

Gwen drew in a sharp breath at that sound, but as it eased away, she replied, "Good night, Master Dwarf."

She slipped away from him, then, and into the darkness, and Kili fell back onto his bedroll, letting out a full-hearted sigh, not even bothering to push away the grin that drew out his features.

* * *

 _ **Fluff. Fluffity Fluff fluff. That's just the point at the story that we're in now, though. I think we all deserve a little fluff before things get intense again. So, fluffy fluff it is!**_

 _ **Thank you to everyone who read this, especially those who took the time to review (mysterious victoria, looking at you!)! I would love to hear from all of you though. If you can't think of anything else to say, then perhaps tell me what your favorite trait of out dear Kili is. And your least favorite trait? I dunno man. I'm just bored. Entertain me as I have entertained you for the past approximately 4.6 minutes!**_

 _ **Until next week!**_


	18. Words Unspoken

_**I wish I could say that I own the characters and world that I'm writing about. But I don't. Such sad.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

WORDS UNSPOKEN

Gwen had woken him before the dawn, when the sky was barely being touched by the light of the sun. He had to fight back a groan as he blinked even against the faint light of the fading stars, a deep breath sighing out of him. He sent a glance over to Gwen who was kneeling next to him, something between a smile and a smirk lighting her lips. He could hardly help but smile back at her. The bluish light glanced off of her skin, casting the darkness of her eyes into even deeper contrast. Mahal curse her for looking so bloody _beautiful_ so early in the day. "'morning," he mumbled, before adding, "If it is even that yet," as he rubbed at his eyes.

"It is," Gwen chuckled. "Although a bit early."

"Fantastic," he drawled. "Any reason you're waking me up this early?"

"I've been thinking," she began. "And I believe that I know where we are,"

This got his attention a bit, and he sat up on his elbows. "Oh?"

"Aye," she replied, sitting back on her heels. "I believe this river's running downstream from the north, instead of the west, which would make it the Salt River rather than the Akul-Jut River. Considering where we would have crossed it, in the direction that we were going, and the amount of time that we travelled, we could very well reach a settlement by the end of today."

A smile flitted over Kili's lips as he shot a glance at Sara's sleeping form. "And we can get Sara some proper help."

"Precisely," Gwen said, returning his smile, a bit self-satisfied.

"I always knew you had some brains in that pretty little head of yours," Kili teased. "Fili didn't believe me, but—"

Gwen raised a brow. "Do you really want to finish that, Kili?"

Kili chuckled, lifting a hand in surrender. "Wouldn't dare, love." His playful mood faded in a moment, and he sobered, asking, "How was Sara?"

"She's sick," Gwen said after a moment, her gaze flicking over to the girl. "Woke up a few more times, a bit delirious. Her fever hasn't gotten better, and she vomited twice more. I gave her food and water when she would take it, but it didn't seem that she could keep it down."

"Right," Kili said with a sigh. "But if we've found a village by sundown…"

"She'll make it," Gwen answered, before he had even asked the question. He could hear doubt edging on her tone, but ignored it. "We should move swiftly. I don't want to spend another night out here."

* * *

They did indeed keep to the idea of moving swiftly. They didn't even start a fire in the morning. They merely refilled their skins with the water they had boiled clean the previous night, swallowed a bit of Lembas, and were on their way. Sara was certainly still feverish, and a bit delirious, her eyes glassy, footsteps wobbling like a faun on ice. She hadn't spoken a word, only whimpered and yelped like a kicked puppy when she tripped and stumbled, bashing up her already battered knees further.

At a certain point, it almost became cruel, forcing her to crawl along the rocks like that. A glance shared with Gwen served as a silent agreement, and Sara didn't protest in the slightest (likely partially due to her delirious state), even as she was lifted onto Kili's back. He and Gwen alternated throughout the day, between who carried Sara and who carried the other person's pack. Kili wasn't sure which job he preferred. Sara was a bit troublesome, hot and sweaty, sometimes squirmy, especially when they made any effort to keep her already burnt skin out of the heat of the sun. On the other hand, the girl was much lighter than the combined weight of both of their packs. It was mostly a lose-lose situation either way.

He kept their pace though. He had to. Sara was fading. Gwen had attested it to water-poisoning, dehydration, and heat stroke. Whatever her ailments were, Kili knew that they would need to hurry.

By the time that midday had passed, Kili's legs were burning with exhaustion, his arms stiff from carrying things, his back sore, his neck raw from the sun, skin coated in sweat and dust. After a few days, the stuff had certainly built up. He would need a bath of some sort sooner rather than later.

* * *

His stomach was beginning to ache with the first pangs of hunger, and it seemed that Sara had dozed off on his back, when the break in the monotony of the day finally arrived. A grinding sound of stone against stone, and the splashing of water rose from the river, a few yards away, and Gwen and Kili both froze. Gwen sent a glance towards the girl propped onto Kili's back, and in a moment, she had lowered herself down, silently setting both off their packs down, before she drew a knife out of her boot. A smile burst across Kili's face as he saw it glint in the sunlight.

It wasn't one of her small knives she usually kept in her boot. Instead, this was a more stout, wide blade, the handle of it wrapped in a single piece of well-worn leather. Fili's throwing knife. She had kept that. _Mahal,_ he couldn't wait to tell his brother.

She twisted it in her hand, giving him a silent nod, before she started forward, creeping towards the top of the ridge. Kili crouched down, fighting back a groan at his throbbing muscles. It had been a _bloody_ long day. He kept his senses alert, though.

The slight sound of Gwen's crunching footsteps stilled, and Kili held his breath. "Hello," Gwen said, speaking loud enough for whoever was at the river to hear her.

He couldn't detect fear in her tone, only caution. So, whatever was there, she didn't see it as a great danger.

Kili heard the rattling of footsteps, though his hearing could not distinguish between Gwen's and the strangers. "Are you here alone?"

Kili managed to haul himself up over the ledge, and peering down, he saw that Gwen was slowly approaching a girl standing ankle deep in the river, behind a basket of wet cloth. The girl looked nervous, backing up slightly as Gwen neared her. The girl was a few years older than Sara, though not yet into adulthood, with long, dark hair, warm skin and wide dark eyes. "Are you?"

Gwen frowned at the question. "What?"

"Are _you_ alone?" the girl asked back, defiance and determination showing over the fear on her face.

"I really don't think you're the one asking questions here," Gwen huffed, letting Fili's knife glint in the light.

The girl backed away another step, before darting forward for her laundry basket, clutching it up to her chest. "What do you want?"

"Did I not _say—"_

By then, Kili had decided that was enough, and stood up, his legs shaking slightly under Sara's added weight. "Gwen, shut it."

Gwen turned around to send a glare at him, while the girl staggered further away, the fear returning to her features in full. "Stay back!"

"Says you and what army?" Gwen shot back, clearly exasperated.

Kili rolled his eyes. "Calm down the both of you. You don't have to be afraid," he told the girl, picking his way down the bank, trying to keep Sara stable on his back. "She seems a bit unstable, I know, but she wouldn't actually hurt you. And Gwen," he began nudging her arm brandishing the knife. "Put the bloody knife away. She's literally armed with a basket. No one's threatening no one here. "

Grumbling, and sending him another vicious glare (that only made him fight back a smile, because she was bloody _cute_ when she tried to glare at him from that angle) Gwen tucked the knife away into her boot.

"Now that we're all comfortable, let's begin conversing like the reasonable human beings we are."

Gwen huffed a bit, and the girl edged closer, still sending suspicious glances over to Gwen. "I can be reasonable. I don't know about _her_ though."

" _Anyway,"_ Kili began, cutting off the argument that that certainly would have started. "Now, if you could kindly direct us towards the nearest bit of civilization, it would certainly be appreciated."

"Why are you asking?" the girl asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.

Kili spoke before Gwen could say something. "We have a girl with us. She's sick, and needs help as soon as—"

The girl wasn't listening suddenly, her eyes locking onto Sara's arms, dangling around his neck. "Let me see her."

"Look who you're telling—"

Gwen was interrupted by the girl as she dropped her basket, hurrying onto the bank. "Let me see her!"

A suspicion that had been edging upon his mind since he'd first seen this girl assured him, and he slid Sara down his back, and would have caught her before she fell if the girl hadn't beat him to it, snatching the younger girl up into arms, eyes unbelievably wide. "Sara!"

"You know her?" Gwen asked.

"Thank the Valar," the girl breathed, pulling Sara slightly away, running a thumb over her cheek.

"It would seem that she does," Kili said with a shrug to Gwen.

"She's my sister," the girl breathed, as she pulled Sara into her again, tucking the girl's lolling head into the crook of her neck. "She disappeared five nights ago. We…we had given up hope. My mum…" Tears of relief were welling up in the girl's eyes, and she closed them tightly, letting her cheek fall onto the crown of her sister's head. "Nevermind that. She's here."

A smile had worked its way onto Kili's face. He thought he saw a family resemblance. This girl obviously cared quite a bit about her little sister. He looked over to see that Gwen was staring at the two in disbelief. "What are the odds?" she mouthed to Kili when she saw him watching her.

He rolled his eyes. Couldn't she just be happy?

"We…we have to get back to mum," the girl said suddenly, her tone urgent.

Sara stirred suddenly, sighing, and Kili leaned a bit closer to hear her choke out, "Tarryn?"

"It's me," the girl, evidently Tarryn, told her with a smile. "Let's get you home."

Sara nodded, before her head dropped again. "My mother's a healer," Tarryn informed them, smile disappearing in an instant. "And home's only a few minutes away. Could you…"

Kili nodded, and in a moment, he had Sara scooped back up in his arms. Tarryn went scrambling for her laundry, and Gwen was already off, likely to get their packs, and soon enough, they were on their way, Tarryn practically sprinting across the scorched grass.

Kili grit his teeth against the burning of his legs, the stinging in his lungs. It would only be a bit further.

The girl's estimations were accurate, it seemed, and within minutes, a small home had come into view. It was made of mud and rock, with a grass thatched roof. The roof did not extend to the back of the cottage, and if Kili had to guess, he would say there was a bit of a courtyard. In front of the house, a well sat, ropes and buckets just beside it. Kili had little time to take in further detail, as he was rushed into the house. It seemed that Tarryn had gotten there earlier than him, as a woman hurried up to him as soon as he'd come through the doorway, snatching the child off of his back.

Kili was a bit overwhelmed by the sights and sounds that had flooded the air around him. The house was lit fairly lowly, the air hot and still from the oven on the side, and the heat of the day, baking this clay hut. The smell of herbs was sharp and heavy in the air, a baffling cloud of mixed scents. The sound of crying cut through the air, as well as shouting, and Mahal…was that someone _screaming?_ Movement seemed to be everywhere, and flurrying panic—

He found himself glued to the doorframe, trying to stay as out of the way as he could be. A glance showed that Gwen was doing the exact same thing, shock and alarm crossing her face.

When the panic had settled down a tiny bit, he took a better look about. Sara had been set in a cot in the corner, a woman with graying hair, and fierce dark eyes bent over her. Probably her mother. Tarryn was tending to the babe, squalling in a small crib in the corner, and another girl was darting about the room, to the jars lining shelves, and the herbs, hanging dry from the ceiling. A cat was somehow in the middle of this, managing to get under everyone's feet at once. This is precisely what chaos looked like.

In a few minutes, the babe had gone silent, the cat pushed out another door, the girl who had been frantically running around to gather herbs at her mother's request, had settled down, grinding something in a mortar and pestle. Kili made his way over to Gwen, leaning in to murmur to her as she set their pack down, "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

She shook her head numbly. "Haven't a clue. But if we can get a bath out of this, I don't care."

Kili was inclined to agree.

It seemed that the woman had finally taken actual notice of him as she got to her feet, brushing her hands off on her skirt. "You found Sara, yes?"

Kili barely had the chance to nod, before the woman was grabbing him into a suffocating tight embrace. He barely had the chance to register that, and in a flash she had moved onto Gwen. He had to fight back a laugh at the mix of shock and discomfort that washed over her face at the sudden physical contact.

"I owe you everything that I am," the woman announced, tone betraying no exaggeration.

Kili was a bit taken aback and chuckled slightly as he rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well, I don't know about that…"

"I do," the woman insisted. "I…It had been five nights. And she was nowhere to be found. My heart…" her voice broke off as she glanced back over her shoulder to Sara, who was now sleeping peacefully. "You brought my daughter back from the grave. And…your names. Please, if…if you will, your names."

"Kili," he responed with a smile, and a slight bow.

Gwen was (unsurprisingly) a bit more reserved, saying softly, "Gwen."

She nodded to herself, a sigh letting out of her lips. "I'm afraid I've been quite rude. You…the two of you are very welcome to stay here as long as you need to. And anything you need, I will give to you."

Kili was a bit surprised by this woman's intensity, but smiled, assuring her, "Your happiness is quite thanks enough, ma'am."

A chuckle bubbled out of her. "Well, aren't you a little charmer. Really though," she said, turning to Gwen. "What is it that you need?"

"A safe place to stay for the night, dinner, and a bath."

Kili sighed. Well. She always was the blunt one out of the two of them. Balin, with his love of proper court manners and etiquette, would have a conniption.

The woman seemed not to be offended by this in the slightest. "That, I can do. Dinner will be shortly."

"Thank you very much, miss…"

"Farryn," she supplied him with a slight smile. "Just Farryn. Now, Aradell, Tarryn, take our guests to your room to leave their things.

The girl who had been kneeling next to Sara hopped up to her feet, excitement lighting her features, but Tarryn groaned as she set the babe back into its cradle. "Again, mum? Where am I going to sleep? You always make me give up my room for—"

" _Your_ room?" Farryn scoffed. "Young lady, last time I checked this house does not, in the slightest, belong to you. And while you're living in my house, you will do what I tell you to. _Without_ complaint," she added in a stern tone as Tarryn opened her mouth to protest.

Tarryn snapped her mouth closed, and shot her mother a vicious glare before storming off behind the door in the middle of the far wall. The other girl hurried to follow her, gesturing for Kili and Gwen to come along as well. They did, though Kili spared a moment to give Farryn a sympathetic smile. She merely shrugged, saying in explanation, "Teenagers."

Kili frowned as he followed the others. Had he been that disagreeable at that age? He could hardly imagine so…

He shook those thoughts out of his head, taking in his surroundings. The door had led to a courtyard, with a hard-packed dirt floor and a neatly trimmed, but clearly ancient tree. A table sat on one side, shaded by a wooden structure from the slanting light of the sun. High mud walls were on either side, and another building completed the rectangular area. As they picked their way across this, Kili looked up to see that the younger of the two girls was walking backwards to look back at them. "I'm called Aradell," she informed them, her voice small but chipper and determined. "What's your name?"

Gwen didn't seem to notice the question being directed at her, so Kili compensated, smiling. "I'm Kili."

He elbowed Gwen gently and her head shot up. "Wha—oh, Gwen. It's Gwen."

The girl nodded upon hearing this. "Are you a princess?"

With the straightforwardness of her tone, Kili had to fight back laughter. Before anyone else could speak, Tarryn scoffed, saying over her shoulder. "Ara, don't ask foolish questions."

"It's not foolish!" Aradell protested, bristling.

"But it's clear she's not," Tarryn said with a roll of her eyes, before adding, "Have you _seen_ her?" She disappeared, then, behind another door, her sister following closely on her heels.

Kili couldn't keep from bursting out in laughter. That was bloody _perfect._ Gwen had stopped upon hearing this, a faintly miffed look on her face. "Well, what's _that_ mean?" she asked.

Kili tried to stifle his laughter, giving her a pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, love." A thought occurred to him that put a massive smile twitching at his face. "You know, I would say something else, but I feel that you would hit me if I said it."

She paused, raising a brow. "Oh?"

"Are you going to hit me?"

"Probably," she admitted with a shrug.

"Then carry on," he instructed her, nudging her towards the door. "Nothing to see here."

She rolled her eyes but proceeded.

The thought that Kili knew she'd hit him for was that he certainly thought she would make a good princess of Erebor, at least. But it was possible that he could be slightly biased.

* * *

 _ **I'm going to start this by saying that this chapter was originally over 8,000 words long. That's about twice the length of my normal chapters. So after antagonizing over it for a good long while, I decided to break it into two chapters. Which kind of explains the short, boringness of this one. Forgive me! But hey, with the next chapter for this well and done, I should be able to update Shibboleth this Friday! Which is good! Right?**_

 _ **Review if you value my general mental well-being! Even if you don't, thank you for favoriting, following, or just reading this. I love you all! See you next week!**_


	19. The Root of the Problem

_**If I owned the Hobbit, there would be a lot more avocados. As is, though, the story is tragically lacking in avocados. Also, I don't own it or its characters.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINETEEN**

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM

Dinner was nice, yet simple affair. The table in the courtyard had been neatly set, so that they were out of the cramped house, the warm rays of the sinking sun washing over them. The food was a bit strange, bursting with unfamiliar flavors, but certainly tasty. It beat desert rodents and cold lembas any day. They conversed easily, Aradell's voice filling in most of the silences with fairly mindless chatter. As the meal was winding down, Kili's stomach quite happily full, Farryn spoke up. "So, tell me, where are you two from?"

She was looking at Gwen expectantly, so the girl smiled faintly, replying, "I've been many places, but…But I grew up in the foothills of the Rhûn Mountains."

Farryn's eyebrow shot up. "Oh? You've travelled a long way from home."

Gwen lowered her gaze to her plate, chuckling slightly to herself. "I've been further."

Kili smiled secretly with her. This woman didn't know the half of it.

"And you?" Farryn asked, turning to Kili. "You're certainly not from around these parts."

"No, I'm not," Kili said, setting his fork down and sitting more comfortably back into his chair. "I'm from…well, it's a bit complicated, actually. I grew up, far west of here, in _Ered Luin,_ the Blue Mountains. But as of recently, I've been living in Erebor."

"Erebor?" Farryn repeated, her disbelief clear.

"What's Erebor?" Aradell asked, eyes wide in curiosity.

"The Lonely Mountain," Tarryn clarified. "Remember, the one with the dragon."

Aradell gasped. "You live with a dragon!?"

"Of course not!" Tarryn chastised her.

Aradell was about to continue, but her mother cut her off, gaze fixed on Kili, sparking with something akin to excitement. "I had heard rumors, but I…Is it true? Is the dragon dead?"

"It is," Kili said, a bit of pride touching at his mind. So the tales of his heroics had spread this far. "I saw it with my own eyes."

Tarryn's eyes went wide in wonder. "Does that mean…You were part of the company of fourteen that went on the quest to slay the dragon!"

Kili let a smile onto his face. "I was."

Something flashed behind Farryn's gaze, but she remained silent, letting Tarryn positively gush. "I—I've heard stories! Songs about your bravery! I…Master Kili, I thought you impressive before but…you're a legend!"

Kili chuckled, not about to stop the girl from showering him in compliments. With Gwen as his company, extra compliments could never be wasted. It seemed that Gwen had to put her two cents into it, as she corrected her, "Well, one fourteenth of a legend, anyway."

"That is more of a legend than I have ever met," Tarryn sighed. "I…I have to know everything! Who was there? What was it like? Did you deal the killing blow? I feel that you would be the sort to—"

"Valar," Gwen groaned, cutting the girl's rant short. "If you could _please_ not inflate his ego any more? It barely fits on this continent as is."

Kili shot her a dry look. "Someone's jealous."

"There's no need to be bitter," Tarryn reprimanded her, turning her nose up a bit. "Just because I actually _appreciate_ his bravery and heroics—"

"Tarryn," Farryn sighed, trying to silence the girl before an argument could begin. "That's quite enough."

"I think not," Tarryn protested. "Master Kili has contributed in ridding Arda of one of its greatest terrors, and Gwen is being unnecessarily rude—"

"If anything's unnecessary, it's your fawning over this daft dwarfling," Gwen drawled, waving a hand too indicate Kili.

 _"Fawning!?"_ Tarryn gasped. "I would never—" She snapped her mouth shut as she caught Kili's gaze, her whole face flushing red before she turned back to Gwen. "At least I'm not insulting him one minute and then _throwing myself_ at him as soon—"

Farryn slammed her fist into the table, snapping out, "Tarryn, you will not raise your voice at our guest, and _certainly_ not to criticize her behavior!"

"But she's—"

"I do not _care_ what you think of her! Master Kili and Lady Gwen have saved your sisters life, and you _will_ treat them with respect!"

Tarryn was retreating a bit now, but still angry as she furiously gestured at Gwen. "She pulled a _knife_ on me, mum!"

"Don't flatter yourself," Gwen snorted. "I do that to at least half of the people that I meet."

Kili could most certainly attest to this.

"I am your mother, and I am telling you that you will _stop_ this ridiculous childishness, or regret it for the next month! Do you hear me?"

Finally, it seemed that Tarryn was going to obey as she bit her tongue, glaring off to the side of the table.

Kili sucked in a deep breath through his teeth. Well, this was bloody awkward. "Dinner was lovely," he commented, after clearing his throat.

"It was," Gwen agreed with a slightly apologetic smile towards Farryn.

The silence fell again, until Aradell broke it, her eyes flicking between the others around the table. "So…Did you talk to the dragon at all?"

Kili chuckled slightly at the excitement and curiosity in his gaze. It reminded him of Althron. "I didn't. But I heard that he was terribly clever and fearsome."

"I should hope so," Aradell scoffed, as if his words were too obvious to deserve being said. "He _is_ a dragon after all."

"You seem very knowledgeable in the realm of dragons," he told her.

"She's not," Tarryn replied, earning a glare from her younger sister. "She's only heard the tales that trickle down to us."

"That doesn't mean I'm not 'very knowledgeable,'" she protested, crossing her arms over her chest. "I know that they're very fearsome, and clever, and that they fly and breathe _fire._ And I know that the one in the Only Mountain is called Frog."

 _"Smaug,"_ Tarryn corrected her. "And it's called the Lonely Mountain."

"Right you are," Kili said with a smile, trying to diffuse the tension wrapped about the table.

Still, they were forced to sit in silence, until Tarryn huffed, turning to Gwen. "I'm sorry, Lady Gwen. I shouldn't have shouted at you. Will you forgive me?"

The apology was about as sincere as King Thranduil, but Gwen gave the girl a nod and reached out a hand to shake. "Certainly. Actually," she said, as Tarryn reached out to shake her hand. Kili noticed that it was her bandaged one, as she drew it back a bit sheepishly. "Maybe we shouldn't shake on it."

By then, Farryn had noticed the wrappings. "What's that? On your hand?"

"Oh." Gwen lifted the hand back above the table, looking over, and flexing her fingers slightly. "A wound. Just from training. It's healing still."

"Might I take a look at it?"

Gwen nodded, and stretched her arm towards the woman, as she pushed her plate away, clearing room to examine the injury. "Girls, clear the table and wash the dishes."

Kili was completely unsurprised that Tarryn seemed inclined to disagree with that order. "Mum, I thought I was old enough to stay up at the table! I thought I was done having to do the washing up!"

"With your sister ill, you're not done," Farryn said firmly. "Now get a move on."

"But—"

"Not another _word_ from you, young lady. Do as I say."

When Tarryn had left behind her sister, storming over slightly, Farryn sighed, letting the motherly sternness drain out of her. "Teenage girls," she mused, shaking her head as she rubbed tiredly at her forehead. "Quite the handful and a half."

"As I can see," Kili agreed with a smile. Though nice enough to him, that girl had a temper. And seemed to have something in particular against Gwen. This could prove rather amusing.

Farryn had carefully unwrapped Gwen's bandages by then, and a frown found its way onto her face as she revealed the wound to the open air. "Now, what's this?"

"Training accident," Gwen said again, shrugging slightly.

Farryn nodded slowly at this, though Kili could see her doubt. Luckily, she had enough sense to not protest as she turned Gwen's hand in the light, to get a proper look. Unfortunately, Tarryn, who was peering over her mother's shoulder, had quite a bit less tact, announcing, "That doesn't look like a training wound to me."

"Tarryn," Farryn began, her tone warning.

"It doesn't!" Tarryn protested. "What," she asked Gwen, raising a critical brow. "Did you decide to grasp onto the pointy end of the sword?"

"So what if I did?" Gwen snapped back. "It's not like you've ever held a sword yourself."

Kili could practically feel her temper about to snap, and placed a gentle hand on her elbow, and would have said something, had she not shrugged him off just as quickly.

"Tarryn," Farryn said again. "If you do not learn how to hold your tongue and respect our guests, _right this moment,_ I swear, I will not let you leave the kitchen for the next _year._ Do you understand me?"

Tarryn hung her head slightly, grumbling, "Yes, mum."

"Now, back into the kitchen, or you are going to be _very_ unhappy when your father gets home."

With that barely concealed warning, Tarryn scuttled off, not even daring to shoot a glance back at them. Kili felt a bit bad. Well, bad on Gwen's behalf. He couldn't help but think that it was his and Gwen's presence, causing the girl to act out so badly.

Farryn shook her head, sighing. "I am so sorry about her. You know, she's usually not quite so bad."

"It's fine," Gwen mumbled out, though Kili could tell that her feathers were still a bit ruffled. "Her behavior's certainly not your fault, anyway."

Farryn hummed in response, her attention mostly turned towards Gwen's injury. "How long since this happened?"

"Five days?" Kili filled in after a moment of thought. "Maybe six?"

Farryn nodded slightly, before admitting, "You heal fast. But," she began, looking up to Gwen. "We'll need to get these stitches out." Gwen's nose wrinkled slightly at the proposition, but she otherwise remained silent. "They're keeping the wound from healing properly, and they just increase the likelihood of festering. Aradell," she called as the girl was about to carry a large bowl into the kitchen. "Fetch my kit, and the _Golranaz_ tincture."

With a nod, Aradell was skipping off towards the kitchen.

As if to fill the time, Farryn sat back, explaining, "Ara's the one I'm training to be healer once I'm gone. I tried with Tarryn, but she could never focus…she found it too tedious."

Kili nodded. "Do you work as healers for those outside of your family, then?"

Farryn nodded. "I serve those of Naltus, just half a day down the road. There are a few healers there, but they are not trusted as I am." Kili could tell there was a certain amount of pride in the woman's voice as she said that. "They pay often in food and favors rather than gold, which if quite fine by me."

"It sounds like a good life to live," Kili observed, smiling.

"It is," Farryn agreed. "Simple, but good."

By then, Aradell had returned with a wooden box, a small, brown glass bottle clutched in her other hand. She set them on the table, before leaning in to look at Gwen's hand with a frown. "Mama, what happened?"

"A training accident," Farryn explained a bit tiredly, as she flipped the case open. "I need to remove the stitches." She looked up to Gwen as she drew a small, sharp looking device out of the case. It looked to be a very tiny pair of shears. "Do you mind if Ara watches?"

Gwen shook her head a bit tersely, and Aradell seemed to take this as consent, seating herself in the chair next to her mother, eagerly leaning over to see more closely.

"This is going to hurt, mind you," Farryn reminded Gwen as she uncorked another glass bottle, wetting a wad of cotton. "But I'm going to have to ask you to try and stay still. I don't want to hurt you any further."

"It should be fine," Gwen said.

Kili glanced up at her face. Her tone had sounded a bit weak, imperceptible to most, but certainly audible to him. Her face had drained of color, and she flinched slightly as Farryn used the wad of cotton to clean the skin around the cut. She was worried. "Gwen—"

It seemed that she knew what his objection would be, even before it escaped his lips. "I'm _fine."_

Mahal, she lied a lot.

"I'll be done in just a minute," Farryn promised her, before leaning down, shears and another metal device in hand.

Gwen winced as she cut the knot at the end of the thread, and as Farryn's steady use of the tools drew out the first loop of stained thread from the skin, Kili had to look away. Even though it was bloodless…He felt no particular need to watch. Unlike Ara, of course, whose eyes were wide with fascination, taking in every detail of her mother's work. It seemed that she really was training to follow in her mother's footsteps.

He was drawn back to the matter at hand very suddenly, as suddenly, Gwen's hand was on his knee, her fingertips digging hard into his skin, even through his trousers. He fought back a grimace, reaching down, and prying her off of him, before lacing his fingers into hers. He could feel her fingernails cutting into his skin, still, with the effort of keeping her hand still. He sighed out a deep breath, forcing himself to look over at Farryn's progress.

She worked fast, almost half way through the length of thread. It seemed that the wound had indeed healed fairly well. Save a few drops, little blood had shed, and he could see the edges of the flesh already fusing together.

The somewhat tense silence that had gripped the table broke at the sudden sound of Tarryn's voice. "What!? Ara gets to—"

Gwen's hand squeezed his harder than ever, and he could practically feel his fingers turning purple. Farryn tensed, but Kili began before any of the others could. "Tarryn, please, not now."

She seemed a bit shaken by the intensity that he knew filled his gaze. What could he do, though? He could feel Gwen's pain as if it was his own. Partially, due to the fact that she was holding onto his hand with a grip tight enough to strangle a horse singlehandedly. Kili's words seemed to be effective, though, as Tarryn closed her mouth, and began her way back towards the kitchen. Of course, she snuck one last, almost accusatory look at their hands linked atop their legs. Kili really couldn't bring himself to care, particularly as Gwen's thumbnail found an especially good purchase on his knuckle.

At last, Farryn picked the last knot out of Gwen's skin, and the girl's grip on his hand loosened. Kili still kept hold of her hand though, smoothing the back of it to try and calm her. Farryn sat back with a slight sigh, leaning over to tell Aradell, "Prepare some bandages."

Aradell hurried to obey, as Farryn set to work, wiping down the now clearly exposed wound with whatever was in the brown bottle, a yellowish liquid. "This should prevent infection, mostly," she explained a bit absently. "It'll still be a few days before you want to try anything particularly strenuous, but I do believe that you are on the road to recovery."

Gwen nodded, and Kili had to hide a smile as she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. That would likely be all the thanks that he would get. And at that point, he really didn't mind.

* * *

It was a good length of time later when Kili found himself alone in the kitchen with Farryn. Well, not totally alone. Sara was sleeping silently, only a few feet away, and Farryn was bouncing the half-sleeping babe on her leg.

"How is she?" Kili asked after a few minutes of peaceable silence, casting a glance in Sara's direction.

"It's hard to tell at this point," Farryn sighed. "It could be just a bug she caught, or it could be parasites, or a proper infection. It's mostly impossible to know. We just have to wait it out."

"She's strong, though?" Kili clarified. "Her breathing and her pulse?"

Farryn nodded. "For now."

There was a sort of unspoken fear behind those two words, and Kili felt a bit of a chill run down his spine. The girl was pale, her chest barely stirring…but she was still strong,

"Master dwarf, I would like to ask you a few questions, while I have you here alone."

"Whatever you'd like," Kili offered with a shrug, sitting back in his wooden chair.

"I would like you to tell me if I overstep my bounds, or if you simply wish not to answer, just…"

"I'm sure it's fine," Kili chuckled, trying to put her a bit at ease. "Ask away."

"Very well," Farryn sighed. "What are you and Gwen doing out here, so far away from home?"

Kili thought for a moment, piecing together a suitable answer before beginning. "We've heard rumors of a darkness in this land, and one of our friends has sent the two of us out to see if there's any truth in it."

Farryn nodded slowly, before saying, "There may be truth in it. I've treated more brawl induced injuries, treated more victims of robbery and mugging in the last five years than I did in the first twenty years of my career. And the nightmares have been growing worse every night."

"Nightmares?" Kili repeated.

"Oh, you have not been here. The nightmares…We all have them. Varying from soul to soul, and night to night, but all of us here have them. We are shown terrible things, and we hear voices, tempting us to darkness. Whatever force is behind these temptations has grown stronger."

Kili frowned. He had never heard of that. However, he had been having more vivid, terrible dreams as of late, and he knew Gwen was plagued with the same thing. Did this force of darkness hold influence over him? He shivered at the thought, remembering Galadriel back in Caras Galahdon, eyes blazing with an icy, burning fever.

"Very well," Kili breathed out. "Thank you for that."

"You will be careful, I trust?" Farryn asked him, turning her gaze down to the baby to hide concern in her eyes. "It is…it is nothing to be dealt with lightly, the forces at work here. If you do not watch yourself, you will lose yourself."

"I know—"Kili tried to assure her.

"You _don't_ know," Farryn shot back, eyes snapping back to Kili's burning with something akin to fear. "You do not know what it feels like to have truth and lies blend together. You do not know what to believe, and you doubt yourself, and what you thought you knew. You have never felt the draw of the shadows in your dreams, and in your waking, and in all of your thoughts. It changes you."

"I have been an enemy of myself," Kili argued back. "I have had my own mind turn on me."

"But there will be no respite," Farryn warned him. She may have raised her tone, had there not been children sleeping in the room, but she kept it as it was, terse and intense. "There will be no easy solution there. You need to have your head above the water, or I fear you'll never resurface."

Kili nodded slowly, strongly disliking the feeling of fear that winded and settled down onto his heart. "Is there anything…anything I can do?"

Farryn hesitated to answer. "I…I cannot say, really. It is dependent, mostly on your strength of will and how easily your opinions are changed."

He snorted. "Mum's always called me stubborn as a mule. Does that count for anything?"

She smiled weakly. "Perhaps. Now…" her smile faded, and it seemed that she had to gather herself a bit before asking her next question. "I know that this is likely to overstep my bounds, and you by no means have to admit anything to me, but what is your relationship with Gwen?"

This took Kili a bit by surprise, and he sighed out a breath, trying to figure out the best way to phrase the answer. Bloody Mahal, did _he_ even know the answer? "Well, that's…that's complicated, you see?"

Farryn nodded, though she watched him carefully, before pointing out, "You love her."

This punched a chuckle out of his chest. It was still a bit funny, hearing it like that, so…out there. So real. "I do, aye."

"And she loves you as well, does she not?"

This had him running a hand back through his hair, trying to think. "Well…Aye, she does. Or at least, I think she does, even if she doesn't." A sudden feeling gripped at his chest, and he choked out at the end. "Mahal, I hope she does, anyway."

"What happened between you two, then?" Farryn asked after a moment.

Kili raised his head for further clarification and Farryn sighed. "I know something went wrong. You two were together as lovers, of sorts, weren't you?"

Kili frowned, his brow furrowing in confusion. "…How'd you know that?" Was he really so obvious?

"There is a certain closeness you share," she explained. "Or…a certain comfort you both take in that closeness. You act as if you are lovers, and yet…"

"We're not," Kili filled in.

"Why?"

"Because she's going to outlive me by three times," he said quite bluntly, dropping his face down into his palms to knead the bridge of his nose. "And the man who practically runs my life hates her."

Farryn frowned. "Is that it?"

Kili chuckled drily at the question. "It is much more than you think. But more than that…she's been hurt before. She's had to leave everything that she loved, and has had everything she loved torn away from her. She has this…this daft idea in her head that this cycle has to continue for her. That she'll lose me and the life she would make with me in a matter of time. So, she thinks if we leave each other now, and don't have the chance to make a life together, that she'll feel less pain, and be less damaged by the loss of me."

Mahal, he hated the way that that logic made some sort of sick sense in his head.

There was a good minute of silence before Farryn spoke. "Now…I know that you don't want to hear this, or think about it, but have you ever thought that maybe she has something there?"

"What?"

"Perhaps she has a point. It's like…it's like this. Imagine that you have spent all of your life drinking common wine. Then, after all of your life drinking that common, plain wine, you are presented with a chance to taste the best wine ever made. But, once you've tasted it, and acclimated yourself to it, you know that it will be taken away, and you will have to go back to drinking the common wine. Surely, you'd like to taste it, but wouldn't the wiser plan be to go without tasting it, so you do not know how plain the wine you drink is?"

"But what kind of a life is that to live?" Kili asked. "Settling for the plain wine, never tasting what the world has to offer?"

Farryn shrugged. "It seems that Gwen thinks it a less painful one."

Kili frowned. He hated it when Gwen's arguments made sense. And Gwen wasn't even there arguing! "But…we don't even know for sure if we will ever be torn apart."

"But do you know for sure that you're _not_ going to be torn apart?"

He huffed, trying to find a way to reason out of this absurdity. "That's…this is all so based on 'ifs' and hasty assumptions. We do not, and we cannot know what the future holds. So, we don't know if could hold ultimate happiness for both of us. But by being afraid, and never taking a chance on that happiness, we destroy _any_ chance we have at it."

"So…" Farryn said, her dark eyes glinting as she thought. "I suppose that the question then becomes, are you willing to take that chance?"

Kili sighed, sitting back in his chair. "It is, isn't it?"

The sound of the door opening was practically deafening in the silence that hung over them, and Aradell popped her head into the room. Her eyes found him after a moment, and she smiled slightly, before informing him, "Gwen's done bathing."

* * *

As it turned out, his idea of a bath wasn't exactly the same as the family's. Considering their limited supply of water, though, it made sense that their idea of a bath was a basin of water and a cloth. Still, it was much better than the nothing Kili had before. He was able to scrape the layers of grit, sand and sweat that had built up in his skin, and given his hair a fairly good wash.

The cool night air bit at his skin as he stepped into the courtyard. It was rather peaceful and quiet out there, still as a dream. Through the half open door to the kitchen, a ribbon of warm light, along with the scent of hearth fire and herbs spilled out into the night. The room that he and Gwen had been put in was open a bit as well, and Kili had to fight back a smile at the sound of Ara's chattering that bubbled through the small space. Every once in a while, Tarryn would cut in with a dry comment, but Gwen remained mostly silent. Until of course, he heard her yelp, biting out, " _Not_ so rough, thank you."

Kili was already chuckling as he nudged the door-way the rest of the way open. In the lamp light, Gwen was seated on the floor beside the larger of the two cots. Her hair was still wet from washing, and was being veritably attacked by Tarryn, armed with a wooden comb, and Ara just with her fingers. The look Gwen gave him, a mix of misery and grumpiness almost set him off into a full round of laughter.

"It's not _my_ fault you haven't combed your hair in a year," Tarryn grumbled, thrashing at a particular knot in her hair.

Kili snorted as he moved to go sit on the other cot. "See, Gwen? I'm not the only one that says that."

Gwen rolled her eyes at him in response, but it seemed that Tarryn had only just noticed his presence. A smile lit up her face, a bit of a pleased flush touching at her cheeks. "Master Dwarf, how was your bath?"

"I feel much better, thank you," Kili replied with a smile. "Now, how, exactly did you convince her to let you touch that's rat's nest?"

He ignored Gwen's glare as Tarryn shrugged. "We never gave her a choice."

A laugh burst out of him, at the ever-miffed expression on Gwen's face which only grew as he told her, "Love, I'm afraid you may have met your match here."

Gwen may have replied to that, but instead she flinched hard. "Ara, you're pulling again."

"Sorry," Aradell chirped, "It's just _really_ tangly."

"I know, I know," Gwen grumbled, glowering slightly.

"Mahal," Kili chuckled. "I combed through that, what, yesterday? What'd you even do?"

Before Gwen had time to respond, Tarryn frowned. "You comb her hair?"

"She certainly doesn't," Kili snorted.

The frown remained on Tarryn's face as she yanked her comb across Gwen's scalp. "But…but you're a hero."

"Aye, and one who knows braids much better than our dear Gwen."

"You know how to braid?" Ara asked, fingers pausing in Gwen's hair, eyes going wide.

"As any proper dwarf would," Kili huffed. Of course, that skill didn't translate to his own head of hair, but that was something to be brought up on another day.

"Can you braid mine?" Aradell asked, leaning closer, eyes wide and sparkling with eagerness.

"We'll see," Kili assured her with a smile. "But now," he began, glancing toward the darkness outside of the door. "It's getting late. Why don't you two leave this to me, and go see if your mum needs anything?"

"Alright," Ara said, hopping off the bed. Before she left the room, she stopped, fixing Kili with a strong look. "You'll braid my hair later?"

Kili smiled. "Like I said, we'll see. I would like to though."

This seemed to satisfy Aradell as she swept out of the room, murmuring softly to herself.

Tarryn excused herself a bit more slowly, tucking her comb into her skirts. "Is there anything you need, Kili?"

"No," Gwen answered for him. "He's alright."

"I asked _Kili,_ not you," Tarryn corrected her, tone not entirely friendly.

"I thank you for defending my rights," Kili admitted with a smile. "But I really am alright."

Tarryn returned his smile, a bit shyly. "Are you sure? If you think of anything else, feel free to call me in from—"

"I'm sure he'll be alright," Gwen deadpanned, not amused at all by the girl's sweetness.

Before an argument could start, Kili smiled at Tarryn again. "Goodnight, Tarryn."

With a nod at him, and not a single glance towards Gwen, she practically waltzed out the door. Kili found himself chuckling as he stood, going to close the door fully. "Must you aggravate the girl so?"

"Must she aggravate me?" Gwen shot back. "I swear, that is the worst attempt at flirting I've ever seen."

Kili rolled his eyes as he made his way to sit behind her. "She wasn't _flirting,_ Gwen. She's admiring my positive qualities, and being a kind and generous host. I know you're not used to seeing that sort of thing, but it's something that people do."

All he got from Gwen was a noncommittal "Hmm."

"I admit, though," Kili continued as he set to working the snarls out of her curls. "Seeing the mighty and snarky Gwen being held hostage by two lasses…quite the sight."

"Shut it," she grumbled. "I swear, they ripped out half of my scalp."

Kili chuckled, shifting from the end of her hair to scratch his fingers gently over her scalp. "You don't know what you're talking about until you've had _Thorin_ comb your hair."

A breath let out of her lungs and she leaned into his fingertips, gently rubbing in circles across her scalp. "Thorin combing…Valar, that's odd to think about."

"Aye. Luckily, he stopped doing anything so _tender_ when I was twenty-five, or else I think my hair would look a bit more like Dwalin's by now."

"Without the beard, of course."

Kili gave the hair above her ear a tug. "You're terrible."

"You're the one who decided to follow me here," Gwen sighed, her head rolling to the side to rest against the inside of his knee.

"Don't make me regret it," Kili teased, smoothing the last few tangles out of her hair, before separating a few strands from her temple, and beginning to braid.

"I've _tried,"_ Gwen assured him. "You're just stubborn."

Kili snorted. "Oh, aye. _I'm_ the stubborn one here."

She punched his shin, only somewhat playfully, huffing. "I could do without the snark, Master Dwarf."

"I wouldn't be so snarky if it weren't for your influence on me," he murmured absently as he reached the end of the braid. "Do you have—"

She was a step ahead of him, holding up the bead he'd given her over her shoulder. He plucked it out of her palm and set to work securing it to the end of the braid, musing out loud, "You know, I've gotten much better at making beads."

"Oh?" Gwen prompted, after a moment of silence.

Kili hummed in affirmation. "Practice makes perfect. If you wanted an example, I would perfectly be willing to make you a few."

"There's a caveat, I assume?"

"Well, aye," Kili began, dropping the braid back onto her shoulder. "You'd have to come back home with me."

Instead of laughing or scoffing as he had predicted she would, she remained silent, sighing softly, leaving her head titled against his knee. Finally, she sighed again, before saying, "Kili…"

"Aye, love?" he murmured, threading his fingers through the damp weight of her curls.

It seemed that she bit her tongue, and it was another few moments before she said, "I ought to get to bed."

* * *

His sleep had been dreamless. He was on a cot, clean and refreshed, wrapped in blankets, out of the weather, and Mahal, he was _exhausted._ Considering that, it's not surprising that the only thing that was able to wake him was Gwen's voice, sharp with panic, screaming, _"Kili!_

* * *

 _ **And that's what you call a cliffhanger. Funzies. I will be brief, seeing as I'm going to fall aslee**_ _ **p any second, but I was very fond of this chapter. I hope you were too. I'd love to hear anything you have to say, good bad or somewhere inbetween. Entertain a poor little author. Thanks! Have a great week!**_


	20. Again

_**J.R.R Tolkien and Peter Jackson have all of the legal rights to Middle Earth and its inhabitants.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY**

AGAIN

He was on his feet in an instant, heart hammering hard against his ribs. The darkness was thick enough that he had to squint to see anything. What he saw brought him no comfort. Gwen wasn't in the other cot. She wasn't where she was meant to be.

The silence shattered again as Gwen's voice shouted, "Help!"

He was crashing through the door in an instant, and found himself stumbling into the courtyard, the cool air washing over his brow. The sky was dark, barely washed with the light of a far-away dawn, and the world was still sleeping. It took another frantic call for help, until Kili found the source of her voice. He burst into the kitchen, the wash of odd, spicy scents rushing into his lungs. In the faint, orange lighting, he saw Gwen look up at him, eyes wide and flickering in panic. She was knelt beside Sara's cot. "She's not breathing."

Kili's heart slammed viciously into his throat, and he was at Gwen's side in an instant, leaning over Sara. Her chest wasn't moving with breath. There was no air against his ear. He shook her shoulder as gently as he could, trying to keep a calm tone despite the panic flooding him. "Sara. Sara, you have to wake up."

There was no response, and Kili felt himself start to shake, looking down at the girl's frail body. Her gaunt features.

"She's dead," Gwen breathed.

Kili tried to shake his head, the words catching in his throat. "No…"

" _Valar—"_

The door swung open again, Farryn, eyes wide with panic bursting in. Gwen sprang to her feet. "She's not—"

Kili was shoved out of the way as Farryn dropped into his place, her hands flying about, trying to check the girl's vitals. "No, no, no…"

As Kili righted himself, his hands twitched, his heart thudding, all of his skin itching with the urge to do _something._ Mahal, he had to help. Sara couldn't be dead. She…

"Mama?"

Kili turned to see Aradell was peering in through the door, blinking in confusion. Kili grit his teeth, forcing himself to be some semblance of calm as he said in the firmest tone he could manage, "Ara, you need to be quiet and let your mum focus."

"What's happening—"

"Smelling salts," Farryn snapped, hauling Sara a bit into a sitting position, tapping either side of her face.

"Go get your sister," he heard Gwen say to Ara as he turned to the wall of bottles and jars behind him.

He had to squint to see any of their labels clearly, but none of them seemed to be what he needed them to be. He ran his shaking fingers over the vials, reading as quickly as he could just _trying_ to find…Mahal, none of these labels were written in Westron. Save a few, they were all in an odd, jagged script, that was little but nonsense to him. He swore, whirling around, only to bump into Gwen, who had been reaching for a bottle on the shelf. She didn't even spare him a glance as she regained her balance, tossing the bottle to a waiting Farryn. Kili could hardly bring himself to watch as the woman uncorked the bottle, waving it under her unresponsive child's nose. She was muttering in a tongue he didn't know and when had everything around him got so bloody _confusing?_

This condition only worsened as the door flew open, Ara and Tarryn leaping to their sister's side in a moment. "Mama," Ara began, her voice already growing high-pitched in panic. "Mama, why isn't Sara waking up?"

Tarryn, meanwhile, shook her head numbly, watching her mother's growing panic.

"Wake up!" Farryn cried suddenly, slapping the girl hard across the face.

Kili winced as Sara's head rolled to the side, unresponsive. Farryn shook her much harder than she had before. "Sara, you listen to your mother!" Though her tone was strong, it was shaking on the verge of sobs.

"Mama," Ara gasped. "Mama, stop!"

"Wake _up!"_ Farryn almost shrieked, the sound of her second strike resounding in the tense air.

Tarryn did what Kili was about to do, snatching up her mother's wrist as she drew it back again. "Stop!"

Kili felt Gwen's arm brush against his, and he grabbed hard onto it, unsure of what to do with the horror welling in his gut. Farryn let out a terrible cry, yanking her hand away from Tarryn giving her daughter another rattling. "Damnit, Wake _up!"_

"She's not going to!" Tarryn snapped.

"Mama," Ara began, choking out a sob.

Tarryn grabbed onto her mother's shoulder, stopping her vicious movements. "Mum, she's gone!"

Farryn let out another cry that chilled Kili to the bone. That was the cry of the most _anguish_ he'd ever heard. It was indescribable. "She's gone," Tarryn repeated, her tone growing thick with tears.

"No," Farryn groaned.

"Let go, mum," Tarryn ordered her, giving her shoulder a hard squeeze.

The moment when Farryn finally let her dead child fall back onto her bed, before throwing herself over the corpse, sobs rattling her entire body was far too personal for Kili to watch. Instead, he turned to Gwen, trying to bite back the emotions that squeezed tight on his throat. She was watching, horror alight in her eyes as the sound of the girl's crying filled the air. "My baby," Farryn wept. "Valar, my daughter…"

Though he wasn't watching this utter crushing of Farryn's soul, he saw it reflected in Gwen's face as he eyes seemed almost locked onto the scene. He twisted her around, wrapping her into a bone crushing embrace, trying hard to shut out his emotions. He felt Gwen's arms lock around him, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight, blocking out the sound of screams and cursing that broke into the sweet silence of the night.

Flashes of thoughts, terrible, discomforting things burst into his mind. Farryn hadn't seen Sara awake for days…never heard her own child's voice. Never seen her smile. Just like that—she was gone.

Ara's cries had joined her mother's, laced with confusion and doubt. Kili held back tears. He had tried to save her. He had carried her, and spoke to her, and fed her, and…it had been proven useless. Completely useless.

Another few minutes passed, and Kili finally dragged in a deep breath, willing his mind to clear. As he drew away, Gwen stiffened, her hands fisting into the fabric of his shirt. The room was dark, but not dark enough to keep him from seeing Sara, her eyes half open and milky, her head lolling back against the wall as he mother rocked her body slightly. He hissed out a breath, and shook the thoughts out of his head, taking his eyes away from the corpse. It was a fairly simple matter to guide Gwen out the door into the courtyard, though he could tell she was keeping herself from looking over at Sara.

The cool air of the night helped to clear his mind further. It prickled over his skin, cooling the headache thudding against the back of his eyes. The moon was shrouded in clouds. The stars veiled into darkness. He closed his eyes as a piercing shriek of agony rang out from the kitchen. The darkness was fitting.

He felt Gwen shiver, and silently lead her on, into their room, away from the grieving family. They didn't need to speak to come to an agreement, and they sat side by side on the nearest cot, almost gingerly. "Mahal," Kili breathed as he set his head down into his hands. There were far too many thoughts floating around his head, too much doubt, too much _confusion._ "This isn't a dream, is it?" he asked softly, half to Gwen, half to himself.

"No," Gwen replied after a moment. He looked over to see her pinching her arm hard.

No. It wasn't a dream then.

They both winced at the faint sound of Aradell's voice, clearly in pain. Such a small girl, hurting so much…could Sara really be gone?

Kili cleared his throat, drawing away from Gwen and trying to push the darkness out of his mind for just a moment. "We should pack our things."

Gwen drew in a soft breath as she stood, nodding numbly. They didn't speak as they gathered their belongings, lit only by the faint half-light of the moon that trickled in through the door. Kili was shaking. He felt sick. He felt like crying. But he didn't dare. Once they were free of these dismal circumstances, he could find the time to feel all of those things.

It seemed that Gwen had also come to that general consensus as she joined him at the door to their room, her bag slung over her shoulder, scarf wrapped tightly around her head to further shadow her features. Kili clutched his cloak around him as he led them out into the courtyard. The worst of the screaming had gone silent, but Kili was somewhat surprised to see a silhouette half buried in the shadows against the wall.

A sour feeling welled up in Kili's gut as Tarryn separated herself from the wall. She looked drained. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were red and bloodshot. Her knuckles had gone pale, gripping a shawl over her shoulders. Her eyes met his, but there was no shy blushing. No embarrassed smiles. She didn't speak, and he hardly expected Gwen to bother, so he cleared his throat, trying to say in some semblance of a steady voice, "Tarryn, I'm so-…"

She shook head, and Kili fell silent, unsure of what words to offer her. It was clear that she did not want his condolences. She shifted her gaze to their bags, and Kili hurried to the opportunity to explain. "We…We thought it might be best if we…If we left."

"Yes," Tarryn said, her voice barely carrying through the space between them. "That would be best."

Kili gestured to the door where he knew the others were. "Should we…?"

"No," Tarryn replied to his unasked question. "It would be best to leave them."

That said, she lead them towards a small door built into the wall of the courtyard. Kili and Gwen followed silently, waiting as Tarryn pulled a key out from under a rock, releasing a hand from her shawl to wriggle it into the rusted lock that closed the door. Her hands were trembling fiercely, but she managed to loosen the lock enough, wrenching it out of its loop. Next came the deadbolt, which screeched something fierce, but allowed the small door to scrape open.

Kili couldn't help but feel horribly guilty as this girl yanked the door further open against its long rusted hinges. "Tarryn, are you certain that there isn't something we can do? If—"

"My father will be getting home today," Tarryn said softly, turning to face him, but not meeting his eyes. "It would be best if you were…far away when that happens. He is an unhappy man."

There was much more there that Kili wished he could ask about but her eyes flashed up to his for a moment, and there was something hidden there that kept him silent. A warning. A plea.

He followed her out of the door, half crawling to get himself through. It was a bit of a squeeze, but soon enough, he, Gwen and Tarryn were standing outside of the home, the plains stretching out around them, still shrouded in darkness. Kili cleared his throats as they fell still, adjusting his pack. "Well, I…I thank you for all of the help you've given us." Tarryn only shook her head, and Kili sighed. This sadness...He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, finally bringing her gaze up to his. "Really, Tarryn. And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry." She opened her mouth to protest, but he silenced her with a squeeze to her shoulder. "I know that doesn't help, but I know that it must be…It must be difficult."

He sent her the most reassuring smile he could manage, and let his hand fall from her shoulder. Before he could say anything else though, to his surprise, Gwen spoke up. "Do not let your heart turn to stone."

He turned to her and saw that she was completely serious, her eyes unwaveringly fixed upon Tarryn's. "What—"

Gwen didn't let the girl finish that. "You seek to turn this pain into strength. You seek to grow around this pain, and hide it in yourself. But…" She swallowed, sighing softly. "The loss of your heart is not worth it."

Tarryn seemed to struggle with finding a way to answer that. As the silence hung further and further, she opted out of responding to Gwen's crypticism all together, instead, pointing out into the darkness. "The path begins in that direction. Follow it due east and you should reach Naltus before noon."

"Very well," Kili sighed. "Tell your mother and sister that we wish we could have said goodbye, and…" He smiled wryly, his heart giving a bitter pang. "Tell Ara I'll have to braid her hair a bit later, aye?"

The ice in Tarryn's eyes melted a bit, and she nodded. "Yes…yes, I'll do that."

"Goodbye," Kili said, smiling softly as he watched her emotions flit over her face. She seemed conflicted, to be fighting against saying something, but also trying to say another thing.

Her eyes met his for half a moment, and he saw a well of pain. "Goodbye."

The gate closed and her eyes were gone.

* * *

He and Gwen didn't speak as they once again marched along the dusty road. He wandered through his own thoughts, keeping one eye on his uneven footing, the other on the horizon as the night shifted into the pale wash of morning, the faint blueness becoming streaked with scruffy clouds of pink and orange. His thoughts drifted between meaningless trivial things, grief, confusion, fear, and everything in between. He was tired. Not just physically, but emotionally. He had just seen the destroying of a family, a life. The destruction of a little girl named Sara that he hardly even knew.

And Mahal, it hurt.

Naltus was just waking up as they passed into the town. It was decently sized, all things considered. Certainly not a metropolis, but not a backwater village either. The main road, running next to the river was deserted, save a few scraps of rubbish skittering across the ground, and an unkempt-looking dog scrounging through and alleyway. Kili cleared his throat as they neared a bridge going over the river, looking at the various buildings around him. "We should find an inn."

Gwen stopped, as if a bit surprised by the proposition, but nodded, making a sharp right over the bridge. Kili followed, and in a minute, she led him to the front of a building built up to the bank of the river, looming a bit precariously over it. Inside, it was worn down and old, but cleaned, and well cared-for. It was better than some of the cesspits he'd stayed in, anyway. Gwen let him step up to the front desk where a scraggly-looking teenage human boy was dozing, flopped over the record-book in front of him.

Kili cleared his throat, but no response came. He did it again, louder, and only got a snore in response. He glanced to Gwen for help but she merely shrugged, rolling her eyes slightly, but remaining silent. Bloody helpful, that. "Excuse me," he said, kicking the front of the table slightly.

The boy finally jolted, his head jerking up, eyes dragged open, blinking. "Wasn't me!"

Kili let out a tired sigh, rubbing at his eyes for a moment. "We'd like rooms."

The boy blinked hard, as if trying to get the room around him to come into focus. After a few moments of silence, he brought a hand up to the side of his mouth, wiping away a trail of drool. "Rooms, you said?"

"Aye," Kili answered him, nodding slowly. Did this boy have a brick for a brain?

"We've got those," he replied, frowning as he looked down at his record book.

There was a long silence where the boy seemed transfixed by the letters on the page. Gwen was watching him with an incredulous, almost unbelieving look. Kili was inclined to agree, as he found he had to ask, "Can we have two, then?"

Startled, the boy jerked his head up. "Oh. Oh, aye, of course. Sorry," he said as he dragged himself off of his stool, to a cabinet behind him. He opened it up to reveal rows of numbered hooks, a few keys hanging off of them. "It's not usual that we get anyone in quite this early, you see."

"We see," Kili sighed.

The boy ran his hands over the keys asking absently, "Adjoining rooms, right?"

Kili sent a glance in Gwen's direction, to see that her eyes had completely glazed over in some form of boredom. When he turned back to the boy, he found that he hadn't even waited for Kili's reply, dropping two keys onto the counter, and hauling himself back onto his perch. "That'll be ten silver pennies apiece."

This finally seemed to jolt Gwen out of her reverie. "Ten silver pennies? I could buy a horse for that much."

"We don't sell horses here, ma'am," the boy replied, seeming utterly confused.

"I don't _need_ a bloody horse," Gwen bit out.

"Then why are we discussing the price of 'em?"

Kili grabbed onto Gwen's elbow as annoyance flared up in her eyes. "Gwen, enough. "We'll give you fifteen silver pennies for the both of them," he said to the boy.

"Then I'd give you one key. I'd need twenty silver pennies for both keys."

"Well, we won't _give_ you twenty silver pieces for both keys." As much as he hated to admit it, this boy was rattling his nerves. Who needed ten silver pennies a room? He paid five at any other inn.

The boy seemed almost mystified by Kili's annoyance. "…then I won't _give_ you both keys."

"Oh, for Mahal's sake, would you just—"

Gwen slammed a handful of coins onto the desk, hissing to Kili, "Not worth it."

The boy nodded at Gwen, looking a bit scared, and set to counting the coins. When at last, he'd reached twenty, he gave them a watery grin, holding out the two keys. "If you need anything at all, I'd be sure—"

Gwen didn't let him finish, snatching a key out of his hands and marching off to the staircase. The boy looked after her, nodding slowly. Kili was about to take his key when the boy's expression turned almost predatory, his eyes still following Gwen up the stairs. "You know, if she weren't so prickly, I might just—"

"Don't finish that," Kili advised the boy in a growl, ripping the other key out of his hand and marching off after Gwen.

He found his room easily, walking into the hallway soon enough to hear Gwen's door slam shut. They had indeed been given adjoining rooms, and while he'd never say it was worth the cost, Kili had to admit it was a fine room. There was a small window looking out onto the river, and across the town. The bed was a sturdy thing with a fresh straw mattress and clean-looking linens. He dropped his bag onto the floor, seating himself on the chair in the corner to yank off his boots. He was tired, but he knew that sleep would prove unreachable. Plus, he could see the town slowly waking up out his window, the streets trickling to life.

With a sigh, he hauled himself off of his chair, and over to the door connecting his room to Gwen's. "Can I come over, love?"

When all he heard was a noncommittal groan, he pulled the door open. Gwen was flopped on her back across the bed, arms and legs dangling off the edge, eyes closed. Her pack had landed in the middle of the floor, as if she had simply lost the will to continue carrying it. "Where's your money pouch?"

She pointed with the hand hanging off the bed to the chair in the corner. Once he'd fetched her coin pouch, he made his way over to the bed. On another day, he might have brought over the chair to sit on, or asked her permission, but exhaustion and annoyance crushed his mother's nagging voice in his head. Gwen groaned a bit in annoyance as he grabbed onto her arm, pushing her onto her side to accommodate him sliding onto the mattress beside her, sitting up against the headboard. Once he had made himself comfortable, he emptied both of their money purses onto the blanket in front of him.

The only sound was Gwen's gentle breathing and the clink of metal on metal as he counted through the money. "Seventeen gold pieces, fourteen silver pennies, and thirty-one copper shillings," he sighed when he was finished, sitting back.

"I've lived off less," Gwen admitted as she finally sat up, dragging herself to lean back into the headboard beside him.

"Have you crossed a dessert with less?"

Gwen chose not to answer that question, instead saying, "We'll make some more money here today and whenever we get the chance."

"What about getting the help of a caravan?" Kili asked, staring down at their sadly depleted resources. "And buying the supplies we need here?"

She shrugged. "We can only do what we can, Kili."

He lifted a brow at her repetitive statement. "Brilliant, love. Such wisdom."

"Shut it," she huffed, jabbing an elbow into his side. "You know what I meant."

He chuckled slightly, but acquiesced, leaning his head over to rest on her shoulder as the annoyance lifted off of his chest. "Aye, you could have something there."

A silence fell, and Kili was mostly happy that she wasn't pushing him away. She'd been doing that less and less. It was like whatever resistance she had to him was slowly chipping and falling away. Mahal, he couldn't help but smile.

This joy faded as he noticed her hands, resting against her thighs, were shaking. She began speaking, voice soft, almost as if she were speaking to herself. "It's happened to me before."

Kili went still, trying to discern her meaning.

"I've woken up and found them dead."

He let his eyes fall closed as the weight of her words hit him.

"Mama, and Kallyn…and now Sara."

The pain was audible in her voice, and Kili could practically feel the barriers she'd put up to keep back her emotions fall. "They're so still. And so quiet. You can't hear them breathe. And when you touch them, they're so _cold_." The tremors in her voice told him that she was fighting against tears. "And you're horrified, because you realized you've touched a corpse. But then you're horrified at _yourself_ because you were repulsed by this…this person…"

"Gwen," Kili said softly, lifting his head from her shoulder. "You can't…"

She was too far gone to respond to him, her eyes glassy as if she was seeing something totally different. "You try to say something, but your throat is glued shut. You can't breathe. You can't move. And then you start breathing, and screaming and crying all at once, because you don't know what to do and—"

Suddenly, she snatched up his hand, squeezing it hard as her breath stuttered in her chest. "Kili, I…"

When no words followed this, Kili held her hand back, reaching up to gently rub her back. "Hush, now. It's over."

"But, you'll—"

However that was going to end, he didn't want to hear it. Instead, he rested his head onto her shoulder, shushing her again. "You're alright. It's over."

Her hand gripped his all the harder as she choked out, "But for how long?"

* * *

 _ **Aaaaah, remember where we were at chapter 20 of Noticeable Differences? Needless to say, this story's gonna be a bit longer than 20 chapters. This chapter's a bit of a downer and short, but the next one's going to be more upbeat, I swear. A quick note, all of the snippets of different language that I've used, from the names of places, to muttered phrases have been based off of Black Speech, the language of orcs. Just in case you were wondering.**_

 _ **Review if you get the chance? Anything you have to say would be greatly appreciated, positive or negative. Thanks for reading! Have a great week!**_


	21. Recreational Stripping

_**Am I going to get flagged for the name of this chapter? Probably. Fantastic.**_

 _ **I don't own anything here outside of my plot and OCs. The rest it Tolkien and PJ's.**_

 _ **NOTE: I am not a blacksmith. Please don't judge. Also, don't put butter in burn wounds. Or any wounds, for that matter. Bad idea.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

RECREATIONAL STRIPPING

It felt good. More than good. Brilliant.

It was so familiar, the feeling of heat blazing over his face, the feeling of the hair scorching off of his arms, the shock of each blow rattling his body, the smell of a roaring coal fire, the sound of iron beating on iron. It reminded him of long days spent watching his uncle work, learning from his uncle how to work, and then helping his uncle to work. He could watch, as, within a matter of hours, a shard of old iron could be rendered by flame and force into a marvel of craft.

Of course, what he was doing had little resemblance to what work he'd found in the forges of Ered Luin. Working the bellows (the water wheel had broken a week ago), sweeping the floors, shoveling coal into the fire. Still, it felt good to be surrounded by the sights and sounds of his childhood. The fifteen silver pennies promised to him by the old man of a smithy couldn't hurt much either.

He and Gwen had parted ways earlier that morning, seeking work and pay. Kili had quickly been drawn to the sound of hammering metal, and had found there was help needed. As much as he wanted to, he kept himself from trying to take the elderly smithy's real work from him. The old man had too much pride in the rough work he did. Kili couldn't take that away. Even if he was _much_ better at fixing broken axe blades than the stubborn human geezer could ever hope to be.

His day was quickly coming to an end, though. He was just about to go and ask the man about when his work day would be complete, when he heard a cry from the direction of the stone hearth. He turned on his heel to see the old man clutching his hand to his chest, his face turning a terrible shade of red as he cursed loudly. "Are you alright?" Kili asked, actually genuinely concerned.

"Damned—The oil—Damnit," he spat. "I burnt myself."

Kili frowned, coming closer. Forge burns could be nasty. He'd seen the flesh melted off of hands. "Should I draw some cold water?"

"No," the old man bit out. He ripped the coin purse off of his belt, chucking it in Kili's direction. "Take that. Close it all up. I'm done for the night."

Kili caught the purse, and his eyes went wide. That felt like more than fifteen silver pennies. "Are you sure? I can—"

"I'll get the wife to put some butter on it," he growled, pushing past Kili. "And finish forging that blade, would you?"

Kili opened his mouth to reply, but found that the man had already cleared out, the wooden gate swinging closed behind him. Frowning, Kili opened the purse. A moment of counting showed that he had earned eight copper shillings, eleven silver pennies, and two gold pieces. Quite a hefty sum for a day of menial labor. Not that Kili was about to complain. Instead, he went to the forge, a bit of a grin lighting his face.

In a moment, he'd worked the coals back to white hot, and soon enough, the kitchen knife the old man had been beating out was glowing a promising orange. Memories, good, bad, and bittersweet flooded his mind as he set to work, hammering the piece of metal into a much more precise shape. When at last he'd taken the stubborn warp out of it, he heated it again, before smoothly thrusting it into the basin of oil at his side. It hissed viciously, and flame spat up along his tongs, licking at his knuckles, searing against his skin.

The pain was familiar. After a few weeks of doing this daily, he'd stop feeling it all together. Even so, he didn't flinch as the pain tore raw into his skin. Once the blade was satisfyingly quenched, he drew it up out of its bath of oil, allowing it to cool for a few heartbeats before wiping it off with a rag. A smile found its way onto his lips. With a bit of grinding, it would cut well.

Of course, he'd rather have been making a blade to cut flesh, rather than potatoes, but he would take what he could get. As he let the coals die out, he went about the room, putting away all of the tools that had been strewn about, locking away the materials that were still useable. As a bit of an extra favor, he gave the floors one last good sweep. The old man had paid him at least three times more than what had been agreed. The least that he could do was help with the next day's chores.

His cleaning done, Kili drew a bucket of water up from the river to wash with. He had only just peeled his sweaty shirt up over his head, along with his necklace of trinkets when a voice had him turning around. "Oh bloody Valar."

Gwen was standing in the entrance to the forging shed, her face buried quite determinedly into her palm. Kili could guess, from the flush that was quickly lighting her cheeks, what had happened. "Like what you see, love?"

Gwen opted not to answer that, instead lifting her head from her palm, looking heavenward to avoid her eyes straying to him. "How is it that this is the second time this has happened to me?"

"I'm honestly a bit surprised it's _only_ the second time," Kili admitted with an innocent shrug as he set his shirt aside, carefully tucking the glinting metal on string into the fabric. He moved to scrub his hands in the bucket of water. "What with the way you can't seem to keep your wandering eyes off of me."

"I think I'm doing quite well at keeping my eyes off of you," she shot back, her eyes still glued to the ceiling. "Now, did you actually make us some money today, or did you spend it recreationally stripping?"

"You say that as if I couldn't make money recreationally stripping," he scoffed. "But I did, actually do some work, and I did actually make some money." He waved to the coin purse he'd been given, sitting on a workbench.

There was a moment as Gwen counted the money, before she frowned. "What in Arda did you do to earn _this?"_

"Took advantage of the elderly," Kili said with a shrug, wetting a towel to clean the sweat off of his face as he took a seat on a stool. "What about you?"

"Took advantage of the overwhelmed. Chores, and the such, at a few different houses," she explained.

"To think of it," Kili snorted. "The fearsome and battle-hardened lady-warrior Gwen washing dishes and sweeping floors."

"I managed to match your little bit of money and then some," she shot back, nonchalant. "So I think you'd best start thinking of it."

"What, like you're thinking about the fact that I'm not wearing a shirt right now?"

Yes, he was being a bit playful with her. Teasing, you could say. Perhaps flirting. But whatever it was he was doing, it was worth it, seeing as her cheeks immediately flooded with every different shade of red. "You—I was _not_ thinking about that."

Kili smirked. "Then why the blush?"

Seeing as he took that opportunity to re-wet his towel, slowly scrubbing it across his arms, it was unsurprising that her blush only worsened.

"It's the appropriate reaction to _inappropriate_ behavior," she spat.

He let out a laugh. "Love, I think we're _long_ past 'inappropriate behavior'."

As she struggled for a response, he decided to push his luck a bit further. "Speaking of which, do you think you could come over here and help me clean off my back?"

"Valar," Gwen sighed, trying to use exasperation to hide her surprise. "Is nothing sacred?"

"I can't reach my back. Plus, the smell of me if I go on without having the sweat properly cleaned off of me certainly would be less than sacred," he offered with a shrug, before sending her the sweetest smile he could manage. "Help a friend out?"

"You know, I have smelled unwashed dwarf before," she grumbled, even as she reluctantly stood, making her way over to him. "For weeks at a time, in fact. You didn't seem to have any qualms about _that."_

"Yes," he began, as he handed the towel back to Gwen (who rolled her eyes _quite_ dramatically before snatching it away from him). "But if I had asked you to wash my back then, what would have happened?"

She snorted. "I'd have gutted you on the spot."

"Precisely," Kili sighed as she set to work, in brisk but not harsh strokes along his spine. "But now, you see, I believe we've reached the point in our relationship where such a simple, friendly request can be granted with minimal gutting."

"Oh, shut it," she huffed, slapping his bare shoulder. "The gutting's still on the table."

"I wouldn't dream of taking it off the table," he assured her, letting his eyes fall closed as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows against his knees. Even if she was trying to be annoyed at him, it didn't show in her soft, light touches, and the way her fingers slipped away from the rough fabric of the towel every few moments to brush tingling trails over his skin. "No matter where our relationship ends up."

"That seems a wise plan," she hummed.

"Of course," he began, once again, daring to push his luck a bit. "With the way you seem to be enjoying this, I hardly think those hands of yours could be better occupied outside of gutting."

Instead of responding, she slapped him hard across the back of the head with the wet towel. He flinched forward. " _Ow_!"

The sound of her laughter cut the air and he rolled his eyes, before twisting, grabbing onto her hip. It seemed that he caught her off guard as he easily dragged her down onto his lap, laughter still bubbling out of her. As her shoulder fell into the railing at his side, all of the sudden, that laughter went silent.

His grip around her instantly went tighter, as the good humor dropped out of the air like fifty bricks. Her gaze was fixed downwards, alight with a mixture of fear and paralyzation. It took only a moment for him to realize what had gone wrong, and only a moment to fix the problem as he hoisted her off of the railing. The railing that leaned a bit precariously over the river, yards below. He silently cursed himself as she stood up from his lap, swallowing hard. Was he daft? Of course, she was still bloody afraid of water. "Gwen, I—"

"It's nothing," she said quickly, shaking her head. "I'm fine."

Guilt still prickled at him, remembering that day by the river when she had, quite grudgingly admitted her fear of water. How quickly he had forgotten. "No, it's—"

She smiled faintly, shaking herself off. "That's enough, master dwarf. Now put your clothing back on. I've another job for us tonight."

* * *

Kili couldn't help but be a bit incredulous as he caught sight of the aprons lying on the table. "What, exactly, do you have us doing here?"

Gwen carried on to the table, plucking up an apron and tossing it towards him. "The tavern-keepers daughters are both out with fevers. He'll pay us five silver pennies apiece at the end of the night as long as we don't drive anyone away," she explained, slipping the apron on over her head, tying it neatly around her.

"Five silver pennies?" Kili repeated. "I made eight times that already."

"That's five silver pennies _plus_ whatever tips we can wrack up from the patrons tonight," she corrected him, moving behind him to help him tie the strings of his own apron in place. "And I propose a challenge." She moved to sit on the edge of a table in front of him, a mischievous smile dancing around her lips. "Whoever can scrape together the most by the end of tonight wins."

Kili hummed, narrowing his eyes as he took a step closer to her. "Wins what?"

Gwen shrugged nonchalantly, though he could tell she was entirely aware of him leaning into her personal space. "I haven't thought of anything I particularly want."

"Well," Kili began, placing a hand on the table beside her hip to cage her in slightly. "I can think of quite a few things that _I_ want."

She didn't back down an inch from his gaze, sliding over her. Instead, she lifted her chin slightly, that ever-infuriating smirk touching at her lips. "Is that so?"

He kept his eyes from roaming, instead, looking quite purposefully down to her lips. A slight smirk graced his face as he lifted his eyes to hers, before murmuring, "Quite."

The tension shattered as the door swung open. Kili had put three feet between he and Gwen before a heartbeat had gone past, schooling his face to a gentle smile as he greeted the cranky looking man in the doorway with a nod. "Good evening."

The man grunted at him, his lip curling into a sneer, before he shuffled off to a table in the back corner. Kili was about to go see what he would want to eat, but Gwen blocked his path, an eyebrow raised. "How quickly you assume an air of unaffectedness."

He shrugged breezily, giving her the most innocent smile he could muster. "Well, love, I do have a competition to win."

* * *

Kili had found out fairly quickly, that this wasn't Gwen's first time working a tavern. He had to admit, it made him nervous, seeing the stacks of coins that patrons left on tables to fill her pockets.

That's not to say, of course, that Kili wasn't making something as well. He could coax boisterous laughter (and thus a handful of copper shillings) out of many of the older men by explaining to them the deal he and Gwen had made. For the few older women that had come in to eat dinner, it was a simple, quite genuine explanation of the way that he and his betrothed were trying to make a bit of extra change to build a home before their first babe arrived. For the younger maids…well.

He had indeed just found a target that matched that very description. A few of them, really. All at a table, four of them, giggling and whispering just like the gaggles of lasses back in Ered Luin. He'd served them their dinner earlier, along with the tavern's finest (read—only) honeyed-wine, and now it was time to go in for the kill. He cleared his throat, gesturing to the empty seat beside the leader of the group. "May I?"

The leading girl smiled a bit coyly up at him. "Why of course."

Kili pretended that he didn't hear the way that the other girls burst into whispers as he sat himself down, leaning onto the table in front of him. "I'm afraid I didn't catch your names already?"

With a look from the leader off the group, the girl at Kili's other side smiled softly, offering, "Wynn."

The other two, quiet, and huddled slightly together, hesitated to answer. In a moment though, the one on the right chirped out, "Reynyn."

"Dellyn," the other answered, almost too softly for him to hear over the din of the tavern.

Finally, the leader of their little group said smoothly, "And Stelynn."

Kili drew up her offered hand to his lips, keeping his gaze locked onto hers as he brushed his lips against the back of her knuckles. He offhandedly noted that her hands were almost disturbingly soft, and free of callouses and scars. Had she done no work in her life? It felt disturbingly similar to raw meat. He didn't dare let those questions show as he let her fingers slip out of his, nodding to the other three girls around the table. "It's lovely to meet you all. My name's Kili."

Stelynn inclined her head towards him.

Kili didn't let a silence fall, instead, he smiled, beginning, "Beautiful night, isn't it?"

* * *

Gwen caught him for a minute as he was leaning against the counter, stowing away the handful of coins he'd secured. She whistled softly, raising a brow. "How much is that?"

Kili dropped the last coin into his pouch, pulling it shut. "That's for you to know later, lovely. Can't have you losing all hope of victory yet."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't yet move on, instead glancing towards the table where the girls were about to leave. "What'd you even say to them?"

He shrugged. "They asked to meet me later tonight for more drinking and revelry, and I said I'd be happy to as soon as I'd made enough money in tips here. Just like that, I'm practically rich."

Gwen let out an ungraceful snort, slumping into the bar top beside him. "Are you planning on meeting them later, then?"

"No," Kili replied, wrinkling his nose slightly. The girls were pretty, but they were wearing some sort of cloying perfume that had given him a bit of a headache, even after the few minutes he'd spent with them. Plus, he'd had enough giggling to last him a year. "It's been a long enough day already."

He schooled any unpleasantness off of his face as the girls reached the door, Stellynn looking back over her shoulder to give him a flirtatious wave. Kili sent a wink in her direction, without a second thought.

Gwen snorted, evidently having seen his reply. "Bloody heartbreaker, you are."

Kili rolled his eyes, turning aside to face her a bit more head on. "Oh, don't act so high and mighty. I saw you getting cozy with old one-eye over there."

The geezer in question was sweeping the bar with his famed one-eye glare, while demonstrating is masterful ability to scowl and down massive tankards of ale at the same time. If Kili didn't know any better he'd say it was Dwalin's lesser known, one-eyed cousin.

"Hardly," Gwen scoffed. "He's still calling me 'lad'."

"You see," Kili began, letting a cheeky smirk slide across his lips as he raked his eyes over her body. "I don't think I could ever think that."

Excepting, of course, that time when he first met her, and thought she was a man. She didn't need to hear that though.

Gwen raised a brow slightly, though she didn't back down from his gaze. "You see, I would have found that much less creepy if I hadn't just watched you charm the skirts off of four fourteen-year old girls."

"They were sixteen, at least," Kili protested, flinching slightly. He was _not_ creepy. …right?

"And you're still seventy-seven."

He ignored that in favor of recovering his previous bravado, giving her a knowing smile. "I think someone might be jealous."

That was the final straw, it seemed, as she pushed away from the bar, sweeping away from him. "Get back to work, you lazy sod."

* * *

The night seemed to drag on for an eternity. By the end of it, Kili could tell his smiles were edging on half-hearted, and his jokes were growing a bit dimwitted. But that didn't matter much. His coin purse was still nearly bursting at the seams.

The tavern was mostly clear of patrons, save a few patrons passed out on tables (or the floor) about the room. He and Gwen had finally gotten to sit down for their dinner, despite the fact that it was almost midnight. They didn't talk much, seeing as they were both half-asleep in their seats, but once they'd pushed their plates aside, there had been a silent agreement, and they both set to counting out their tips from the night. Kili finished counting just as Gwen did, sitting back in her seat, arms crossed, a smug expression on her face. Kili matched this with a raised brow. "Pleased, are you?"

"A bit," she admitted with a shrug.

"Care to share?" he prompted.

"I would, actually." She began pushing stacks of coins forward as she announced, "Forty-two copper shillings, twenty-one silver pennies, and," she seemed to take particular pride in this last one as she held the golden coins in her fingers, letting them glint in the lamplight. " _Five_ gold pieces."

Kili fought back a scoff, forcing himself to keep his face blank as he nodded. "Decent, certainly," he admitted, pretending to be hedging away a bit.

"Oh?" she asked, raising a brow. He could tell from her face that she thought he'd lost this challenge. What she seemed to forget, or course, was that he was a son of Durin. And sons of Durin aren't defeated quite so easily.

He started his count then, pushing stacks of coins forward as he spoke. "Thirty-four copper shillings." Her smirk only grew, and Kili knew that his number was slightly less than hers. Her grin only grew larger as he announced, "Eighteen silver pennies, and… _eight_ gold pieces."

It was his turn to grin as he let the pretty gold coins slide out of his palm, and onto the table. Gwen slammed the table hard with her fist, hissing out, "Bastard."

A few of their coin-stacks tumbled down at the sudden jolt, and a patron in the corner jerked half-awake. Kili, meanwhile, was trying to stifle laughter at her completely _miffed_ expression. "Sorry, love," he chuckled, shrugging as he swept the coins off of the table top and back into his pouch. "I guess it really does pay to be the handsome Durin-son."

She still seemed to be seething slightly, almost pouting, her arms across her chest. "Shut up."

"Don't be a sore loser," he admonished her.

"Don't be an arrogant winner," she shot back.

"Consider this payback, really," he reasoned. "For a duel a few months back."

She rolled her eyes, but he certainly caught a fondness in her eyes as he reminded her of their last challenge. Gwen stood from the table, replacing her earnings into her pouch. "Well, lovely as this has been, it's late, and I have had the longest day."

"Not so fast," he warned her, a smirk growing over his face.

She lifted a brow down at him, and he stood, taking his sweet time. "You seem to have forgotten, but I have yet to claim my _prize."_

If it was possible for someone to go pale and blush at the same time, she managed it. Still, she said in a fairly unaffected voice, "Still on about that, are you?"

Instead of answering that, he made his way around the table to her. He would be lying if he said he didn't use the room to his advantage. He managed to back her up to a spot in the floor against the wall where he knew there was a slight dip. This put him almost eye-to eye with her as her back hit the wall. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice noticeably hoarse.

Any paleness in her face had disappeared to be replaced entirely with flushed, pinkish skin. Almost subconsciously, her tongue darted out, wetting her lips as she breathed out a tense sigh. Considering his closeness, it was no trouble to brace an arm against the wall beside her head, leaning a bit closer as he smiled at her. "If I had to guess, I'd say exactly what you want right now."

Her eyes widened fractionally, her breath hitching in her chest, and Kili had to fight back a full grin. Instead, he tilted his head slightly. "Anything wrong, there, love?"

As she struggled to find an answer, he breathed in a deep sigh, allowing his lungs to fill with the heat of her breath and the smell of her skin. So many times, he'd dreamed of this…he'd felt the phantoms of her heat, smelled traces of her hair. But the way it was now, swirling through the air around him, even dampened with the smell of sweat and spilled ale, she was borderline _intoxicating._ Much better than any cloyingly-flowery perfume.

Finally she managed to choke out, "No."

He had to swallow hard. Mahal, this closeness…this having her near, but not being able to have her, it was going to kill him. He wanted to kiss her. To take the breath right out her chest before she could think a single other thing. And based off of the way her gaze darted from his eyes to his lips, her wishes weren't too different from his.

Mahal, why couldn't she just be _his?_

He found his hand shaking as he raised it, sliding it across her cheek, right until he was cupping the entire side of her face, his fingertips brushing against the scars at the top of her ears. She didn't even flinch as he shifted further closer. In fact, if he didn't know any better, he'd say that she herself was inching closer to him, her breaths stifled, but still quick and sharp. His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he trembled with the _Gwen_ that overwhelmed him.

Every muscle in his body screamed at him as he leaned forward, tilting his head to press a gentle kiss against the curve of her cheek. Her skin was soft, and even such a contact as that sent shivers racing across his skin. He used his sudden surge of adrenaline to grapple her into an embrace, her chin falling to rest on his shoulder, her shoulders tucking easily into him.

She let out a sigh as he held her, and he could feel slight trembling throughout her. Not that he was any better. It felt like he had just run ten miles. His face was hot, his breaths ragged, his muscles trembling from exertion. He tilted his head, pressing another soft kiss against her temple, allowing himself to soak every moment of her in. He gritted his teeth against the regret that flooded him quite suddenly. He could have kissed her. Kissed her properly. And she wouldn't have fought back a bit.

But no. That would ruin both of them. He couldn't kiss her. Not yet, at least. He had to be content with what he had.

As her arms locked around his waist, her breath washing over his skin, his own lips tingling with the feeling of her skin, he tried to convince himself that this was enough.

* * *

He jerked to consciousness, sitting up instantly, doubling over, gasping as much as his lungs allowed. Bile rose in his throat, and tears burned hot, dry and angry at the back of his eyes. He tried to scream, to say a word, to choke out her name, but his mouth was dry and empty. Instead, a sob racked through him, almost convulsively, like a cough.

The shadows that coated every wall of his room were too dark. He couldn't tell what hid there. The shadows upon the floor concealed a slick of freshly spilled, red blood. The shadows in the corner hid away a crumpled, broken, beautiful body. The shadows on the wall disguised a knife, spattered red, jammed, with a fury, between the boards. The shadows on the ceiling—Mahal, how easily they would keep him from seeing that noose.

His skin crawled as he dry heaved and coughed through another sob all at once.

The silence in the room was too heavy. The thick, stillness of the air stifled him. The shadows—oh the shadows—

"Kili?"

His head shot up, as if on its own accord. His head spun, his eyes raking the room. The shadows. Where was she? Where had that voice come from? Mahal, was he still being _haunted—_

"Kili! What's wrong? Can I come in?"

A feeling, like ice spread over his skin, and suddenly, he could breathe. The shadows no longer crawled with desperate, clawing hands. The walls were no more spattered with blood than he was. The ceiling no longer supported the noose.

"Kili—"

He was on his feet and across the room by the time the door had swung open, slamming hard into Gwen. He had her gripped tightly in his arms, tucked against his chest before she could get the door even halfway open, and they both went stumbling back as she yelped slightly in surprise. "Valar! What are you—"

"It was a dream," he assured himself. "It's not real."

Gwen's voice softened and she finally got her feet back under her. "Kili?"

He reveled in the feeling of her voice, in the soft curls of her hair filling his hands and nose, her heart, warm and beating against him. "It wasn't real," he repeated, practically shaking with relief. The terror that had chilled his bones upon waking was fading, to be replaced with her warmth. The tears rolled out of his eyes now, and he really didn't care. Mahal, it _wasn't real._

Somehow, Gwen lowered herself, and Kili felt her mattress bumping against his knees. "It wasn't real," Gwen repeated, almost in a whisper as she helped him up onto the cot, her fingers combing gently through his hair.

He shook his head in agreement, clutching to her all the tighter. "You—"

"Shh," she interrupted, and all of the sudden, he noticed that she, too, was shaking just as badly as he was.

Bloody Mahal. They were a mess.

As her grip didn't relent from around him, her finger continuing their wandering, soothing trails across his back, and through his hair, the memories of his dream faded, like dirt draining away through his fingers. His sobs faded soon enough as well, but he didn't dare move. He didn't want to let her go. Couldn't let her go. Couldn't give her back to the darkness.

As slowly, sleep began tugging at his senses, Gwen's scattered humming took a form.

 _When the shadows grow and you can't see through…_

He knew this melody. He'd heard it nights before. On long nights, when she'd woken from nightmares and sung herself to sleep.

 _And their voices sound in your head,_

 _Just remember what I've told you, what I know is true,_

 _Forget the things they've said._

She sang her song with the sweetest sort of muttered familiarity, as if she didn't even notice that she was singing it.

 _When your heart is heavy, and you can't see through,_

 _When you shake and tremble with fear…_

Each word landed upon his ear, more delicately than the last, like snowflakes falling, numbing him to the pain in his chest. Her voice buzzed through him, warm and tingling, far too familiar…

 _Just remember what I've told you, what I know is true…_

Despite himself, he felt his eyes fall closed, at last succumbing to the soft embrace of sleep.

 _Know, I'm always here._

* * *

 _ **Aaaah, many emotions, yes? I wrote the song/poem at the end. This was only like half of it, but I'll be bringing it back into the story eventually. Fun fact, it is an actual song with an actual tune that I wrote. Not that that'll help you guys at all, but I just wanted to impress the fact that I'm cool.**_

 _ **I really hoped you liked this chapter. It was a ton of fun to write. Flirty Gwen/Kili is fun. Plus, shirtless Kili. If you have the time, tell me what you have to say in a fancy-shmancy review. Please. Write about your favorite moment in the chapter. I'll even take criticism. Or your favorite color.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. See you all next week!**_


	22. Domesticity

_**Middle earth belongs to Jackson and Tolkien.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

DOMESTICITY

His breath flooded, deep and warm into his chest with each intake. Warmth curled around him. A light, sweet smell drifted over his senses. It was like he was floating. Floating in a cloud of sweet blissful contentedness.

There was something soft against his cheek. The other side of his face, he could feel, was being warmed steadily by a gentle glow of sunlight. His limbs seemed far off and heavy. What need did he have of them, anyway?

With a sigh, he drew open his eyes, blinking against the light that filled the air around him. It was a pure, golden thing. Beautiful, but hurting.

By the time he'd thought that that, his eyes adjusted, leaving him basking in a ray of sunlight. A warm, bright feeling burst open in his chest, another sigh of content sweeping out of him as he saw that she was there. On a stool, by the window, leaning forward to fold her arms on the windowsill, resting her chin atop her folded arms. He could see her breath shifting her back up and down, _so slowly._ He could see her ankles and pale feet, crossed under the chair. He could practically feel her hair, cascading down her back, shiny, and glimmering with copper and golden strands.

"Gwen?" His voice was rough, and a bit odd sounding to his own ears.

She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, but turned to face him. He couldn't help but smile. Her dark eyes were widened slightly in alarm, catching beautifully in the sunlight. A healthy glow (and perhaps a bit of a blush) lit her cheeks, and a smile began to dance at the corners of her lips as her gaze caught his. "Good morning, Master Dwarf."

Kili sighed deeply, stretching his arms out above his head. "G'morning." One his joints had popped into proper place, any numbness shaken out of his muscles, he sank back down into his pillow. If it was possible, his nest of blankets and mattress had only gotten _more_ comfortable. "What're you doing out of bed?"

Her expression shifted to something slightly bemused, her head canting to the side. "It's long into the morning. Not all of us see it fit to sleep in to all hours of the day."

He shrugged. "We had a long day yesterday. We deserve a bit of a break. Now," he slid over slightly on the cot. "Come back here and relax for a bit."

"I've relaxed enough," she assured him.

"I wasn't asking," he reminded her, patting the empty space next to him. If he thought about it, this was surely a bad idea. However, he had just woken up from a brilliant night's sleep, and he had at _least_ half an hour before reality would catch up to him.

She rolled her eyes slightly, but got to her feet, padding across the room to him. "What would your mum think?"

"I shouldn't think she'll find out about this at all," he said, though he wasn't entirely focused on the quip. Though he was practically in a state of euphoria, reality had clearly already caught up to Gwen. Without the sunlight glittering in them, her eyes looked tired and a bit sunken. Her skin was pale. She was still tired.

She sat herself on the edge of the cot, and Kili didn't give her time to hesitate, reaching a hand up to her shoulder, pressing her to lie down beside him. Her back was to him, but that was perfectly fine, seeing as he was able to begin running his fingers down the length of her hair, still warm from the sun. "How much sleep did you get last night?" he asked as he felt her finally relax into the mattress.

She hummed noncommittally. "Some."

He sighed. "Gwen, if my being here was causing a fuss—"

"No, that wasn't it," she cut in quickly. "It wasn't you. It just…I'm used to waking up at the first light of dawn."

"Then you should have gone back to sleep," he told her. "You're tired."

"I'm not," she shot back immediately.

"Yes you are," he corrected her. "I can see it."

A silence fell, and Gwen seemed to be stubbornly avoiding answering that question. She spoke after a moment, though it was to change the subject. "I talked to the inn-keeper and baker this morning. Apparently a caravan headed North just arrived last night."

"North?" Kili repeated. "Is that where we want to be?"

"I don't really know _where_ we want to be."

"So, that's a yes then?"

"I figured so."

"Mahal," he sighed. "All this asking, and listening and figuring you've been doing, and I've yet to get out of bed."

"There's a term for that."

"Intelligent?" he offered.

"Lazy," she easily corrected him.

"You're about to be lazy," he informed her in an innocent tone. She opened her mouth to ask a question, but instead of letting her speak, he brought the blanket around him over to drape over her, trailing his hands in one last sweep over her hair, before telling her, "You're getting a bit more sleep while we're here."

"But the caravan—"

"Can wait," he murmured, placing a hand on her shoulder, letting his thumb stroke down the sleeve of her tunic. "Now, rest, love. I'll wake you up when it's time to be woken."

"I can't—"

"Shut up," he said drily, closing his eyes. "Some of us are trying to sleep here." He settled himself in, bracing his forehead against the back of her neck, allowing himself to breathe in deep sweeps of her scent.

"Bloody stubborn dwarves," she grumbled, though it lacked her usual venom.

"I'd say the same thing about elves, lovely."

* * *

"What, exactly, are we looking to buy now?"

Gwen didn't even bother to turn and face him, opting to continue peering at the rows of stores and stalls lining the street on either side of them. "A lot of things."

"Real specific," he drawled. "You're as bad as my mum."

This got her to turn around, quirking a brow as she continued to walk backwards. "Did you just compare me to your mother?"

"Yes," Kili supplied. "I believe I did. Let's not think into that any further, if you please."

With a shrug, she turned back onto her heel, just in time to avoid a man carrying a basket, walking in the opposite direction. "That might be best."

"Anyway," Kili began again. "What are you trying to find?"

"A _lot_ of things," she repeated.

"Alright, name one thing," he huffed as she refused to continue.

"Well, for one, a caravan full of possibly suspicious tradesmen."

"Possibly suspicious," he echoed, a bit incredulous. "You've never mentioned _possibly_ suspicious before. Are you sure we should be travelling with these people?"

"Well, our other option is getting lost in the dessert until we die of thirst, get slaughtered by wandering tribes, or have our insides boiled by the sun. And forgive me, but none of those options are particularly appealing to me."

"Why don't we just travel somewhere less dangerous?" Kili groaned, knowing it was a ridiculous question.

As expected, Gwen merely scoffed. "Sorry, your princeliness, the eastern desserts don't really _do_ 'less dangerous'." She stopped suddenly, turning straight towards a shop on the side of the road. "Here we are."

Once inside the store, Kili found it to be cool and fairly dark, the walls draped from the low ceiling to the floor in heavy tapestries and hanging cloths. The air carried a scent similar to that of Farryn's home, but more fragrant and dark. Any sound was muffled, even as he leaned over to Gwen, murmuring, "What is this place?"

She merely shushed him, making her way a bit further into the store. It opened up a bit to reveal a table across the center of the room, laden with stacks of bottles, baskets of vials, bins of herbs. The walls had shelves all the way around, bearing yet more bottles and jars, filled with substances of every shade and texture. He was entirely unsurprised to see that the man working behind the counter along the back of the store looked just as sketchy as the store he ran. He was hunched, wiry, dark hair shorn close to his scalp, face matted in twisted wrinkles. He was grinding something in a mortar and pestle, completely ignoring their presence.

Gwen didn't seem to mind as she began browsing about the shelves, her eyes sweeping over the labels. Kili quickly recognized the writing on them as the strange text that had labelled Farryn's medicines. Useless. He whispered to Gwen, "What _are_ you looking for?"

"Yes," the worn out man repeated, not lifting his head from his work. "What is it that the _HolGru_ is seeking?"

"A few things," Gwen answered, vague as ever, continuing to peruse her way over the shelves.

"A few things that I may or may not have," the man grumbled back, sealing a jar of yellow paste closed.

" _Dofna?"_ Gwen offered, turning to face the man.

Kili's head was practically spinning. What were all these terms he didn't know? Was this another language? He would need to ask Gwen about that.

" _Dofna-Katran? Dofna-Jut?"_

 _"Dofna-Voj?"_ She said, almost like a question.

The man pointed to the bottom shelf on the opposite side of the room, and Gwen made her way across immediately, plucking up one of the jars he indicated. "And how effective is this supposed to be?"

"It's a strong recipe," the man answered her with a shrug.

"Of what?"

Kili's question was ignored in favor of Gwen asking, "How strong?"

"Strong enough for whatever you need," the man shot back, without missing a beat. "But it comes at a cost comparable to its effectiveness."

"May I test it?" With a nod from the man, Kili watched as Gwen unscrewed the jar, revealing an orange-tinged liquid. She swept a bit of it up with the tip of her finger, rubbing it in a small circle on her wrist.

Seeing Kili's confusion and curiosity, she took what was left on her finger, dabbing it onto the back of his hand. It seemed to be some sort of an oil, and while he didn't feel anything at first, the medicine took its effect in a few heartbeats, an odd, tingling numb sensation spreading all the way up to his fingertips and down to his wrists. He shook his hand out. "Bloody Mahal, what is that?"

"It'll be helpful," she said with a shrug.

He couldn't deny that. That would have been bloody useful to have when he broke his ankle the other year. Or when he dislocated his shoulder. Or sprained his wrist. Or cracked two of his left ribs. Or punched a tree. Really, it could be useful for a number of things. Especially when he had Gwen around.

"And I don't suppose you have any _Farmacken?"_

The old man lifted a brow. "What for? There's nothing venomous within a desert of here."

"We could be headed north," Gwen replied. "Not that that should matter. Have you got anything?"

"Not anything that can stand up to the northern serpents."

Gwen hissed in frustration, and he noticed her gaze flick over to him, a bit nervous, before she said, "What about _GalHolm?"_

The old man let out a sudden hacking laugh, chuckling out, "What's a girl like you got to do with any of _that?"_

"Wait," Kili began. "What is it?"

Gwen ignored his question. "Unimportant. Do you have any?"

"It depends. Do you want them to go out slowly, naturally, or out like a light?"

"Fastest you have," Gwen replied shortly.

Still chortling and coughing slightly to himself, the man drew out a small box from behind him, filled with a dozen small glass vials. "I don't suppose you're going to test this one out as well?"

She disregarded that remark, asking, "Do they work?"

"I swear on my reputation."

Gwen lifted a brow. "If these get me killed, I will be putting a massive price on your severed head."

"An offer I'm willing to take."

Gwen nodded slowly, and approached the man, plucking a vial out of the case. Kili looked over her shoulder to see that it was a greenish, murky-looking liquid. She worked carefully, unscrewing its tiny silver cap. As she waved it under her nose, a sweet almost sickly smell nudged against his senses. Gwen nodded as she closed the bottle back up, setting it down on the counter. "I'll take three."

"Will that be all?" he asked as he slid two more vials out of the case, pulling out a small wooden box to stow them away into.

"Aye."

"With the _Dofna,_ that's nine gold pieces."

Kili's eyebrows shot up. Bloody Mahal, what was this that she was buying? Gwen seemed just about as skeptical. "How about seven?"

" _BurzGru,_ I've already taken the cost away some. I would not advise pushing me further."

"I have no assurance that your _GalHolm_ is any more than over-brewed tea. I think that seven is more than reasonable."

"Nine," the man repeated, rolling his eyes as he sat back in his seat.

"Seven," Gwen said again, her eyes flashing in the dingy darkness. She was willing to fight for this.

"Eight," The man finally relented.

Gwen chewed on her lower lip for a moment, thinking, before letting out a sigh. "Eight."

She drew the aforementioned money out and dropped it onto the table, taking the jar and box the man had just finished tying in a cloth. As she turned to leave, the man called after her, saying in a certainly mocking tone, "Maybe a dose of _Foshnu-Nadal—"_

Whatever he had said, it must have been some insult, as Gwen snarled back at him, flushing slightly, " _Mat-_ Vi _Hundur."_

Luckily, it was only moment until they cleared the oppressive air of the shop. The sunlight was a welcome light to him, the noises happy. "What was that place?" he asked Gwen, shivering slightly.

"Apothecary of sorts," She replied. "Sorry that took a while, though. People like that are terribly difficult to work with."

"What did you get?" Kili asked, disregarding her apology.

"The _GalHolm?"_ she guessed. "It's…it's a sleeping poison, I suppose."

Kili stopped walking to look up at her, incredulous. "What in Mahal's name do you need that for?"

"It's useful," she protested.

"In what context?" he argued back.

"It will be useful, anyway," she huffed. "Just wait."

Kili rolled his eyes, but jogged a few steps to catch up with her as she carried on briskly down the path. "You see, most girls spend all of my money on clothing and jewelry, not bloody _poison."_

"Oh, you haven't avoided that fate entirely," she warned him as she made the turn toward a large stall, multicolored fabric fluttering off of it from every angle.

"Mahal," he groaned, tipping his head back. "What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

Luckily, it seemed that he had found the one girl in Middle Earth who didn't get totally, all consuimingly caught up in the exploration and buying of new clothes. He'd seen her eyeing a rack of scarves, rich in color, and embroidered in golden, swirling patterns, but the one time he'd pointed out her interest, she'd merely scoffed, moving on to more "practical" shelf of equipment.

They left the small fabric market only with two of a strange mask contraption. According to Gwen, they would need them out in the desert. He took her word for it.

For another hour or so, they wandered the markets and stalls, buying the supplies they figured they would need for their journey. If Kili's corrections were correct, by the time the shadows began to grow higher, they had a few handfuls of copper shillings, somewhere around seventy silver pennies, and twenty-two gold coins. Not bad.

Seeing as Kili hadn't yet eaten anything that day, due to their somewhat excessive sleeping-in, they found dinner as they walked about, in the form of grilled meat, jabbed through with sticks for ease of eating. "So," Kili began, after swallowing the last mouthful of meat from his stick. "What is it we have left to find?"

"The caravan," she reminded him, tossing her own stick aside, and shouldering her pack, full of newly-bought supplies higher on her shoulder. "You know, the one full of possibly suspicious men?"

"That," Kili said with a nod. "Right."

"I haven't had much luck though," she admitted, frowning. "I've kept an eye out all day, and haven't noticed anything."

"Well what are you looking for?"

She shrugged. "They'd be merchants, I'm sure. Most likely dressed a bit oddly. Well worn by travel."

"Mahal, you really haven't been looking very hard, have you, love?"

She frowned down at him. "What are you on about?"

"How about you turn around?" he chuckled, pointing over her shoulder to the table of three men, dressed, just as she had described, in an unfamiliar style of clothing, all of it speckled with dust.

As soon as she saw them, Gwen let out a soft curse. "That's where they were hiding."

Kili rolled his eyes as he pushed forward, towards the open-air café the men were seated in. "Hardly hiding. We've been past this place forty times today. They haven't budged an inch."

Gwen slapped him slightly on the shoulder, before approaching the open chair across from one of the men, clearing her throat to catch their attention. The center-most man lifted his head, slightly, observing Gwen silently. His face was all swarthy skin and harsh, flat planes, a slightly hooked nose, and dark, intelligent eyes. His hair hung in a single braid down his back, woven through with a thin green cord. The other two men around the table were quite different. One, on the man's right side, was all muscle, probably twice the size of Kili. His dark hair was shorn close to reveal his features, that, if not marred by scars and brokenness could be quite charming. He regarded them from his seat with slight suspicion, mostly keeping his gaze on Gwen. The last figure at the table was quite different from the other two. He was not built for fighting. His face, though dark, was constructed of a small nose, and full lips, rounded slightly by youth. His eyes glittered with intelligence though, contrasting his teen-age appearance, as he took in Gwen's presence.

Kili almost swore out loud as a string of unintelligible words escaped Gwen's lips. Did no one here speak bloody _Westron?_

The center-most man smiled slightly at her remark, replying smoothly, " _Nar Udatuas."_

 _"Rrau-ynn?"_ Gwen said, like a question, tugging the chair before her out a bit.

" _Ee,"_ the man replied with a nod.

Gwen acted immediately, pulling her chair out to sit in. Kili followed her lead, noticing the way that their eyes remained fixed on Gwen, rarely drifting in his direction. " _Flass-lat Porander?"_ She asked, tongue rolling easily over all of these foreign sounds.

The man frowned slightly, but said, " _Flass-_ lat _Porander? I?"_

" _Ne-flass ZiGujab,"_ she shot back, waving a hand in Kili's direction.

The man looked startled as his eyes met Kili's. It was almost like he had seen a ghost. Still, he managed to get out, "Wester-tongue it is. I am sorry," he said, inclining his head slightly towards Kili before lifting his tea cup to his lips. "I did not notice you here."

A flash of silver caught Kili's eye, and all of the sudden it all made sense. No wonder no one was paying him any mind. He was wearing Gwen's elven cloak. "It happens all the time," he mentioned, trying slightly not to chuckle. "No need to be sorry."

Luckily, Kili still understood him as he began speaking in Westron, though with a rather heavy, dark accent. "I see that there is something you are here to ask, girl."

"Actually," Gwen began. "There is a bit of something the two of us need from you."

* * *

 _ **This chapter was literally a shopping trip. I'm so sorry. I would write more, but it's getting very late, and I really can't afford to cut away the little bit of editing time I have. None of us want to see my work unedited. Plus, sleep is a thing I should probably be getting. Anyway, I hope you liked it, and this chapter didn't totally bore you. Pleaaaaasse review if you have half the amount of time and care that I have for this story. Thanks! Until next week!**_


	23. Where They're Going

_**NOTES ON THE LACK OF UPDATE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER**_

 _ **You see, if I owned the Hobbit, you'd know it. By jove, you'd know it.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

WHERE THEY'RE GOING

The next day dawned far too early for Kili's taste. They would be leaving the relative comfort and safety of their little town to travel days upon weeks out into the dessert with six strange, armed men. He very sincerely wished that there was another option to their not getting lost.

That wasn't to say he didn't trust the men they had met. Naratafynn, he learned, was the name of the first man they'd spoken to. While quite clearly untrusting of them, Kili could tell he had a good, level head on his shoulders. Kili could deal with a bit of suspicion in his direction.

Shortly into the conversation, Naratafynn had called over another man, tall, lanky, and smelling slightly of onions, and evidently called Aaron. Naratafynn had referred to him as the money-keeper of sorts. Now him, Kili didn't like at all. He regarded them coldly, almost as if they were hardly human at all. Rather, they were just sacks of money to be run dry.

And he did, indeed, seem set on running them dry. He demanded fifteen gold pieces first off, before they took their first step of the journey. "Insurance," he'd called it in his disconcertingly nasal voice. Insurance for _what_ Kili had no idea.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Naratafynn was set on listening to the weasly man. Gwen had managed to work the price down to ten gold pieces after half an hour of bickering. Of course, they would still have to fork over another fifteen gold pieces once the journey had ended. He figured that by scraping together silver pennies, they could cover that sum. Or just run. Really quickly. Because he didn't doubt for a moment that the imposing man sitting at Naratafynn's side wouldn't hesitate to separate their heads from their bodies if they broke their deal.

They had, however, managed to secure their place in the caravan as guests. And that was enough for him.

Gwen had woken him with a rapping against their adjoining doors before the dawn had even thought about breaking. Mahal almighty, he really wasn't a morning person. Still, he'd managed to drag his belongings back together, dress himself, and stumble out of his door, in time to catch Gwen, leaving her own room. After a small breakfast, they were set out of the inn, to the stables where they had been told to meet the others.

The air immediately affronted him with the smell of animals and hay, quite familiar to him. However, the strangest creatures inhabited the stalls. They were tall, much taller than Gwen, and covered in a shaggy sandy-brown coat. Their large, lumpy bodies were supported by four spindly legs, and their faces seemed to be shaped into the most unnerving smile.

"What's this?" Kili murmured to Gwen as he followed her into the stable. "Some horse's unfortunate, inbred cousin?"

Gwen rolled her eyes as she took pause by one of the creatures. "It is a _shurkal,_ the horse of the eastern desert."

Kili frowned as the creature stared over at him broadly, its small black eyes boring into him. "Because you're just too good for ordinary horses?"

"Because an ordinary horse wouldn't last two days in the sand and sun," she explained, ignoring his clear suspicion of the animal. "Horses need fed and watered twice as much as any of these beasts."

"That's not to mention, that a well-trained _shurkal_ is a world more gentle than any of your horses could ever be."

Kili followed the source of the new voice to a figure resting on a crate on the far side of the stable. Kili had to squint through the darkness to see properly, but he quickly recognized that it was the boy from last night, the one with the oddly intelligent eyes.

Gwen easily recovered from any shock she'd experienced at the boy's sudden appearance, countering, "That is, of course, if he doesn't decide to buck you off at the top of a dune for no reason in particular."

"There is a reason," the boy said with a shrug. "They do it for the fun."

Kili looked over at the creature with a newfound glare. "Bloody bastard."

The creature merely blinked its strangely long eyelashes up at him. Meanwhile, he heard the boy laughing. "It is good to see that you are building a relationship with them already."

By then, the boy had stood off of his crate, making his way towards them. "You two are our new travelling companions, yes?" He didn't need to wait for a response, sweeping a slight bow. "I am called Alabastrin."

"That's a mouthful," Kili muttered without thinking. You couldn't really blame him though. No one in Ered Luin had a name more than two syllables.

Alabastrin merely smiled at his words. "If you'd like, you can simply say 'Al'."

Seeing as Gwen wasn't particularly eager to respond to that, Kili stepped in, nodding graciously. "I would like, thank you. I'm Kili, and this is Gwen. But," he hesitated for a moment, recalling a few details from the previous night. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

"I did," he admitted. "I do wonder, though," he began as he leaned against one of the stables. "What is it that pushes the two of you north? You are not…typical to what we usually see here."

"Our business is our own," Gwen said softly, her tone firm, but not unfriendly. "To carry on with the questions, what are you to the caravan?"

"The muscle," Al told her, face dead-serious. "Weapons expertise, threatening of enemies, protection of the caravan, all of that…"

Kili didn't believe that for half a moment. The boy still clung to the boniness that seemed to accompany human youth. He wasn't the muscle of anything.

Kili's presumptions were affirmed as Al shrugged, mischief dancing behind his dark eyes. "Or, more realistically, I'm the navigator."

This joke managed to get a slight smile out of Gwen, but she didn't let it last long, asking, "What would the navigator of the caravan be out tending to the animals for?"

"The twins were with them all night," he explained. "I thought it best for all of our sakes if I gave them the time to go clean off after a night in the stalls."

"The twins?" Gwen prompted, turning to examine the _shurkal_ nosing the door of its stall behind her.

"Kulasi and Haralasi," he explained. "Hired on about a year ago to tend the _shurkals._ They're the best trainers we've found from here to Rhun."

"So perhaps I won't live in constant fear of being spit upon?" she said this with an accusatory look to the _shurkal_ on her left.

As the connection was made in Kili's mind, he jerked away from the beast only a foot from his shoulder. "These things bloody _spit?"_

"Not _generally._ But if you anger them too much, yes, these 'bloody things' do spit."

"Bloody unnatural, that is…" he muttered a bit to himself.

It seemed that Al heard him though, as he protested, "Unnatural? Hardly unnatural. _You_ spit, don't you?"

"Well, aye," Kili admitted. "But typically not _on_ other people."

"Typically?" Gwen repeated, raising a brow.

He hedged away slightly. "To be entirely honest, I can't say I've _never_ spit on another person, but can anyone?"

At that particular moment, another voice piped in, from behind Kili. It had the same edge of an accent that Alabastrin did, but sounded deeper, a bit older. "Alabastrin, how is it that you always manage to bring the strangest confessions from people?"

Kili and Gwen turned to see that it was, in fact, two people that had arrived at the stables. Kili realized immediately that they must have been the twins Al had referred to. They had remarkably similar faces, both with deep, dark eyes, tanned skin, worn out by the constant abuse of sand and sun, their hair dark but shorn fairly closely to their scalps. The only difference Kili could tell was in their smiles. One was smirking crookedly, his eyes glittering in the low light, while the other only managed the faintest of smiles.

Alabastrin seemed to struggle for a retort for a moment, before coming up with, "At least I can read a map."

"Only thing he's good for," the twin with the wider smile said, almost as a side comment to Kili and Gwen. "You're our guests, then?"

"Oh, aye," he replied. "We are. Kili," he said, sweeping a slight bow. "At your service."

"Gwen," she offered from his side. "But I'm really not particularly at your service."

"Understandable," the man said, chuckling slightly. He made his way to one of the _shurkal,_ easily reaching out to pat its head. "My name is Kulasi. My brother," he said, indicating towards the man who had silently moved to go get some sort of saddle from the wall. "Is Haralasi."

The saddle was made of tanned leather and straps, and Haralasi moved, silently, past Gwen, slipping into the stall beside her. The _shurkal_ startled slightly at his presence, but with a pat to its neck, it stilled, relenting as the man slung the leather saddle over its back. When Kili turned around, Kulasi had fetched another saddle, and was strapping it onto the back of the second _shurkal._ The third watched warily. "Don't worry about Haralasi," Kulasi explained as he worked. "He doesn't talk."

Alabastrin seemed to notice the questions unasked behind Kili's gaze, and explained in a slightly softened voice, "He can't. His tongue was cut out years ago."

Kili glanced over to see Haralasi roll his eyes. Kulasi snorted. "Alabastrin, you know by now that you can speak easily of it out loud. He's heard it before. He was actually there when it happened."

"Still," Al protested. "A certain amount of discretion is only polite."

Out of the corner of his eye, Kili saw Haralasi's hand twisting into contortions as he moved back to the wall, fetching the remaining saddle. The movements reminded Kili somewhat of Igleshmek. It wasn't, of course, considering that the nearest translation Kili could make out said something along the lines of, "There's cabbage in my ear."

Whatever he had said, Kulasi understood it, barking out a laugh. "What was it this time?" Al sighed.

"You don't want to know," Haralasi practically giggled.

* * *

They'd gotten the Shurkal outfitted and packed with gear by the time the sun had begun touching at the horizon. Water, it seemed, was their most precious commodity. They had also loaded the animals with sacks of flour, and rations, as well as a few wooden boxes. Kili hadn't asked what they were. He thought it best.

Their caravan had assembled and started out of the town before the sun had risen. They'd set out on the road then, Kulasi and Haralasi guiding the _shurkal_ between them.

It was interesting, watching the dynamic of the group. Kulasi seemed to take a decent portion of joy out of turning Alabastrin's carefully worded observations and comments into snarks against his personality or physicality. Alabastrin would grow both exasperated and frustrated by his comments. Once this exchange had occurred a few times over, the largest man (quite heavily laden with weaponry, Kili had noted), who Kili had learned was named Molftari, would bark something angry over his shoulder in Rhunish. They would all fall silent for a moment, until Haralasi would subtly sign something, sending his brother into fits of laughter. Alabastrin would then comment either on Kulasi's personality flaws, or the weather, and the cycle would renew itself.

It was a bit nice, having the others there as the day wore on. The pressure was gone for him to talk to Gwen. They didn't need to have a conversation to keep things from growing awkward. As much as he wanted that fact to make him happy, he simply couldn't muster it. He _missed_ being forced to have conversations with Gwen. She felt distant, even though she was right next to him. Mahal, he hoped that it wouldn't last.

"What's wrong?" Alabastrin said suddenly from beside him.

The boy was watching his face carefully, his intelligent eyes reading into every emotion on Kili's face. He wrote it off easily with a smile, shrugging off the boy's concern. "It's nothing. I'm a bit lost, is all."

"Lost?" Kulasi repeated, keying in on the conversation quickly.

"Well, half of the time, you all speak to eachother in Rhunish, which is gibberish to me, and most of the jokes made are in whatever sort of _Igleshmek_ Haralasi uses."

"Well, no one understands Haralasi," Alabastrin admitted, shrugging.

"I do," Kulasi protested.

Al rolled his eyes. "I'm nearly certain that you make up what he'd saying most of the time."

Kili snorted as Haralasi nodded in agreement. That, he could understand.

"As for Rhunish," Alabastrin began, his eyes flickering over to Gwen, forging on, her head down. "Hasn't your Gwen taught you that?"

 _Your_ Gwen. Kili was sure that Alabastrin hadn't meant to say that. Still, the very sound of it send a thrill down his spine. _His._

Bloody Mahal, he was some dwarfling with a crush.

He managed to hide that sudden rush of warmth through his already hot limbs, as Kulasi turned on Gwen, raising a brow. "You speak Rhunish?"

She lifted a hand to move her scarf away from her mouth, replying, "I grew up in the North Rhun-Sea Mountains."

"I grew up in the _south_ Rhun-sea Mountains," Alabastrin called out suddenly, his whole face lighting up. "Perhaps we've seen each other before."

"We haven't," Gwen assured him. "It's been quite a while since I was growing up anywhere."

Quite a while indeed. What was it, one-hundred years?

There was a flash behind Alabastrin's gaze, and Kili got the feeling that he knew that Gwen was concealing something there. He didn't push, merely replying, "It does feel like that, doesn't it?" Before the silence got too heavy, he shifted the topic back to Kili. "Now, how about we start teaching you a bit of Rhunish?"

Kili nodded, and Alabastrin thought for a moment, before announcing, "Your first word is _Rosack."_

This had nearly every member of the caravan turning around, looks of confusion and bewilderment on their faces. "Why _Rosack?"_ Naratafynn asked, seeming to echo everyone's thoughts.

"Why?" Kili asked, feeling more than a bit lost. "What's it mean?"

"Dragon," Al explained. "It seems odd, and very often doesn't need to be used. But mind you, when you _do_ need to use it, you _really_ need it."

Kili couldn't possibly agree more.

* * *

Before nightfall came, the whole group worked quite effectively, setting up camp and preparing for the night ahead. Kulasi and Haralasi worked to take the gear off of the _shurkal,_ while Molftari started on the fire. Meanwhile, Aaron and Naratafynn worked together on supper. Kili was a bit surprised to see the leader of the caravan so willing to knead flour and oil, and chop meat. Thorin wouldn't dare come near dinner. Then again, there were thirteen dwarves in his company, as opposed to Naratafynn's five. Notable as well was that Thorin's cooking was something to fear.

Kili and Gwen seemed quite a bit out of place in this bustling organized chaos. They found their way to the one member of the company who seemed not to be locked into an entirely mentally absorbing task, Alabastrin. He seemed glad for the company, and happily continued his Rhunish lessons with Kili.

Rhunish, Kili had found, wasn't nearly as complicated as it could have been. It had simple, almost brutish grammatical structure. This made sense, considering its roots. Alabastrin had explained that it stemmed largely from the language of the orcs in the south. The thought that he was speaking the same words that left their tongues made Kili's skin crawl a bit, but he managed, fairly easily, to forget that particular detail. While the words felt a bit clumsy and rough in his mouth, spilling from Alabastrin's lips, or being drawled out by Gwen's tongue, he could hear its strange, sharp sort of beauty.

They ate their dinner under the light of the setting sun. They had fresh meat that night, seeing as if they left it any longer it would have gone bad. It was served on a thin, flat bread, grilled over the fire. With it, a pot of tea, of all things had been made. It was made with mint, and tasted bright and fresh, especially compared to the dull, dry taste the desert had left in Kili's mouth. It wasn't an altogether fascinating meal, but it filled his stomach. And that was all he asked for.

Night had found them in a ring about the fire. Molftari and Naratafynn were a few dozen feet away, working to set up a low tent, presumably for some of them to sleep under. The twins weren't far either, sitting between the _shurkal,_ Haralasi signing, while Kulasi replied with words, or simply laughter. Kili wondered, sometimes, what the mute brother was saying that was evidently so incredibly hilarious to Kulasi. Aaron was lost into some sort of a small book, trying to read it using the light of the flame, but also trying to keep the brittle pages of the book away from the flickering heat. It was an amusing dance to watch. Alabastrin, meanwhile, was using the firelight much more gracefully. He had a map spread out across the sand, weighted against the breeze at each corner with a stone. The occasional ember would land, orange and flickering, on the paper, but Alabastrin would brush it off before it managed to hurt anything.

The boy had a strange set of marked instruments of metal laid out across the map, and a small book, clustered with tiny, hurried writing sat open in his other hand. His eyes flicked every few seconds, from the map and instruments, to the book, and up to the night sky, where stars stretched wide in every direction.

"How long until the next oasis?" Gwen asked, daring to break the sacred silence.

Al's eyes flickered up to her for a moment, before they returned to his work. "If we are on course properly—which, note, I do think we are—six days. We have enough water to last a week," he added a moment later, as if predicting Gwen's next question.

"Watch out letting her near you navigation," Kili warned Alabastrin. "She'll infect it with her lack of directional sensibilities."

This managed to get an actual laugh from Alabastrin, though Gwen only gave him a dry look. Al spared him a glance, slightly longer than the one he'd sent to Gwen. "There is nothing wrong with a lack of instinctive directional sense. I couldn't get from one end of my town to another without getting lost. But after seven years, I am fully able to guide this caravan safely on my own."

"Must have been a rough seven years," Kili commented, half seriously, half in jest.

"It was," Alabastrin answered, totally sincere. "I spent many months staring up at skies just like these, waiting until I knew where I was."

"And until you knew where you were going," Gwen added.

"Yes," Alabastrin said, spending another moment to give them a smile, before closing his book, and starting to fold his map away. "Where I'm going."

* * *

 _ **I feel like that last line should have some deep, symbolic meaning behind it. But it doesn't. Not yet at least. It does sound cool, though, doesn't it? Sorry about this being a few hours late…It's here now though, right? It's really fun to be introducing so many characters here. I do hope you like them.**_

 _ **I hope you can spare just a minute of your time to write a review. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the new characters I've thrown in. Which is your favorite?**_

 _ **I love you all, and thank you for taking the time to read and review! Have a great week.**_

 _ **NOTE: I did not update this story, this week, as you can see. I apologize for that, but I've been traveling for the past week and am now coming down with what is probably the plague. So...there will be an update next week, but I'll have to keep you waiting for now. I'm sorry! Next week, I swear!**_


	24. Desert Effects

_**I don't own anything that Tolkien owns. I do own everything else in this story though.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

DESERT EFFECTS

Kili was quickly discovering that travelling in the desert was an entirely different ordeal than any other sort of travelling. For one, the sun was brutal, tearing into the back of his neck, burning his skin raw. This, he learned, was something not easily preventable. The others covered themselves well, wrapping their heads up, shading their faces. Kili had taken to wearing Gwen's elven cloak on a near daily basis, but the sun still managed to sneak its way in, scorching his skin. Luckily, the others had come well prepared for this, and had brought along a number of gels and herb rubs to help with just that. Kili was quite positive that he smelled like the strangest mixture of various herbs, tinctures, (and of course, sweat) but couldn't bring himself to care.

Then, there was the matter of the Shurkal. They weren't entirely despicable beasts, surely. However, they certainly weren't pleasant. That bit that Gwen had mentioned about spitting—that was certainly accurate. It was only his quick reflexes that had saved him from getting a glob of the creature's cud right to the forehead. They also didn't smell particularly pleasant. But they were useful, at least, carrying much of their water and food. He supposed that he couldn't be all too angry with them for that. Besides, they'd worked out a strange sort of alliance, he and the beasts. He didn't chew on their hair, and they didn't chew on his. Often.

Of course, another issue he had to face was the monotony of the desert. There was _nothing_ bloody interesting to see. You had the sand and the sun and the miles upon miles of blue sky. And that got rather boring after roughly five minutes. He didn't even have Gwen to look at. Her face was shadowed away, her hair nothing but a few strands billowing in the hot wind.

Gwen, of course, presented a problem entirely on her own. She was being…odd. More odd than usual, that was. He'd asked her at dinner if she wanted him to put her hair up, as he had before, and she'd merely shaken her head, not looking up to meet his gaze. That was another thing. She wouldn't look him in the eyes. For the first two days of travelling, he'd chalked it up to the glare of the sun in her eyes. But there was no glare when the sun had gone down, and they were lit only by the fire and the stars. In that faint, flickering light, he could see that there was a bit of coldness in her demeanor towards him. He'd thought about it (had plenty enough time for that—damned boring desert), and he hadn't done anything that would particularly annoy her. At least—not to his memory. Lasses could be so bloody _complicated._

He'd tried to test the waters their second night by the fire, as she sat by his side on a thick blanket, cleaning the grit out of her sword sheath. Al was speaking to them both about the stars, something about how the constellations change as you go further east. While he continued speaking, Kili was sure the boy was noting the way that Kili was inching himself ever so slowly closer to Gwen. Kili could hardly expect anything different though. The boy seemed to take note of everything.

The moment that Kili's knee brushed against hers, Gwen froze in her movements. Her eyes flicked over to him, _still_ not properly looking him in the eyes, before she sighed slightly, shifting her leg a good hand-width away from him.

That night, Kili had gone to sleep with the sound of the Shurkal's snorted snores in his ears, sand in his nose, and questions of Gwen in his head.

The next day hardly proved to be any better. Gwen found no need to speak to him outside of occasional contributions to his Rhunish lessons. Kili had decided to speak to her despite this. His mum always did say he loved the sound of his own voice.

"Right lovely weather we're having."

No reply came, save a slight nod.

"A bit sunny for my taste," he admitted with a shrug. "Back at home we had two days like this a summer. I remember the old hags would always hole themselves away in a closet, because it was too bright, or something like that. I guess too much time in the caves in Erebor addled their brains a bit."

A noncommittal hum floated through the air.

"I liked those days plenty, but I admit, I could do with a break from the heat now."

Al cut in, then, seeming to pick up on the line of tension between him and Gwen. "You'll have to acclimate yourself to the heat, Master Dwarf. Summer's hardly yet started."

Kili groaned, tipping his head back. "Has it? Isn't there ever any change in the weather here?"

"It storms on occasion," Al explained. "Great dust storms that sweep the whole desert."

"It rains more in Rhun."

The soft voice made Kili jump a little. Unmistakably, though, it was Gwen. Sweet and warm and flooding his ears with shivers.

"That's true," Al admitted, not startled at all by Gwen's sudden break from silence. "And the winds are stronger."

Gwen nodded, and was silent. Kili sighed. That was short lived. He could really use some of that strong wind then, just to provide some amusement. But thanks to the desert around him, there was nothing. Of course.

* * *

Their fourth day of travel with the caravan found Kili walking with Kulasi and Haralasi. It wasn't that he'd given up hope of Gwen ever speaking to him…but could you entirely blame him for giving her some space? She seemed perfectly content without him, at Alabastrin's side. At least she didn't ignore _him._

That wasn't to say that Haralasi and Kulasi weren't fine company. While Kili still couldn't understand most of what the mute twin said, he was beginning to understand some of his hand-signs. It was easier to comprehend than rhunish, anyway. Kili was reveling in the attention the two paid to him, relaying one of his favorite childhood tales. "And we hear a voice down the path shouting ' _Who goes there?'_ It right near scared us out of our skins." Kili shook his head. "Luckily, it wasn't some swarthy herd of bandits, or ill-wishers. It was a human woman, Sigrid, I think it was. She looked terribly confused to find us."

"With a cabbage, no less," Kulasi added in.

Kili frowned, thinking. "You know…I honestly can't remember the cabbage being there. I remember carrying it, of course, but…I suppose it just got lost."

Haralasi nudged his brother, before signing something. Haralasi snorted slightly, his eyes alight with amusement. "He's disappointed. The cabbage was his favorite character."

"Oi," Kili protested. "What about me? I was a character as well."

Haralasi made a point of avoiding his gaze, though a slight smirk pulled at his lips.

Kili rolled his eyes, continuing. "All cabbages aside, it turned out that the lady was already on her way to visit Thorin, and agreed to 'let us escort her' home. In retrospect, she was just trying to save Fili's pride, but we all took it quite seriously. I think I must have fallen asleep," Kili explained. "But when I woke up, we were all safely back home, and the woman was gone."

Kulasi hummed in artificial disappointment. "I was hoping that story would end in a wedding."

"Between Thorin and Sigrid?" Kili asked raising a brow.

Naratafynn shouted forward at them suddenly, calling their day of travel closed.

"No," Kulasi said, deadpan, addressing Kili's previous question. "Between you and that cabbage."

Kili shook his head, chuckling as the man and his brother lead the Shurkal away. Naratafynn had brought them to a stop in a place of stonier ground. A bluff rose a few dozen meters off the side of the path. It would serve to shield some of the wind of the night from them.

Kili dropped his pack, then knelt beside it, gratefully stripping away the cloak from his neck and head. The cooling breezes of coming night washed over his sweaty skin, whisking away some of the sticky heat of the day. Suddenly, he felt eyes on him.

He looked up to see that he had set his pack down only a foot or two from Gwen who was staring at him with a blank expression, an uncorked waterskin between her hands. Kili paused, unsure of what to say or do. Luckily, she broke the silence a moment later, looking down to her waterskin. "What's this I heard about a cabbage?"

Kili hesitated for half a moment, trying to decipher her expression. "Kulasi thinks I should have married it while I had the chance."

 _Guilt,_ he realized. For a moment, when she had looked away from him, there was guilt in her eyes.

"That so?" She asked, a smile dancing at the corner of her mouth. "And I suspect he knows you well enough to presume a romance between you and this vegetable?"

Kili raised a brow. "What?"

The smile disappeared, and she shrugged. "I've just noticed you've gotten close to the twins."

Kili shrugged as well, a twinge of annoyance hitting his mind. Why should she care who he's getting close to? "Aye, well it's not like I've had a choice."

Now it was her turn to be confused. "What's that—"

"It's not like I've had any one else to talk to, Gwen," he said with a pointed look at her.

His veiled accusation clearly registered in her mind the minute it left his lips. "I'm—" she began, clearly about to protest. Her words fell silent, and she stared at her fingers, fiddling with her waterskin's cork to avoid his eyes. "Never mind."

Kili watched her for a moment, annoyance bubbling up in his chest. If she wanted to ignore him, then why would she bother with who he talked with? Clearly, she cared. So why wasn't she talking to him? And worse, why wouldn't she just bloody _tell him_ what was wrong? _Lasses,_ he thought to himself as he hauled himself up to his feet, turning his back to her. She could talk to him when she was ready to _actually_ talk.

Haralasi and Kulasi were brushing the Shurkal's fur, having taken the heavy loads off their backs. Haralasi saw him first, and said something to his brother, his hand flashing too fast for Kili to read. Kulasi turned over his shoulder to smile sympathetically. "She's still icy?"

Kili shrugged, feeling his annoyance seeping away. "I suppose."

"You," Kulasi began, setting down his brush. "Look as if you could use a spar."

Kili chuckled. "Naratafynn would hardly think that practical."

Kulasi shrugged. "We have to keep our skills sharp."

Haralasi signed something, and Kulasi nodded. "And night's a long way off. We have time."

"Alright," Kili relented. "Weapons or fists?"

"Fists," Kulasi said, grinning slightly.

* * *

Kili found himself laughing as he rolled off of Haralasi. He'd gotten the man on the ground, face-first in the dust, and pinned him down until the man waved a hand in surrender. He remembered using this tactic when wrestling with Fili when they were young. Sometimes the best way to pin someone down was to sit on their back and wait until they couldn't breathe. Haralasi rolled over onto his back, groaning slightly, spitting out a mouthful of sand.

"Good fight," Kili chuckled, clapping the man on the shoulder.

Haralasi returned that with a punch to the chest, before rolling up to his feet, over to his brother, who was doubled over, laughing. "You should have seen your face," the man gasped, clutching at his stomach.

Haralasi signed something after smacking his brother in the back of the head. Kulasi slapped his brother's hand away, still grinning. "At least I last longer where it counts, brother."

Kulasi made his way to Kili then, holding out his hand to help him up. "Alright, I think you win."

Kili rolled his eyes, using the man's help to stand. "It only took beating both of you into a pulp for you to realize that?"

Kulasi shrugged. "We're dead-shots with slings though."

"I'm sure," Kili chuckled.

His next comment was interrupted by Naratafynn calling the twins' names. "Our master calls," Kulasi commented, rolling his eyes slightly. "Until later, cabbage boy."

Once the twins were gone, Kili sighed, stretching his arms out over his head. It felt good to work up an actual sweat.

"Do you have another fight left in you?"

Kili turned to see that Alabastrin had spoken. He held Kili's short sword in one of his hands, and there was a slightly sheepish smile on his lips. Kili raised a brow, asking, "You want to fight me?"

"Spar, yes. My skills could use some sharpening as well."

"You have skills?" Kili nearly gasped, taking his sword out of Al's hands.

"As a matter of fact," Al began, rolling his eyes. "I do. I wouldn't have lasted long in the real world if I did not know how to fight." He drew out his own sword, then. It shone in the sinking light of the sun, the light flickering over etched vines.

"Is that Gwen's?" Kili asked incredulously.

Al nodded, tossing aside the sheath, as well as his cloak. "She allowed me to borrow it. I was trained in a similar weapon, but I cannot afford to buy one for myself. The weapon is quite beautiful," he admitted, glancing over its smooth lines.

Kili's eyes narrowed slightly. "Aye. Well," he began, the thought of fighting getting his blood boiling. "Let's see if you really do have skills."

Al smirked. "You think I'm not worthy."

"Not worthy of what?" Kili asked, spinning his blade, examining Al's stance. Though he stood comfortably, he offered little in the way of openings.

"Of fighting with her blade."

Kili scoffed. "That's—"

"Or of her attention."

Kili fell silent, his eyes snapping up to Al's for a second. Bastard. He was just trying to get inside Kili's head. _But,_ a voice inside his head whispered. _He's not really worthy of it is he?_

He shoved these thoughts aside, beginning to circle the younger man. "Why would I care about that? I'm not some jealous lass. Besides…" He took the slight opening he had and lunged in, smacking away Al's sword, then swinging for his left hip. Al stepped away from danger, though, smoothly returning his blade to its guarding position. "What would I have to be jealous about?"

Alabastrin was silent, as he watched Kili continue to circle closer. He didn't let Kili see his back, turning to remain facing him.

"She hasn't offered me a word of proper conversation in a week, of course," Kili offered, continuing his circling tactic. Half of him kept talking in hopes to distract Al, while the other half found the words spilling out honestly, and bitterly. "I only gave up everything I'd ever hoped to have, travelled hallway across this bloody country, and risked my life half a dozen times to find her—"

He leapt back on his tracks suddenly. Al turned to face him raising his sword in anticipation of an attack, but Kili was a few steps ahead. He launched himself _forward,_ again, taking a swing towards the back of Al's knees. In his defense, Al tried to keep up with him, and even managed to step out of the way of the attack. Now, though, his balance was disrupted.

"And now that I've found her—"

Kili jabbed sharply for Al's chest. The man countered it, knocking Kili's blade aside, stumbling slightly, as his feet untangled themselves.

"—she doesn't talk to me,—"

Kili twisted the angle of his sword, bringing a heavy chop down to Al's shoulder.

"—doesn't look at me,—"

Metal screeched over metal as Al narrowly redirected the blow.

"—she bloody _ignores me,—"_

This save costed him, leaving his entire lower left side open. Kili took the opportunity.

"—in favor of some pretty desert boy—"

Al twisted out of the way, but Kili's sword skimmed his shirt.

"—who she doesn't even know—"

Forgoing the use of his sword, Kili kicked the boy's feet out from under him.

"—who can't even—"

Al went down hard, and Kili didn't waste a minute, delivering a hard kick to his opponent's hand, sending his sword skidding away.

"—win—"

With a crunch, Kili drove his sword into the dirt a mere inch from the boy's head, planting a foot on his chest to keep him down.

"—a bloody _duel."_

Kili had won. That much was obvious. But looking down into Al's eyes, he had the sudden feeling that it hadn't been a victory after all. A light was in the boy's eyes, a slight smile on his lips. The bastard…Had he even _tried_ to win the fight?

Kili stepped off of his chest, yanking his blade out of the ground with a growl. "I'm done."

Al sat up as Kili turned, grabbing his shirt off of a rock. "She doesn't mean to hurt you, Kili."

"Shut up," he murmured to himself, starting back towards camp.

"And she is not replacing you with me," Al added, after a moment, his voice soft.

Kili ignored him, though his thoughts were in knots. _Damned desert,_ he thought, sighing in frustration.

* * *

 _ **I'm not gonna try and make excuses for that like…three month hiatus. I'm back now, and will be back to my weekly update schedule. Thanks for sticking around! I love you all! Update next Tuesday!**_


	25. Sanctuary

_**The universe and the canon characters are property of Tolkien. Everything else is mine.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

SANCTUARY

He screamed as fire tore through him out of the darkness that had been, crawling into every crevice of his thoughts, searing him clean and open. His spine buckled from the excruciating agony, his muscled ripped, his throat and tongue scorching to ash. Finding no other opening, the surge of fire swallowed his eyes, and gouged out his brain before bursting from his eyes...

* * *

His eyes flew open.

His breaths were labored, skin slicked by a sheet of cold sweat.

Fire. _Mahal,_ he didn't like dreaming of fire. He had experienced dragon fire first hand, but the fire of his dream...that was something else entirely. Lying there, staring up at the endless star-strung abyss of the night sky, he felt hollow. He felt as if the fire from his night-terror had really scorched away his insides, leaving him to be a raw, empty shell.

Slowly, his heart stopped pounding against his ribcage though. The cold desert wind was dissolving the sweat from his brow, whisking away the heat of the fire in him.

Groaning slightly, he rolled onto his side, only to freeze as his eyes met another's.

Upon a moment's observation, he realized it was Alabastrin, lying down in his bedroll a few yards away from him. The boy's eyes were open and awake, lit with something between confusion and apology. Kili made to turn away, but was stopped as Al raised a brow, mouthing something. Kili didn't catch what the boy had said, so he said it again. This time Kili understood. _Fire?_

Kili nodded slowly. How had he known?

He was saved from further pondering this by a sudden movement. With a slight tilt of his head, Kili was able to see that, across the faintly glowing fire pit, a previously hunched figure was now sitting bolt upright. A muffled curse travelled across the silence of the night, and Kili recognized the voice as Naratafynn's. This wasn't the end to the strange sounds in the night though. The shurkal whickered and snorted nervously as more shuffling movement came. One after another, it seemed that the others in the caravan woke. Kili glanced around, looking for whatever was causing this. Was there a noise he wasn't noticing, waking the others?

With a sharp intake of breath, another figure shot up out of their rest. Kili recognized the soft sound. It was Gwen. Kili's eyes flickered back to Al, whose eyes were gently closed. As if noticing Kili's gaze, they opened again, now reflecting a surrendered sort of sadness. Kili opened his mouth to speak, but Al shook his head slightly, placing a finger on his lips to signal him to be silent.

Kili raised a brow, but did as he wished, shifting to watch his travel companions. Naratafynn had stilled, remaining on watch. His face, illuminated by the faint glow of the embers had returned to its usual emotionlessness. Kulasi and Haralasi were stilling the shurkal with gentle pats, while Molftari and Aaron had rolled over, seeming to be set on ignoring the others.

Minutes passed, and Kili's eyelids longed to droop closed. Adrenaline was still laced through his blood though, leaving him painfully aware of the silence that swallowed them. Every time he closed his eyes, fire was imprinted on his eyelids. As much as he longed for rest, he couldn't help but fear that if he fell asleep again, the fire would return.

Gwen's voice lilted through the air, strong though soft in its tone. It was the old lullaby he'd heard her sing before.

 _When the shadows grow and you can't see through..._

Kili watched, in slight fascination, as Naratafynn raised his head, first with an expression of surprise.

 _...And their voices sound in your head..._

His astonishment softened in the flickering light, giving way to something akin to sentimentality.

 _Remember what I've told you, what I know it true,_

 _Forget the things they've said._

Setting his head back down onto his bedroll, Kili took a glance towards Al. His eyes had closed, a slight smile on his lips. It looked like peace.

 _When the path grows dark and your fear shows through,_

 _And you know you've lost your way..._

Gwen's tone seemed to speak of a quiet reverence. Of quiet, long nights, and soothing from the dark of night terrors.

 _...Remember what I've told you, what I know is true,_

 _And hope for haste of day._

His mind was slowly sliding away, giving into the low, lilting tone. Fire was crackling away from his thoughts, darkness swelling at the edges of his vision.

 _When your heart is heavy, and you can't see through,_

 _When you shake and tremble with fear,_

 _Remember what I've told you, what I know is true..._

With a sigh, he gave in to sleep.

* * *

The days passed in a blur, it seemed. A blur of hot, dusty monotony. They would wake in the early hours of the morning, before the heat grew too overbearing, and break camp as quickly as possible. They would travel hard until midday, when the summer sun forced them to rest, eat, and drink from their dwindling water supply.

When the sun had sunk from its very highest peak, they would forge onward, until the dying light brought them to a stop for the night. They would have a dinner of tea, bread and bits of dried fruit and meat, while nursing their small fire, until one by one, they would all drop off to sleep.

Kili averaged that they were probably travelling upwards of 20 miles a day. An impressive feat, considering the number of them. It certainly wasn't easy to maintain this break-neck pace of course. Kili found himself constantly hungry, and a limited food supply paired with constant movement was shedding weight off of him faster than ever before. The sun was taking its toll on him as well. His skin seemed perpetually burnt and raw, and the herbs and creams they had brought could only do so much to numb the pain.

Luckily, his nights had been restful. Nightmares of fire did not plague him any more, and while Kili was still curious about that night, he hadn't found the chance to ask any of them about it.

* * *

Seven days. He'd kept marks on the inside of his boot, to make sure he wouldn't lose grasp on the time. They'd been going seven days across the desert. Their water supply, they estimated, would last them another two days. Alabastrin had thought they would reach the oasis in six days. Still, he insisted they were on course...

The sun was creeping low in the sky, staining the endless sea of sands pink and orange and a thousand colors in-between. That was, Kili could admit, one thing that was good about this place. When the sun was just rising, or about to fall away, it would paint the horizon into a masterpiece. One had to be careful, though, not to lose themselves in the miles upon thousands of miles of desert that would stretch out around you. Never had Kili seen anything so... _vast._

The sands shifted under his boots as he followed Alabastrin, though not too closely. One had to be careful, following others up dunes. Kili had gotten more than a few mouthfuls of sand to learn that particular lesson. His head was down, watching his feet so he wouldn't slip back down. Once again, he'd learned that lesson by experience.

Suddenly, he ran face first into a solid, still body. He stumbled back slightly, dazed as he looked up. Alabastrin had stopped in front of him, as had Aaron, Naratafynn and Gwen. "What—"

Then his eyes followed the other's gazes, down the other side of the dune they had just climbed. He had to tilt his head, his thoughts moving sluggishly to comprehend what he was seeing. At the base of the hill, there seemed to be...green. And a glint of glassy clearness. "Is that—"

Smiling, Alabastrin said something to Naratafynn, mischief in his tone. Naratafynn shrugged him off with a roll of his eyes, while Al breathed out, "There it is."

"Really?" Kili mused, staring down at it.

It was a simple affair, a long pool of dark water, curved off at one end, lined on every side by a few meters of trees and growth. An empty mud hut sat at one tapered end of the pool, still and silent. Kili wasn't entirely sure _what_ he was expecting when he heard "oasis," but it wasn't this. He was hoping for...waterfalls or something like that. Looking down at the shimmering, cool swath of water though, Kili decided this would work quite well. Water was water. "Aren't... aren't we going down there?" he asked, looking around at the others, who hadn't moved a step.

"Kulasi," Naratafynn called behind him. "Haralasi, Molftari, _kenn."_

Those that Naratafynn called shuffled forward silently, the twins handing the leads of the shurkal to Al, who nodded as they passed. Kili could only watch in confusion as they made their way slowly, carefully, and silently down the slope towards the oasis. "What are they _doing?"_ Kili asked his companions, who were just watching the others go.

"You see," Al began.

Aaron cut in, tone sharp. "Keeping _you_ from walking into a trap."

Kili bristled slightly at his snide words. "What are you on about?"

Al looked like he was about to answer, but it seemed that without Naratafynn to hide behind, Aaron was choosing to be much more bold. "We're not the only ones who need water in this wasteland," he drawled. "And we certainly aren't the only people that know this exists."

"Actually," Alabastrin began. "This is a lesser known—"

"That place could be swarming with bandits, murders, and rapists, so we send the fighters down there to flush the place clean," Aaron explained, rolling right over whatever it was that Al had meant to say.

"The fighters?" Kili repeated. "I _crushed_ Kulasi and Haralasi the other night!"

"Yes, well," Aaron sighed with a shrug. "Naratafynn does require a certain amount of... intelligence in his fighters. Idiotic brawn cannot get you too far."

Kili had to bite his tongue to keep from shooting something back at the pompous man.

"If I could have some help please," Alabastrin suddenly said, shoving the lead to one of the shurkal into his hands. Kili grit his teeth, sending Al a slight glare. He was about to show Aaron just how much "brawn" can do. Al ignored him though, gripping onto Gwen's wrist. "Gwen, take Kana."

Gwen's shoulders relaxed after a moment and she turned away from Aaron (who had sat himself on the ground to work in one of his books), taking the lead of Kana, one of the shurkal out of Al's hand. Al let out a sigh of relief at having halted the growing tension, though Gwen still had annoyance written across her shadowed features. It was an odd thought, and a bit terribly satisfying that she looked just about as ready to punch in Aaron's face as he was.

Mahal only knew, he liked having her on his side for that sort of thing.

* * *

The sun had well set by the time Kili was lowering his aching body into the cool water. They had waited, for at least twenty minutes on the top of the dune, Aaron prattling on about some sort of logistical nonsense. Kili was on the verge of losing his head. Is this what Naratafynn dealt with on a daily basis? No wonder the man was stone-faced and silent most of the time...

When they were signaled by the others, they were able to start making their way down to the oasis, leading the shurkal. They'd set up camp for the night, putting the fire and their bed rolls inside of the empty mud hut. Kili waited until the others had settled down for the night, before making his way out to the far end of the pool. The curve in the basin allowed for a small area of the water to be shielded off from the view of those back at the hut.

He'd stripped off all of his layers of heavy, sweaty clothes in a minute, before easing himself off of the rock at the edge of the shore, into the pool.

The cool water swallowed him up happily, wrapping him up in a soft, ice-cold embrace. He shivered slightly as a breeze whisked over the surface of the water, but reveled in this discomfort. He could practically feel the dust and grime dissolving from his skin.

The water wasn't more than waist-deep, so he waded out another few feet, before sitting down, bending to plunge his head into the water. When he lifted his head back out, he felt almost like a new dwarf. Water coursed out of his hair and off of his skin, a stark difference to the sand he knew surrounded him for miles.

Kili found himself falling still, as he closed his eyes. The air was cool around him, the sand at the bottom of the pool slipped like silk between his toes. The trees rustled faintly in the wind, a blessed respite from the usual overwhelming silence the desert brought.

Another shiver woke him from his stupor. As lovely as the water was, he'd catch his death of a cold if he didn't keep moving.

He first cleaned his clothing, setting it out across the shore to dry once he'd worked the dirt out of it. Then came himself. He burned through half of his small bar of soap, just scrubbing at his skin until every bit of sand was gone. His shoulders and neck were painful to clean, considering the sun-burn that had turned the skin red, but he ignored this as best as he could, in favor of _finally_ feeling clean. Kili was about to get out of the pool for the last time when the sound of a breaking twig had him turning around.

The light of the moon and the stars was faint, but not so faint that he couldn't see his visitor. Gwen. He turned automatically, stomach twisting in discomfort. Gwen. Right. The one who was ignoring him for no reason in particular.

"Kili," she called softly. He made no move to turn to her. "Come here."

He absently combed through his hair. Whatever it was she had for him, or whatever she wanted to say to him, he didn't know how it could be something good. And he had been having such a lovely evening...

"Please?"

Her unguarded tone startled him. She sounded almost...raw. He turned slowly. "Yes?"

She was kneeling on the rock at the water's edge, holding out a jar. "You're burnt. Let me help you?"

It was phrased as a question, and Kili's heart twisted slightly, against his will. Her eyes were hidden from him, but her shoulders were slumping slightly. As much as he wanted to deny her...he nodded, wading towards her.

In a minute, he was sitting in the water, his back to the rock she had sat on. She'd let her bare calves rest in the water, on either side of his shoulders as she worked. It turned out that the jar she carried was the numbing salve she'd bought back in town. It spread a tingling coolness over the burning in his shoulders as she rubbed it gently into his skin.

He sighed softly as her fingers worked deeper into his muscles, kneading out the tension knotted into them. His thoughts, meanwhile, were not so relaxed. He was confused. What sort of game was Gwen playing here? She ignores him one day then tries to help him the next?

Part of him desperately wanted to ignore those thoughts, and give in to the familiar feeling of her fingers, fall into her grasp...but another part of him wanted to pull away and to actually _solve_ his problems. Finally, the more logical half of him won out as her fingers lifted from his skin, for a moment. "Stop."

She did as he asked, but he made no effort to move. "Does this mean you'll stop ignoring me?"

Silence greeted him.

A bitter laugh escaped him. "I suppose that's your answer then? You just keep ignoring me without telling me why?"

There was a pause. A long pause. She was thinking. Or something like that. A long sigh left her, and suddenly, she was moving, standing up, away from him. "Good night master dwarf."

He tried not to hear the raw hurt in her tone in favor of remembering the hurt she was causing him. She left him, there, and he let her leave.

* * *

 _ **I admit, this was a kind of...dull chapter. There's honestly not too much I can do about that though. Travel's just kind of...boring. As we go through this story, we're gonna have to have a few more glazed-over time jumps while they travel, to keep this story from being roughly a trillion chapters long.**_

 _ **Thanks so much to all who reviewed the last chapter! I'd love to hear what you all think of this one as well. Have a great week, guys.**_


	26. Amralime

_**Universe and non OCs belong to Peter Jackson and Tolkien.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

AMRALIME

Kili sat, frozen still, in the pool for a while longer. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel anymore. He missed the way things had been, only a few days ago. What had gone wrong that could possibly have put them at such odds? His mind replied, _nothing._ He hadn't done anything wrong. So why was she acting like he had?

"Master Kili?"

For half a second, his mind assumed the voice to be Gwen's. The image swept into his head that she had returned, to somehow clarify the situation.

These illusions shattered in a moment when Kili recognized that the voice was not, in fact, Gwen's. And that it was decidedly male.

He looked over his shoulder to see that Alabastrin had come out of the trees, illuminated faintly by the starlight. Kili nodded slightly. "Aye?"

"You have been gone for an hour," Alabastrin said, making his way a bit closer. "I wished to make sure you had not drowned."

"I hadn't," Kili returned, trying to keep any distress out of his tone. The last thing he needed was prying.

"You will catch a cold, if you stay in too long, you know. And you need rest."

Kili sank further into the water, entirely prepared to ignore the boy's words. He was likely three times Al's age. He was in no mood to be lectured by a child.

There was a faint shuffle, and Kili glanced back to see that Al had settled himself on the same rock as Gwen had sat on. Kili rolled his eyes to himself, sighing. What an annoying bastard. "I have not had the chance to speak to you about it," Al began. "But I assume that you have some questions about the other night?"

Kili frowned. "What—"

"The nightmares," Al explained, not needing to hear all of his question.

"Aye," Kili said, turning as he was filled with curiosity. "What was that?"

Al's eyes shifted from his hands, neatly folded in his lap, to the starry sky. "It is not too uncommon, especially in the past years, for things of that nature to occur. Nightmares of fire. Voices whispering tempting, unholy promises haunting whole groups, entire villages of people in the night."

Kili nodded slowly in understanding.

"In the east you see," Al explained, turning his face from the stars to be cast into shadow. "There is...some darkness spreading. I hear rumors of entire towns falling to madness. Entire peoples going south to heed the voices they heard in the night. But," he said, smiling slightly, as if assuring Kili. "Those are rumors. And rumors can be false."

"Aye," Kili agreed. "I hope they are."

As his mind shifted to that pain he'd felt and the darkness that had threatened to swallow him whole, he had trouble believing that these rumors were entirely false. Galadriel's voice echoed clearly in his head... _An ancient, and terrible darkness. One that, unchecked, could destroy all that we have ever held dear._

He resisted the shiver than had run its fingers down his spine. And they were to travel, headfirst, into that shadow. Mahal help him.

"Is this really what brought you here to speak to me?" Kili asked, becoming painfully aware of the silence that had fallen between them.

"Indeed it is not," Alabastrin sighed, sitting back slightly. "Though I suspect you have an idea as to why I am here."

Kili shrugged, turning out to face the pool once again. The smooth, glassy black expanse of water was soothing. "I just don't see why you feel the need to involve yourself in all of...this. Us."

His "us" of course referred to him and Gwen.

Al's response came as a bit of a surprise to him. "To be honest with you, I understand it about as well as you do."

"...What?"

Al sighed. "Perhaps it is that I see you two as friends of mine. I understand that you do not see it the same way," he hurried to explain. Kili was in no rush to correct him in that respect. "But it has been long since I've had any company save those in this caravan. And I do not like to see anyone in so little harmony. Especially when I see that neither of you are made happy by this discord."

Kili snorted. "Don't be hasty, there. I am unhappy with the...discord. But I think she's quite alright having it this way."

"If you truly think that, then you do not know her half as well as even I do." Kili bristled slightly at that, but was unable to comment before Alabastrin continued, "She is not happy."

"She seems bloody fine to me," Kili shrugged. "If she's so unhappy, why would she do it in the first place?"

"That...is a question that I do not know the answer to."

Kili turned sharply. "Mahal, finally something that you _don't_ know!"

Al closed his eyes at his bitter tone, sighing out a long breath. "Master Kili, my high levels of observational skill do not cause me to knowing _everything._ Nor," he began, not allowing Kili to scoff at him. "Have I ever tried to say that I know _everything."_

Kili rolled his eyes. "Don't have to say it to act like it."

"If you could please refrain from childish insults, I am _trying_ to help you, Master Kili."

Kili almost smiled. He was finally cracking this boy's absurd calm. He huffed out a derisive laugh. "Bloody brilliant job you're doing, mate."

"I may not have the answers," he grit out. "But I have spoken to Gwen. And I know that for whatever reason she is alienating you, she is not happy about it."

"Fat lot of good that does me."

"I think that if you would speak to her—"

"You think I haven't tried that?" Kili spat. "I am not an idiot. I have tried everything I can think of to figure out what in _Mahal's name_ I've done wrong, but she refuses to tell me."

"You haven't done anything wrong," Alabastrin protested, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"Then what _has_ gone wrong?" He shot back. "Because if it wasn't me—"

"I just _don't know!"_ Al snapped. "I really, honestly have _no idea!"_

"Then what are you doing here!?"

"I am _trying_ to help you two _HomKoklen!"_ Alabastrin broke off, spitting out a few more words in what sounded like Rhunish. Kili fell silent. Al rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands for a moment, before lifting his head to meet Kili's eyes. The usual knowing glint, the twinkle of knowledge gone from them. Kili had a strange feeling that he was seeing the _real_ Alabastrin for the first time. "Master Kili, I tried to get her to speak to you. But you know her better than I. She is more stubborn than...well, she is very stubborn. She made many elaborate excuses. So I come to you, asking that _you_ go to _her."_

Kili sighed, tipping his head back slightly, though he felt a bit bad for the boy. He was practically pleading. "She doesn't want to speak to me."

"I know," Al admitted. "I know that well. But that does not mean that she does not _need_ to talk to you." Al's eyes flickered over his face, and Kili could almost feel the boy reading into him like an open book. "It is a large thing to ask. I am asking for you to swallow all of your pride. I am asking you to pry into the heart of someone who only wants to be left alone. I am asking that you open yourself to more hurt than you have already felt. But..." his eyes came to a stop on Kili's. "We both know that you're going to do it."

Damn him.

Damn him to the depths of Khazad-dûm.

Of course...he wasn't wrong.

Kili started out of the water, towards his clothing on the shore. Silently, he dressed, only speaking to Alabastrin again a moment before he left. "You are involving yourself too heavily into very complicated affairs."

He could hear the smile on the boy's face. "I know."

Kili knew very well that there was no surrender in those words.

He found Gwen, back at the shelter, sitting up against a wall. If she heard him, she made no movement to show it, so he leaned against the door, calling out softly over the snores of the others. "Gwen."

After a moment, she lifted her head from her arms.

"Come on," Kili breathed, standing up from the door. "Outside."

She lifted her head further to meet his eyes. There was confusion in her gaze, which morphed into something akin to guilt after a few moments. She stood up resignedly, following him out the door. Kili lead them out past the trees, until the others were well out of earshot and they were surrounded by sand on all sides. It was a beautiful night. As always, the heat of the day had given away to chill breezes. The sky was crystal clear, boasting thousands of scattered stars, standing still and silent in the inky sky.

Finally, he turned, facing Gwen. "What happened?"

Her face was turned down, hidden by her hair. "Nothing happened."

Kili breathed out a long breath, closing his eyes to gather his thoughts before spitting out, "Gwen, if we are going to have this conversation, which we bloody _are,_ there are going to have to be some rules set. First off, you're going to stop hiding and actually look me in the eyes." To punctuate this, he took a step forward, and reached past her hair to find her chin. He held her face in both of his hands then, lifting her eyes to his. He could feel her jaw gritting in frustration, but continued anyways. "Secondly, you are going to stop speaking bollocks." Her eyes glinted in annoyance. "So I'm going to ask again, Gwen. _What happened?"_

"Nothing that you did," she grit out, before reaching up, and smacking his hands away from her face.

"That's not what I was asking."

At least she had the mind to brush her hair out of her eyes so he could still see her face. "What happened was...it's something to do with me. It's my problem."

"It is not _your_ problem," Kili shot back. "It became mine the moment you broke my heart because of it."

"Well, I'm sorry, alright?" she huffed. "Sorry for breaking your heart or whatever nonsense—"

He grabbed both of her shoulders hard, yanking her closer. "Nonsense!?" he repeated, hurt trickling into his tone. "Why are you trying to wound me?"

"I'm not," she argued, trying to shrug his grip away. "I'm just..." her eyes met his for a moment, and something broke. "I don't _know_ alright? I don't know why I keep hurting you, when all I'm trying to do is what seems right!"

"In what world is _ignoring_ me and making me a stranger _right?"_

"In the world where we never should have fallen in love in the first place!"

Kili let out a long breath at that, releasing her shoulders. So that was the problem here? In what way...hadn't they already resolved that? "I thought we'd decided—"

"We haven't 'decided' anything," she snapped. "Don't you remember? We decided that we loved each other, which is lovely and all except that it doesn't solve a single one of our problems!"

"Well neither does..." he indicated the space between them. The gap she'd forced. " _This!"_

"It might," she admitted, face dropping to the sand below. "In time."

Kili bit his tongue, clenching his fists hard, and merely spitting out, "Explain."

"I..." she tried to look him in the eyes but gave up after only a moment. "I figured that if I could push you far enough away, if I could make you a stranger, you'd...it would make our parting easier."

"You're wrong," he said simply. "You've forgotten to factor in that I _love_ you."

She remained silent, her head bowed.

"And even though, at this point, I don't _want to,_ I'm starting to think I'll always love you." What on Arda was he getting himself into? "So stop trying to decide things on your own, aye?" he settled a hand on her shoulder, but she still looked down. " _Talk to me,_ so that we don't end up in a shouting match every time we try to figure something out. We're going to lose our minds elsewise."

She didn't move an inch, and Kili frowned slightly. He thought they were getting somewhere. "Do you understand?"

Suddenly, the breath was knocked out of his chest as Gwen's arms locked around his stomach, her head landing in the crook of his neck. He hardly had time to comprehend what was happening when she was choking out, "I'm sorry."

Gone was the derision of her earlier apology, instead her voice was trembling just as much as the rest of her. He softened into the embrace, bringing an arm to wrap about her waist, the other smoothing her hair. Again, she breathed, "Valar, Kili, I am _so_ sorry."

"I know," he assured her, running his hand down the length of her back. "I love you," he murmured, as she seemed to sink even further into him.

There was a long pause before she asked, barely audible, "Why?"

A thousand snippets of thought flashed through his head. _Her eyes—her smile—her hair—her arguments—her hands—her silly drunken dancing—her tears—her feet—her screams—_

But all of those...Weren't right. They weren't _why_ he loved her entirely. Finally, he smiled slightly, tightening his grip until he was positive neither of them could breathe properly. "If I had the answer to that question, I wouldn't be half as confused as I am, _Amralime."_

Before she could question him any further (because quite frankly, he was done with talking for the night) he planted a kiss on her temple. "We ought go back before we catch our death out here."

* * *

 _ **I actually ended up liking this chapter more than I thought I would. Alabastrin is an odd character, though fun to write. Honestly, I'm not even sure of his motives yet. He's very secretive. And it's a relief to have all the Gwen/Kili drama done (for now). Thank you to mysterious victoria, for her long time support of my stories, especially this one.**_

 _ **Review if you felt anything about this chapter at all! Y'all have no idea how much even one review makes my day. Love you all, and I'll see you next week!**_


	27. Betrayal

_**I do not own any of this story that was originally created by Tolkien or Peter Jackson.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

BETRAYAL

It was an odd day. The sun was shining, as always, but the sky seemed tinged a shade darker than usual. The sunlight, though beating down hot on his back, was grayish, like brackish water in a pond. The sand seemed heavier than usual, sucking his boots further in with each step, and biting into his skin with a vicious vigor. Silence loomed over them all, an odd lack of all noisiness, even as the wind whipped, hot and bitter, past them. It felt like they were underwater, the air slowing their movements and drawing away all sound except the pounding of their blood in their ears.

Kili was already at the back of the pack, but as hours passed, he found himself growing slower and slower with each step. The rest of the party took no note of his absence, carrying onwards, their heads bowed down under the strain. The dune they were climbing seemed like an endless upward slope. It would always look like the end was near in sight, but that respite would be proven false as yet more sloped sand appeared beneath his feet. He chanced another glance up at the rest of the party, and froze in horror.

One by one, as they went over the crest of the hill, they disappeared. But not in the ordinary way of disappearing. Their figures would darken, then narrow, and grow thin and wispy, before they would sink into the thick cloud of swirling smoke on the other side of the dune. He didn't want to go through with that.

Suddenly, though, it seemed he didn't have a choice. Before, the sand had been dragging his footsteps back, but now, it felt like the sand was dragging him _forward,_ towards the billowing wall of mist.

The others were long gone, each and every one of his traveling companions dissolved into a strange mist. His heart started a sickeningly rapid beat against his chest, and he found himself on his knees, scrambling through the shifting, grayish sands, reaching for some sort of purchase, something to keep him away from the tendrils reaching out towards him.

His voice was choked out, even as he tried to scream, and he closed his eyes as he was yanked into the darkness.

Then. He was falling.

He went tumbling instantly, rolling and sliding down a never-ending slope of sound, his skin burning, his eyes stinging, his lungs filling with grit. There was nowhere to get purchase, nothing to stop him from sliding further and further, gathering speed every foot he went.

He let out another silent scream as, suddenly, the sand began sucking at him, and he was sinking, feeling the dry, crumbly heat of it encase his limbs, slowly drawing him in to the torso. The weight of it crushed the air out of his lungs, and immobilized his shoulders. He tried for one last gasp of air, but his mouth was flooded with sand, dry and hot and choking and _dark—_

* * *

"Wake _up,"_ The voice spat again, yanking his shoulder to sit him up.

His lungs convulsed as he tried to expel the mouthful of sand from his lungs. As he hacked, a hand came down on his back, helping to knock some of the grit free. Every breath was like swallowing hot embers, but eventually, he managed to gasp in a sand-free lungful of night air.

"You're a fool."

He looked over to see that his savior had, of course, been Gwen.

"You were sleeping with your mouth opened," she explained. "The wind blew all that sand into your mouth. I was half asleep, and I heard your thrashing."

"Not a fool," he rasped in protest. "Wasn't—"

Gwen interrupted him by lifting a waterskin to his lips. He took it from her as soon as he felt the cool water on his lips, and drank greedily for a full minute. It eased some of the pain in his throat, and helped to clear his fuzzy thoughts. When he lowered it, he explained in a still rough tone. "That was not my fault."

She ignored his protests. "Are you alright now?"

He shrugged.

"Was there a dream?"

He sighed, running a hand back through his hair. "Isn't there always?"

He knew the answer to that question was 'yes.' None of them slept a full night, it seemed. Someone was always startled awake by their own minds.

Gwen smiled slightly, a bit sadly, and Kili took a moment to look her over. She was tired. Her hair was a mess, her eyes slightly bloodshot from the constant abuse of sleeplessness and sand. Despite her best efforts, the bridge of her nose and the tops of her cheeks had been burned to red by the sun. This journey was not overly easy for her. He brought up a hand to lift a tangled lock of hair away from her face, not missing the way she barely leaned into his touch. "What are you doing awake, anyway?"

"You are not the only one who has dreams, Master Dwarf."

He stayed silent for a moment, watching the way her eyes darkened slightly upon the mention of her dreams. "Al mentioned voices," he explained softly, shifting to face her better. "Are there voices in your dreams?"

"Sometimes," she admitted, turning her eyes down from his.

"Really?" He hadn't had any of that. Was it perhaps that he was not a native of the place? "What do they say?"

"Master Dwarf," she said, smiling slightly, though the sickly fear in her gaze was far from happy. "If I remembered the things they whispered to me, I would not tell you their words."

"Are they fearsome?" he asked, frowning.

Her smile faltered. "They are dark," she said simply.

Kili heard in her tone that she wanted that topic to be over, and he had mercy on her. "Well there won't be any more voices whispering to you tonight. Unless it's mine," he added, a smirk flickering onto his lips.

This brought a less sickly smile to her face and she brought a hand up, resting her hand against his jaw. Her thumb swept over his cheek, disturbing the sand that had been lodged there. "You're covered in sand."

His smirk grew and he leaned a little closer to murmur, "I can make you that way too, you know."

She opened her mouth to protest, but didn't have the time as he leaned in to press a kiss against the flush of sunburn on her cheekbone, rubbing the sand from his stubble onto her cheek as he went. "And we're even," he breathed into her ear, fulfilling his earlier promise about whispering.

When he drew away, her smile had gone soft, her eyes warm, though tired. She shook her head slightly, sweeping off the grit with the back of her hand. "Goodnight, Kili."

"G'night Gwen."

Kili wasn't sure about Gwen, but he certainly didn't have any more unpleasant dreams that night.

* * *

A full week had passed since the oasis, and their travelling had gotten slightly less agonizing. For Kili, at least.

Now that he and Gwen were sorted out, he split his time between the twins and the girl. Of course, the company of Gwen often came with the company of Alabastrin, but Kili was growing somewhat used to the boy's unnerving presence. His conversation with the twins was not unlike that that he'd have with his old dwarven travelling companions. Stories were exchanged, laughter was frequent. And as he spent more and more hours with him, his understanding of Haralasi's sign language was growing. The man could make simple observations to Kili, and could contribute easily to the conversation.

When he was with Gwen and Alabastrin, the conversation was notably more academic. Alabastrin would explain the cloud patterns, or the way that the sand had organized itself, Gwen would tell histories or folk stories from the places she'd frequented, and Kili would explain some of the intricacies of dwarven culture. He had to skirt delicately around the topics that were a bit more sacredly secret, but the others seemed fascinated by the structured society of his people.

Some days, Alabastrin would drift back to the twins, leaving him and Gwen alone in each other's company. They found things to talk about, stories to tell, but oftentimes they would fall into a companionable silence.

The landscape was shifting subtly as they travelled further east. According to Alabastrin, they were to reach the foothills of the Rhun Mountains in a week and a few odd days. Rocks dotted the landscape around them, and the dunes took on more structure, the stones in the sand keeping it from blowing away as easily. They were walking in a shallow valley of sorts, the sand sloping up on either side of their loosely marked path, when Kili felt suddenly that something was amiss. He wasn't sure what it was, but Kulasi paused in speaking after a minute, noticing his flickering eyes. "Master Dwarf? Did you see something?"

"Not yet," he said back, his tone distracted.

His eyes swept along the bluffs on both sides of them. There wasn't a twitch of movement. So why did he feel so uneasy? Why was his skin prickling?

Gwen, ahead of him, suddenly ducked out of her conversation with Al, bounding a yard or two up the dune. "Kili, come here."

He did as she told him to without a moment of hesitation, and he heard the rest of the party come to a halt behind them. Gwen was crouched, leaning over a rock about the size of her torso. She scraped a handful of sand from the edge of the rock. "It's dark."

Indeed it was. The usual gold of the sand was laced with something grayish, almost black in color. "Help me roll this over."

Together, they lifted the stone away, letting it roll a few feet down the hill behind them. Just as Kili had suspected, under the rock was a circle of soot and ash, scattered with scraps of burnt out coals. Kili opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted as a shadow fell over their backs. "What's this?"

Kili glanced up to Naratafynn, and explained as quickly as he could. "Someone had a fire here."

"Not long ago," Gwen added. "The desert's hardly erased its presence. I would guess it was here as recent as last night."

"I fail to see how this is a concern," Naratafynn told them, his tone bearing little amusement at their discovery.

"They tried to hide it," Kili insisted, motioning to the rock they'd rolled aside.

"As would anyone wishing to remain traceless in this place—"

"I've had a terrible feeling for the past hour," Gwen hurried to say. "Like I'm being—"her eyes shot wide, and she spat something vicious-sounding in Rhunish.

Naratafynn dropped to the ground, narrowly dodging an arrow, which whistled past his shoulder, embedding itself into the ground a few feet away from Kili. He watched in horror as figures, all in black, rushed over the hill across from them, bearing down on their comrades before they had the time to react. Naratafynn turned from this to look at Kili and Gwen in horror. " _ProssRauz!"_

Gwen looked equally as astonished, "What!?"

Naratafynn stumbled back to his feet, calling something out in Rhunish. Kili looked over his shoulder to see another five or six men hurtling down the bluff directly towards them. There wasn't enough time for his bow, so he drew his sword, taking on a defensive stance. As Gwen and Naratafynn took out their respective weapons, Naratafynn continued. "I leave you for watch at night, and you slip away, _both of you—"_

Kili had little time to contemplate the man's claim as the first of the men collided with him, as he parried away his opponent's wild club blows, he listened to Naratafynn continue. "You tell our enemies where to find us!"

"That is _foolish!"_ Gwen spat as she dispatched one of their attackers with a smooth sweep of her blade. "They would not attack us as well if we were their comrades!"

Whatever weapon Naratafynn was using seemed effective enough, as one of their opponents cried out, crumpling to the ground. "You try to keep up the illusion by telling them to attack us!"

"We've done no such thing," Kili shot back, managing to disarm his attacker by lodging his short sword into the wood. With a flick of his sword, the crude weapon went flying away.

A line of cool metal pressed suddenly against the back of Kili's neck, and he froze. Shortly after, Gwen and Naratafynn did the same, dropping their respective weapons. Kili let his short sword fall to the sand.

"Still think we stabbed your back?" Gwen hissed at Naratafynn as they were manhandled to the rest of the group.

The man ignored her staunchly.

The rest of the caravan had been disarmed, and herded into a circle, surrounded on all sides by armed me, their faces covered almost entirely by masks. The shurkal had been taken away from the twins, and they were practically shrieking in anger and fear, trying to shake off the men that anchored them down. The minute that Kili, Gwen and Naratafynn were shoved into the group of their comrades, the men around them began barking orders.

They burst into movement, some of them going to search the shurkal, the others dispersing into the group of victims. Kili was reminded of another event, some year or so earlier. He had to admit, though, while these strange desert men weren't kindly or gentle as they searched him down, they were better than the stinking hordes of Goblins. This time, Gwen was struggling against her own captors, instead of playing dead (and scaring him half to death). Kili was decidedly alright with the changes.

They wrestled the pack off of his back, then patted him down, starting at his boots, their gloved hands practically reaching _into_ them. The experience only grew less pleasant as one of them found the length of cord hanging from his neck. They yanked it sharply, and Kili's eyes went wide, not just because the string was crushing his windpipe. On that string was Galadriel's vial, as well as Gwen's ring...that she didn't know he had. Luckily, she was too preoccupied to see the makeshift necklace, as her numerous weapons were stripped away.

"Still think we're traitors?" Kili shot over to Naratafynn, who was in the process of being gagged.

The man could only glare darkly at him, and Kili gave him a crooked smile in return, before a cloth was forced in between his own teeth, thick rope winding around his wrists. It seemed that all of the others were being bound as well, except...except Gwen.

Kili watched a mixture of growing horror and anger in him as one of the taller figures approached Gwen. He reached for her chin, squeezing her cheeks between his gloved fingers. Gwen jerked slightly against the man behind her, holding her wrists but otherwise held still, keeping her gaze locked onto the man's. Sickness welled up in Kili's gut as he turned her face this way and that, inspecting her as one would a horse. Gwen jerked hard again, and Kili had to lift himself onto his toes to see. As soon as he had seen he wished he hadn't. The man was reaching a hand up Gwen's shirt, pulling the neck of her shirt away to see more of her. Kili's view was cut off quite suddenly as he was yanked back to stand normally.

Before he knew it, Gwen was being lead off up towards the shurkal while her wrists were being bound. He was turned and shoved in closer to the rest of his companions, Naratafynn's elbow jabbing rather viciously into his shoulder blade.

There was a sudden cry of pain, then, followed by the sound of bodies hitting the floor and a vicious neigh from one of the shurkal. The grip on him loosened suddenly, allowing him to turn, shoving past Naratafynn to see what the commotion was.

To his astonishment, one of the shurkal was free, and was charging directly for their tightly clustered pack. Kili cried out as best as he could around the cloth in his mouth, throwing himself out of the path of danger. He didn't have time to see if the others followed as he took advantage of the distraction, kneeing the closest of their attacker twixt the legs. The man doubled over, and Kili wasted no time kicking him in the throat, sending him full to the ground.

The next man was turning just as Kili got within range of him, so Kili used a different tactic, ducking his head down and charging forward to head-butt the man in the gut. Kili reeled slightly from the impact, but recovered faster than his opponent, and delivered another swift kick to his gut.

By the time he turned around to assess damage, Kulasi and Aaron were trying to wrangle the escaped shurkal, while the others were engaged fighting the men. Arms locked around Kili's chest in an almost strangling grip, but before they could put him in a proper choke hold, he reacted on instinct, bucking his head back. With a solid 'crunch' the grip on him loosened enough for him to twist around and shouldered his attacker in the chin. The man's head snapped back, and he fell.

Kili was going to kick him in the knee or throat to make sure he stayed down, but was distracted out of the corner of his eye. Naratafynn was locked into a brawl of sorts, and looked to be on the edge of winning it. What he didn't notice was the man stumbling away from his beating from Molftari, drawing a knife as he advanced on Naratafynn's back. Kili shot forward, just in time to kick the offender hard in the back. He fell forward, into Naratafynn, who in turn fell onto his original opponent. Kili ignored Naratafynn's panicked annoyance at the interruption, to step hard on the man's knife holding hand. Once it was free from his grip, Kili kicked it as far away as he could, before stepping again on the man's spine. He felt a satisfying crack through his foot.

It didn't take long for the brawl to end after that, and soon, they had all the men tied up, gagged, and face down in the sand. No one had been too seriously injured. Aaron had sprained his wrist, Haralasi had a black eye, and Molftari had a somewhat deep cut on his shoulder, but they'd made it out largely undamaged. Their attackers, he was informed, were some sort of desert bandits. They oftentimes prayed on caravans like theirs, and were well known for taking prisoners, then selling them as slaves. Kili was just wondering if the men were going to die there, bound, gagged and facedown in the desert as they were going to leave them. Possibly not, though. There was a town with water three or four days travel away, apparently.

Gwen came to unbind him as soon as the fray had calmed down. She went first for the Mahal-damned gag, carefully untying the knot before pulling it from between his teeth. Kili let out a long breath, and smiled slightly. "Thanks, love."

As she went behind him to work at his hands, he leaned back slightly to see her in his peripheral vision, asking, "How did that shurkal get loose?"

"They had to loosen my bindings a little to tie me to the saddle," Gwen explained, keeping her eyes focused on her work. "I took advantage and managed to get the shurkal's lead free, and off it went."

"You're a marvel," Kili sighed, flexing his wrists as the ropes fell away.

As he turned to face her, she shrugged. "I took advantage of their ill thinking."

Kili drew a bit closer to her, gently taking up her wrists. He could see the marks on her wrists from the ropes, red and harsh against her pale skin. "Are you alright?"

She shrugged again, meeting his eyes a bit sheepishly. "I'm alive. You?"

"Alive as well," he said, smiling up at her. _Mahal,_ it was good to know that she was safe.

"I was wrong," Naratafynn said suddenly, to Kili's left.

Kili and Gwen turned to face the man. There was a resigned apology on his face, as he gritted out, "I am sorry."

He wasn't sure about Gwen, but Kili was a bit surprised to hear this. Was the proud man really lowering himself for them? By all rights, he _should_ have been apologizing, but Kili was still surprised. "Are we done with that, then?" Naratafynn growled at their silence. Without waiting for a response, he marched away.

"Interesting company we're in," Gwen commented after a moment.

Kili could only nod in agreement.

* * *

The heat of midday had nearly passed by the time they were restoring all of their belongings to their rightful owners. Kili had found all of his things, except...

"Does this belong to anyone?"

Alabastrin's voice drew him from his search through the men's bags. The boy held up a dangling piece of string, two objects hanging off of it, catching in the sunlight. Kili was on his feet in an instant, snatching it out of the boy's hand, out of sight. "That's mine," he bit out, stuffing it quickly into his pocket.

Al nodded slowly, and Kili couldn't help but despise the look of knowledgeable confusion written across the boy's features.

* * *

 _ **I'm not...overly proud of this chapter, but I'm getting it out on time, so that's an accomplishment. Next chapter's going to be more fun, I promise. About next chapter though, most likely I will not be able to update next week. I'm at a camp, so freetime is pretty much nonexistent. But I swear, it'll only be a one week break. Thank you for the reviews! Y'all are fantastic and I love you! See you in two weeks! Have a nice summer, everyone.**_


	28. Before They Know It

_**I don't own the world or any canon characters.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

BEFORE THEY KNOW IT

It was summer, not that Fili could much tell. In the mountain, weather mattered just as much as...well, he couldn't think of a good example, but the point remained that it did not matter. There were no windows, and the only time he was out in the fresh air was the rare occasions when he checked on the rebuilding of the front gate. Thorin had said he would consider building some sort of garden outside of the mountain when the next spring came about, but Fili doubted he would really ever do such a thing. It was a popular opinion among many dwarves that gardening was quite possibly the most _un_ dwarven activity possible. Still. Fili would have liked to have some way to be outside. Unlike some of the dwarves there, he wasn't completely comfortable in a world of cold and lamplight and stone.

But Thorin would never know that. Fili had thrown himself head-first into his princely duties to distract himself from the discomfort in his heart.

Maybe his wanderlust would be less if not for his missing brother and friends. They hadn't received a word from any of them, and it had been a month and a half. Fili had assured himself that they were fine, but couldn't help but wish that he had gone with them. He would do almost anything to get out of all that bloody _paperwork._

It was strange, how well Uncle Thorin dealt with all of that boring nonsense. It was almost like he enjoyed it. It seemed to give him a sort of glee to (metaphorically) tear through piles upon stacks of parchment, signing, reading, stamping and checking a kingdom's worth of nonsense. Fili just had to grit his teeth against complaining, offering to do another hour or two of administrative work. If he was going to be king one day, he'd have to get used to that life.

"Fili!"

His uncle's words, punctuated by his heavy fist smashing into his desk, startled Fili out of his daze. "Yes, uncle?"

Thorin sighed, looking more tired than frustrated. "What are you thinking about?"

"Paperwork," Fili replied, not lying entirely.

Rubbing at the bridge of his nose, Thorin asked, "And how much of what I was saying did you miss?"

Fili thought for a moment before answering, "The last thing I remember is redoing the living quarters in the east quadrant."

"And do you remember the problem I explained there?"

Feeling a little bit of shame, Fili shook his head.

Thorin slid his seat away from his desk, standing to pace to the fire. "We haven't the work force to fortify the front gate and other damage done by the dragon. However, those quarters are hardly livable."

"We wait until the fortifications are done, then."

Thorin gave Fili a dry look. "If you were _listening_ you'd have heard me explain that. Are you going to pay attention this time, or should I wait until a better time for you?"

Fili resisted the urge to lower his head in embarrassment, saying in as strong of a tone as he could muster, "I'm sorry, uncle. I am paying full attention now."

Thorin nodded. "The second wave of dwarves from the Iron Hills and the Blue Mountains are expected by next Durin's day. Our current housing is not nearly enough for them all to live. Even once the quarters in the east wing are prepared, we'll barely have enough space to fit them."

"Outsource labor, then," Fili said, with a shrug. Thorin raised a brow, and Fili assumed that he was confused. "If we haven't the workforce within ourselves, then we need to find someone else to hire. We have plenty of wealth to pay them with."

"I _understand_ the concept of outsourcing labor," Thorin growled. "And it is an idea I myself considered. Only, where do you propose we outsource labor _from?"_

"What about Laketown? Or Dale?" Fili suggested.

"I doubt that anyone of Laketown desires strongly to enter into a bargain with us again."

The words were left unspoken, but Fili knew he was referencing their last promise to Laketown. Indeed, that had ended rather disastrously... "What about Dale then?"

"It suffers the same problems as Laketown," Thorin explained. "Besides, their labor is stretched thin enough as is. They will not be willing to spare any men for us."

"Fine," Fili said with a sigh. "What about Hobbiton?"

"You forget, not all hobbits are as daring as ours was. All of the treasure in our halls could not draw them from their hearths."

"Then the humans that live between here and the Shire. Surely some of them will be willing to work for pay."

"So far from home?" Thorin asked. "I am doubtful they would come so far. And I am not well inclined to trust them."

Fili grit his teeth. His uncle could be more stubborn than a mule. Only half joking, he deadpanned, "Then how about we ask Thranduil for a hand?"

Thorin only turned to shoot him a glare.

"I'm sorry uncle," Fili apologized again, slumping slightly in his chair. "I just don't know what you want me to do to solve this problem. I can't think of who else we could call in to help."

"The concept of outsourcing is in itself impossible," Thorin admitted. "Even if anyone _did_ agree to work with us, it would be too significant a blow on our pride. To admit that dwarven power was not enough? To call in help from men, hobbits, or Mahal forbid _elves..._ The elders would not allow it."

The elders. Even though he'd only been working with them for half a year, they already got on Fili's nerves. To stodgy and old. Their very presence made him sneeze.

Silence fell as the two dwarves' minds worked. "What if..." Fili began, mind working hard. "What if we outsourced, but to different dwarves?" Thorin turned, as if beckoning for him to continue. "We don't have enough dwarves here, but there are _plenty_ just waiting for a good chance to join us here. If we offer them something...If we send them supplies, or help organize a caravan, or something to ease their journey, and in turn, have them agree to work for us, we would have our work force in a month."

Thorin's face was virtually unreadable, but he was nodding slowly and slightly, so that had to be a good sign. "Where would these workers live, though?"

Fili shrugged. "Tents? It might give them more incentive to work faster."

There was a solid minute of silence, before a tiny smile cracked Thorin's stone façade. "It is unpolished and rough, but you may have thought of the root of the solution."

Fili felt a smile on his own face, but was kept from speaking as a frantic knocking sounded on the door. "Come in," Thorin intoned.

The door burst open, and in spilled one of the runners, panting, and dropping immediately to one knee before his king. "My Lord," he gasped out.

"Stand," Thorin ordered him, his tone booming with authority.

The boy scrambled to his feet, smoothing down the wisps of a beard on his chin. "I was sent to tell you, they have arrived."

"Who?" Thorin asked, frowning.

"The party that left under prince Kili's control."

Fili snapped to his feet in a second. They were back!? "Who's there?"

The boy turned, seeming startled by Fili's outburst. "Ah! Crown prince!" He dropped into another bow. "I'm sorry, I did not—"

"Who is it?" Fili asked again, his heart pounding in his throat. _Mahal,_ he missed his brother.

"I—I'm not sure," the boy sputtered. "I was simply told to bear that message. I—"

Fili growled slightly in frustration. "Where are they?"

"Just guided into the front gate," the boy stammered.

Fili flipped his gaze to his uncle. "Uncle, may I—"

"Go," Thorin ordered. "We'll work again after dinner."

Nodding his gratitude, Fili pushed past the boy and burst out the door into the hallway. His brother might be there! Luckily, the royal wing was mostly empty, so no one saw him blazing down the corridor like an absolute fool. He clattered down the main staircase, towards the front entrance—

Three of them. Only three of Kili's party was there. And one of them was not his brother.

His heart dropped hard.

Gimli was already being smothered by his parents, and looked quite unhappy. Nori was trying (unsuccessfully) to drag an almost crying Dori off of Ori, and Fili couldn't still help but miss his brother. It wasn't that he hadn't missed his friends; his brother had just always been his partner in crime. And now...

He forced a smile onto his face as he walked into their midst. "Back so soon!"

"Not soon enough!" Dori wailed, nuzzling the top of Ori's head affectionately.

"Should we leave for another few months or so?" Nori asked, grinning as he approached Fili, finally giving up on saving his younger brother.

Fili shrugged, unable to hide the genuine smile that grew across his face. "I suppose you can stay."

He and Nori clapped each other's back in an embrace, knocking their foreheads together. Once they parted, Fili couldn't help but ask, "Is Kili—"

"He's alright," Nori assured him, not needing to hear the whole of the question. "Last time that we saw him, he was, anyway."

Fili shrugged off the worry and confusion that tried to bubble up inside him. This was supposed to be happy. He needed to stop being such a worrywart. "Thanks for keeping him safe, Nori."

"If anything," the dwarf chuckled. "He kept us safe. I dare say your uncle Thorin would've been mighty proud of him. Except for the 'in love with an elven lassie' bit," he added, chuckling at his own joke.

Nori turned back to his brothers, which was alright seeing as Gimli had shook off his parents, and was making his way towards Fili. Fili started to smile, but was stopped by the lad's stormy expression. He barely acknowledged Fili's presence with a grunt, before just pushing past him, up the stairs. Fili stepped aside to let Idna and Gloin rush past, the latter giving him an apologetic pat on the back as he followed his son.

"Please excuse him," Ori's voice said from behind him, almost sighing. "He and Kili had a bit of an...altercation, and you know how Gimli's grudges can be."

Fili turned with a smile to Ori, clapping him into an embrace. "You've made it back alive!"

"No need to sound so surprised," Ori sniffed, putting on an air of offendedness.

This was mostly ruined by the smile stretching halfway across his face. Fili took a moment to look the lad from head to toe. Somehow...he seemed different. Maybe it was in a lessened hunch of his shoulders, or the way his hands didn't fiddle about nervously like they used to. Either way, the boy was different. Fili nodded. "I see a bit of time away from the mother hen has made a difference."

"Mother—" Ori chuckled, as he followed Fili's gaze to Dori, pinching Nori's ear for one reason or another. "Oh yes," he admitted, a bit bashfully, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I suppose it has. Oh!" He said suddenly, reaching into his pack. "I have a letter for you!"

Fili frowned. "A letter?"

"From your brother," Ori explained with a smile as he drew an oilskin out of his bag. He unwrapped it to reveal a carefully folded piece of parchment. Even folded, Fil could see the inky scrawl of his brother's familiar handwriting all across its surface. "I'm not sure what he explains in it though, considering that I haven't read it, so if you would like me to explain anything you find unclear, please feel free to ask."

Before he spoke, Fili grappled Ori into another hug. _Mahal,_ he missed his brother. This little letter wasn't nearly enough to replace him, but at least it was something. And Fili had to be grateful that Ori took such excellent care of it. "Thank you."

"It's...It's my pleasure."

Parting, Fili took the letter from his hand, tucking it safely into his pocket. He raised his voice so that Nori and Dori could hear him as well. "I must be going now. I'll see you all at supper though?"

Seeing their nods, he bid them one last farewell, before starting up the stairs, back to the royal quarters. He was only a few doors away from his private room when he was faced with his mother. She smiled softly. "Did you go down to meet them?"

Fili nodded, suddenly losing the sudden burst of adrenaline he'd had. The weight of the situation settled into his gut like a ton of bricks. The letter he had in his pocket could very well be the last thing he ever heard from his brother. "Kili's—"

"I heard," his mother said softly. "Any news of what happened?"

"He's alright, they said," Fili sighed. "But Ori gave me a letter from him."

Dis' eyebrow shot up. "Have you read it?"

"Not yet," Fili admitted. "I will, after dinner. I'll let you know if there's anything you should know, though."

Dis nodded. "Very well."

With one last half-hearted smile, Fili moved past her, towards his room to stow the letter safely away.

* * *

Four hours later, he sat at his desk, the thoroughly read letter lying in his lap. He rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to erase the stinging feeling of tears.

By every hair of Durin's lovely beard, he _missed_ his brother.

But, he knew very well that that was about how Kili felt about Gwen. Missed her like a part of himself was missing. Still...Fili missed him. Nobleness be damned.

Kili's words hadn't at all addressed the 'goodbye' that the letter had the potential to be. It was choppy, and snarky, just like Kili always had been. He explained somewhat concisely, their journey thus far, then explained his plans for the future, as well as asking a few questions that Fili had no way of answering. It was a letter one would send any day, for the sake of simple communication between friends.

Of course, Fili's mind was twisting it. What if this was the last thing he ever heard from his daft baby brother?

A soft knocking on the door lifted him from his thoughts and he grunted as a manner of assent.

The door opened softly, and in walked the warm presence of his mother. She only needed to look at him for half a moment before she was pulling him up into a tight embrace. Fili finally allowed the tension and false facades to melt away, silent sobs shaking him. Exhaustion and misery pounded through his head, a terrible feeling like breaking filling his chest

For a long minute, no words were spoken. Dis simply stroked his hair, rocking them both side to side slightly, while Fili held onto her like she was the last real thing he had left in the world. Finally, Fili choked out, "He's such a bloody _fool."_

Dis hummed in agreement. "Always has been."

"He...He..."

"I know," Dis murmured. "I miss him too."

A loud sob tore through him and he gripped all the tighter onto his mother.

She shushed him gently. "He'll be back before you know it."

* * *

Even if they seemed dysfunctional at times, if he and Gwen had one thing right, it would be their ability to read each other. Kili could always tell when something was actually wrong, versus Gwen's resting state of iciness. Likewise, she could see through his fake smiles in half an instant. Which was why Kili was unsurprised to find Gwen settling down next to him on the high bluff he was seated on.

On the outside, he was simply watching the wide plain of moonlight basked desert before them. Or maybe he was taking in the web of beautiful stars that filled the sky above him. But really, he was half holding back tears, hoping the wind would carry away the sound of his roughened breathing.

Gwen's hand slid over his back, warm and soft through the thin fabric of his shirt, and her arm wrapped around him, a shadow of comfort against the breezy, open night. He could feel her breathing against him, as he shifted to tuck his face into the crook of her shoulder. "Gwen—"

"Sh," she said softly, running her hand up and down his ribs.

"I..."He grit his teeth hard to hold back the tears that burned at his eyelids. "I miss them so bloody much."

If she didn't know what he was talking about, she didn't say anything about it. Instead, she sighed. "Aye."

Most of the time, he could convince himself it was worth it. That Gwen was worth losing every single other person in the world that he cared about. But sometimes, that all fell apart, and even with her there, holding him, he just wished he could go _home._ He missed his friends. He missed his uncle. He missed his mama. He missed his _brother._ He just...

"We'll be back before we know it," Gwen said softly, her voice breaking slightly.

He nodded into her, and reached around to hold her tighter as it felt like his heart broke.

* * *

 _ **Technically a week late, but you know how life is. I have no idea where this chapter came from, but I think I really liked how it turned out. Let me know what you thought! I think we all needed a break from Kili and Gwen and that stupid desert...Reviews are adored, as always, just like you guys are always adored! By me! Until later!**_


	29. Plans

_**I don't own anything but my OCs.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

PLANS

The forest was soft around him. Cool and breezy and quiet just the way he liked it. Sunlight shone through the leaves overhead, dappling onto his skin, a kiss of warmth against the brush of leaf mold and dirt. Mahal, he loved the forest.

 _It is a serene place, indeed._

Kili hummed in agreement, letting his head fall to the side. Fallen leaves caressed his cheek, and his eyes came to focus on a spider web, laced silvery with dew, strung out between two trees. It was a beautiful thing. He came to see a dark shape behind it, and his eyes struggled for a few moments to refocus. When they did, he saw that the shape was a deer. A fawn. Still in spots. Its coat was glossy, its eyes dewy, blinking at him. A smile spread over Kili's face.

 _Such a pretty thing._

The deer's yelp of pain cut through him, crushing the smile off of his face. The creature convulsed, its tail flicking viciously, tossing its head back, flicking its pelt, trying to throw off the swarm of flies that descended upon it. Its once dewy, blinking eyes were bloodshot, crusted, flickering back and forth in a frenzied panic. Its once glossy coat dissolved into flea-bitten mange and mud. Its spots were covered with blood and rot. Nearly screeching in pain, and frothing at its jaw, the fawn threw its head back one last time.

 _Such a shame..._

He tried to get up, to follow the once lovely, innocent creature as it crashed away through the trees, but a weight seemed to be resting on his chest. It crushed the breath out of his lungs, filling his nose with the smell of decay.

 _Not so fast, now._

He wanted to get up. He didn't want to be in this forest now. It seemed heavy, the air damp and crawling over his skin. The trees stretched their scaly limbs out, swallowing up the sunlight, crowding him in with their wilting leaves and branches. The ground seemed to squirm and crawl beneath him, the weight on his chest pressing him _further down_ and he just wanted to get up and escape—

 _You can't escape from this._

He hated that voice. Hated the sweet, grating tone it whispered into his ear. Hated the feeling of its icy hands sliding over his skin. Hated—

 _Hate is such a strong term._

It wasn't strong enough.

 _You misunderstand me, simply._

There wasn't a whole lot to misunderstand as far as he could tell.

 _You fear the corruption you have seen._

He feared the thing that caused that corruption.

 _There is no corruption for corruption itself..._

He didn't want to ever be a part of something so foul, so...

 _If you are the darkness, the darkness has no danger in it._

So...

 _If you are death itself, there is no fear in death._

So...

 _If you are a part of me, there is no harm that can come to you from me._

Evil.

His head was forced to the other side so hard that he felt his neck snap, he felt leaf mold flooding into his senses, and over the ground clicked and squirmed and clawed a vast multitude of creatures. Some with hairy legs and talons, some with scaly black shells, slick with decay, some with hundreds of thousands of tiny, scrabbling, itching legs. All of them flooding towards him, towards his open eyes, his open mouth his open nose.

The icy hands remained on him, and his scream was drowned out as the fowl beasts filled his mouth, and forced their way into his nose, and gnawed at his eyeballs, and squirmed down his throat, filling him from the inside out with itching, crawling, hairy death. With rot.

And he couldn't even scream as they devoured the lungs right out of his chest.

* * *

After the attack, they traveled easily. The oasis had been surrounded by a small village, but the people there were not welcoming to them. The caravan had merely taken water, and paid heavily for some more fire fuel, and moved on. Kili didn't mind. Apparently, at the pace they were travelling, they'd be arriving in Rashadahl just in time for their great summer festival.

Kulasi and Haralasi had never experienced the festival first hand, but they'd heard plenty of stories and had been more than happy to relay them to Kili. It was apparently filled with dancing, and drinking and merriment. As many festivals were. But an interesting element was that of the masks.

It was tradition for the festival-goers to wear intricately decorated masks for the three days of the festival's duration. They created an air of mystery and allowed a person to act as they wouldn't if their identity was clearly known. It sounded a bit dangerous to Kili, but apparently, there were rules and regulations in place to ensure that nothing too villainous occurred. Other than the possibility of rampant crime, though, it seemed like it would be quite a bit of fun.

As they neared the city, the road beneath their feet became more clearly defined from the desert around them. It also meant that for the first time in almost a month, they'd be sleeping in an actual inn, rather than just on the side of the road. They'd arrived at the small town fairly late into the night, so Kili was more than grateful for the meal they all sat down to eat together. It was especially wonderful to have something other than the flat bread and oil they'd been having for all their meals for the past fortnight. They were served a thick, spicy stew of some sort, a platter of steaming vegetables, and watered-down wine. It tasted like a veritable feast to Kili.

By the time they'd had their fill, Kili was a little bit tipsy, but not nearly as drunk as the twins, who were busy chatting up the bartender, who Kili was fairly sure was just a somewhat effeminate young man. He'd wait until later to tell them that though. They would probably want to face that mistake sober.

Kili was a bit reminded of the first days that he had spent with Gwen, as they sat side by side, lamplight glowing around them, strange music filling the air. They weren't speaking. It was too loud and hazy with smoke for that. Besides, they were both exhausted. Gwen had slumped down and was close enough to him on their bench that she could rest comfortably on his shoulder. Her weight was warm and nice on his chest, happily accompanying the heat of alcohol in his gut.

They would have remained like this if Naratafynn hadn't pulled out the chair across from them, sitting down. "I do not wish to disturb you."

His tone said that he really couldn't care less about whether or not he was disturbing them, but Gwen lifted herself away from him, stifling a yawn. "You're not."

"I wish to speak to you about your contract with us."

Kili and Gwen nodded.

"As you know, we will reach Rashadahl by tomorrow. There, we come to a crossroads. You may either remain in the city, terminating your contract, or you may renew it tonight, and continue travelling with us."

Kili hadn't thought about that. Although, it made sense that he and Gwen would not be travelling together indefinitely...

"Where are you going once we reach Rashadahl?" Gwen asked, leaning forward onto the table.

"We will remain there for five days, and then we shall be moving on to Kahlnarr."

Kili frowned. "Where's that?"

"A moment," Naratafynn excused himself, before turning over his shoulder, calling, "Alabastrin!"

The boy emerged through the haze, smiling faintly when he saw them. "Yes?"

"I need our course map."

Alabastrin took the seat next to Naratafynn, setting his ever-present satchel on the table. Within a few moments, he drew out a map case, and from it, a fairly large sheet of parchment. Naratafynn pulled it in front of him, leaning over the table as he spread the map out. "We are here, in Rashadahl," he explained, indicating a carefully labelled point on the map. It rested just below the Rhun Mountains, slightly south-west of the Rhun Sea. "This," he drew his finger to another dot, west of Rashadahl. "Is Naltus, where we joined you. Our route takes us in a ring between Naltus," he followed the route with his finger as he spoke. "Rashadahl, Kahlnarr, and some of the fringe towns further east of Kahlnarr. From there, we usually go back up to Naltus."

"Kahlnarr" as he had pointed out was south of Rashadahl, the dot resting at the easternmost points of the mountains guarding the top of Mordor.

"How many times have you gone through this route?" Gwen asked, tone curious.

"This is technically only our first time," Alabastrin explained.

"That is no matter," Naratafynn huffed. "This night grows late and I do not wish to spend all my time here discussing maps. Will you leave Rashadahl with us or not?"

Gwen paused slightly, before saying, "May we have a moment to discuss this?"

Naratafynn nodded, standing. "Call me when you have decided. Alabastrin, come away with me."

Alabastrin smiled at them a bit apologetically, before standing and following his leader away.

Kili frowned at the map still on the table. "Do you think we should?"

"Well...I do not like the idea of involving more people into this ridiculous mission than is necessary..."

Kili nodded slowly. "Do you really think they'd tell anyone what we're doing?"

"They don't _know_ what we're doing," she sighed. "And I don't plan on letting them know. I only worry if we might be putting them in danger by connecting them to us."

Kili shrugged. "I suppose." He looked down at the map. "But it would be perfect. Kahlnarr is so close to Mordor, and along the way, I'm sure we could gather a lot of information..." Gwen remained silent, and he looked over to see her staring down at her hands, which were shaking slightly. "Gwen?" Her gaze flicked over to his for half a moment, and he caught a flicker of unstable emotions in her gaze. "What's wrong, love?"

"Are we really doing this?" She asked after a moment. "Are we really..."

"Throwing ourselves into the belly of the beast?" he guessed.

She nodded.

"Then...yes," he replied with a shrug. "I suppose we are."

"Are we daft?" she asked, looking up at him, eyes wide and afraid.

"Aye," he said without hesitation. "Aye, we are."

She nodded again, slowly, before squaring her shoulders. "Naratafynn?"

Instead of the older man, Alabastrin returned to their table, his dark eyes glittering faintly in the reddish lighting. "He's...gone for the night. But I can tell him your answer tomorrow, if you'd like."

"We're staying with you," Gwen told him, tone firm.

Instantly, Kili saw Al's eyes light up. He seemed to effectively stifle his smile, though, saying merely, "I see."

"Well..." Gwen said after a moment of silence. "It is late—"

"Do you—the two of you—"Al quickly corrected himself. "Have plans, for Rashadahl?"

"What do you mean?" Kili asked.

"Like...A place to stay," he explained.

"No," Gwen replied, tone alight with curiosity. "Why?"

"It's alright if you would rather not," Alabastrin began, seeming uncharacteristically bashful, his usually eloquent words almost daring to stutter. "But this is my home-town. My sister keeps our home here, and if you...would like to stay with us—"

"Sounds great," Kili said with a shrug.

"Are you sure that's quite alright?" Gwen quickly added.

"Of course," Al said hurriedly. "That is—we'd love to have you. Of course, it's not exactly the most luxurious of places to live..."

"Does it have a roof?" Gwen asked.

Al nodded, and she smiled. "Then that's better than anything I've had for the past month."

Al smiled, before excusing himself, standing. "Good. That's...I will see you two tomorrow, then."

Kili nodded, sending the boy a wave, while Gwen told him, "Good night, Al."

Once he was gone, Gwen sank back into Kili, tucking her face away into his chest, her arm wrapping around his waist. "He's an odd bird, isn't he?" Kili mused.

Gwen hummed in agreement. "Nice of him to offer though."

"Aye," Kili agreed. "Although he seemed a bit shy about it."

Gwen shrugged, still not lifting her head off of him. "Can't really blame him. You're intimidating sometimes."

"Me?" Kili reiterated, feigning surprise. "I'm not the one with a glare that could freeze a Balrog."

"No you're scary," she assured him, chuckling to herself, before she was cut off by a yawn.

"Are you perhaps a bit tired?" he asked, smiling down at her fondly. Mahal, she was like a sleepy kitten, all yawns and cuddles. He could deal with that.

"Bloody exhausted."

"I'll go get us a room," he sighed, starting to shift to get up.

"Separate beds," she called out to him.

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Wouldn't want you—" another yawn cut her off mid-sentence. "Taking advantage."

"No, indeed," he snorted, planting a kiss onto the top of her head before shifting out from under her, to go to the innkeep. He had to stifle a yawn of his own. There wouldn't be any sort of taking advantage of anyone that night, due to his exhaustion alone.

* * *

 _ **Well...It seems that every-other week updates are now going to be the norm. But I'm actually excited for what's coming up next! And I think I finally know what's going on with Al's character...he's turned out to be a rather interesting thing to deal with. Anyone got any idea of what his deal is? Let me know in a review! I love to hear from you guys. Have a great fortnight, everyone!**_


	30. New Meetings

_**Tolkien and Jackson own. I do not.**_

* * *

 **CHAPTER THIRTY**

NEW MEETINGS

Rashadahl was a spectacle if nothing else. Of course, Kili had been to his fair share of cities, but this one was quite unlike anything he had seen. It had twists of Laketown, Naltus, and a bit of something he'd never quite seen. The air was warm and humid, laced with the spicy, mouthwatering smell of cooking food, incense, and a strange sweet pipe smoke. Sounds of Rhunish chatter, shouting, and a touch of soft music filtered through the haze in the air. The streets flashed with colorful clothing, and buzzed with excitement for the next day's festivities. Alabastrin explained that even more people than usual were in the city due to the festival. Indeed, the streets were busy. Kili was watching his back carefully, making sure that none of the people that bumped into him were pickpockets. They couldn't afford to lose what little wealth they had to some knock-off Nori.

They'd reached the city a bit after midday, and had made plans to meet in four days' time at the inn they'd spent the night, and then the caravan had split paths. They'd made plans with Kulasi and Haralasi to meet the next day, then Alabastrin had begun leading them off through the convoluted streets.

After perhaps half an hour, Al brought them to a stop in front of a wooden door. It was built into a two story building, no taller than any of the other buildings in the area. Just like everything else, it was built out of sandstone and mud, though this one had a particularly large number of clothes lines, heavy with brightly colored fabric strung off of its roof.

"This is it," Alabastrin turned back to them, a slight frown marring his face. "About my sister. She can be a bit...abrasive."

Kili shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it."

Gwen didn't miss the pointed look Kili gave her.

Alabastrin smiled slightly, but it was watery. "Yes, well, just keep in mind that she speaks more than is...good for her sometimes."

"Oh, just go on and knock," Gwen said with a roll of her eyes. "I've spent time with Kili, so I'm quite familiar with mouth-running."

Al chuckled at that, and went to knock at the door, calling out, "Satirynn!"

Kili couldn't help but wonder a bit at his curious behavior. What on earth was Al so very nervous about? Unless his sister was somehow insane, the apology he gave seemed excessive. But...what if she was insane?

When no response came, from inside the house. Alabastrin sighed, pounding on the door harder. "She gets caught up in her work sometimes, and forgets to listen to the door," He explained, whilst half rattling the wooden door from its frame.

" _Mabull-Goj!"_ A female voice shouted back at them, finally.

A smile broke across Alabastrin's face, despite his nerves, and he shouted back, " _Shapit, Hundur!"_

There was a moment of clattering from inside the door, before it burst open. There was a sharp cry, and suddenly, a dark blur threw itself at Al, forcing him to stagger back a few steps. "Alabastrin!"

Chuckling, Al steadied himself, rattling off, " _Ashdatas Vrasubatlat_ , Tirynn."

" _Nar Udatas!_ " The newcomer, presumably Alabastrin's sister laughed in return, pulling herself away from Al slightly to look him in the eye, grabbing his cheeks with both of her hands. She was pretty. A few years older than Alabastrin, with his warm, smooth skin, full lips and piercing dark eyes, her long hair in a braid over her shoulder. Her hands were rough though, clearly those of a worker. She looked like she enjoyed smiling. She broke off into a torrent of Rhunish that Kili was hopeless to understand. A glance towards Gwen showed that she wasn't a whole lot better off.

Still smiling, Al pulled her hands off of his face, responding to her, before he stepped back. "Sister, I brought guests."

She looked up, as if having noticed them for the first time. "Alabastrin should tell this first," she said, raising a brow at her brother. Her Westron wasn't as smooth as her brother's, but it was certainly comprehendible.

Al shrugged. "You didn't give me time. Satirynn, this is Kili and Gwen. They are travelling with the caravan, and they will be staying with us for the festival."

Her dark eyes flickered over both of them from head to toe, and Kili couldn't help but feel like he was being searched by her gaze. It was like she was looking right through him. "You are friends of my brother?"

"Of course," Kili said, giving the girl a grin despite his slight unease.

Kili was a bit confused to see Satirynn's eyes flicker over to Alabastrin. The boy's eyes had gone to the ground, a slight flush of pink barely visible on his cheeks. Was that a blush?

"You've been most generous, opening your house to us," Gwen added.

Satirynn shrugged. "I never did tell you that you can stay." Alabastrin's head snapped up, and his mouth opened to protest, but the girl beat him to it. "But I am familiar with Alabastrin making promises that I am to keep."

Al rolled his eyes, but Satirynn paid him little mind, sweeping her way into the house. "I did not know you came, so there are things about," she mentioned. Indeed there were things about. A small stove and kitchen area sat in the corner of the room, while the rest of the space was strewn with swaths of brightly colored fabric. Some was rich and silky, some like air, in a veritable rainbow of saturated shades. A few dummies lie scattered around, half-finished dresses and shirts draped off of them.

"Satirynn is a clothes-smith," Alabastrin explained, a bit of pride tingeing his tone, as he followed her in. "She had taken the business our parents left her."

"And I have thrived," She added, throwing a grin over her shoulder, as she lead them to the staircase on the opposite wall. "You will place your things upstairs then we will talk."

The upstairs area was only slightly neater than the bottom floor. Half of the room was curtained off by swaths of material, while the other half was scattered with scraps and strips of clothing. "With festival so soon, work must be done," she excused. "Your things go here," she said, sweeping the multi-colored clutter off of what seemed to be a low- seated couch.

They did as they were told, happy to lose their heavy packs and cloaks. Satirynn sat down in the middle of the floor, plucking up a half finished project. "Come, sit."

They did so, sitting in a loose circle. Satirynn went to work immediately, her needle flashing, while Kili followed Alabastrin's lead and shed his boots. "Where do you come from?"

"The Blue Mountains, formerly," Kili explained. "But we recently...Relocated to Erebor."

"Erebor?" Satirynn repeated, raising a brow, sparing him a glance. "There is a dragon?"

"Not anymore," Kili said, smiling.

Satirynn whistled. "You are beast-slayer then?"

Kili shrugged. "Something like that."

"He's royalty too," Al said, sounding slightly smug as he picked at a scrap of fabric.

Satirynn spared Kili a slightly longer glance before sighing, and looking back down at her work. "I always say, why does Al not find normal people?"

"Normal people are boring," Al drawled.

It seemed that bit by bit, Alabastrin's nervousness was dissolving. That was good. The last thing Kili was to lose their lodging due to awkwardness alone.

"You," Satirynn said, glancing up to Gwen. "Are not dwarf. So where come you from?"

"Northern foothills of the Rhun Mountains."

"Not far then," Satirynn mused. "You are not foreign to the way that we are here, yes?"

"Not so foreign," Gwen confirmed with a smile.

"Why be Gwen and Kili here, then?" she asked.

"We," Gwen shot a glance towards Kili, barely noticeable, but it told him to keep his mouth shut until she had told a suitable lie. "We wished to see the world."

Satirynn nodded slowly, but did not stop with the questioning there. "You have seen this part of the world before, yes?" Upon seeing Gwen's affirmation, she continued. "Then why do you come to see again?"

"I'm keeping this one from getting lost," Gwen replied smoothly, indicating Kili.

He had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. If anything, he was along to keep _Gwen_ from getting lost.

"Unusual friends," Satirynn commented.

"Aye," Kili half-snorted. "She is."

Satirynn looked up for a moment, her eyes flicking between them, a sort of understanding dawning on her face. She smiled secretly to herself, before moving back down to her work. "Unusual couple."

Gwen flushed instantly. "We're not—"

"Aye," Kili said again, smiling cheekily at Gwen's embarrassment. "We are."

Satirynn shook her head. "Short one is right, Gwen. I sound stupid in the other speak, but I am Alabastrin's sister. I am sharply smart."

Kili smirked at Gwen, who elbowed him away, rolling her eyes.

"Al," Satirynn said after a few moments of silence. "You forget all the manners you have. You offer the guests food and drink, yes?"

"That's what _you're_ supposed to do, Tirynn," he huffed. "You're the—"

One sharp look from his sister had Al rolling his eyes, getting up to his feet. "Kili, Gwen, how about something to drink?"

"Sure," Kili said with a shrug. After all that desert, he'd never not be thirsty.

"I come down in one hour or two," Satirynn told them as Al lead them back down the stair case. "Then we will go out."

"Good luck," Al tossed over his shoulder.

Once they were downstairs, he motioned towards a few cushions on the floor right outside of the kitchen area. "You can sit there, I'll get us water."

Kili and Gwen sat themselves down as Al had said. "This is all very much like my home," Gwen said softly, looking about with a fond smile. "Minus the mess of fabric, that is."

"Weren't much of a seamstress then?" Kili asked, raising a brow.

Gwen shot him a dry look. "Really?"

Alabastrin sat in front of them before Kili could reply, setting down a clay cup in front of each of them. "As I said, my sister..." he said, smiling slightly. "She can be a little bit much for some people."

"Al," Kili began. "Compared to Gwen, she's an angel."

He got a punch in the arm for his trouble.

* * *

It had been a full three hours until Satirynn descended the stairs, a large basket of fabric in her arms. She'd escorted them out the door with a few sharp words, and from there they'd followed her about the city as she delivered the garments she'd finished making that day. She seemed to be paid well for her creations, and she and her brother were greeted by many people they passed on the streets. It seemed that the two of them were well known in their hometown.

After her work was done, Satirynn folded her basket up and lead them to a small tavern of sorts. It was open to the street on one wall, and filled with low tables and cushions. The food was smoky and spicy, the mix of flavors growing familiar to Kili. It was odd, and made his tongue burn and his eyes water, but it certainly wasn't bad. Admittedly though, it might be nice to get back to the roast boar and potatoes they'd practically feasted on in Erebor.

Conversation was lively at the tavern, and they'd stayed there for perhaps an hour after their meal, sipping cups of a cool green colored tea and sharing stories. Satirynn seemed eager to hear of their adventures, as well as she wanted to tell a few of her own tales. When they left the tavern, Kili's stomach was full and the sun was beginning to set.

Of course, Satirynn wasn't going to end their evening there. Kili was grateful for the night's sleep he'd gotten the previous evening, because Satirynn deemed it a good time to take them on a tour of the city. Kili did his best to remember the routes and sights she showed them, but the streets were terribly winding. As far as he could determine, the wealthier district was on the east side of the city, the slums on the far west. In between those were the merchant's and craftsmen's homes. On the outskirts, were apparently farms and fields, where many of the poor went out to work during the day. At the very center of the city was a vast marketplace, bustling in preparation for the next day's rush. A river cut through the center of the city, running from the north of the city to its south, fed by the rains in the Rhun Mountains.

By the time they stumbled back to the house, Kili's feet were aching but he felt that he had a bit of a better understanding of Rashadahl. Satirynn fetched cups from the kitchen, handing some of them to her brother, and lead them up the stairs. Instead of stopping there, though, she went to the corner of the room, where a ladder lead out to a wooden hatch door. She'd opened it in a moment, and the room flooded with cooling night air. "The night is young, Kili," she chuckled upon seeing his raised brow.

He and Gwen had little choice but to follow the siblings up the ladder and onto the roof. It was spacious up there. A small wall ran along the edge of it, and one half of the space was taken up by numerous potted plants, vines and spiny things. As per usual, the sky was filled from horizon to horizon with stars, the moon beginning its slow crawl across the night. It was cool, and quiet, except for occasional shouts from the people in the streets below them. He spared a glance over to Gwen, and couldn't help but smile. A look of awe was plastered across her face, her lips parted in a sigh as she looked up at the sky, her eyes lit up with glimmering starlight. He remembered her talking, once, about spending long nights on the roof in her childhood. He could practically see the memories in her gaze.

"Come, sit!" Satirynn urged them motioning to an open place against a wall. "And we will drink."

Kili gently took Gwen's arm and lead her to the place. Satirynn had set out four cups and taken two bottles out of the bag she'd used in the market. She hummed in disappointment. "Alabastrin, you will get the..."

"Ice?" he guessed, raising a brow.

"Yes!" Satirynn said, snapping her fingers. "It is the good time to use it."

"If you say so," he chuckled, standing to go back down the ladder.

"This is a drink," Satirynn explained, pouring a clear liquid into the clay cups. For a moment, Kili thought it was water, until the scent caught his nose. That was alcohol. Definitely. He smiled slightly. This could be interesting. "You call it Beast's Milk, I think." She uncorked another bottle, adding it to the cups. Instantly, the liquid went from clear to a milky white color. "We drink slow," she told them, setting the bottle back down. She shot them a wink, adding, "But much."

* * *

"Much" may have been an understatement. After two hours spent on the roof, the bottle of Beast's Milk was almost empty, and they were _sloshed._ This was at least twice as potent as any ale he'd had, even watered down. The drink wasn't his favorite. It tasted like a candy his brother had been fond of, that he'd never had a particular taste for. But it was alcohol, and the other three seemed to be enjoying it well enough.

He'd cut Gwen off after eight drinks, and she'd agreed fairly readily, already flushed in the face and swaying in her seat. Al and Satirynn were holding their drinks, but not much better than Gwen. They laughed loudly and often (to the dismay of their neighbors) and they seemed to be struggling with staying upright. Kili, was of course, fairly fine. Being a Durin had its perks.

"Is this what you have been doing since I left you?" Al asked, leaning back onto his elbows.

"...What?" Satirynn slurred after a moment. As she got more inebriated her Westron was slipping, but she was still giving it a valiant effort.

"You just been getting drunken on ice and Beast's Milk?" Alabastrin's immaculate speech was blurring slightly as well.

"No," Satirynn argued, sipping her drink again. "I do not drink...not all."

Alabastrin snorted, in a rather uncharacteristically ungraceful way. "Either your Westron is bad, or you lie."

"You... _Shapit."_ Satirynn said, rolling her eyes, giving her brother a weak kick. "I should not have let you back home."

"Where else would I go, Tirynn?" Alabastrin asked, sending Satirynn a mournful look.

"The stables," Satirynn deadpanned, ignoring Al's pitiful looks. "Where you should be."

"You are mean," Al said, frowning.

"Get used to it," Kili intoned, nodding solemnly. "Older siblings are cruel."

Al jerked to look over at him, eyes growing wide. "You are still here."

Kili raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his drink. "Am I not supposed to be?"

"...no," Al answered after a pregnant pause. He had a strange look on his face. There was a flush on his cheeks, and not just one born of drinking. His eyes glittered oddly in the faint light, flicking between Kili's gaze and Gwen, who was lying with her head on his lap. "You..."

"Are you alright?" Kili asked after at least a full minute had passed.

This seemed to jog Al out of whatever stupor he was in, reaching up to run a hand through his already mussed hair. "Yes."

Satirynn opened her mouth to speak, but Al was faster, spitting out, "I will go to bed."

His sister reached up at him as he stood, her eyes widening. "No! My Westron..." she struggled for a moment. "I not can speak good."

Al shook his head, pushing Satirynn's hands away. "Good-night."

Kili frowned, as Gwen tilted her head back, wondering at the commotion. "What...What happened?"

Satirynn huffed, sitting back down. "Al is stubborn. He is...Ass."

Kili nearly spit his drink out. Out of all the words she knew in her drunken state, that's what she knew? Mahal, he couldn't wait to tell Bofur about this. "It's fine," Kili coughed out.

"He is..." Now, it was Satirynn's turn to look between Gwen and Kili, her mind working furiously behind her dark eyes. "His heart..." she couldn't seem to find the words she needed. Finally, she swore faintly. "I go now." She downed the last of what was in her mug, before stumbling to her feet. "Good-night."

"Goodnight," Kili called after her, but she was already gone down the ladder after Alabastrin.

Kili frowned, combing his fingers absently through Gwen's hair. It was all odd. Alabastrin's awkwardness...since when was that boy awkward? There had to be something causing it. He seemed to be astonished, and a bit alarmed by Kili's presence, and then the look he gave to Gwen earlier...

"Kili?"

Gwen's low voice brought him away from his thoughts. He looked down to see her staring up past him, her eyes soft and dreamy as they caught the night sky like a mirror. "Yes?" he said smiling faintly. It had been a while since he'd seen her this out of her head.

"How...did we get here?"

He lifted a brow. "Don't you remember, love? We traveled with the caravan, with Kulasi and—"

"I remember that," she corrected him, her eyes leaving the sky to look up into his. "But...how did I...This is so close to home."

He nodded slowly, waiting to see where her point was going.

"Very close," she assured him. "And...Those stars...And...The words, and the people, and the food..."

Seeing the confusion on his face, her frown deepened slightly, and she began trying to sit up, he gave her a bit of help, considering that she seemed to have forgotten how to properly operate her limbs. She was practically on his lap, once she was upright, and she slid even closer, her warmth heavy on top of his legs. Her nose was mere inches from his as she said, "No, really. This...I left here forever ago. But...the stars are still the same. And the drink is the same taste, and the people say the same things..."

Kili nodded, smiling as he took in a deep breath of her warmth. The soft wave of flushed heat coming off of her skin was a welcome comfort against the cooling air around them. "Is that really so odd?"

Her eyes left his, to stare over his shoulder, the thoughts churning behind her clear eyes. Her hands found his, slipping almost absently together. "It seems so strange that I would have changed so much, and this place changed so little."

Kili ran a thumb over her knuckles. "Time is much less changing than you are, love."

She looked back at him, letting out a hum of confusion.

"Well, think about how long you've been around. It's been what, one hundred and thirty years?"

She gave him the best stern look that her hazy eyes could muster. "One hundred and _twenty seven."_

"My apologies," Kili admitted, raising a hand in mock surrender. "No matter how old _you_ are though, Middle Earth is thousands of years old, aye?"

She nodded slowly in comprehension.

"So what might seem like a lifetime to you, is just an instant for Middle Earth. If you think about it that way," he concluded. "It makes sense that you have to grow and change quite a bit _faster_ than the rest of the world."

She contemplated his words for a minute, before smiling slightly, a warm, close smile that put golden heat into the starlight on her face. "You know, maybe you aren't as dumb as everyone says."

"Watch yourself," he protested. "I'm not dumb!"

Gwen snorted out an indelicate laugh, slumping forward into his chest. "Yes, well, you called me _old."_

Kili rolled his eyes, but brought his arms up around Gwen to keep her from slipping away. She fit a bit awkwardly into him, her legs everywhere, her head tucked a bit uncomfortably up against his windpipe, but that was fine by him. Holding her felt like holding together the pieces of his heart, warm and breathing against his chest.

He felt like he was finally getting to become whole again.

"I thought that I would never see you again."

His words rang out almost reverently into the still air.

She stiffened slightly in his arms, and for a moment, he thought she would pull away. However, Gwen just sat still, her voice, barely audible, murmuring. "As did I."

He held her a little tighter, and leaned down to press a kiss onto the crown of her head.

* * *

 _ **Welp. It's been a month since my last update. I have no words, no excuses. But I do want to thank you all for your continued support of this story. You guys are actually fantastic to be sticking around like this and I love you all. Review? Let me know your thoughts on new settings, new characters, new character development? Anything you feel like saying! Thank you again so very, very much!**_


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